+- Wolf RPG (https://wolf-rpg.com)
+-- Forum: In Character: Roleplaying (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Archives (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11)
+--- Thread: Phoenix Maplewood they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm (/showthread.php?tid=28308)
they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Alarian - July 09, 2018
@Dawn keeping vague
Seeing Aditya had shaken him in a way; it always did, now. He came from the conversation feeling conflicted. That wasn't unusual either, he supposed. The trek home was a tired one, and he found himself unwittingly passing into Morningside's claim. But the claim was not obvious, if the land was still being marked at all, so it slipped his notice.
So the golden wolf was single, now. Freshly heartbroken. It wouldn't have been the first time Alarian swooped in to happily fill the role of rebound, but— he hesitated, here. Not least because he sensed he was not wanted in the role. He desired it nonetheless. Alarian could not forget his misgivings regarding the idea, but logic hardly ever factored into such things.
He paused in his return to Broken Boulder, sighing softly. Perhaps he'd best just forget Aditya entirely; somehow, he knew any other path would hurt terribly.
So the golden wolf was single, now. Freshly heartbroken. It wouldn't have been the first time Alarian swooped in to happily fill the role of rebound, but— he hesitated, here. Not least because he sensed he was not wanted in the role. He desired it nonetheless. Alarian could not forget his misgivings regarding the idea, but logic hardly ever factored into such things.
He paused in his return to Broken Boulder, sighing softly. Perhaps he'd best just forget Aditya entirely; somehow, he knew any other path would hurt terribly.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Dawn - July 09, 2018
she found herself in the maplewood; how she did not know. lost was not something she felt. she had always had direction, purpose, since she'd been a cub. when the roamed, the stars were shining beacons, and when she lived, there was her father and her family and adi. dauntless had gone in search of his missing sisters, Sunny was banished, and she was bound to morningside by duty that would not allow her to allow all those litters and mothers to starve.
she knew she ought to feel something when she saw him, blundering without seeing into his path. she did not understand, but she deserved it. she did not try to. she stared at him without seeing, unable to summon the painful laughs as Aditya had, unable to summon anger or grief that would bury her. she was at a loss, lost, and so murmured only, a whisper on the air. "get out."
she knew she ought to feel something when she saw him, blundering without seeing into his path. she did not understand, but she deserved it. she did not try to. she stared at him without seeing, unable to summon the painful laughs as Aditya had, unable to summon anger or grief that would bury her. she was at a loss, lost, and so murmured only, a whisper on the air. "get out."
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Alarian - July 09, 2018
And then, like a bad joke with a punchline he had missed somewhere in his turmoil, she appeared in front of him. Oh. She looked as he would have guessed, and unexpectedly he felt something drop in his chest. Her words cut into him; so she knew. Of course. Anger rose in him like fire at first— not at her, but at Aditya.
It was foolish to believe the man had ever truly cared about him.
He stared at her, mute for what seemed an eternity. He considered telling her the truth— telling her how things had happened, exactly. How he had been comforting her mate, how his anger had risen and boiled over, how in the next instant his weight was atop him, teeth in his scruff. Nevermind that he did not feel violated; he knew how it sounded, how it would have looked to any observing. And even if Dawn did not care, it would have been satisfying— it would have soothed his ache, to feel as if he had wounded Aditya in some indirect way.
But he could not.
It was foolish to believe the man had ever truly cared about him.
He stared at her, mute for what seemed an eternity. He considered telling her the truth— telling her how things had happened, exactly. How he had been comforting her mate, how his anger had risen and boiled over, how in the next instant his weight was atop him, teeth in his scruff. Nevermind that he did not feel violated; he knew how it sounded, how it would have looked to any observing. And even if Dawn did not care, it would have been satisfying— it would have soothed his ache, to feel as if he had wounded Aditya in some indirect way.
But he could not.
I'm— sorry,Alarian managed, finally.
