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+--- Thread: Broken Boulder this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me (/showthread.php?tid=26427)
this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 29, 2018
backdated to 3/27
He busied himself digging in one of the rare dirt patches among the rocky terrain deep in The Bracken Sanctuary's territory. The young Governor had taken it upon himself lately to do everything twice over-- he marked the borders and filled the caches more frequently than anything else, though, really. It was all he could do to stay occupied and away from others.
Alarian loved his pack; he cared for each of his packmates, and he had grown attached to the territory-- and the forest around it. He could think of nothing he'd rather do than pour his time into it. But, if he was honest with himself... he wasn't happy. The boy didn't want anyone to see that. So he avoided them instead, especially @Korei Julia.
Alarian loved his pack; he cared for each of his packmates, and he had grown attached to the territory-- and the forest around it. He could think of nothing he'd rather do than pour his time into it. But, if he was honest with himself... he wasn't happy. The boy didn't want anyone to see that. So he avoided them instead, especially @Korei Julia.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 29, 2018
No doubt much to Alarian's dismay, Korei Julia had happened upon him digging. The last they had spoke was after hunting the rabbits. She didn't catch on he was sad, not just yet. So when she approached him, she did so with a chuff and her own cheery smile. "Hi Ali! What are you digging?" she asked, tipping her head around to get a better look at the cache he was digging.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 29, 2018
The boy scented her before he heard her, and his stomach immediately flipped over.
Alarian turned back to digging, then, without waiting for a response. He was going to get this cache finished before anything else-- if she wanted to play or explore, she could wait. Irritation flashed through him as he remembered that Lennon would have stopped to play. He didn't want to think about Lennon. The boy began to dig faster, a little more aggressive in his movements now.
Korei.He greeted softly, pausing a moment to turn his head and answer her.
I'm digging a cache. Want to help me?
Alarian turned back to digging, then, without waiting for a response. He was going to get this cache finished before anything else-- if she wanted to play or explore, she could wait. Irritation flashed through him as he remembered that Lennon would have stopped to play. He didn't want to think about Lennon. The boy began to dig faster, a little more aggressive in his movements now.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 29, 2018
Korei Julia smiled at his greeting and went up beside him, nuzzling at his side. At the question she immediately nodded, and got to starting to help. Digging beside him. She noticed how his digging quickened, and she glanced up. She guessed it was cause he wanted to get the job done quickly, so she quickened her digging pace too. "So this is fun...digging a hole..." she said, trying to make some sort of conversation.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 29, 2018
A cache.The boy corrected a little sharply; he normally would have felt ashamed immediately, but Lennon was still in his thoughts. After that he fell silent again, still digging furiously.
Some thoughts came to him now-- about Korei, about how he could protect her. Lennon's disappearance had hit him hard, and he couldn't risk losing her that way. He couldn't risk losing anyone that way again. Of course, the answer was right in front of him, but he was reluctant. His nerves instantly frayed at the thought, indirect as it was, and part of him wanted to turn tail and run.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 29, 2018
She flicked her ear at the sharp tone. She slowed down somewhat in the digging of the cache, going silent for a couple seconds. Then she started humming a little. "Is...is something wrong?" she murmured quietly. There had been a lot that had happened in the past. Lennon leaving. The fight where she lost her ear. The cave...They'd hit a lot of bumps.
Then she asked something that would no doubt be a mistake to ask..."Is this about Lennon?"
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 30, 2018
Alarian softened only by fractions as Korei began to hum, agitated now for some inexplicable reason. He desperately wanted to reach out to her, to apologize, but something stopped him.
Her question made him pause, look away with a hard swallow. The boy was about to answer, about to confess everything-- but then she said his name and something bitter and sharp was suddenly lodged in his throat.
The boy cut himself off, unable to say the words that had gone through his mind so many times these past few days. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't know if he could do it.
Her question made him pause, look away with a hard swallow. The boy was about to answer, about to confess everything-- but then she said his name and something bitter and sharp was suddenly lodged in his throat.
I-- no.The lie came unbidden, forceful, as if he was trying to convince himself as well. It crumbled in the next second.
Kind of. He's-- he's gone. He just left, just like that. I can't-- I don't think I can--
The boy cut himself off, unable to say the words that had gone through his mind so many times these past few days. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't know if he could do it.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 30, 2018
Korei watched as Alarian paused then. She tipped her head, suddenyl worried. His response worried her so. "Ali? Ali, I know it's upsetting how he left, I kn...I know" she answered. But however, she didn't know just as much inner pain he was in. Yes she was in pain as well, inner turmoil but she hid it behind a smile. "If you need to cry, cry...I've learnt it's best to cry with someone close" she said. Even as she was about to as well, breaking slightly herself.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 30, 2018
Tears came, then. He kept digging, trying to ignore them, but they were there nonetheless. After a few beats he gave up-- it was good enough anyway. It was just a damn hole for meat. Ali gave a frustrated sigh and turned away.
The last part was breathless, raw; he hadn't wanted to say it. But he did. It was done now. Broken and quiet, he tacked on:
The boy took a few steps back, then, suddenly realizing the damage he may have done. There were more tears now, but he didn't notice until the wetness became cold in the fur halfway down his face. He tried to speak more, but all that came was a choked half-sob. Alarian could only stand and stare, eyes wide and hollow.
I-- I can't.The boy repeated dully, and then his words became sharp again.
I can't do this. I can't lose anyone that way again, Korei, I can't-- I can't be with you.
The last part was breathless, raw; he hadn't wanted to say it. But he did. It was done now. Broken and quiet, he tacked on:
Not right now.
The boy took a few steps back, then, suddenly realizing the damage he may have done. There were more tears now, but he didn't notice until the wetness became cold in the fur halfway down his face. He tried to speak more, but all that came was a choked half-sob. Alarian could only stand and stare, eyes wide and hollow.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 30, 2018
Korei Julia watched on sadly as he kept digging despite having the tears go down. He turned away then suddenly. "Ali, can't what?" His words then became shart, and her heart thudded in her chest. Then the last part hit her like a heavy wave of wind. "A...Ali, what are...Ali what do..." She could not find the words. She sobbed right there...then pulled back her cries and put on a brave face. She had to be brave, needed to be brave. For herself and him. But still, she did not speak. Korei couldn't break down in front of him.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Alarian - March 30, 2018
I'm sorry.He choked out, unable to look at her as she began to break. Part of him screamed to stop, to turn back, but he couldn't now. It wasn't a good idea anyway.
Ali felt as if he would shatter. He shuddered violently, like glass just before it breaks, and drew in a breath. The boy ghosted backwards a few steps, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. An invisible wound had opened in his chest-- and somehow he knew it would not close as easily.
I love you.Alarian whispered, not even sure if Korei heard him. He didn't stay to see if she had; only a beat passed before he was running, not sure where he was going but certain he would not stop for some time.
RE: this sadness in our hearts is kinda killing me - Korei Julia - March 30, 2018
Korei Julia stared at him. Or rather, in the direction of Alarian or at least where Alarian had been standing. And then she continued to do so as he suddenly started running away. In some way, she was in fact...frozen. The words spoken fell on deaf ears, even though they had indeed entered her ears. The words were in her mind, just towards the back of her frozen mind.
It would be some time before Korei then started off, but not before giving the new cache a quick look. It would take time...but once all that had been said and done had processed...the cracks would finally break.