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+--- Thread: Broken Boulder youngblood (/showthread.php?tid=26097)
youngblood - Eris - March 08, 2018
although she had been absent, she had not been absent enough to miss her brother's deteriorating mental state.
but she didn't know what to do about it. she was so caught up in her own that breaching anything else was dangerous lest it get turned back around on her; she'd become shattered, spitting daggers.
and she couldn't have that, not with him. but she couldn't let it linger any longer between them, unspoken, so she creeps out beneath the moonlight to find her brother, their mother's soft but hysterical warnings ringing through her mind.
RE: youngblood - Alarian - March 14, 2018
The boy was restless, wandering as usual-- the difference tonight was that he remained within the territory. Outside the forming borders felt unsafe. He kept to the rocky terrain over the network of caverns the Sanctuary used for dens, not daring to cross the creek though their borders extended past it.
The frequency of his hallucinations had increased recently; it hadn't taken him long to identify them, but the brief period of uncertainty had cost him much already. Alarian's mind was fractured. He tried to ignore it for now, to press the crumbling pieces of his mind together for as long as possible. Bracken Sanctuary needed him. Once they were settled, once things were into a routine, then he could break. And, in the back of his mind he also knew, once someone else was appointed to his newly-formed Senate. Lennon was too absent now for Alarian to lean on him as much as he wished he could. The boy had some ideas, but for now he needed to focus on getting the pack established.
He was staring out over the creek when he heard Lanawyn's approach. For a few beats he ignored it, uncertain of the authenticity of what his senses told him. Ali's desire for company ultimately won out. He turned to face his sister with an expression of uncertainty, but relief flooded his features when he saw she was real. The boy chuffed and leaned in to nose her cheek, tail wagging slowly.
The frequency of his hallucinations had increased recently; it hadn't taken him long to identify them, but the brief period of uncertainty had cost him much already. Alarian's mind was fractured. He tried to ignore it for now, to press the crumbling pieces of his mind together for as long as possible. Bracken Sanctuary needed him. Once they were settled, once things were into a routine, then he could break. And, in the back of his mind he also knew, once someone else was appointed to his newly-formed Senate. Lennon was too absent now for Alarian to lean on him as much as he wished he could. The boy had some ideas, but for now he needed to focus on getting the pack established.
He was staring out over the creek when he heard Lanawyn's approach. For a few beats he ignored it, uncertain of the authenticity of what his senses told him. Ali's desire for company ultimately won out. He turned to face his sister with an expression of uncertainty, but relief flooded his features when he saw she was real. The boy chuffed and leaned in to nose her cheek, tail wagging slowly.
RE: youngblood - Eris - March 16, 2018
she noticed him study her briefly and concern contorted her proportioned features.
hey,she called, taking an uncertain step forward.
are you alright?
but she already knew. they were siblings and though they had never been close they shared a connection. now it was just time to see if he was going to lie to her or not, if he would try to hide it from her.
but ultimately, he couldn't.
RE: youngblood - Alarian - March 16, 2018
What was he to say? Alarian let silence fill the space between them. A beat passed, then two, then three-- at six he let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. At eight shame weighed heavily on him, urged his head to fall like a sinking stone. Ten brought the familiar sting in his eyes that told him he was being weak again.
The boy looked away, squeezing his eyes shut against the betrayal. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't, that maybe he hadn't ever been, but how would that sound? Alarian knew she saw it anyway-- his sister had never been stupid or oblivious. But part of him, perhaps irrationally, didn't want to hear it. He thought he couldn't bear it, to be faced again with what everyone but him was so ready to admit--
Alarian was always a broken boy.
He was never meant to be whole; each attempt crumbled, and each failure tore away another part of him. The boy would be nothing but ragged scraps and loose threads one day. He would scatter to the wind and never know the crushing weight of this pain again.