I know what you did— I'm not sorry he cheated on you. I'm sorry I was the one he did it with; if it helps any, he made me regret it.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Dawn - July 09, 2018
"he didn't" perhaps that was what kept the anger at bay. surely, should words healed and not thrown gasoline atop the flames, had he regretted it, she would have hated Alarian. hated him, for letting it happen. but - "he liked it." the confusion she felt at her mate having fucked alarian (this had not been in her father's lesson) expressed itself only in a sharpening of her gaze a moment, before falling away to the back of her mind to be examined later. she did not move, still, wanting some sort of explanation. were they not even, now? they'd both done it, both cheated, but had Aditya only broken what already was fractured?
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Alarian - July 09, 2018
Finally, his anger made itself known. Alarian's lips peeled back, eyes hardening as he exposed his teeth.
Several more steps took him further back.
Good for him,The words came snarled and vicious, ears pinning to his head. He took a step back. Two. In the next beat, words were tumbling from him, unbidden and unstoppable; every hurt he had swallowed, every wrong done to him that he had tucked away came flooding back to him with Dawn as its target.
I hope it hurt when he dumped you,The venom spilled carelessly, but in a way, she was not his target. He knew, of course, that his hopes were true; truth be told, he felt it was not enough.
I hope it hurt him the way seeing you with that man did— I hope it hurt him the way being used and abandoned hurt me— I hope you broke him forever.
Several more steps took him further back.
And you—He choked out, heart racing now.
Maybe if you'd have just fucked him instead of that fucking stranger— maybe— maybe I wouldn't be here. It's your fault, and you have no fucking right to look at me like it's mine.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Dawn - July 09, 2018
apology turned to anger, and it was the suddenness of the change, it's intensity, that finally snapped the huntress from her stupor. something in the hollowness of her eyes flickered, twisted, and as soon as he finished did her own words fill the silence. "I do not blame you. it was his choice." but civility ended there, and her muzzle wrinkled as she finally moved taking a step near.
"but you don't get to accuse. you don't get to come here and hope we burn." her hackles prickled as all her shame and hurt and anger sharpened the words before her tongue spat them out, gaze molten. abruptly, as if realizing how exhausting it was, her anger dropped; lingering instead just below the surface should fangs and hackles be needed again. "why are you here, Alarian?"
"but you don't get to accuse. you don't get to come here and hope we burn." her hackles prickled as all her shame and hurt and anger sharpened the words before her tongue spat them out, gaze molten. abruptly, as if realizing how exhausting it was, her anger dropped; lingering instead just below the surface should fangs and hackles be needed again. "why are you here, Alarian?"
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Alarian - July 09, 2018
The response was somehow both less and more than he had expected. He couldn't bring himself to regret his words— perhaps he never would. This was not his problem, he had no involvement— except, now he did. He had still kept some hope of remaining separate from the pair's relationship problems, but Aditya had dashed that hope by telling his mate of their affair. Of course, Alarian had expected she would know in some capacity— but to reveal his identity, to endanger the relationship between their packs, to put him through this.
He didn't know if he could ever forgive him. Alarian blinked at the grey girl before him, largely unaffected by many of her words; he did get to do that. He got to do exactly that. It was his right, now, because he would find no other solace in the situation he had never asked for. Aditya would only hurt him more, given the chance— that much had become clear to him.
There was no use arguing the point, of course; and even if she did not blame him, he blamed her.
He didn't know if he could ever forgive him. Alarian blinked at the grey girl before him, largely unaffected by many of her words; he did get to do that. He got to do exactly that. It was his right, now, because he would find no other solace in the situation he had never asked for. Aditya would only hurt him more, given the chance— that much had become clear to him.
There was no use arguing the point, of course; and even if she did not blame him, he blamed her.
I meant to visit,The words bubbled out of him bitterly.
