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+--- Thread: Broken Boulder the first time ever i saw your face (/showthread.php?tid=28923)
the first time ever i saw your face - Lily - August 06, 2018
She had not seen Vilkas in some time. And that was quite odd, indeed.
The warrior had been glued to her side since the accident, after all. Day by day passed, though, and he was nowhere to be found. With each day, her panic rose in small amounts. This day, it had crested higher than anything she'd experienced before, and she paced near the border, face dark, morphing from emotion to emotion, like clouds rolling through a stormy sky.
Had he smelled Barracuda on her pelt, and jealousy had driven him to leave? Had their coupling not been satisfactory to him--did he bore him, now? She wasn't sure which scenario was better, honestly. In one she was a loose, reckless woman; the other, old news. At least the former option had a sense of fun and mystery about it.
Lily let out a ragged sigh, chewing the corner of her lip a little with her back teeth. Her tail lashed. She could use a friend, a familiar face to which to talk. Someone who would understand. Perhaps Eris or Korei. . . But today, the shadow-pelted girl found herself missing her old friend, @Alarian. Of course, he probably had better things to do, then to talk to her.
But maybe she'd bump into him today, by chance.
The warrior had been glued to her side since the accident, after all. Day by day passed, though, and he was nowhere to be found. With each day, her panic rose in small amounts. This day, it had crested higher than anything she'd experienced before, and she paced near the border, face dark, morphing from emotion to emotion, like clouds rolling through a stormy sky.
Had he smelled Barracuda on her pelt, and jealousy had driven him to leave? Had their coupling not been satisfactory to him--did he bore him, now? She wasn't sure which scenario was better, honestly. In one she was a loose, reckless woman; the other, old news. At least the former option had a sense of fun and mystery about it.
Lily let out a ragged sigh, chewing the corner of her lip a little with her back teeth. Her tail lashed. She could use a friend, a familiar face to which to talk. Someone who would understand. Perhaps Eris or Korei. . . But today, the shadow-pelted girl found herself missing her old friend, @Alarian. Of course, he probably had better things to do, then to talk to her.
But maybe she'd bump into him today, by chance.
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Alarian - August 06, 2018
His mind is occupied with thoughts too dark for all the bright spots he's acquired in his life recently. Zamael is back, Runion is dead, he and Delight are partners now— still, he can't help but think he doesn't deserve any of this. All his life he's found everything so unfair; he's always felt as if the world owed him more. Now he just feels unworthy, like he's living a lie; like any moment someone will catch on and question him and everything will crumble.
It doesn't occur to him that maybe everyone around him has just accepted his selfish, volatile nature. No, he thinks they have to be blind somehow, or maybe he's misled them. So he avoids Delight and Zamael and Eris for now. He slips away quietly, in hopes of getting some alone time.
He's not expecting to run into Lily; honestly, he hasn't thought about her in a little while. It's easy to get lost in his own bubble, constantly caught in keeping track of everything going on, and he's always been a little selfish anyway. Besides, she has Vilkas now— or, actually... he hasn't scented Vilkas around in awhile, now that he thinks about it.
It doesn't occur to him that maybe everyone around him has just accepted his selfish, volatile nature. No, he thinks they have to be blind somehow, or maybe he's misled them. So he avoids Delight and Zamael and Eris for now. He slips away quietly, in hopes of getting some alone time.
He's not expecting to run into Lily; honestly, he hasn't thought about her in a little while. It's easy to get lost in his own bubble, constantly caught in keeping track of everything going on, and he's always been a little selfish anyway. Besides, she has Vilkas now— or, actually... he hasn't scented Vilkas around in awhile, now that he thinks about it.
Hey,He moves a little faster to close the distance between them, realizing guiltily that they haven't spoken since he— since Runion. He notices her expression immediately.
Um— are you okay?
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Lily - August 13, 2018
Her stomach flipped as she heard Alarian's voice and found that her internal desire had, amazingly, come true. Lily turned to face him, an awkward smile coming to her face. She didn't quite know how to act around him, anymore; so much had changed. They were lightyears away from the wolves they had been upon their first meeting.
