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+--- Thread: Stone Circle Can't avoid me forever (/showthread.php?tid=28800)
Can't avoid me forever - Illecebra - July 31, 2018
@Mawk Here we go?
She had been back for over a week now, yet she had isolated to the extreme. She had most memories back now. She remembered all her faults, all her mistakes, all her love and all her self hatred. Yet she held onto the desire to be someone different, to change herself and her life in some way and break the cycle of pain and misfortune. She also held onto her love for Howl. The memories hadn't gotten rid of it, she still yearned for him just like she now yearned for Mawk. She still avoided him like she now avoided Mawk, she avoided him like he was the forbidden fruit which in all entirety he was.
Today something changed. She stormed around the territory ceaselessly in the hopes that she would run into one of them. She knew Mawk had avoided her too, it made her feel like she was some sort of plague. She wondered if he even noticed she had vanished after they all had taken down that buck. Probably did, but he never came for her like a small part of her had hoped he would.
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Mawk - August 01, 2018
Contrary to what Illecebra likely believed, he had not avoided her because he did not want to meet her gaze - his fear had been to approach only to break down in front of her. To hear that maybe she still only longed for Howl's touch rather than his own. He knew he could not stay away forever, and it was growing increasingly difficult (especially after the man had noticed the lack of her presence around the territory). Even heartbreak did not stop his worrying over her.
Now, now he searched for her. He felt lost without her by his side as she had been for so long - he felt empty. He'd failed the kids, his sister was nowhere to be found, all he had was Cebra and he knew he'd not last long without her.
"Cebra." The name felt familiar yet foreign on his tongue as he whispered it, halting his steps to gaze at her from a slight distance. He wanted to approach, but would she accept it?
Now, now he searched for her. He felt lost without her by his side as she had been for so long - he felt empty. He'd failed the kids, his sister was nowhere to be found, all he had was Cebra and he knew he'd not last long without her.
"Cebra." The name felt familiar yet foreign on his tongue as he whispered it, halting his steps to gaze at her from a slight distance. He wanted to approach, but would she accept it?
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Illecebra - August 01, 2018
Her mind was a mess of guilt and anger that she hadn't the right to feel. She was so lost in her inner turmoil that she'd almost walked right past him. Almost because as soon as she heard him utter her name, her heart skipped a beat and dropped simultaneously. She froze and stood still, turned away from him as wave after wave of confusing emotions washed over her. She wanted to run to him, wanted to yell at him for hating her so much (she thought he did and expected it), wanted to apologise and beg forgiveness. Yet what she did was slowly turn around, eyes swimming with regret and relief and love and murmur "Mawk". Even as they stood several feet apart, she could almost feel the pull toward him as if they were magnets that attracted. "Mawk..I don't want to be hated anymore" she whispered and her gaze dropped, head hanging as she fought back the lump that threatened to rise up.
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Mawk - August 02, 2018
When she stopped, his heart skipped a beat - but her gaze, it did not dare to meet his own, and it caused a flicker of sorrow to re-alight within his chest. After a few, almost painful seconds, she did turn. She turned and uttered his name in a similar way he had done to her own, in a way that gave him butterflies as though this was the first time they'd ever been within each other's presence. It was, however, drowned away at her whisper, her little plea of help, that was murmered so softly he wouldn't have blamed himself for missing it on the wind's pass. He frowned deeply, as though ashamed that he'd allowed these thoughts to swirl around in his love's head, a sorrowful wave of distress that he had not calmed, had not tamed.
"No, no," The man's head shook, distraught. "I never hated you." No matter what she had done, no matter where she had gone, where she wanted to be or what she wanted to do, never could his heart hate her. Never could his mind hate her. Never could he hate her. It was impossible, and he refused to accept the possibility. Because it was wrong. "I hurt, I did - but I never hated you."
"No, no," The man's head shook, distraught. "I never hated you." No matter what she had done, no matter where she had gone, where she wanted to be or what she wanted to do, never could his heart hate her. Never could his mind hate her. Never could he hate her. It was impossible, and he refused to accept the possibility. Because it was wrong. "I hurt, I did - but I never hated you."
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Illecebra - August 03, 2018
She had expected the response from him, the reassurance and soothing that only Mawk could ever give her. Except this time it hurt her even more. She'd had a wonderful, selfless and amazing mate and whether or not she remembered him or not, she should have stayed by his side and not given into temptation by Howl. A bitter laugh left her lips and she shook her head "I hate myself Mawk." she said and took a step forward before freezing again and flicking her ears back. "For hurting you, for being weak and falling for another man. He didn't use me Mawk, I came onto him" she said the confession with such disgust and turned away again beginning to pace, tail flicking with distress. "I hate myself because I never deserved you, I never did and I still don't but gods do I want you anyway."
The burst of emotional confession left her breathless, standing with her tail tucked and shivering breaths. She stood there, heart aching and raw her eyes closed so that she didn't have to see whatever pain was on his face. "I want you and I'm sorry I messed it up" she whispered, a tear falling onto the soft fur of her cheek.
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Mawk - August 15, 2018
He inhaled sharply at her confession, cursing himself for allowing the pair of them to fall this low. He supposed the struggles within a relationship could only bring them closer if they succeeded in resolving them. That part was the hardest of all, he'd discovered - torn between forgiveness and betrayal. The man refused to look away, allowing himself to get lost in the eyes he'd fallen for time after time again; if he looked away, Cebra might think he did not care as he once did.