To talk about becoming allies. I ran into Aditya instead. And now— now I'm going home.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Dawn - July 09, 2018
thoughts come together slowly in the mess that is her mind, constantly jumbled and shuffled and shifting. but they come together all the same, and she realizes all that Aditya has confided in Alarian, all that Alarian throws now into the burning fire in her chest. alarian had known, that they were mates, and even if he felt used; it was surely his own doing in allowing Aditya what he wanted. "you knew, and you let him fuck you. you think you were abandoned, alarian? you were never wanted." she hated the words as soon as they left her maw, but it was too late for water to cool the fire that rapidly consumed the bridges and bonds between them all.
her gaze swam, grief nearly as sharp as the day of her father's death burning alongside all the other bonfires. "go home. it's far, far too late for that." loss stabbed, burned, and still she was unable to summon the same energy that had allowed Aditya to spit his poison and walk away.
her gaze swam, grief nearly as sharp as the day of her father's death burning alongside all the other bonfires. "go home. it's far, far too late for that." loss stabbed, burned, and still she was unable to summon the same energy that had allowed Aditya to spit his poison and walk away.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Alarian - July 09, 2018
sorry this is All Feelings except two entire sentences
Dawn's words found their mark, cutting sharp and hot into his chest. He sucked in a shaking breath, barely audible. She was right. There had never been a place for him in any of this, though he had wanted desperately to believe his one-time affair with Aditya had meant there was. For all his promiscuity, Alarian regarded sex as the ultimate intimacy, sought it so frequently to imitate the feeling of a bond he struggled to form or keep; but he knew, he knew this was not a universal sentiment.
There was nothing more to say. If she had hoped to get the final word, to win, in a sense, at least in this encounter— she had. Alarian moved past her quietly, and made his way home. He felt exposed and ugly, foolish for having ever thought—
He hated that she was right. Hated that he had ultimately been nothing— nothing but a warm body and a hole, and far too desperate and stupid to see it. Aditya was a beautiful man— a charming, kind man— and he had fucked him, but that did not mean these things were on offer. Even his subsequent apology, the mention of a next time. These things did not mean that somehow he saw past the mess Alarian had allowed himself to become, that he placed any value on any part of his mind or soul; they meant he had needed release, and Alarian looked enough like a girl (oh, he had been told enough in the past). They meant Aditya valued his pack enough to put aside his own feelings and attempt to mend things. They meant the golden wolf had known this was coming, and had perhaps considered the need of a place to stick his cock regularly.
But there was nothing to see past the mess, anyway. He was empty now, and Dawn was right; he was not wanted. He had nothing to want. Sex could never change that.
There was nothing more to say. If she had hoped to get the final word, to win, in a sense, at least in this encounter— she had. Alarian moved past her quietly, and made his way home. He felt exposed and ugly, foolish for having ever thought—
He hated that she was right. Hated that he had ultimately been nothing— nothing but a warm body and a hole, and far too desperate and stupid to see it. Aditya was a beautiful man— a charming, kind man— and he had fucked him, but that did not mean these things were on offer. Even his subsequent apology, the mention of a next time. These things did not mean that somehow he saw past the mess Alarian had allowed himself to become, that he placed any value on any part of his mind or soul; they meant he had needed release, and Alarian looked enough like a girl (oh, he had been told enough in the past). They meant Aditya valued his pack enough to put aside his own feelings and attempt to mend things. They meant the golden wolf had known this was coming, and had perhaps considered the need of a place to stick his cock regularly.
But there was nothing to see past the mess, anyway. He was empty now, and Dawn was right; he was not wanted. He had nothing to want. Sex could never change that.
RE: they will never be the same; a fire in a flask to keep us warm - Dawn - July 09, 2018
silence reigned then, and the boy, the leader, moved past her quietly. she was too far gone to feel anything, to bother with the burning in her head any longer. she understood that, in some sick way, she'd won this encounter, but it was a black victory she did not want to wear. and so before the footfalls of the sylph-like male had faded, she sunk to her stomach, staring at the darkness as it gathered, wishing for some feeling, some emotion, to crack through a shell scraped clean and made hard by grief.