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+--- Thread: Blacktail Deer Plateau And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber (/showthread.php?tid=2350)
And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 21, 2014
Perry wants to talk to his good friend @Blue Willow if she's available. :)
It came to him even as he was waking up from a mid-afternoon nap. Peregrine didn't know why it hadn't occurred to him to speak with Blue Willow until now. She wasn't his mate and she wasn't his sister, yet she was a very good friend, wasn't she? She was also as sweet and sage as wolves came. The Alpha male inwardly kicked himself for not seeking her advice sooner as he rose, stretched and set out into the woods.
"Willow? Oh, Willooow!" he called, sounding a bit like one of the pups as he called the Beta's name. He hadn't even talked to her yet and already Peregrine felt a bit better. "I need to borrow your ear..." he said loudly, wondering if she was even within earshot. He was near her den but who said she was even at home?
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 21, 2014
Surprisingly especially to the healer herself she had found some time to herself. Osprey was no longer in the den and she didn't really know why. She had just left one day and she hadn't seen her since to ask. It bothered her greatly and she wondered in the deep recesses of her heart if she had hurt Osprey's feelings or something of some sort while she had stayed here. She certainly hoped not, it would bother her to no end, viewing the girl as a friend. Amelie was off exploring and not surprisingly the male Silvermane was gone too with the objections of her own in his ears. However, he would not listen to reason when it came to his wounds and she worried for him. She knew he was trying to prove himself, but if he kept it up he was going to keel over dead. Dead is dead little tree dead is dead She heard her father's voice reminding her of this.
So Blue had decided to try and take a small nap, she probably would end up staying awake, but before she could even attempt, she heard the male voice of Peregrine calling her. So she stood up gracefully and loped gently out the den mouth. She didn't need to go far, for soon enough she found him, very near her den. She smiled at him and wagged her tail bumping him kindly in the cheek. "hello Papa Perry what brings you out here with no little shadows?
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 21, 2014
She came to him with a promptness he appreciated. "Hey, Willow," he said in a grateful tone, returning her cordial bump. "The sprogs are off doing fun things and I wanted to talk to you about some decidedly un-fun matters, if you have a few moments to bend an ear? It's about some personal business of mine, not particularly pack business related," he warned, "and I'm asking, not telling." If the Healer didn't feel like taking on his burdens, that was her prerogative and he wouldn't hold it against her.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 21, 2014
Blue Willow listened to him and she became concerned immediately, which was in her nature to do so. At his comment of the sprogs doing fun things a small smile ghosted her maw and she chuckled. She could just imagine what mischief those gaggle of babes were into. They were decidedly curious and brazen for such little ones.
She tilted her head and listened to his words and felt bad. She had known something was off, but what she was not sure. Now he was willing to talk to her about it and she wasn't about to say no. If he needed an ear well she'd give him two. Of course you can talk to me about it Perry you never have to ask such a thing. I am more than willing to listen to you, you're truthfully my only ever friend. She smiled then and sat down with ears perked waiting for him to begin, what she was certain would be hard for him to speak about.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 21, 2014
Her words warmed him and he managed a small smile. "I'm sure you have other friends, Willow," he argued amiably, "but I'm glad I count among them. And I'm glad to consider you mine." He paused. "Now just tell me if I'm getting too personal. It's just that I really need to hash this out with an objective third party. Before she left, Osprey told me that only Hawkeye and I can sort it out and I know that. Still, I don't want to make any stupid decisions and I figure it can't hurt to get some outside perspectives from a trusted source." He paused again. "Right?"
The Alpha male steadied himself with a deep breath, then spoke after a moment of gathering his thoughts. "I think I've fallen out of love with Hawkeye. I actually think we've fallen out of love with each other but I can't speak for her." He swallowed and looked sideways, into the forest, as he continued speaking. "Since the pups were born, we haven't been close. We've grown further and further apart. By the time I really caught onto what was happening, it was already too late. At least, it feels that way. We still can't seem to catch a moment alone and, honestly, I've begun to stop caring or trying," he admitted, his jaw muscles tightening.
Finally dragging his eyes back to the Healer, he said, "If it wasn't for the kids, well... we probably wouldn't be in this predicament, would we?" He laughed very dryly. "But, if not for them, I'd probably just walk away and move on. But we have a family now and I can't just drop a bomb in the middle of it, can I? So should I just... grin and bear it? Stay with her for the kids?"
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 21, 2014
Blue Willow simply nodded at his first question. It was a good thing to get an outside perspective. Someone on the outside looking in could often see things that weren't there. As she listened more and more the more grave she felt. It was no lie that she did not really care for Hawkeye, though she didn't dislike her. She just thought that the femme could be a little more accommodating and nice to others she wasn't always.