But however different they had turned out, they were still friends. They would always be friends.
"Hallo, Ali," she responded. Her voice was not the chirp it once was, but it was friendly, nonetheless, and only a little tremulous. "Well, I. . ." What a question. How to answer that honestly but not turn this meeting into a pity party? She sucked in a breath, momentarily frozen in place.
"Vilkas is gone," Lily blurted, mouth twisting as a bolt of pain ran through her. She looked away, trying to ignore the tears stinging the corners of her eyes. "His scent left the territory; I haven't seen him in days. I think. . .I think he just left. I dunno why." She glanced back at Alarian, looking at his ragged face, the healing wounds. "How are you?"
But however different they had turned out, they were still friends. They would always be friends.
"Hallo, Ali," she responded. Her voice was not the chirp it once was, but it was friendly, nonetheless, and only a little tremulous. "Well, I. . ." What a question. How to answer that honestly but not turn this meeting into a pity party? She sucked in a breath, momentarily frozen in place.
"Vilkas is gone," Lily blurted, mouth twisting as a bolt of pain ran through her. She looked away, trying to ignore the tears stinging the corners of her eyes. "His scent left the territory; I haven't seen him in days. I think. . .I think he just left. I dunno why." She glanced back at Alarian, looking at his ragged face, the healing wounds. "How are you?"
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Alarian - August 23, 2018
Her greeting is friendly, so he takes it as a good sign, even as he watches her falter. A moment later she confirms his suspicions, and his heart drops into his stomach. He was never fond of Vilkas, but he knows the male was important to Lily, and that's enough for him to feel bad about it.
I'm sorry, Lily,He says after a moment, remembering when he'd been in the same position. He hadn't taken it as well— maybe she's just better at emotions than he is. That in mind, he feels underqualified where offering her comfort is concerned. He tries anyway.
That's... it's rough. You know, I'm here for you— I know things have been... not the best between us for awhile, but I care about you. I'm sorry I haven't shown it more.
As for how I am... I don't know. Things have changed a lot lately,He admits, shifting a little uncomfortably.
It feels like it's supposed to be a good thing, but I'm just so... tired, and sad. I don't feel any different— maybe I feel worse.
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Lily - August 26, 2018
His apology and the words following brought further tears to her eyes, and she ducked her head, blinking them away hastily. It wasn't necessarily a good feeling that he was giving her, nor a bad one--so much had happened between them, so much had been altered, that she didn't know how to feel anymore. Add Vilkas's disappearance on top of it and she was a muddled mess of emotions. She gave him no answer, merely nodding in response.
His sentiments were easier to tackle. "Change is always difficult," Lily murmured, thinking of all the changes she'd weathered, as of late. "Whether it's for good or bad. It's a lot to get used to." She knew he spent a lot of time with Delight, now. When they had first met, he had been hung up on Lennon. She liked Delight better, both in terms of his relationship with Alarian and as a whole. He seemed more genuine, honest.
"I'm sure things will get better, for you," she continued, the barest of smiles kissing her muzzle. "It'll just take some time."
His sentiments were easier to tackle. "Change is always difficult," Lily murmured, thinking of all the changes she'd weathered, as of late. "Whether it's for good or bad. It's a lot to get used to." She knew he spent a lot of time with Delight, now. When they had first met, he had been hung up on Lennon. She liked Delight better, both in terms of his relationship with Alarian and as a whole. He seemed more genuine, honest.
"I'm sure things will get better, for you," she continued, the barest of smiles kissing her muzzle. "It'll just take some time."
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Alarian - September 07, 2018
He nods as she speaks, but for some reason her last words cause him to falter — will it get better? Even if it does, will he allow it? There are no clear answers, so he doesn't bother voicing the questions; he'll only feel guilty when he can't believe the inevitable reassurance. Instead he allows a brief silence to fall between them, thoughts wandering elsewhere.
