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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months (/showthread.php?tid=23448)
i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 09, 2017
Leaving Wildfire behind had been an easier decision than she anticipated but her recovery has not gone as planned. Still, she sleeps. They take care of her as best as she can but without her coming to, they can’t do anything. She wants to be there when she wakes up, wants to tell her how much she has missed her, how much she loves her. She wants to their children to talk to her before they leave but she has to think about the rest of them. She cannot stop the world for one wolf, even if it is her mate, and it is not like she is leaving her somewhere to die. Her family outside of Drageda will be taking care of them and soon she will be home.
Still, how is she to tell Araax and Blixen they must go and leave her behind? That they do not get to talk to her before they go and they will still be left to wonder if she makes it.
And what if she doesn’t?
Thuringwethil takes a deep breath and steadies herself. That is not the end she is currently willing to accept. It is not the strength she needs to hold for herself, for @Artaax and @Blixen, or for her mate. As she releases a final breath she returns to the den and peers inside to see if either of them is inside. “Artaax?” she calls first, glancing around. “Blixen?” She pauses until they can be seen. “We need to talk.”
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Artaax - October 09, 2017
The guilt over his reaction the day they'd found Wildfire had abated some with time. He fell to his old habits of distraction to keep himself from dwelling too hard on things that were beyond his control. It had worked in Drageda while the first search party had been away, and it seemed to be doing the trick now. The unfortunate thing was his shame was not being replaced by something constructive this time, but by worry.
Wildfire had still not awoken. Artaax had lain beside her so many times, nuzzling her cheeks and whispering her name and she had remained mute in his presence but for the steady rise and fall of her sides. He was thankful for the fact that she was alive, but he too had thought she would be awake by now. He was getting more comfortable inside of the Caldera's borders, but still, he longed to return home with both parents alive and well at his side.
The boy had been dozing in the den when nomi's voice roused him. He glanced at Wildfire before he stood to slip outside. He blinked at the daylight and gave his coat a shake as he stepped into the sun, then reached to nudge the heda's chin. Curiosity morphed his expression into a thoughtful frown as he faced her, wondering what it was they needed to discuss. Fear began to pinch at his insides that this had something to do with Wildfire. Had something happened? Had Portia discovered something? His ears fell back as his imagination began to race with possibilities, all of them increasingly awful.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 09, 2017
the guardian-child is slow to respond to her nomi's call for once. though she has allowed herself to part from mother's side but briefly, aside from her afternoon with her aunt towhee, every moment she does not have her eyes on the unconscious woman is a moment she might slip from her vision forever.
still: a call from nomi can't be ignored and so blixen watches artaax leave for a moment before rousing and following him out. quickly she reads the tension her nomi is emitting and prepares for the worst, feeling the same fear her brother does as her mind races with similar thoughts. "chit yu gaf?" she asks, a note of alarm in her voice betraying the bravely stoic front she's been putting up for the past few days.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 09, 2017
Artaax is first to appear and she softens when she sees him. They have aged so much in a matter of days that she isn’t sure he can be considered a puppy anymore. He is still young and the fringes of his features remain as they are but the exhaustion in his eyes mimics her own and she slowly blinks as he touches her chin, letting it drop so she can swipe her tongue across his cheek. It was always much simpler when they were young. Still, her chest aches with the news she must share and when Blixen steps up and speaks in their native tongue, she tries to pull back the expression of Heda.
It fades after a second because she realizes it is not Heda they need, but Nomi.
”This is not easy,” she says, remaining in the common tongue of the teekon wolves if only out of respect to those in the caldera, even if they are not present. ”We will be leaving in the morning but Wildfire is going to stay here for a little while. Hux will stay behind for anything she needs and when she is able, they will escort her home,” she begins to explain and opens her mouth to say something else but she quickly snaps her teeth together instead to see how they handle the information.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Artaax - October 09, 2017
Artaax glanced at Blixen as she joined them, noting that she appeared to be just as nervous as he. Fortunately, Thuringwethil did not leave them hanging too long before she shared her purpose for calling them.
