she's not as mad at artaax as she initially was. it was foolhardy but he'd done his job as a member of drageda, and she knows he's as capable as she is - and honestly, she would have done the same. but maybe that's exactly the problem: part of her is almost jealous. she should have done exactly the same because it should have been her, not him. combine that with her lingering anxiety that another of her family has had a close brush with death, on top of melchior's disappearance on top of mother on top of arlo... 

she should probably find tirgatao again. instead she finds furi - scratching, like she's been doing a lot lately. in fact, seeing the action makes her involuntarily mimic it, taking a seat beside her friend. "ugh, you too?" blix asks, oblivious to furi being the typhoid mary in this situation. abruptly, she adds, "that was a lot, huh," (mostly) oblivious to furi's own feelings about the skirmish on the border (one day she'll get better at that sort of thing, probably). the gona doesn't bother to contextualize the statement - it's pretty obvious, she figures, what she means exactly.

 furi is either closed off about the event or too caught up in scratching - either way, blix reluctantly drops it, giving in to her own urge to scratch. all the itching really is making it hard to process these complex emotions. "i have no idea," she finally says in answer to furi's question, "jeez, i hope not. portia might know.." but blixen doesn't feel up to searching for her in the wake of her outburst at her brother. 

instead, she hums. "we need a distraction. wanna finish patrol from - the other day?" the ginger asks, bumping her snout against furi's lightening shoulder while scratching her side absently.

the more she watches furi scratch, the more she must scratch with increasing furiosity. "okay, c'mon," blix finally yelps, nudging her friend forward into a quicker pace - or at least trying to. a brisk walk will surely help, she thinks desperately, as she pushes them slowly out of the range of those blessed back scratchers the trees and towards the southern end of the border. the gona is quiet aside from the sound of her scratching, though she can't help but mumble, "still can't believe him," as her eyes are drawn to the spot in the distance she knows artaax's kill had lain a day before.

 is it a good thing or a bad thing that the body itself does not bother her? who can say. she misses furi's plaintive glances, her brow set in a hard line as the dark shape comes into view. finally the girl looks at her friend and lets out a frustrated huff, pausing in her march. "i.. dont know," she admits, glancing back to the border. "he did what he was supposed to do, and i mean, i'm proud of him for that, but..."

blixen frowns, giving in to the urge to itch her side. "i guess it's just.. mother disappeared, and then arlo died, and then - we found mother but she didn't wake up and for all i know she's dead anyway, and melchior.." she looks at her friend, stomach twisting anxiously as she continues: "i just feel like - i feel like everyone close to me is in danger, or - i don't know. i just don't want anyone else to..."

again her voice trails off, though she's not sure how to finish the thought, and instead peers at furi anxiously. "does that make sense?" she asks, watching closely for her reaction, for once.

their conversation, following their trail, leads them ever-closer to the object in question, the deranged trespasser's body. it lays at the end of furi's sentence - a visual punctation mark, the literal period to her words. blixen does not take her eyes off it. she swallows. "i know," she says softly. "part of me thinks i should have been..." the one to kill him goes unsaid.

she forces herself to look at furi. "when i was a kid i wanted to be a star-gazer," the gona admits, embarrassed.  "after mom disappeared i decided - i had to get strong, so i could protect everyone who was left. i... i didn't say this before, but my mom.. she was beaten. it wasn't an accident. someone did that to her," she explains, her voice taking on a slightly desperate edge. surely furi doesn't want to keep hearing about this, but she's all blixen has right now to explain, and she's got to explain, because she has to tell the body, too. has to make the universe understand this cacophonous emotional battle. "so maybe it's - it's not really artaax at all, it's just that i - keep failing at it."

blixen looks up with furi speaks as if the girl has suddenly sprouted two heads. "i know," she says, then sighs. "i mean, i don't wanna be a star-gazer anymore. but .. yeah, i know." the gona lingers for a moment, tracing the bloodied form of artaax's kill, but follows furi, letting her friend steer them away. "ah, i mean, thank you," she says hastily, amber eyes flicking to furi. "you're right. actually, um, i've been kind of thinking about gardening more..."

those few meditative moments spent with hux in the garden had done better for her mental state than anything else thus far - maybe it is worth it to follow that thread fully. but hux is away... and there goes that line of thought. she frowns to herself, looking back at her feet instead.

for once she catches the expression furi makes, and one of her eyebrows quirk up, curious. "do you like stargazing?" she asks - unaware, of course, of the pain that her friend is going through. 

"yeah," blix says, her expression lightening somewhat, "i ran into hux a little while ago and helped him with the garden by the graveyard. it was really soothing," she admits. "i wanted to keep it nice for him while he's at the caldera, but i don't... actually know how," the gona adds with a frustrated little laugh. maybe portia would know... maybe she can ask when they finally go to get help for this godforsaken itching.

furi seems thrown off by the question, though blix has no idea why. maybe she just doesn't like talking about herself? she answers, though, in the affirmative, and the ginger tilts her head, smiling. she doesn't respond yet, distracted by a sudden sharp itch in her side that must be attended to. 

"yeah," she says, paw working furiously, "i used to really dislike it, but it's.. respectful, i guess." even if lately there has been a lack of bodies to lay to rest, but not a lack of deaths. the gona hums, lowering her hind leg. "we could stargaze together sometime if you wanted," she offers, voice a touch more shy than usual - though really, why should it be any different than her offers to drag furi on patrols?

she feels strangely light when furi agrees, though doesn't dwell on it. the gona's just barely learning to manage her anger and angst, she doesn't need any more confusing emotions added to the mix - better to let it be for now.

"cool," blix says, smiling, and bumps her shoulder against furi's. that settled, she picks back up and starts moving forward, attention back on the task at hand. "c'mon, let's finish this up."