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+--- Thread: Stone Circle My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore (/showthread.php?tid=27338)
My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - May 21, 2018
@Mawk , @Cyron, or @Howl perhaps? Listening to this for reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60V9E5II1eo
She lay beneath the stars on her back, surrounded by the towering stones that even without her memories was her favorite place. Her golden eyes stared up at the blinking and shimmering stars surrounded by blackness and released a low whine as the sadness and confusion that had built up within her suddenly reached a peak. Her eyes moistened and her throat tightened causing her breath to shudder and shake as she drew it in and released it. Everything had begun to seem so achingly familiar yet her memories danced just outside her reach, driving her mad as she desperately reached for them every moment of the day. She had a family and she had a Husband but she couldn't even remember why or if she loved him and not only did that cause her pain, but she knew it caused Mawk pain probably worse than her own.
The memories of the pity and concern in his eyes changed to the eyes of Red, and then to the way Howl had acted around her when he had found her at Lonzo's prison for her. She squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them, two tears leaking from her eyes and sliding down the fur of her cheeks. If she never regained her memories she would be nothing but loss for Mawk and she would hold no place here any more. The urge to simply get up and run away now was strong but something held her there, silent and still in her overwhelming aching.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - May 21, 2018
Howl had been on a late patrol through the territory. Much of the pack decided to sleep at night, something he often favored himself, but he was struggling to sleep tonight and wasn't sure of the cause. He was back from his trip to Morningside and general exploring of Teekon. Back to his normal routine. The two parts of him protector and explorer tugging at one another. In his past they had worked together and at times even here they were balanced, but he was somewhat unsure now, something he couldn't quite explain.
Another thing that had been on his mind was Cebra. He had looked after her now and then right after him and Mawk retrieved her out of that wretched place, but then he went on his trip. He knew that she would be safe within the territory, under no direct pressure from the pack to do anything due to her condition. But he still regretted leaving her for that time. He hoped that she had been settling in well, but it would seem like a miracle if she had. To have endured so much torture as to forget who others were and most importantly who you were... Something Howl could almost not comprehend.
His ears perked at the sound of distant whining coming from the stone circle. He wasn't sure who they were from at first but once he approached and saw the white frosted tips of her fur. He walked up to her and saw that she had been crying. He tried to think of what to say. Are you alright? What's wrong? but he knew the answers to both of those. He layed down beside her on his stomach. He rested his head against hers, offering himself as a 'shoulder to cry on' or simply as a way of calming her down. He knew that she still didn't remember him, but he hoped that his simple affections would be accepted.
"I know it's a lot Cebra." he began speaking softly in a whisper to her under the night sky. "But I'm here... I'm here for you." he said looking over to her, hoping to calm and comfort her.
Another thing that had been on his mind was Cebra. He had looked after her now and then right after him and Mawk retrieved her out of that wretched place, but then he went on his trip. He knew that she would be safe within the territory, under no direct pressure from the pack to do anything due to her condition. But he still regretted leaving her for that time. He hoped that she had been settling in well, but it would seem like a miracle if she had. To have endured so much torture as to forget who others were and most importantly who you were... Something Howl could almost not comprehend.
His ears perked at the sound of distant whining coming from the stone circle. He wasn't sure who they were from at first but once he approached and saw the white frosted tips of her fur. He walked up to her and saw that she had been crying. He tried to think of what to say. Are you alright? What's wrong? but he knew the answers to both of those. He layed down beside her on his stomach. He rested his head against hers, offering himself as a 'shoulder to cry on' or simply as a way of calming her down. He knew that she still didn't remember him, but he hoped that his simple affections would be accepted.
