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Wapun Meadow Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Printable Version

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Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Onyx Saefyn - February 16, 2018

@Mawk Backdated to this thread
 

The meeting of her family didn't assuage the storm of longing in her chest. She was still missing a piece. The emptiness had only deepened after she departed, claiming to have hunger pains and the need to hunt. Trotting through the evening, she wandered aimlessly for the first time since...ever. Now what? She had found her family, yet there was something missing. Shaking herself, she sat and watched the sun go down, her face deep in thought. Should she stay, even if her heart was still restless? She had told Cebra that she would stay around. But the pain at the mention of puppies lingered as a poison, her doubts rising. Would...should she be around pups?
As the sun sank deep into the sky, the torn woman shook her head. No, she couldn't do it at the moment. She had to run. At least for now. Hoping her brother would understand and not question her lack of prey, she raised her muzzle to the sky and called to him, a long, lonely howl, her silohuette beautifully casting a shadow with the fading light.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Mawk - February 21, 2018

It had warmed his heart to see Illecebra and Onyx hit it off so well, and he was certain the family's close bonds would only strengthen further with his sister's arrival into the mix. After the golden pelted wolfess' departure from Easthollow's borders, Mawk had spoken briefly with his mate and then had been about to go around with one last patrol before he settled down for a rest. However the lonely call was one he had not expected, a summon from his littermate that instantly snatched his attention. 

The man was quick to follow, emerging from the trees to greet Onyx with a curious chuff.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Onyx Saefyn - February 22, 2018

Her brother appeared quicker than she thought, making her mind swirl with doubt that she was doing the right thing, but her heart shot pain through her, and she knew she had to go. She had sat there until he had emerged, and as she greeted him with a small heavy chuff, her tail swayed slowly as she greeted him.
Blinking, she now had the problem of words. How would she explain this? She had found her family, and she wants to wander again? Her understanding of it herself left a confused, yet longing look on her face as she stared at the ground for a few minutes, the wind softly blowing through her fur. Looking up at her brother, her eyes pleaded with him to understand, yet no explanation fell from her lips. I need to go. Her voice trembled as the wind almost tossed the words away.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Mawk - March 02, 2018

He had originally expected to see joy upon her face at his arrival - but none was shown, only looks of sorrow to drag her features. Mawk felt knots tightening in his chest, hope that was corrupted by doubt and regret. What was wrong? He didn't understand. Was she simply lonely? He supposed since Illecebra had stepped so beautifully into his life and lighted his way like a freshly lit candle, he had no longer been alone. He'd had a family ever since, he'd belonged in a place so sweet, no matter the troubles that had occured.

Her gaze pleaded for understanding, and he felt a sharp stab within his chest. Her words that followed caused a knife to pierce through his heart, expression falling. The bird that heralded his happiness at his sibling's return was swiftly shot down, scatters of feathers each a piece of love he had crafted for her, each a little idea, a plan, so many plans. Adventures. She wanted... to leave? "I... I see." Mawk whispered, tongue drawing out to swipe across his lips, a plethora of emotions crossing his features. The bird had fallen, and now sorrow replaced it.

"Did I... do something wrong, dear sister? Please, tell me. What is it that makes you wish to leave?" He spoke after a moment of silence, finding that after those words he was simply speechless. Idiot, you've fucked something up, she deserves a better brother.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Onyx Saefyn - March 04, 2018

His pain was met with her tears, silently dripping from her muzzle. Why couldn't he understand? She didn't want to, yet..The pull of the search had always made her paws move forward, the emptiness pushing her forward. His tortured whisper made her head drop towards the ground, her breath fast as she tried to control herself. It shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't feel like this. But feel she did, her tail wrapping around herself. 

He spoke again, and her head snapped up, her eyes searching his, pain making her brown eyes darken to black. No. She did not wish to leave. The emptiness was forcing her. Her voice was soft, almost a whine, pleading yet again. Please, understand. I...I don't wish to leave. Yet the emptiness, the...yearning for something more. Have you ever felt a longing for your brokenness? That you aren't whole, brother? That there is something, maybe..someone who could fill the void? Her voice trembled as she blinked away tears. Seeing you with her...it's beautiful, yet..painful. I have only met one that has made me feel complete, has filled that void, even if only for a few minutes. Yet he disappeared, and the longing and loneliness grew sharp. I...I need to try to find him. Hesitating for only a moment, she rose gracefully and stepped to him, nuzzling her brother, the one she had finally found.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Mawk - March 06, 2018

No, he could not remove the guilt or the sorrow from his chest - as he listened to her words and saw her tears, the guilt only worsened to a sharp sting in his heart. She yearned for something more, something that he could not provide, and he should accept that. He did understand that emptiness, he had felt it many times before. Cebra had filled the void within his heart, but that did not mean he didn't feel that loneliness again after recent events. He just had to piece things together and try all he could to keep going. If Onyx could not find what she was looking for... he should let her go. If he begged her to stay she just wouldn't be happy, and that would make him feel even worse.

"It's... It's okay... I understand. Go find what you're looking for, Onyx..." Mawk's words were quiet, but he accompanied it with a nod. Only when she mentioned another did he stiffen, gaze reaching upward in search of her own. A man? He warned himself silently that it was none of his business, she was a grown woman and more than capable of looking after herself, but still... "Just promise me you'll be careful."

"You... you'll come visit, right?" He'd only just found her, surely she wasn't planning on leaving him forever?



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Onyx Saefyn - March 08, 2018

She saw his stance go stiff, and love filled her for her brother. He was already protective. If he only knew. A sad smile came upon her face as she locked her eyes with his. One of these days she would tell him. About her dark past. About him. Yet today was not that day. Because of him, she was cautious and skittish. She had been too careful before meeting the man called Dakarai. Now she wanted to step out. She longed for his company. The risks would be worth it to see him again. But none of this changed her loving look to her brother. 
Stepping forward, she buried her nose in her brother's shoulder and nuzzled him. She breathed in his scent, not knowing when she would see him yet. The ache was ripping her apart, but she knew that she would regret it if she didn't. Voice soft, she pressed against her brother. When I find what I'm looking for, I plan to come back and stay. She made no promises but to herself that day. Even if she crawled back, she would see her sibling again.



RE: Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside - Mawk - March 13, 2018

Mawk gave a soft sigh when she approached him, burying her nose in his shoulder - it was a gesture perhaps meant to comfort. And it surely brought that, but he knew the moment she pulled away it would all hurt again. No matter... it was worth it, to ensure her happiness. The man pressed against her lovingly, gaze drifting to the iced ground before returning to his sibling. 

"It's okay, take your time. We'll always be here when you return." That was a promise he knew he would keep. He and his family had no plans to leave Easthollow any time soon, and there would always be a place for Onyx when she returned, if she ever decided to reside with him. For now, what mattered was that she made the decision she felt was right, the one her heart wanted her to choose - if that meant she had to leave for a while... that was okay.