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+--- Thread: Panther Park what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing (/showthread.php?tid=27428)
what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Ariel - May 27, 2018
@Seabreeze ❤ backdated forrr the 17th? lmk if you need the location moved!
tindómë is over. strangely, delight feels fine with that. like a weight is off his shoulders, only it's been replaced by more, heavier weights and also he thinks he's having an extended panic attack.
alarian, queenie and he will be heading off soon, but he steals away before they do, wondering if he should -- say something to rannoch, thank him for his kindness. somehow he feels like he'll be letting the generous alpha down and so he hesitates. (it's not like he's said goodbye to mato. it's not like he can say goodbye to mato.)
seabreeze, though... he's gonna be letting her down, too, but they've both done their fair share of leaving and reappearing, and she deserves a goodbye. he doesn't know if she'll be around -- he doesn't know she's pregnant, still! -- but he wants to at least try. it's the most he's felt about the situation since... for a while, so he's gonna chase that feeling, even if it takes him closer to disappointing-rannoch-territory than he'd like to be. geographically speaking.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Seabreeze - June 03, 2018
She was so pregnant. Like, ungodly pregnant. And really, maybe she shouldn't have left the Sunspire at all, but she feels the need to pace and roam. Her time was drawing near, the fur on her underbelly had thinned considerably and her stomach was firm and round.
The wind carried Delight's scent from far away, and she headed towards him at a slow, ambling pace. He did not yet know that she was pregnant and now her children were nearly here. Perhaps in another life, it would have been different. But not this one, unfortunately.
As soon as he came in sight, her weary legs wore out. She called to him and reclined on her haunches, too tired to move any more.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Ariel - June 05, 2018
LMAO have i told u i love seabreeze lately
delight doesn't expect to run into her before he reaches the borders; he doubly doesn't expect to see the very big swell of her belly, and consequently doubletakes before he can stop himself. it's enough to shock him momentarily out of his mood, a strange swell of emotions rising in him -- glad for his friend, confusion, a little melancholy that he won't be here to witness her children's birth, more confusion.
oh, but he should probably quit staring. he ambles towards her, expressive eyes wide, and says, "bri-- seabreeze, i didn't realise -- um, congratulations." shyly he smiles to accompany his words, assuming it is the sort of situation to celebrate (he'd rather not contemplate the alternatives). "who -- that is, uh, how -- or -- well," he fumbles, "clearly i've missed a lot," delight settles on sheepishly, tilting his head, and letting her decide how much, if anything, she wants to share with him.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Seabreeze - June 05, 2018
you're too kind to me. <3
And he's staring. But it's fine, because she's going to be a mom and that makes everything fine even if it really doesn't. It's the only sliver of happiness she's been able to hold onto now that everyone hates her and Terance is off doing his own thing being sad.
Had it really been that long since she had seen Delight? It made her a little sad, and very wistful for what might have been, had everything not... happened, the way it had.
Hey,she said kind of miserably, but she was able to muster a smile for him,
thanks. They should be due um.. any time now. You can come, if you want.
She didn't really want to explain her arrangement, but it felt.. unfair.
I um, I'm not sure. I mean, I know who the father is. But I don't.. know what we are. We just both wanted kids.
Shrug emoji.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Ariel - June 07, 2018
oh. bummer. his ears lay back, wishing he could take her up on the offer, wishing the.. arrangement was more ideal -- seabreeze deserves an epic romance more than anyone he knows, after everything. delight scrapes at the ground, trying to decide what to say. he settles on, "i'm happy for you, then," because kids are supposed to be a celebratory thing. "i'm, uh, actually... having kids, too. i mean, not me obviously. my -- i don't think you met her -- though neither of us actually wanted kids so it's all a little weird." haha, oh. "that's not even why i was coming to visit," he says abruptly, awkwardly, but he finds he can't quite make himself tell the truth, yet. the words sit in the back of his throat stubbornly. why is saying goodbye so hard? they've done it enough times, lord knows.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Seabreeze - June 07, 2018
Really?She was concerned for Delight's future children, but she knew that he would be a good father, somewhere in her heart. He had always been so soft, so gentle, she knew he would make an excellent parent. She wondered what his co-parent was like — was Delight even.. into women?
If you are excited, then I'm happy for you, too. My arrangement is um... a little weird, too. But I can tell you about that some other time.
She lay down against the cool grass, panting.
What's up?
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Ariel - June 09, 2018
he doesn't have the energy to be mock offended; she's right at any rate. delight doesn't say anything, making a noncommital hum -- excited is maybe a stretch -- feeling anxiety swell in his stomach as he realises he's gotta actually say the thing he was planning to say.
the words come in a breath, knocked from his windpipe: "i'm leaving." he grimaces, feeling his fur bristle anxiously. he tries again: "that is, tindómë is -- ending. not enough members and," deep breath, "i'm tired of trying to keep it going for a -- fantasy. for something that doesn't exist."
regretfully he eyes her stomach. it would have been .. nice, he thinks. to have his kids grow up right by her kids. it would've felt right. but. "we're going to a pack named bracken sanctuary, with a, uh, a friend of mine." he drops his eyes to the ground, not wanting to see her expression at that moment, just.. hoping she isn't too mad at him. for failing her again. he's just, just brilliant.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Seabreeze - June 15, 2018
His confession knocked her back like a galeforce burst, each word hitting her small frame like windwracked debris. Her mouth opens and tearfully she wishes to sweep his worries away like she had done so often when she had been one of Tindome's wards... but it seems as if she has been replaced with a, uh, friend of mine.
I love you,she confessed as her eyes crinkled at the corners,
I always have. I am so happy for you.She had watched from the sidelines as Mato had black-holed everything she loved, and she knew how the weight of leadership had cracked Delight's delicate emotional state.
She swallowed the bitterness she felt; he didn't deserve it.
I.. will always be here for you. If you need me.
RE: what am i supposed to do? no way of knowing - Ariel - June 18, 2018
had he known seabreeze's thoughts, he could have protested: she is irreplaceable. it's not a question of who he loves more -- it's equal, despite everything -- but seabreeze had been there to coax him back into himself the first time, seabreeze knows mato like he does. understands him, maybe better than anyone, though queenie certainly comes close.
as it is, though, he finds himself smiling, a tiny, relieved smile when he's not met with anger but with love. "i," he stammers, "i love you too," moving forward to embrace her if she'll allow it. "i'm sorry," delight whispers against her, sorry for too many things to put a specific name to it, but hoping she'll forgive him all the same, again, even if he doesn't deserve it.