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+--- Thread: Firefly Ravine how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill (/showthread.php?tid=25777)
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how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 22, 2018
It isn’t much, but every time she gets a free moment, she does her best to mourn. She can’t express such feelings around the others, especially when she doesn’t have anything she can tell them to blame it on, and missing a friend doesn’t warrant the same as losing both of your parents in one fell swoop. It has been months since she’s seen them, barely able to remember what they looked like, or smell like, but now she’s somehow lost the both of them and she’s not supposed to tell anyone? No one can hold her hand while she sorts through the grief?
Furi breaks away from the southern border of Drageda, a moment stolen away from Blixen’s hovering eyes. All she knows feels is the desire to spend some time alone.
She’s never been this far from Drageda, especially alone, and she finds peace in the new terrain. Not a sound carries on the wind and the further she goes, the more release she feels. She can shed Furi for a while. Mallaidh can mourn her mother without prying eyes from someone that won’t understand.
Through the shadier parts of the trees, snow covers up several feet at a time. She misses the sign of roots poking through, her feet getting tangled and sending her head first into the ground. Her teeth click together and she growls, groaning to stand. With little regard to her surroundings, she untangled herself and stands, spinning around and begins attacking the roots to know her down.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 22, 2018
like furi ingram had stolen from the keep to be alone, this time to ruminate the taiga's distant reaches for the variant of fungi that wylla coveted. he knew the tempestuous alpha would be displeased with him-- with arrille -- and tried to find some pathetic way to curry favor with her that didn't involve either her fangs or her claws.
he had been sifting through the snow when the crunch of footfalls and a crash reached his ears -- carefully he pulled around a tree and spotted a wolf in the snow, disheveled and bested by the gnarled root at her feet. at first concern had crept across his muzzle and for a moment he bent to help her -- until he realized it was her.
almost like an elastic released from tension he snapped back and regarded her coldly, casting a sly and mistrustful glance as she physically retaliated on the tree. "oh. you." he scoffed, wiggling back enough that if she turned on him he would have enough room to dodge it. "so you just attack anything that crosses you, including trees?"
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 22, 2018
Furi has a particularly strong grip on the roots, gnawing and tugging and growling. Her feet slip as she tugs, and when she looks up the moment she hears the voice of another, she’s fill with a sudden wave of rage and embarrassment mixed into one. Slowly, she releases the root that tripped her and her breathing is ragged, chest heaving at the sides while she regains her composure.
“Shut up,” she goes with, briefly closing her eyes. Nothing better couldn’t have come out of her mouth? “Do you just follow me wherever I go?” she spits back, realizing most of her late encounters outside of Drageda involve Ingram in some form.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 22, 2018
ingram was ready to defend himself -- as she looked upon him, her breath ragged and eyes rimmed with fury, he kind of felt excited --like he was staring some immutable danger in its face, and defying it. he jutted his jaw out in a gesture of affront, and leveled her with a careful squint as she commanded him to shut up.
rude. he lashed his tail against his hocks and looked from the savaged tree to the splinters in her mouth, wondering what it was that just got her in such a tizzy. hotly he fired off a quick retort: "do you just touch everyone's ass?" he canted his hips towards her, and peered around at the wound still visible on his haunch. "it's a nice ass." he informed her with a flirty smirk, slowly turning his muzzle back around to view her: "you touched my butt and admit it, you liked it. which is why you're attacking that tree now, cause you're mad about it."
dumb dog boy logic, 101.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 22, 2018
He presents his wounded rear in her direction and she slowly blinks between his thigh and face, staring blankly a beat later. “It’s all right,” she decides. He isn’t going to know what’s going through her mind and he has no reason to be nice to her. She quickly tucks away the grief as best she can (as much as one can when finding out their mother has been dead for months) and sighs, clutching to her mask a little while longer. “I’ve seen better.”
The ear he pierced with his teeth has scabbed over, some of the skin dying but overall there’s little more than a crinkle scabbed over, altering her ear only slightly. The rest of her wounds have been superficial and with little attention necessary. “Why are you following me?”
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 23, 2018
his grin did not fade as her blank eyes looked him over; however, he nearly scoffed at her lack of affirmation. it's alright? he snorted and turned back to look at his backside, wriggling his haunches back and forth. it was definitely more than alright, in his opinion.
pointedly he looked to her own haunches, as if to comment silently on the youthful flatness of her hips. in the badonk department, he was winning -- so far.