The boy was silent as he took in her words, rolling them over and over in his mind. He was not one to question - only to obey. But in this, even Artaax couldn't hold his tongue still. "Why?" he asked softly, his frown of concern shifting to one of impending heartbreak. He couldn't find his way to a reason that would explain why it was they had to go and leave Wildfire behind. It was obvious to him that his mother wasn't ready for travel, but why did they have to? Why couldn't they wait? Why did they have to abandon her to these strangers?
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 09, 2017
nomi explains, and for a beat blix thinks, oh, thank god, because nothing is wrong -- but then the full weight of her words hit her.
"no!" she snaps, her voice clipping artaax's soft why - she doesn't even realise he's spoken over the roar of blood in her ears. distantly, somewhere, she realises she's definitely crossing a line - a thing she's doing more and more lately - and manages to gain control of her voice volume though her expression remains as stricken as it was. "no, nomi, we can't leave her -" of course she knew mother wasn't well enough to travel when she hadn't even woken up but that didn't mean - they couldn't just leave her here with no way of knowing if -
if -
"no," she repeats, her expression hardening (in any other situation it would be a slightly-comical rendition of nomi's usual hard-lined stare). there is no way she is budging.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 09, 2017
She expects them both to question the explanation. Glancing between the two, they don’t seem to grasp the reason and perhaps in another time, she’d offer this as a teaching moment but she does not force it upon them. They are worn and weary, just as she and all the others, and so putting them through the struggle is not in their best interest. Artaax’s stiff question is drowned out by Blixen’s outburst and it takes all the effort in the world not to snap back when her own nerves are just as frayed as theirs.
”Because we need to go back. The pack needs us,” she explains. The responsibility to Drageda transcends more than she can explain to two tired and stressed out teenagers but perhaps one day they’ll look back and understand. ”Hux will make sure she is safe and the Redhawk wolves will take care of her and make sure she comes home. I do not want to leave her anymore than you do but I have to do what’s right for us and I know they will make sure she is well again.”
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Artaax - October 10, 2017
Artaax searched his mother's face, but was distracted quickly by Blixen's response. He flinched at her disrespect, and even though he was distressed over the news himself, he again felt the powerful instinct to reprimand her for her insolence. But, like last time, the boy held his temper steady as Thur went on to explain her reasoning for making the decision he had - reasoning that was unfortunately sound.
The only complaint he had was her decision to leave Hux behind as her escort. He didn't trust the man, just as he didn't fully trust any of Drageda's wolves who hadn't been there since his birth. But, in spite of his misgivings, he trusted nomi above anyone else and that included her decisions. Even though it broke his heart to obey this particular edict, the only thing Artaax found himself saying was directed towards Blixen as he bowed his head with acceptance, "Don't make it worse, Blix."
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 10, 2017
*whispers* i love artie's general disapproval of blix...
she's stiff as a board listening to nomi's reasoning - and of course she's right, blix knows that. she's always right - and hux staying behind is somewhat good news, since blix rather likes the gentle man. the girl wobbles - and then artaax scolds her and her temper flares again. "i'm not," she says sharply to him, then steels her shoulders and looks at nomi.
"moba," blix mutters for snapping, then more loudly again: "then - then i should stay, too, i can help watch over her and help towhee patrol - i won't be a nuisance," she adds pleadingly. nomi's right that they have to go but she can stay - there is, again, no way she is budging. (she is wrong on that front.)
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 11, 2017
Artaax seems to accept the information with a snide remark to Blixen, who isn’t taking it that great. Thuringwethil frowns and licks her lips but her daughters pleading to stay starts to wear on her. She’d already weaseled her way on to the trip (not that it has been hard) and she’s like them to stay with Wildfire when she wakes up but now is not the time. She can’t worry about anymore wolves anymore and what she feels for Wildfire won’t die down until she’s home.
”No, Blixen. We will leave in the morning. You two spend the night with her. She’ll be back to us soon,” she says. She isn’t one to lie or make false promises but she has to believe it too.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Artaax - October 11, 2017
lol i'm glad you enjoy it 'cause sometimes I cringe... Last post for Artaax! If you want to continue without me, feel free to PP him going back to Wildfire :)
Artaax didn't look at Blixen as she snapped at him. He merely rolled his eyes, tensing as she went on to state her case. She at least was more polite in her tone this time, though he still considered her to behavior to be impertinent. He glanced at nomi to gauge her reaction and found her nerves there on edge. She stated her reply, putting an end to the conversation the boy had already considered to be finished. With another glare at Blixen that implored her to hold her tongue, he nodded and looked back in the den that held Wildfire.