"I know it's a lot Cebra." he began speaking softly in a whisper to her under the night sky. "But I'm here... I'm here for you." he said looking over to her, hoping to calm and comfort her.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - May 22, 2018
She had squinted her eyes shut again, trying to fight back the emotions. She had already scolded herself for wishing to run away, knowing that was stupid and dangerous and totally not an option. She almost didn't notice howl until he was right up next to her and she opened her eyes, looking at him with silent pain. She tensed and bristled as he embraced her but slowly she felt herself break open and buried her face into the fur of his chest. "I'm trying to remember everything but nothing is coming back. I hate the way everyone looks at me. Pity, concern. Mawk stares at me with such sadness and hope...he looks at me like im just a ghost of someone else. He doesn't deserve this and worse yet" she sucked in a breath to hold back a sob or a growl, so much frustration welling up inside her. "He's supposed to be my love. My husband. But i can't remember him. How am I supposed to love him when I don't know him? And we have kids Howl. Three babies right?" she asked, pulling away to look at him. Without giving a moment to respond she closed her eyes and hung her head "I don't even remember them. Me being here like this isn't fair to anyone" she said softly.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - May 22, 2018
She seemed tense at first, but she softened quickly and turned into his chest. She began to speak of all her troubles. Of being in a place with so many observing eyes, expecting one thing or another. Mawk especially. Not that he had been purposefully been putting pressure on her, but knowing that a man now a stranger to you is meant to be your husband could only cause stress and internal anguish. And her children, who she couldn't remember. But Howl was more concerned about how she didn't remember all the turmoil that Cebra had gone through mothering them. That could be one upside to this, one less thing to worry and think on. She kept on speaking, but when she finished saying her last statement he had to protest. "Don't say that Cebra." he said in a firm but calm voice. "The only thing unfair about this whole situation is what happened to you."
He signed "You do have children. Two currently... Burr passed away not too long ago. Mawk is your husband... or was... depending on how you think about it. he looked over at her, thinking of what to say that might make this whole situation a little better.
"Cebra..." he began, "Everyone hoped that you would have gotten your memories back by now. It's only natural for them to hope. But I wouldn't stress about trying to remember your past. You've done your best since coming here." it had been some time since he had found her. Multiple weeks had past and her memory didn't appear to be getting any better. She was feeling more comfortable here and listened to what people said about her past as fact, but that didn't help her remember anything. "Instead of trying to be someone from your forgotten past, try to think of who you want to be now. What you want to now and in the future, rather than dwelling on the past." he finished looking at her again, hoping that what he said would be bhelpfulll.
He signed "You do have children. Two currently... Burr passed away not too long ago. Mawk is your husband... or was... depending on how you think about it. he looked over at her, thinking of what to say that might make this whole situation a little better.
"Cebra..." he began, "Everyone hoped that you would have gotten your memories back by now. It's only natural for them to hope. But I wouldn't stress about trying to remember your past. You've done your best since coming here." it had been some time since he had found her. Multiple weeks had past and her memory didn't appear to be getting any better. She was feeling more comfortable here and listened to what people said about her past as fact, but that didn't help her remember anything. "Instead of trying to be someone from your forgotten past, try to think of who you want to be now. What you want to now and in the future, rather than dwelling on the past." he finished looking at her again, hoping that what he said would be bhelpfulll.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - June 03, 2018
He was right of course, it wasn't fair what happened to her at all, but what was happening now wasn't fair to anyone she had previously known or loved. She only gave a small nod, face still pressed into Howl's chest as she listened to him speak his deep voice rumbling against her nose though his chest fur. When he mentioned her children she tensed when he said she had two not three children, one had died not too long ago. She felt a wave of grief wash over her for the child she didn't know yet had born into this hellish world. "Burr....What a nice name...I wish i remembered him" she whispered but then thought on it for a moment. Maybe she didn't want to remember, maybe this was a chance to move on from the pain her life seemed to be.