"it's alright? that's not what your mom said last night." he sniggered, taking a slight step back in case she was extra crusty about 'your mom' jokes. ingram happened to find them hilarious -- but not everyone was endowed with his god-given sense of humor.
his ears pulled forward at her accusation then - following her? what? he canted his head back and an exaggerated look of affront crossed his features. "pfft. i'm not following you. you're the one that has this creepy obsession with attacking people and touching their butts. what do you even have to say about that?"
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
His expression keeps the stupid grin as he considers how he looks and then it forces her to shift awkwardly when he looks at her. She’s not fond of that. Pale eyes narrow at him as he fakes his shock and then dares to reference her mother in a way that shifts the world on its axis. Ears angle back as she watches him, pleased with himself and every inch of her burns. Pain pricks behind her eyes and she blinks a few times, walking the thin line between being overcome with grief and the fiery anger he dares to push her toward.
She tries to focus on him but her energy is spent elsewhere. Ingram’s mouth moves but there’s no sound. Her sides begin to heave, struggling to pull in enough oxygen, and when she can’t focus on the dark wolf ahead, she slowly begins to shift back and falls into a stumble, barely catching herself from hitting the ground. A sob works its way up her throat and she opens her mouth, losing the last bit of strength in her knees before she plops back onto her rear while a suppressed cry manages to escape.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 25, 2018
the thing about jokes was that, if they were funny, people were supposed to laugh. so when furi did the opposite of that and fumbled, ingram shifted uncomfortably, his brow worked in a worried frown. his ears pulled forward in surprise and he looked at her with apprehension as she almost drunkenly seemed to steady herself -- and then she plopped rather abruptly to the ground.
and then a sound - oh god -- ingram's smile was long gone as he heard it, and his heart sank. that is not what someone is supposed to do after you make a joke.
he wanted to rush to her side and make sure she was okay, but the memory of her sinking her teeth in his hips was still very fresh - as was the wound. instead he tittered about her like a sparrow incapable of making up its mind. "that was a joke." he exasperatedly tried to subdue her, a half-hearted grin returning to his lips (one that immediately was washed away as he realized the gravity of her emotions). "wha-- what did i say, man?"
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
She wheezes once the initial cry had submerged. Her heart pounds in her chest and she can feel her ribs breaking by the beat to launch from her breast. It gets louder and louder in her ears, drowning out Ingram once more. He moves not so much closer, but in what should be her vision, but unfocused eyes struggle to pull back to him. With no release from the building panic, she pulls her lips back in warning but it hardly looks like it’s directed at him.
“I just—” is all she can manage (at first) through labored breathing, short and shallow breaths keeping her from trying to calm down. Furi tries to stand but her legs are shaky and she’s already dizzy. “I just found out my mom’s dead,” she bellows, hunched forward into an ugly sob.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 25, 2018
he halted as soon as her lips rose - okay, she didn't want him closer. roger. got it. he placed his foot down and his brow worked in a heavy frown - really, what the hell had he said to make her go from ((a n g e r y)) to sad little puppy? he rewound the conversation in his head, finding no slight -- of course, since this was from his perspective he naturally assumed he had done nothing wrong at all.
until she mentioned her mom.
his ears fell to the side of his skull in a swoop of shame, and he looked crestfallen as he came to the realization his quip had been the thread in her undoing. her sobs began anew and he looked away with a deep breath, struggling to figure out how to rectify this colossal mishap. he almost preferred her hurting him over him hurting her -- could they go back to fighting again, please?
"oh shit. i'm sorry." he offered lamely, knowing his condolences would do nothing to bring her mother back. "i'm really sorry."
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
The few inches she managed to lift off the ground is quickly returned, forcing her to find anchorage on the ground. Seri had been able to comfort her, once, through the touch of her nose. She’d been able to focus on it but he isn’t going to get any closer and he isn’t going to be able to offer comfort. He’s the enemy, she’s reminded, Heda’s words still in her mind but she can’t find purchase on them. She only wants the world to stop spinning, to fill her lungs with new air, and her heart to return to the proper place behind her ribs.
“It’s not fair,” she wheezes a whisper, swallowing thickly through a dry mouth. Slowly, she shuffles all the way to the ground, closes her eyes. The anxiety cuts off a breath, and she whines pitifully.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 25, 2018
ingram fretted just out of reach of her teeth, his expression still knotted into one of deep discomfort. she sunk to the ground and he felt helpless to console her -- she was so close physically -- but so unalterably out of reach. like her he reminded himself that she had accosted his friend -- and his brother -- it steeled some part of his compassion but did not rid him entirely of empathy.
"no, it isn't." he agreed, unsure of how to continue. this was a new light for him -- seeing her like this -- he frowned as he worked the words out from his suddenly laden tongue. "d-did someone attack her?" he didn't think that anyone in grimnismal would do that - except maybe the salt witch. what if it was arrille who had killed her - was that why they had attacked his friend?