Blue Willow shifted and looked at Peregrine spoke softly Well first Peregrine you have to go back to the beginning before you can get to the here and now. For instance I noticed that when I first come there was some tension between you, hawkeye and your brothers. I don't know why I don't need to know why, but I do know it was there. So the question is did you get through that first? Or do you still have some issues from that. She paused thinking, it was not good to stay with the children if he was unhappy and so was she, if they could fix it that would be one thing, but if they couldn't it would be the children that suffered not them truthfully.
She then looked down for a moment and then back Secondly Peregrine you have to ask yourself is it worth fixing? And if it is can it be fixed? and Finally which way are the children going to be happier. Are they going to be happy with you and Hawkeye at odds together or happy with you and Hawkeye away from each other with an easy friendship? that's what you have to think about. You have to make a decision based on how the children will be happy. Sometimes it is better to be apart than together if neither is happy with each other. That's not to say that it won't hurt if you or she get another mate, and it may not be a happy parting and you still make work it out. But that is what I would do. I would figure out the best way to not hurt the children in the long run. She hoped she made sense. She didn't think she had spoken in circles but she couldn't be sure that was a fully loaded question and one she could not answer 100 percent correctly.
And Finally Perry no matter what you decide you need to make the time to have a conversation with Hawkeye, I'll even watch the kids for you for a day or two and you two can go on a small trip perhaps out to the flatlands where you can't hear the kids or see them.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 21, 2014
So. Much. Dialogue!
Peregrine told himself he wouldn't interrupt Blue Willow until she was entirely finished. He held entirely to that promise, then took a few moments to mull over everything she'd said. There were some difficult questions to answer, yet he knew that with her help, he might be able to untangle the mess that had become of his heart.
"Atticus had a crush on Hawkeye," he said slowly, "but he's completely over it now. Crete, though? He hated her." His ears fell black slightly. Had Crete seen something he'd missed? "We all worked through our issues there, except of course that Crete and Hawkeye probably hate each other to this day..."
Suddenly, Peregrine wanted to ask, What do you think of her? He put that question aside for now, though, and tried to focus on answering her queries before posing any of his own.
"They're so young, it's hard to tell. I'm sure they have no idea that we're anything but a happy pair. Or maybe they notice more than I give them credit for. I do think that, as they get older, they'll pick up on it. So would it be better to call things off now, before they really know what's going on? I don't know. And I don't know that Hawkeye and I would necessarily have an easy friendship, either. I would be happy to split amicably if it came down to it but I'm not sure she'd be as open to it..."
Peregrine lapsed into silence for several long beats. When he spoke again, his voice sounded odd. "Is it telling that when you mention the thought of her with another mate, it doesn't even bother me that much? I mean, it's not my favorite thought in the world but... I just feel so oddly disconnected from her. I feel apathetic. Maybe that's just how I feel right now and it'll change tomorrow or the next day. I don't know." Hashing it out loud was good, though he realized that it also brought a lot of thoughts and feelings to the surface. It was a bit overwhelming.
"I appreciate that, Willow, and no matter what I decide to do, I'll make sure we talk to each other alone. Actually, I have a feeling that no matter what I decide on my own, it's going to come down to a mutual discussion and decision. At least, I'm pretty sure that's how it'll happen. I do want to go into it prepared to do what I think is best, though."
The first cycle of question and answer now completed, the swarthy leader decided to revisit the inquiry he'd set aside earlier. "Can you tell me something and be completely honest? How do you feel about Hawkeye? And, well... you know me well enough, at least, so do you think... she and I are a good match? I know that's kind of a strange thing to ask but I really value your input, Willow."
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 21, 2014
[size=x-small]haha you beat blue..haha[/size]
Blue Willow listened and as he spoke about Atticus having a crush on Hawkeye she momentarily wondered if they were as good a fit as Peregrine though seeing as how she was nothing like Hawkeye other than the black pelt. But she shrugged that off for now, this was not about her it was about Peregrine. She remembered how Crete had reacted when she had spoken to him about Hawkeye the first time by the springs, so she was not surprised he said they hated each other.
that is up to you if you think you need to call off things then yes now would be the best time. However if you think there's a chance, they probably don't notice yet, but they will. Puppies are exceptionally perceptive sometimes. She only had he nieces and nephews the few times that she met them to go on, but they picked up on things easily and quickly.
Blue willow flinched on the inside. she did not want to tell him what she really thought of hawkeye. She had seen her heard her sometimes she was distant sometimes and a bit crass but there were times too when she was kind and nice and friendly usually around Peregrine.
She bit the proverbial bullet though and began to speak, Peregrine i think... she stopped for a second then began again I think that Hawkeye is a very complex female. She had never treated me badly, distantly yes, but never badly. However I also know from observations that she can be distant, a bit crass and the like I am not sure but I would also deduce perhaps she is flirtatious, however she can also be friendly, and kind and nice. So I think it all boils down to the situation and the wolf in the situation of what she is like. I also think that the two of you bring the best, but you also bring out the worst in each other. Which is often times the way of relationships because you are so comfortable. So yes I think you mesh well, however I also think that maybe you should have taken some time to get to know each other a little better before having babies, though if you would have done that there would not be any precious angels here and now.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 23, 2014
The moral he took away from Blue Willow's take was, The sooner, the better. He grimaced. This wasn't a decision he wanted to make lightly or quickly. It wasn't a decision he wanted to make at all. But perhaps if he thought of the pups (and only the pups), it would clarify the situation, allowing him to make choices objectively.