It struck a weird chord in her the way he spoke about her and Mawk's relationship and she pulled away, a curious light in her eyes. She listened intently as he continued, speakimg wisely and filling her with new ideas and better yet, hope. "You're right. I can...be someone new. I can start over and not be weighed down by pain and agony. Yet...won't it cause them more pain if I move on? If i choose to find a new mate, new love, new friends? What about my children?" she so desperately wanted to let go, to do what Howl was suggesting and become someone she wanted to be rather than someone she was expected and hoped to be by others. "I do care for Mawk I just....I don't feel the attraction to him" she said and ducked her head. She looked at him again and felt something stir within her. While Mawk seemed to want to avoid most conversation about what was happening, Howl came and spoke to her and helped her fix it. He was here for her now in ways she needed so desperately. Not to mention he was easy on the eyes. She flushed and looked away, scolding herself for even thinking in such a way so soon.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - June 05, 2018
She pulled away when he spoke about her and Mawk's relationship. He felt bad mentioning it. As though it might not be his place. But he didn't think that Mawk would have suggested to her to try and live a new life, rather than try and remember the old one. He had loved Cebra before and Howl thought that he still must love her, but he was different now. Trying to change her back into what she was wasn't going to be productive.
He thought his comments might have struck a nerve, but her words soon assured him that she appreciated his thoughts and took them into consideration. When she asked if moving on would cause the others more pain Howl thought about it quickly before responding. "It might hurt to see that you have decided to forgo trying to remember your old self, but you have a chance to reconnect with them. It's their choice if they are willing to give that a chance."
It surprised him that she thought about the idea of having a different mate, though the comment about her children gave him little time to think about it. "Your children are still your children despite you forgetting them. You can discover new connections with them. It's almost like if they had been separated from you at birth and you are just now finding them. It's possible that your relationship might be rocky, but they will love you nonetheless." he said reassuringly.
When Mawk came up again Howl wasn't sure what to say. In truth, he had never seen the couple show affection for one another. He didn't see them together often and when he did it was because of troubles involving their children. And even then they didn't seem to be one the same page with the same priorities. He wondered how Mawk had ended up with such an alluring and incredible woman. Howl had always thought fondly of Cebra but knew his place was not meant to be at her side, as Mawk had already taken that spot. But maybe things were different now... He shook the thought from his head. It wasn't something he needed to think about. Making sure that Cebra felt safe and comfortable with her new self was the most important.
Unsure of his place on the topic and having partially biased and predetermined thoughts about the subject he didn't say anything. Just nodded his head with a gentle "Um-hum" in acknowledgment.
He thought his comments might have struck a nerve, but her words soon assured him that she appreciated his thoughts and took them into consideration. When she asked if moving on would cause the others more pain Howl thought about it quickly before responding. "It might hurt to see that you have decided to forgo trying to remember your old self, but you have a chance to reconnect with them. It's their choice if they are willing to give that a chance."
It surprised him that she thought about the idea of having a different mate, though the comment about her children gave him little time to think about it. "Your children are still your children despite you forgetting them. You can discover new connections with them. It's almost like if they had been separated from you at birth and you are just now finding them. It's possible that your relationship might be rocky, but they will love you nonetheless." he said reassuringly.
When Mawk came up again Howl wasn't sure what to say. In truth, he had never seen the couple show affection for one another. He didn't see them together often and when he did it was because of troubles involving their children. And even then they didn't seem to be one the same page with the same priorities. He wondered how Mawk had ended up with such an alluring and incredible woman. Howl had always thought fondly of Cebra but knew his place was not meant to be at her side, as Mawk had already taken that spot. But maybe things were different now... He shook the thought from his head. It wasn't something he needed to think about. Making sure that Cebra felt safe and comfortable with her new self was the most important.
Unsure of his place on the topic and having partially biased and predetermined thoughts about the subject he didn't say anything. Just nodded his head with a gentle "Um-hum" in acknowledgment.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - June 05, 2018
She truly hoped that her children would give her a chance no matter what memories she held. It would sting if they denied her as their mother just because she had no memories. Not wanting to keep thinking about something so depressing anymore she instead focused on how Howl seemed to avoid the last thing she said. A hesitant curiosity, tinged with a hint of mischief made her look at him with a small smile, her confession on the tip of her tongue. "Even more sinful might be the fact that i hold attraction for another." she spoke in a secretive tone, not wanting to give it away quite yet.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - June 05, 2018
At first he was a bit curious as to why she would be looking at him in such a way. With a small smile. He was happy to see that she still found reasons to smile, despite how hard it had been the past month. But when she spoke of having an attraction for another, his first instinct wasn't to think of himself. He tried to think of who could have caught her eye since she returned. He hoped to god that she wasn't thinking of her kidnapper in some Stockholm syndrome sort of way.