Look, we should um, talk — about the Runion thing,He says after a time, reluctantly. He's given no one at the Sanctuary clear answers or even a brief explanation — Zamael and Eris know already, for the most part, and he assumes Delight and Lily have gone along with it out of trust for the three of them. But they do deserve to know the full truth, or at least as much as Alarian can give them himself; it goes without saying that the conversation with Lily will be the easier of the two, but he's still a little uncertain.
I'm sure you want to know... why. Right?
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Lily - September 11, 2018
Maybe I don't want to talk about it, Lily.
His words came to her as clearly as if he'd said them in her ear, just now, the memory utterly vivid. Her mouth moved silently, pulling into a grimace, as she mulled what to say. Her natural curiosity was screaming--tell me tell me tell me! But her conscience, the ever-present angel on her shoulder, stared at her in mournful reproach.
"I would like to know, yes," Lily said slowly, tasting each word on her tongue. "But you don't have to tell me, if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want to relive it."
Isn't this what he wanted? To not be pressured into spilling the secrets of his heart? Lily had vowed that she would no longer push Alarian, that she would be his silent confidante, not his therapist. He could speak when he wanted to; she wouldn't try to draw words from him. It was, as she had learned, like taking blood from a stone.
His words came to her as clearly as if he'd said them in her ear, just now, the memory utterly vivid. Her mouth moved silently, pulling into a grimace, as she mulled what to say. Her natural curiosity was screaming--tell me tell me tell me! But her conscience, the ever-present angel on her shoulder, stared at her in mournful reproach.
"I would like to know, yes," Lily said slowly, tasting each word on her tongue. "But you don't have to tell me, if it makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want to relive it."
Isn't this what he wanted? To not be pressured into spilling the secrets of his heart? Lily had vowed that she would no longer push Alarian, that she would be his silent confidante, not his therapist. He could speak when he wanted to; she wouldn't try to draw words from him. It was, as she had learned, like taking blood from a stone.
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Alarian - September 12, 2018
Well — it's not the most enthusiastic response, but he can't blame her. He hasn't forgotten how he'd pushed her away, but maybe... well, maybe he can start to fix that. All that's happened between them may loom forever, but he still remembers the deep affection he'd felt for her before it all; it's still there, he knows, but muted now by the tension in their friendship.
He takes a breath.
Scratch that, very nauseous.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. For several moments, he's silent, and when he speaks again his voice is stronger, more level now.
That's all of it, isn't it? He opens his eyes slowly and glances back to Lily, his own expression anxious as he searches hers.
He takes a breath.
Well — it's a really long story, and it's complicated, and I don't know if I can tell all of it right now — but I can try to give you a good picture of it.At least, what's relevant — which is an unfortunate amount.
Runion was my littermate — and my father raised him, mostly. My father was... asshole is an understatement. Evil seems too dramatic, but — maybe. Anyway, he — decided he didn't approve of something Zamael was doing. So he tried to kill him,He pauses, disliking the way the words feel on his tongue — suddenly he's a little nauseous.
And then he did kill someone — and Zamael left. And I killed our father.
Scratch that, very nauseous.
And then I left. So — Runion wanted me dead. But he stayed, I guess, and he —He shakes his head, looking away. His voice drops to a near-whisper; he doesn't think he can speak the words any louder.
He raped our mother. There were — are kids. And she — she couldn't handle it.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. For several moments, he's silent, and when he speaks again his voice is stronger, more level now.
So Runion took off, I guess. Went looking for me. After I ran into him the first time, I found out — he did more than what I've told you, but it's not my place to tell those things.
That's all of it, isn't it? He opens his eyes slowly and glances back to Lily, his own expression anxious as he searches hers.
So that's, uh, why I killed him.
RE: the first time ever i saw your face - Lily - September 13, 2018
She listened in slack-jawed horror, her eyes growing wider as the tale continued on. When he had finished, Lily shuffled her paws, gaze raking the ground, not at all sure what to say to that. After a moment to compose herself, she drew closer, touching her muzzle to his shoulder. A brief caress, and then she moved away. Blinking slowly.
"I'm very sorry, Ali," Lily murmured. She swallowed, glancing away. "At least--I mean. . .at least he's dead. He won't bother you or your family anymore." That was a comfort, at least. