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+--- Thread: Northstar Vale and you just say i drink too much (/showthread.php?tid=22639)
and you just say i drink too much - Mouse - July 20, 2017
for @Seabreeze ♥ remi is a sad booger
sorry - nothing but thieves
Something was off.
Something felt off.
Something Remi could not yet define, but could feel slowly gnawing at his belly.
He had felt it as soon as his eyes had futtered open and the last bits of somnolence had faded. The morning sun was bright, and though temperature would most likely rise over the course of the afternoon, it was pretty hot already. Not that Remi minded this, summer was in fact his favorite season, especially since it were days like this that he most enjoyed playing in the coastline of his old home.
Sun and sea were a perfect pair in Remi's mind, and to currently be bathed with the light and warmth of the sun made the creamy Ostrega feel a small void inside his stomach. Not hunger. Or at least not one that could be sated with something from the nearest cache. He liked the mountains he really did, but today especially, he felt odd while trotting over the slopes of the mountainside. He felt like a ghost, though it was only him who was being haunted.
Haunted by a pair of sea green eyes that looked at him, and then refused to wake from their 'sleep'.
"Rilke" he muttered, as he stopped his anxious pacing. He did not remember how long it had been since he had said her name aloud. He did not remember how long had it been since he had not felt a certain ache in his heart.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Seabreeze - July 22, 2017
Bre stretched her legs out from underneath her body, toes splaying as she yawned. She had taken a day to relax and had woken sometime in the late morning. The yearling stood up and trotted around, marking territory here and there and continuing to lend herself to her pack, even on her lazy days.
She could feel his discomfort before she could see him, his words ringing clear and true through the air. "Rilke". He smelled like she did, of salt and sea and it gripped her gut with sadness but she held it back.
The girl made herself visible although she supposed he could probably scent her beforehand, and her seaglass blue-green gaze sought out his own.
What troubles you so?Her voice was tender and thoughtful, but she made sure she did not sound condescending, as it was the last thing she wanted.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Mouse - July 30, 2017
With his eyes closed, and his head hanging low, Remi didn't even try to fight the memory that began to play again, like a broken record, inside his mind. The soft hum of the ocean, of the waves reaching the shore, seemed to drown every other sound. Remi didn't need the voices anyways ,he knew exactly what had been said then, the dialogues as well as the soundless images that now filled his mind would forever haunt him.
The ragged surface of a rock that he used to perch on.
The clear blue glimmers of the water and the pink reflection of something at the bottom.
The instant fascination that crept upon his sister's eyes.
A perfectly excecuted dive and a splash.
Then a strange warp in time.
"huh" he managed to blurt out as he opened his eyes and blinked quickly as if to snap out of the sudden trance. He sought the face of whoever had spoken, his heart half thanking the interruption for it had pulled him from his painful reverie but also half scared to death for he didn't expect or recognize the voice. Soon he found a pair of seagreen eyes. Beautiful seagreen eyes that made his sister's name climb upon his tongue once more.
But she wasn't Rilke, so with difficulty, he stopped himself.
"i was remembering something..." he barked, not even knowing how he had even managed to form a coherent sentence, "someone" he then corrected, his crystalline eyes blinking through the exhaustion that his sudden trip down memory lane had left him.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Seabreeze - July 30, 2017
She wanted so badly to go to his side and comfort him, this stranger, because all of the wolves of the Vale were family to her. It did not help that he smelled like she did, of ocean and salt! But instead the yearling shifted her weight comfortably and settled down on the ground a safe distance from him — if he chose to come to her, so be it.
She watched the boy fumble with his words and gave him the time he needed to find them. There would be no rush here, such as there was no rush with grief — or whatever it was that panged the stranger.
Sorry to interrupt.
His gaze caught hers and she allowed it briefly before giving him privacy from her searching gaze as he barked at her.
You seem tired.His words had been forceful, almost fearful, and concern welled up in her again.
You should rest. These thoughs, these memories, they take a lot out of you. I can bring food, if you would like.
She did not know the details of his memories or even that it was grief, but it was a memory and it was obviously painful from his pacing, his stance, his words. And lately, she'd experienced a few of them herself.
Unless you would prefer privacy,though she wasn't sure she was comfortable leaving him all alone.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Mouse - August 12, 2017
He could feel her eyes, her seagreen eyes on him, but he did not try to lift his gaze to meet them, not now. He couldn't. A soft apology came from her lips and Remi felt a new wave of embarrasment flood him. He was convinced he looked as what he felt like: a mess. "don't worry" he managed to bark, a pretty ironic reply seeing it was obviously him who was distressed, and his state was probably something worrisome.
She continued to speak, voicing a concern for him that was so unexpected (given she was after all a stranger) that it made Remi lift his chin and seek to face the familiarity of her eyes. She did not only sport the same eyes, she had the same kindness. "No, don't go" he blurted after she offered if not food, solitude to recover. He did not want to be left alone, not now.