Once again while on his trip he must have missed his shot. And she may only be telling him not because she, like before, only saw him as a friend. "Is that so. Pray tell who is the lucky mystery man?" he asked moving his face close to hers as though he were going to listen to a whispered secret.
Once again while on his trip he must have missed his shot. And she may only be telling him not because she, like before, only saw him as a friend. "Is that so. Pray tell who is the lucky mystery man?" he asked moving his face close to hers as though he were going to listen to a whispered secret.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - June 05, 2018
She held her breath when he leaned in, heartbeat skipping before accelerating in her chest. Not one to disappoint she leaned closer, ever so slightly brushing her muzzle against his cheek before pulling away and whispering in his ear. "He's strong, Handsome, A gentleman, kind to me. He's someone I can tell if not remember was a good friend of mine. He has dark fur and scars that tell of battle. His eyes are like ashes." she murmured in what could be taken as a flirtatiously teasing tone. She paused and closed her eyes, pressing her chest against his and laying her head across the back of his neck. "That man I speak of...He's you" she whispered and then tensed up, holding her breath to wait for his reaction. She expected him to pull away instantly, to look at her with pity and apologize but say they were just friends.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - June 05, 2018
She began to describe him. He wondered why she didn't just say his name. It was as though she were leading him through a guessing game. One by one he could see that he shared the same qualities as her mystery man, giving him hope. Part of him didn't want to believe it, that in the end, it would end up being someone other than him and that he shouldn't get his hopes up.
But as she moved closer to him and pressed her chest against his, his heart began to beat. Her touch was so warm and welcoming. Something he had in the past refused to let himself know. When she finally revealed the truth, his heart stopped a moment.
A mix of emotions arose. A joy that he would have a chance to be with her in her new life. Curiosity to see who she would now become. He didn't care that she may not be who she was before, she would still be Cebra and he doubted that the strength he saw in her the first day they meet would not find it's way into her now. But his mind had to wonder to Mawk and what the others would think about this. They didn't yet know that Cebra was choosing to move on. That Howl wasn't simply taking advantage of her condition. But then he didn't really care. They would know the truth, and the others could think what they liked until they knew it too.
He let out a faded chuckle before holding her close. "I am attracted to you as well Cebra... Not only to your beauty but to who you are. Despite you forgetting your past in many ways you are still the same strong and vivacious individual. I don't think anything could change that... Or the way I feel about you." he said with a warm smile before lightly kissing her on the cheek.
But as she moved closer to him and pressed her chest against his, his heart began to beat. Her touch was so warm and welcoming. Something he had in the past refused to let himself know. When she finally revealed the truth, his heart stopped a moment.
A mix of emotions arose. A joy that he would have a chance to be with her in her new life. Curiosity to see who she would now become. He didn't care that she may not be who she was before, she would still be Cebra and he doubted that the strength he saw in her the first day they meet would not find it's way into her now. But his mind had to wonder to Mawk and what the others would think about this. They didn't yet know that Cebra was choosing to move on. That Howl wasn't simply taking advantage of her condition. But then he didn't really care. They would know the truth, and the others could think what they liked until they knew it too.
He let out a faded chuckle before holding her close. "I am attracted to you as well Cebra... Not only to your beauty but to who you are. Despite you forgetting your past in many ways you are still the same strong and vivacious individual. I don't think anything could change that... Or the way I feel about you." he said with a warm smile before lightly kissing her on the cheek.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - June 21, 2018
In the long stretch of silence that followed her confession she began to panic. Was he trying to figure out how to let her down easily? She almost pulled away to look at him and discern his emotions when he finally made a sound, a chuckle. Her good ear went back and she pulled away, giving him a wary and confused look before he spoke. As his words sank in the confused look turned to one of surprise and then joy. Her tail nub began to wiggle rapidly, all she could do with it she found. "I'm so glad...I was afraid you'd say you just felt friendly toward me." she admitted and then blinked in surprise as he kissed her cheek. She gave a low groan of affection and stood up, stepping forward quickly and then kissing him square on the maw. How was that for strong and Vivacious?
