They were so tiny. So tiny, and so perfect. She had a hard time believing they were real, born from the bloodshed that had taken their mother so quickly. The brown-hued woman had left a little while ago on some errand, leaving her alone with the cream-colored daughter and the two newborns. Maegi lay on her stomach, head on her outstretched paws, watching them.

It was impossible to imagine she had once been this small. Her memories of early childhood were beginning to fade, dulled by the stresses of trauma and aging. The Valley-born child, she could identify with more. She'd heard words fall from the girl's mouth; she was growing up. It was a heady, exhilarating time in a young wolf's life, and Maegi felt a pang as she realized she'd only experienced it once--and would never get the opportunity to do so again.

"I'm sorry, Ram," she breathed, sighing. "I'm sorry, Euron." It had become a sort of mantra, something she said to herself quite often, especially when she was around pups, whether it was Relmyna's brood, or the numerous children in Bearclaw Valley, or now, surrounded by this hodgepodge litter. The innocence of youth before her eyes brought the guilt and pain back, sharpened the memories. She'd let them go, let them walk out without protest. She should have stopped them.

She should have gone with them. She'd probably still be in the Wilds, wandering aimlessly without a home. . .but she'd be with them. She wouldn't be alone.

"You're lucky," Maegi murmured, speaking absently to the sleeping bundles. "You've got each other and a mother. You'll never be lonely."

Unless they chose to abandon their family, like she had.

The small boy's wails pierced her ears, and she winced, eyes screwing half-shut against the noise. Had she cried like that, as a pup? Certainly not; she didn't think she'd ever been that loud in her life, not even as a newborn. She finally dared to open her eyes again when the cry faded into whimpers, and the boy began to crawl toward her.

Oh. This was. . .oh. She'd better catch him. "Hey, you can't go anywhere," Maegi said sternly, reaching out a slender foreleg to pull the boy into the curve of her belly, emaciated as it was. "Stay by me, okay?"

Before she could say anything further, she felt the oddest sensation on one of her other toes, and she swung her head around to find the other pup latched on for dear life, sucking intensely. Ouch! That sort of hurt, and she felt some semblance of pity towards the brown woman, and Relmyna, and all others who had to deal with this suckling.

"Um, sorry, but that's just my paw," she muttered, trying and failing to detach Fern from her toe. "You're not gonna--there's not--oh, never mind." With a huff, she gave up, instead looking down upon the two bundles, one at her foot, the other against her belly. Her heart skipped a beat as she remembered the third, lifeless bundle, and she swallowed, wrapping her tail around Mur's body.