The boy looked away, squeezing his eyes shut against the betrayal. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't, that maybe he hadn't ever been, but how would that sound? Alarian knew she saw it anyway-- his sister had never been stupid or oblivious. But part of him, perhaps irrationally, didn't want to hear it. He thought he couldn't bear it, to be faced again with what everyone but him was so ready to admit--
Alarian was always a broken boy.
He was never meant to be whole; each attempt crumbled, and each failure tore away another part of him. The boy would be nothing but ragged scraps and loose threads one day. He would scatter to the wind and never know the crushing weight of this pain again.
No.
RE: youngblood - Eris - March 16, 2018
it was an answer that she knew was coming yet somehow disappointed her anyway. not because of her brother's weakness, but because she feared that, just as time and time before, she would not be able to fix it.
they had been through so much, was it such a fault to be a broken creature?
she didn't say anything. instead she moved confidently, resting her nose in the notch where his chin met his neck, cold against the bare skin that was there now instead of fur.
it's okay, baby boy.
RE: youngblood - Alarian - March 16, 2018
In that moment, Lanawyn reminded the boy so much of his mother-- their mother. Until then, he had thought recognition of maternal comfort dead to him, washed away by guilt and loneliness when he abandoned his family. All at once it came rushing back, and he settled into the familiar comfort. Head lowering to lean against hers, he sighed softly through his nose and let the tears spill.
Alarian was quiet for a time, soaking in the comfort he so desperately needed. Even with the soothing effect of his sister's presence, though, heavy thoughts still pressed into him uncomfortably. He wondered if anything would make them stop.
Alarian was quiet for a time, soaking in the comfort he so desperately needed. Even with the soothing effect of his sister's presence, though, heavy thoughts still pressed into him uncomfortably. He wondered if anything would make them stop.
I don't know how...He swallowed hard.
How I'm supposed to do this by myself. Without Lennon. I-- what if I fail?
RE: youngblood - Eris - March 16, 2018
she does not know what to tell him or how to comfort him. she is terrified that she will fail, but it will be in this. of course she cannot express this, so instead she settles comfortably in the silence that lapses between them and weighs her options.
you do not have to do this by yourself. we stand behind you. everyone here stands behind you. do not for one moment think you are alone.
she turns now to look him in the eyes, near tears herself.
you have it in you, baby boy. you always have. i'm sorry that he's not here anymore. i wish i could fix that for you. but you have korei. and you have me.and everyone else.
i don't think you could fail.
RE: youngblood - Alarian - March 20, 2018
Alarian paused as Lanawyn spoke, all attention focused on taking in her words now. He found himself wishing desperately that he could believe her; something inside of him refused it. The sentiment behind it offered as much comfort, though, and he felt no need to ruin that.
When her eyes met his, he leaned his head forward just barely to brush his nose against hers, the slightest and briefest contact. He let himself soak in the confidence she expressed, tucking it away inside himself to quell the flood of insecurity that had always dominated his mind. It was relief and gratitude and indescribable guilt all at once; guilt because he could not truly believe her. Guilt because he could not find words now, instead opting to bury his face in her neck fur.
Guilt because he would fail, ultimately. He would fail her.
When her eyes met his, he leaned his head forward just barely to brush his nose against hers, the slightest and briefest contact. He let himself soak in the confidence she expressed, tucking it away inside himself to quell the flood of insecurity that had always dominated his mind. It was relief and gratitude and indescribable guilt all at once; guilt because he could not truly believe her. Guilt because he could not find words now, instead opting to bury his face in her neck fur.
Guilt because he would fail, ultimately. He would fail her.
RE: youngblood - Eris - March 20, 2018
that was okay, because she would fail him, too.
she had failed everyone in her life forever, and she would continue to do so for always. but she needed to at least pretend like she wasn't going to let her brother fall.
i love you, ali.
how long had it been since he had heard that coming from her? since they were children? how often had she stolen from beneath her father and taken comfort in her siblings?
not enough, not enough, not enough.