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - June 24, 2018
He listened to her words of relief and knew exactly how that felt. "That's the exact same reason why I didn't say anything. Both before now and when you had your memories." he confessed. If it hadn't been for Mawk, and all the other hectic things that were going on in Cebra's life before. Howl was certain that he would have tried something before now, even just to test the waters.
Part of him was nervous that she wouldn't accept his kiss upon her cheek, but hearing her faint groan and soon after receiving a kiss from her, made all of his nerves wash away. He too stood up with a smile. He stepped forward and kissed her again on the mouth, holding the kiss for a long while. It seemed as though it was a long time coming, but a surprise at the same time.
Part of him was nervous that she wouldn't accept his kiss upon her cheek, but hearing her faint groan and soon after receiving a kiss from her, made all of his nerves wash away. He too stood up with a smile. He stepped forward and kissed her again on the mouth, holding the kiss for a long while. It seemed as though it was a long time coming, but a surprise at the same time.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - June 24, 2018
She thought about it for a moment "When I had my memories, I probably would have said no...even now if I still felt strongly for Mawk I would have never admitted it. I'm loyal" she said softly. Yet...she wasn't loyal and She knew it too, she was standing here kissing another man and enjoying it while her mate was elsewhere.
Even so when Howl moved in for another kiss she held still, closing her eyes and releasing a sigh of happiness. Surely she deserved this moment of true bliss? She decided that she did, she did deserve this moment and many more. She'd feel awful for Mawk but she needed to think of herself right? To distract her racing brain she stepped in closer so that their chests almost touched and nibbled at his neck sweetly, her tail swaying.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - June 28, 2018
It was true. This would have never happened if she hadn't lost her memories. And for that Howl was happy that she had lost them. Not the way she lost them, but this new clean slate that she had. She was free of her past, free of the guilt, free of the pain. And now she was free to do as she pleased, and thankfully that included him. He thought faintly about how unfair this might be for Mawk, but it wasn't as though he hadn't been around. Cebra had seen him and Howl since she lost her memory and she still was choosing Howl or Mawk. He trusted her clean and innocent mind to make the right and true decision for her. Cebra could be a completely different wolf now, and with that have a completely new life with him.
She stepped closing, closing the gap between them and began to lightly nibble on his neck. It was almost surreal. He could hardly believe that what he had only fantasized about was actually happening. He nuzzled his muzzled into her neck and deeply took in her scent, memorizing and becoming familiar with it. His soon to be new normal. He raised his head and proceeded to lick and nibble on the tips of her ears.
She stepped closing, closing the gap between them and began to lightly nibble on his neck. It was almost surreal. He could hardly believe that what he had only fantasized about was actually happening. He nuzzled his muzzled into her neck and deeply took in her scent, memorizing and becoming familiar with it. His soon to be new normal. He raised his head and proceeded to lick and nibble on the tips of her ears.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Illecebra - August 20, 2018
She too pressed her muzzle into his fur and breathed in his scent, eyes closing as she breathed out a feminine sigh. It had been a while since she had been pressed into the fur of a man, and while she knew logically it should have been Mawk she didn't want it to be anyone other then Howl. As be began to nibble and lick at her ear, she gave a soft whine rubbing her fur against his and leaving her scent before she caught herself. She pulled away and pressed a kiss to his cheek "I think it best we not go around smelling like one another until Mawk knows. He deserves at least that" she said and then with a smile, she kissed him on the maw again before wishing him goodnight and heading away.
RE: My head is filled with Ruins, You're the one I can't ignore - Howl - September 04, 2018
He was sucked into the bliss that was he touch. Knowing that his scent would be on her and visa versa. But then he was a bit surprised when she pulled away, and for the reasons she gave. He understood what she meant and knew that it was the right decision, but he wouldn't lie to himself and say that he wasn't disappointed. "If that is what you feel you must do. I will wait for you." he said softly before wishing her goodnight waiting till the next time when they could meet.