"i mean..." he stammered, feeling fresh embarassment at his reaction. Now he didn't only look like a mess but a clingy mess. Great. Remi had never been good with the whole 'expressing emotions thing'. He didn't know how to so he pretended he didn't need to. Plus getting into trouble had worked at keeping him too busy. But frustrations were piling up and his latest stunts weren't covering it. He needed to let it out before it innevitably got out, because it would.
"i was thinking about my sister" he confessed finally, the knot in his throat loosening a bit but still making it hard to swallow. "i've been seeing things, little details, that remind me of her everywhere" he sighed, a soft whine escaping him as he, again embarrased, lowered his head and averted her gaze.
He felt vulnerable.
Miserable.
And surely he looked so to.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Seabreeze - August 12, 2017
The boy beckoned her not to worry but she was incapable, wondering inwardly if she could ever not be worried about something. If she was not focused on him, she would be anxious about something else, so why not channel that energy to where it could do some good? The desperation in his voice as he begged her not to leave startled the fawn and she formulated a respose as the other wolf's embarrasment was increasing palpably. No, she would not leave him, yet she still could not shake the feeling that her presence was bothering him somehow! Once he confided in her she began to understand — almost intimately [/mdash] what he was going through. Flashbacks of those she could only assume had been important to her in her past life had been plaguing her, triggered by the simplest things.
If it was possible, her presence softened towards the boy and his sadness.
I understand,she said, careful not to undermine what the stranger was experiencing,
and I am sorry you must go through such hardships. Grief is a strange thing.She exposed herself to him with these words, wearing her heart on her sleeve; vulnerable and emotionally nude. If he were to inquire, she would let him know of her experiences but she kept them tucked away for now, not wanting to add to his burden or overshadow his experiences.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Mouse - August 19, 2017
sorry im so slow ;__;
// @Brienne bump? sorry im a bother
// @Brienne bump? sorry im a bother
Regardless of how awful he must've looked like, never did anything different from a heartwarming compassion reflect on the pale girl's seagreen eyes. She did not pity him, which would've made Remi crawl in further into his shell, but instead she somehow showed she understood him. Suddenly Remi felt, for the briefest five seconds, that this vulnerability he was showing was really strenght in disguise.
It wasn't easy, especially for the emotionally self-contained Ostrega, to express feelings, let alone talk about them.
She came closer ,moving with a little hesitation Remi was quick to try to dilute by showing her he was alright with her coming closer. Truthfully he wasn't just alright with it, for some reason - maybe (again) due to the familiarity he found in her eyes and the unexpected kindness of her heart - he wanted her closer. Her voice was soft, almost reminding him of the crooning sound of his mother's own.
Remi lifted his chin shyly, his blue crystalline eyes drowning in hers. She talked of grief and while it was true that Remi missed his sister dearly and constantly, he had sort of already made peace with the fact that she would never be physically be with him since he knew that she'd always be in spirit and mind. He had mourned his sister's death, and had managed to reach a point where this stopped haunting him. But there were other monsters, other demons.
Guilt.
That was what gnawed at Remi's conscience day and night.
"it's guilt" he confessed then, the phantom weight of these words being lifted off his shoulders but leaving behind a fear that, despite seeming more like someone that wanted to aid him than to hurt him, Seabreeze wouldn't understand his side of the story, and like everyone else had she'd blame him. Blame him like he still blamed himself.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Seabreeze - September 12, 2017
sorry i'm terrible
Guilt was another thing she would be all-too familiar with in the near future, and to a point she felt it now as well knowing that there might somewhere be a family out there that she had left behind. But the look in the sky-blue eyes of the boy in front of her was suffocating in it and that was something she had no experience with for the time being.
I'm sorry,she said but once again with no form of admonishment or pity, though the statement was not devoid of emotion altogether.
You are safe with me. You are safe here, though you do not have to divulge your entire life's story to me if you do not wish to relive your pain.
She moves to his side and lays down, making herself comfortable and her gaze moves back up to his, asking him to get as comfortable as he could. Seabreeze was in this for the long haul, and they both might as well settle in before they got started.
RE: and you just say i drink too much - Mouse - September 20, 2017
you're definitely not !
Her voice alone, regardless of what she is saying, somehow comforts him. Though it is because of what she is saying, the way she seems to want to understand him but not pressure him, that Remi decides finally to confide in her what he has never told another outside of his birth pack, Havana Pier. She says he's safe and he believed her.
Somehow, he believed her.
"my baby sister died, Rilke" he began, his crystalline eyes filling with tears that still refused to let loose and roll down his cheeks. "they all blame me" he confessed, a pained expression on his face, "it broke my mother's heart and my father hates me for it" he continued, not realizing he was giving her only short, kinda broken statements instead of a fluid story. "i....did not mean.... i would never....i-i" he tried to go on, finding it now harder for words to form and exit his mouth between his jagged breaths. He wanted to look up at Seabreeze but didn't, afraid that in her face and her eyes, her sea green eyes, would be reflected the blame he had seen in his parents' eyes.
"how could i have known she'd jump?"
Maybe he should have known, maybe he deserved the guilt because maybe he was to blame.
He had blamed himself for a very long time - still did in a way.
"i loved her" he breathed, all tears breaking loose as the Ostrega finally allowed himself to fall next to his packmate.