The more time Fiadh spent in the waterlogged territory, the less she hated it. Her initial impression had been wonder and excitement, subsequently followed by disgust for how many hidden watering holes there were. She was soaked at least half of the time, but that was all part of getting used to a new place, and her unflappable Blackthorn spirit broke through. These days her footing was more sure as she crossed the territory, ignoring waterfowl as they chattered and flew overhead. She could get used to the Plateau.

There was something else on her mind, however, driving her to look for @Towhee. She supposed if she found her parents, they would serve just as well, but it was a harder subject to break with them. Not that it was an easy subject, mind you. Fiadh's guts were twisting with nerves even as she scented the ground, searching for the leader or even any sign of her hawk circling in the sky above.

Oh, thought the Blackthorn with a start as she spotted X wheeling overhead. That had to mean Towhee was near. Suddenly she was overcome with the urge to turn around and go the other way, but her dark-furred sibling had spotted her already. It wouldn't do to change her mind now. Anyway, Fiadh wasn't really the type to run from her problems. She tended to run directly toward them.

This was a bit different, though, and she fidgeted as the Alpha cottoned on to her inner turmoil. This wasn't something she could charge at with her siblings. Her ears pulled back and then planed to the sides of her head as she shuffled and stalled with, "ummmm," and made a big deal out of seating herself. The meadow really was beautiful, she thought, and then forced herself to refocus. Usually so confident, Fiadh wasn't used to this apprehension.

At last she blurted out, quite suddenly and with gently shining eyes, "why don't you like me as much?"

It was do or die, really. Towhee's confusion made perfect sense, and even Fiadh understood that her sister wouldn't really know what she was talking about. She'd been very vague, after all. She thought it was obvious—obvious enough to be a little upset about, all things considered—but didn't gawk or scoff when the Alpha female expressed confusion. Well, I know that, she signed in response to being called a sister, "but..."

Sucking in a huge breath, the Blackthorn steadied her nerves. Why did she think this was going to go so horribly? Fiadh had never been plagued with doubts before, but she was now. She didn't know why—didn't know that suddenly being self-conscious of everything was just a part of growing up. "I'm lower ranked than everyone else!" she protested. "I'm barely even above those outsiders! Tegan's higher and he completely disobeyed you and ran away!" It was clear from her tone that to her, rank wasn't everything, but it was something. She didn't have high ambitions but she hated scraping the bottom.

Her ears, which had popped up, returned to half-mast. "Am I really that useless to you? To be lower than everyone except those jerkwads that tried to fight us?" There was no accusation or fire in her now. Only sadness, and a little hurt.

There was more to her hurt than just reasonable upset about her place. There was an unreasonable component, named Teenage Angst, that made her frown when Towhee only vaguely answered. She hadn't given any reason why Tegan, a sulky baby who had gone directly against her orders, was higher ranked than she was. Fiadh, fuelled by Teenage Angst, could only assume it was what she'd thought all along—Towhee just didn't like her as much as she liked Clover and Tegan and Lucca, but didn't want to admit it.

"I dunno," she said quietly, but I deserve to be higher than outsiders, not right alongside them. I'm just as good as my siblings. Maybe she wasn't, though. Maybe she really was useless among the Blackthorns. But what did Tegan and Clover and Lucca have that she didn't? Fiadh didn't know. She couldn't think of anything. So she fell silent, even as Towhee offered to let her challenge Tegan's rank.

"Why's he higher anyway?" she asked again, ears flicking uncertainly. "I shouldn't even have to challenge him. He disobeyed you. I didn't." It wasn't that she had a problem with her brother, mind you. She loved Tegan dearly and all her teasing was really from a good place. She just didn't understand how he could do what he did and be higher ranked when she'd done nothing but try to be helpful and obedient—and maybe a little firecracker-y, which could be seen as a problem and cause enough for her rank to be in question, but then Clover was ranked high, wasn't she?

Fiadh didn't know it, but she was capital J Jealous of her siblings in that moment.

In light of Fiadh's stubborn inability to see past Teenage Angst, Chelsie felt rather bad for Towhee. Fiadh, on the other hand, only felt frustrated. "I work hard too!" she insisted, but it was clear enough she wasn't going to get the answer she wanted from Towhee. She wasn't looking to pick a fight, either. She really was a good kid who loved her family and tended to do the right thing, but being placed alongside two enemies of the Redhawks in the ranks, lower even than wolves who directly disobeyed the leaders, had her in a weird state. She was self-conscious and hurt, and that made her feel unloved.

Because, well, dramatic as fuck.

Towhee tried to reassure her that she didn't love her any less for her low rank, but Fiadh rolled her shoulders and turned away. "Whatever, Tow," she mumbled, averting her gaze and flattening her ears down. "Thanks for your time." And acknowledgement, she almost added, but again, Fiadh wasn't really looking to pick a fight for her sister. She didn't hate her or anything like that, she was just upset. She was looking for answers, reasons why she deserved to be dead last, because she certainly didn't consider either Niamh or Screech to be pack members. Maybe she would go hunt down one of her parents. Maybe they'd get it.

Towhee followed up with a bribe. Was it right to bribe your upset younger siblings? Probably not, but Fiadh was looking for ways to improve her standing or at least win back her elder sister's regard, so she turned, albeit a little reluctantly, to face the Alpha once more. She didn't really know how to describe what she and Clo had done, though.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "Clover went for his one side so it just made sense to go for the other one. Dude's only got one mouth and one eye, he couldn't fight us on both sides." Besides, the Blackthorns were badass. She'd always considered Towhee to be the most badass of them, and that hadn't changed just because she was upset about the ranks. She didn't think she could give the mercenary any tips that Towhee didn't already know. Fiadh had only done what made sense to her, which had evidently been the right thing.