A glance back at Thuringwethil was the only request he made to see if they were excused. If tonight was to be his last with his mom for another while, then he wanted to go to her as soon as possible. Even if it meant leaving Blixen to argue with the heda like a spoiled brat.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 11, 2017
up to you if u wanna continue or not cruz!
artaax is - upset doesn't seem like the right word, but - disapproving of her again, she can tell. well - well. nomi speaks, and her resolve crumbles visibly in her shoulders, her small body sagging down slightly as her fight leaves her. blix is tired, and frustrated with her brother, and angry with the situation - and angry at nomi, though she knows nomi hasn't done anything, and - guiltily, angry at mother for still being unconscious, for leaving, for putting them in this situation.
"fine," she says, and promptly bursts into tears, too tired to keep the brave front up any longer.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 13, 2017
Perhaps the two of them know she can’t speak with one hundred percent certainty but she clings to the hope. She’s never been the one to sugar coat a situation but the pain in both children’s eyes are the same. They may show it differently but she hurts for them, aches for herself, and she slowly closes her eyes for the briefest of moments. Artaax doesn’t say anything else and when she glances back to him, she nods subtly to dismiss him but Blixen’s resolve doesn’t hold. She doesn’t like the answer she’s given and for a moment she wishes to change it but she can’t leave her children behind too.
Though Artaax has gone and slipped away from them, into the den with Wildfire, Thuringwethil steps closer—carefully—with the intention to embrace the sobbing girl. She is young and she doesn’t fully understand and no amount of logic will get through to her in the moment. She shares the emotion of Wildfire in the same way she shares her appearance. ”Sen ai einth get daun hashta yu seintaim,” she whispers into the girl’s fur. Thuringwethil rests her head where Blixen allows—if she allows—and closes her eyes. She can barely handle the worrying about Wildfire, she can’t add the extra anxiety about her children. ”Yu nomon gaf in yu klir.”
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 13, 2017
though all fire-fight, she's burned through - her emotions were frayed before the trip and the up-and-down of wildfire's reappearance and current state has only heightened it. but blix is a fighter, too, and she lets nomi pull her into the embrace, struggling to gain control of her expression.
she doesn't really get it, nomi's right. but she hears her words and takes a few deep, shaky breaths to steady herself, eyes still damp but no longer teary. "..s-sha," the ginger mumbles, "en's jos tofon..." there's still a lingering anger there, one she'll probably carry for a while yet, but the flames of it have burned out at least for now - at least at nomi. a whine escapes her as she presses a little closer, bumping her nose against the underside of nomi's snout. "...she'll come back... right?" come back home, come back to them - come back to consciousness, even.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Antumbra - October 14, 2017
Blixen allows the embrace and she squeezes her tight, helping support her physically and emotionally. She knows she can’t do much of anything except offer her supportive words, and that it is ideal. It hurts to think Wildfire will wake up without them here and for a brief moment, she wants to retract all of it and stay until she does. They are welcome here—she takes the assurance Finley had given her—and sucks in a long breath. She cannot leave Eske and Tirgatao wondering about them, struggling themselves through winter. ”Sha,” she says, licking the side of her face. ”Hopefully before the worst of winter gets here,” she adds.
RE: i've hoarded your name in my mouth for months - Blixen - October 15, 2017
wrap here?
and with the fickleness of teenage heartbreak, blix forgives her nomi just like that. the reassurance is all she needs - for now, until the next crisis she faces, but - in these rough waters she'll take what she can get. and at heart, blix is a homebody. despite her lingering resentments and her still-aching desire to just stay until mother wakes up and tells her it's all going to be okay, she really doesn't want to stay here - it's just, this is where mother is.
but mother will come back because nomi said so. "yeah," she mumbles and closes her eyes, leaning in to steal one more moment of comfort before pulling back, gaze turned toward the cavern where her mother's body rests. if she is leaving tomorrow, then her vigil tonight must be steadfast.
she heads back without a second glance.