He laughed a quiet, entirely mirthless laugh when Blue Willow called Hawkeye complex. He saw between the lines, knowing this was the Beta's polite way of saying his mate was complicated and sometimes difficult. His laughter cut off very suddenly and sharply when the Healer mentioned that his wife was flirtatious. He had no idea whatsoever of the close encounters with his own brother, nor her previously promiscuous ways. This was news to him and he noted, bitterly, that of course he would be the last to know.
Blue Willow's final comment stung him, as it called his own judgment into question. But she was right on the money. "Thank-you for your honesty," he said genuinely, trying to work the grimace off his face and failing. His eyes squinted and his voice became ominously flat as he asked, "What do you mean when you say she can be flirtatious?" He then braced himself, wondering if it would piss him off or perhaps not bother him at all. Either way, it would not be good; it might even be the straw that broke the camel's back.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 23, 2014
Blue Willow did not wish to upset him with the facts of things. But yes he needed to figure out this as soon as possible, simply for no more than the puppies sake that relied on him. She did not wish to see the innocent suffer for the guilty parties.
When Blue Willow saw his face drop she got sick to her stomach, and felt incredibly bad. She had not meant to hurt his feelings or cause him to torture himself and that is exactly what she had just done. She could not say for sure really anything about that part of Hawkeye's character she could only make assumptions which were never good.
She tilted her head and spoke quietly You are welcome, though I am sorry it is not what you wanted to hear. I can only go on common sense and what I know of your brother Peregrine, but I cannot believe that he would have a crush on someone if he did not have a reason to believe it was returned. And that is purely based on what you have told me and nothing more.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 25, 2014
If Peregrine could've read her thoughts, he would've (gently) rebuked her for kicking herself so much over this. He needed to know these things, even if they weren't pleasant. He would much rather know the ugly truth than buy into a beautiful lie. From his friends, he expected honesty, not coddling.
"Don't apologize, Willow," he said, "and don't ever tell me what you think I want to hear. Always keep it real with me, okay? Like I said, I appreciate your honesty." His lips pressed together as he considered her almost evasive answer, though he didn't press the matter. He nodded curtly. "You have a point," was all he said. Perhaps he would talk to Atticus, gather some details, or perhaps he would decide it didn't matter.
He paused, trying to think of anything else he'd like to hash out with Blue Willow. There was so much weighing on his mind and heart. He did feel better, having talked some if out with her. He supposed there was a certain threshold here, though, and beyond that, the only one who could give him true clarity and closure was Hawkeye herself.
"You are a good friend and a good listener," Peregrine told her. "I'm lucky to have you in my life, Willow."
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 25, 2014
Blue listened to him and she spoke as honestly as she could Why would I lie? There's no point to it even if the lie is nicer it takes to much energy to remember lies and keep up a facade. And blue believed that with every fiber of her being it was just far to hard to keep up a lie and besides she was a terrible liar as it were.
Blue smiled at him wagging her tail. I am glad to help and be considered a friend. I am lucky as well Perry to have such a friend as you she shifted her weight and tilted an ear. is there anything else I can help with?
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 25, 2014
Peregrine cocked his head at her question. "I don't think you would," he answered slowly, "but you're so nice, sometimes I think you try to shield others from the truth. I can see that you have a hard time giving bad news. You're just too much of a sweetheart," he said with a light teasing note in his deep voice.
"Nah, I think that's it for now, but if I need to talk s'more, can I track you down?" the Alpha male asked.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 25, 2014
Blue Willow frowned as she thought about it. truthfully I do not know if I would or not. As I have only just begun to make friends. I never lied to my parents or shielded them from the truth though I believe they did for me in some cases. Blue willow did not know if she would omit some things from things she had to tell people, perhaps when it came to the pups she would, however she was uncertain. She chuckled at his teasing You may think so though I am certain there are some who probably find me not so sweet she thought of the youth Rayder and her run in with him about Amelie though nothing happened she was certain he was not thrilled with her intrusion.
She nodded Yes of course Peregrine anytime you need to speak with me I'll talk with you.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Peregrine Redhawk - May 28, 2014
Peregrine had a hard time picturing Blue Willow as anything but a humble, kindhearted sweetheart... though he didn't doubt she had her fierce streak. She was very motherly, after all, and every mother had a bit of a bear hidden inside them. His lip twitched as he mused about this.
"Thank-you," he said, touching her shoulder with his nose. "Now I have to go scrounge up some grub for the fam. I'll see you around, friendmine." He nudged her again and waved his tail, then padded slowly away in the direction of a game trail.
RE: And your soul turned black as the sun grows somber - Blue Willow - May 28, 2014
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