The second confession hit hard, stabbing like thorns forced into his pelt - he could almost feel the blood trickle down his chest, but despite wincing he did not look away. He kept listening. She wasn't saying this to pain him, she was saying this because she was trying to explain to him, it seemed. Mawk let out a soft sigh once she finished, standing before him with shivering breaths and shaky legs. It hurt him greatly to see her like this, so broken and lonely, so at war with herself. He stepped forward, still looking into her eyes.
"Cebra..." Instinvtively he bit the inside of his cheek, feeling emotions bubble up like gasps of sadness from inside himself. "I... I've missed you. I can't stand being apart from you, it breaks me and I want this all negativity to end as soon as possible." He took another step forward, so that they were almost close enough to touch. "It feels like no matter what we do, no matter where we go... something always tries to dampen our spirits, forces us to mourn for this or that. But you know what? I already knew it, but I can't face that alone. Not being able to embrace you, it makes the darkness crash in harder than it did when we could lie against each other and face the world together. I'm not alive without you." Now his eyes closed, feeling the tension in the moment heavy on his shoulders. "I need you, Cebra."
But before he could embrace her like he so longed to, he just needed to hear her say something. Needed the confirmation. "I can forgive you. God, I want to, but I can't without one thing..." He said, as though he hadn't partially forgiven her already. A shaky breathe left his lips, opening his eyes once more to gaze into her own. "If... if we are going to be how we were, I need you to promise me something. I... I need you to promise me that you won't go to Howl again, not like that." After all, how could you keep loving when you're not loved in return? He needed to know.
The second confession hit hard, stabbing like thorns forced into his pelt - he could almost feel the blood trickle down his chest, but despite wincing he did not look away. He kept listening. She wasn't saying this to pain him, she was saying this because she was trying to explain to him, it seemed. Mawk let out a soft sigh once she finished, standing before him with shivering breaths and shaky legs. It hurt him greatly to see her like this, so broken and lonely, so at war with herself. He stepped forward, still looking into her eyes.
"Cebra..." Instinvtively he bit the inside of his cheek, feeling emotions bubble up like gasps of sadness from inside himself. "I... I've missed you. I can't stand being apart from you, it breaks me and I want this all negativity to end as soon as possible." He took another step forward, so that they were almost close enough to touch. "It feels like no matter what we do, no matter where we go... something always tries to dampen our spirits, forces us to mourn for this or that. But you know what? I already knew it, but I can't face that alone. Not being able to embrace you, it makes the darkness crash in harder than it did when we could lie against each other and face the world together. I'm not alive without you." Now his eyes closed, feeling the tension in the moment heavy on his shoulders. "I need you, Cebra."
But before he could embrace her like he so longed to, he just needed to hear her say something. Needed the confirmation. "I can forgive you. God, I want to, but I can't without one thing..." He said, as though he hadn't partially forgiven her already. A shaky breathe left his lips, opening his eyes once more to gaze into her own. "If... if we are going to be how we were, I need you to promise me something. I... I need you to promise me that you won't go to Howl again, not like that." After all, how could you keep loving when you're not loved in return? He needed to know.
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Illecebra - August 16, 2018
He breathed her name again and the rawness of it brushed her soul, prying her eyes back open and lifting her head as if an invisible nose had physically nudged it upward. She listened intently, eyes searching his face and expression as he stepped forward. The closeness was almost too much to handle, she wanted to touch him and be held in his embrace like the old days but she held still. She wanted to hear what he had to say, whether it was angry words and denial or words welcoming her back into his heart.
His eyes closed and she held her breath, unsure what was going to happen. The words he spoke next made her heart begin to beat rapidly and a shrill whine left her maw, eyes softening with molten warmth. She almost spoke before he rushed on, saying he needed one thing. She immediately knew what it was and held her tongue, a small smile forming as she had already given it. She had already told Howl she wouldn't be with him as anything else then good friends when he had found her at the creek. When Mawk confirmed this was what he wanted she stepped in, closing the distance and hesitantly pressing her forehead to his shoulder. The rush of electricity was immediate and she gave a soft sigh, pushing into him like he would disappear in any second. "He found me at a creek off territory when I was gone. I told him we can't be anything more then friends because even though I wasn't sure if you would forgive me and want me back, I didn't want to be with him while I was so close to you and would be in pain every day missing you and loving you. I need you Mawk, just as much as I need air to breathe" she whispered into his fur before inhaling his scent deeply.
RE: Can't avoid me forever - Mawk - August 20, 2018
Mawk's breath hitched in his throat as she stepped closer, feeling the sparks of energy shoot up his shoulder as her forehead slowly pressed against it. Oh. He had missed her touch so much, so painfully, that when she at last connected them with a simple warm gesture, an exhausted sigh of contempt fell from the man's maw, and he relaxed into his love. And as she spoke, confirming his hopes, a little smile curled the edges of his lips - and a sparkle had returned to his eyes. It was impossible to know whether or not the sparkle was created by the moisture building up, threatening to spill, or whether it was the joy of this... this reunion, rebirthing the fire in his soul. Who knows, perhaps it was both.
"I love you, Cebra. I love you so much."
"I love you, Cebra. I love you so much."