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
It is oddly comforting for someone else to know, even if it is her enemy, especially since he can shift the encounter in his favor. He has her grief exposed, vulnerable and just within reach. She glances up at him, finally feeling a little relief fill in at the edges. A choked, staggering sob ruffles her lips but it is followed by a soft gasp, inhaling a long breath and holding it. Maybe her heart will slow and her ribs will heal and she can feel normal again.
Furi shakes her head before she finds something on the ground to stare at. The words to explain how she’d gotten lost from her family long ago build on her tongue but she swallows them. She cannot shed all of her problems, even if she wants to, even if she finds relief in someone else knowing her grief. No one in Drageda can offer that and she hates that it is her neighbor.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 25, 2018
as she shook her head ingram slumped wordlessly into the snow. her sobs still wracked her body and each one that rose from her lips made his heart stir in pity - even if she was the jerk that attacked his friend - even if she came from the pack above that grimnismal thus far had little interaction with - she was still a person, with feelings and thoughts and loved ones now committed to the cold and insensate ground. ingram thought of his own mother; would he cry if she was gone? he hoped that day would never come.
somehow, dying of natural causes was perhaps worse than being killed. being killed gave the survivors a purpose -- vengeance. there was no vengeance against father time. it marched on, always on - and claimed all lives with it.
he looked away; not because he was ashamed of her grief, but because he had no way to quell it.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
Furi focuses on one particular spot in the snow where one of them had stepped. They have comparable sized feet and so she decides to try and decipher who had made the print. After a moment of being unable to recognize it, she has taken a breath of decent size and released it all the same. Her heart rate has slow to only just slight excitement and in a moment, will return. The ringing in her ears have long since fade and when she glances to the dark boy to find him still there, but awkwardly looking elsewhere, she feels the warm rush of heat to her cheeks.
When her sides began to rise and fall with slower, longer breaths, she looks at him questioningly. Nothing comes out in the form of words but she can’t help but wonder why he sticks around.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 25, 2018
the sound of snow being pressed caused ingram's ear to shift back; slowly he looks to furi, who had a paw placed carefully over an imprint left in the snow. he understood the need for distraction and rose slowly -- he would place a single paw firm in the snow next to the imprint should she allow it.
their proximity terrified him and he was quick to step back - at any moment she could go from vulnerable to aggressive, and he did not want to push his luck. he could not tell from the imprint he left, but thought maybe it might be hers. either way, he inspected the pawprint same as she, his tail moving slightly back and forth across his hocks. he caught her looking at him and he tried to smile reassuringly, though admittedly he was terrible at the whole "comfort-your-enemy" thing. he thought of how different this exchange would have been if wylla was here -- or even lycaon -- he would likely tell neither of his siblings about this encounter, and for good reason.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - February 25, 2018
Ingram’s smile puts one on her features. It’s small and short lied, but it’s there. Her tail thumps a few times, too, and she glances down to see the paw print in the snow he left behind. For the time being she enjoys the ability to breathe without struggle, without feeling like her lungs have shriveled in size.
Maybe, if Arrille hadn’t turned his pack on her, she and Ingram could have been friends.
Furi begins to shuffle her front feet, disturbing the snow, but she sits upright. The urge to say something and fill the silence lingers but she can’t find the words. If she says anything, it’ll ruin what connection they do have. They’ll go back to hating each other. They’ll probably fight again. They definitely won’t be friends.
“Thanks,” she mumbles and quickly looks away.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - February 28, 2018
he pulled his paw back and inspected the handiwork, looking to furi carefully. he didn't want to seem overbearing, but he didn't want to seem distant either -- god -- he didn't know what to do. hug her? ignore her? what did women want, anyway?
his tail wagged in response to hers, and her slight improvement in demeanor elicited a relieved smile from the male. he dipped his muzzle low and looked at her as she turned her gaze away -- he assumed out of shame, frustration -- whatever it was, he wished she didn't feel that way. he understood, in his own way, the limitations one had in front of a stranger - even one that had managed to cop a feel on his tushus.
she issued a thanks and he fumbled for a reply. 'you're welcome' sounded too haughty, too indifferent. 'no problem' made it sound casual -- and this situation was far from casual. she had lost her mom -- she had every right to grieve, and he did not for a moment begrudge her of her emotions.
finally, he settled for a weak "anytime," which was bolstered by another smile. he didn't want to leave her but he was afraid if he stayed any longer, maybe their interaction would turn sour -- as much as he liked having his behind fondled, he was not a fan of the teeth. he looked to his paws and forced an ahem through his throat, and then spoke. "it's not okay, but we're okay, alright?" it had seemed cooler in his head and now that it was out there plain as day, ingram felt kind of weak saying it -- but he meant it. quickly he added a joke -- "even though you touched my butt."
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - March 01, 2018
Furi smiles when he does, albeit weak and tired. She doesn’t realize how much energy she’d lost in the outburst until it creeps up on her, hiding behind her eyelids and it’s evident as she lazily turns her gaze toward him. It isn’t the same stupid, angry boy that happened upon her and Arrille but the goofy kid she’d met in the tangle. If it hadn’t been for Arrille, they could have been friends from the start but now? Can she call him a friend when they are supposed to be enemies? When his own wolves turned her friend against Drageda, enough to pit a war against them at their weakness?
Ingram doesn’t act like the type to do those things, or maybe doesn’t even know at all.
She tightens her jaw and nods. We’re okay, she repeats to herself and she thinks of the wolves of Blackfeather Étoille told her about. They were like us.
Maybe they’d be okay. Maybe they won’t. Maybe, next week, they’ll be tearing each other’s throat out. For now, Furi is content to share a moment with someone. A moment of exposed vulnerability to a stranger and a bond she can’t take away.
“Still wasn’t that great,” she tells him and her smile widens, genuine, “it’s just not my type.”
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - March 03, 2018
ingram peered down at her in anticipation, hoping he wouldn't call his fumbled garble stupid -- it had sounded stupid, he knew it.
he was relieved she decided to rejoin with a quip, and her smile lifted his spirits. as if bewildered he swung his butt towards her playfully (though out of reach of her teeth in case she got feisty), looking back on his haunch again . "what? how is it not your type? it's glorious." he bet chusi would agree -his hips were just voluptuous enough that he felt anyone with good taste could appreciate it.
he shook his head in disappointment and tsked a few times as if dismayed by her response. "i guess there's no accounting for taste." he said slowly, bringing his gaze to her own with a mischievous grin.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - March 04, 2018
The banter doesn’t make things better but she does feel a little lighter. Exhaustion settles into her joints and she won’t be returning to Drageda for a while yet and if Ingram sticks around and keeps her company for a bit, she won’t complain too much.
Furi snorts. ”Glorious?” A cat-like swat reaches for his rear as it nears it, but swiping nothing but air. He insults her taste and she rolls her eyes. ”Just because I don’t like your boy butt doesn’t mean I don’t have taste!”
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - March 07, 2018
ingram was so preoccupied with the gloriousness of his derriere he hardly caught the intonation in her choice of words -- delightedly he swung his tushus back and forth, watching the way his long guard-hairs rose and sank in the air with each motion. he dodged her swipe with a quiet giggle, still amused by his absurd antics.
and then he caught it. it was delayed, but oh boy, he caught it.
he stopped, pulled himself right around, and gave her the primmest, most suspicious gaze he had ever mustered. "boy?" the luschyon boy repeated, in the same inflection furi had donned a moment before. "what's wrong with boys?"
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - March 11, 2018
Furi can’t help her eyes roll right out of her head as he admires his own rear. Are all boys like this? Does Artaax and Bobby wiggle their own butts and talk about how nice they are? Do they even have nice butts? She can’t determine it from Ingram, as full of himself as he is, she doesn’t have anything to compare it to. She can’t imagine her father, or Ceallach, or even Roarke, doing anything like that but she hardly remembers any of their mannerisms. She clings to what she remembers they look like because of Eirlys and the promise of seeing them once more but it doesn’t settle in her chest.
“I don’t like boys,” she says, with emphasis, pushing the thought of her family from her mind for a little while longer.
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Ingram Sr - March 11, 2018
remarkably, ingram took furi's news in unflappable stride. he shared the same sentiment, so it was easy to identify with her. boys were gross. girls were feckin' hot.
he studied her only a moment before a wide grin cracked his muzzle. "well, who the hell does? girls are where it's at." he announced with a sway of his tail, completely unperturbed by her predilection for the fairer sex.
but wait -- that meant that furi could be competition. he narrowed his eyes jokingly and issued gravely: "but keep your paws off my girlfriend chusi."
RE: how lonely to be something nothing wants to kill - Mallaidh - March 11, 2018
Furi snorts when he responds, feeling her smile widen on her features. Somehow, the boy has managed to pull her mind away and she can enjoy his company. Thoughts of her family still filters in, occasionally, but there every so often they can fall away and she can remember to smile. Girls are where it’s at.
“Chusi?” she questions, feeling her mouth run dry and her smile begin to fade. She hadn’t noticed (or recognized) the loud wolf during their last scuffle, but the name is still in her memory.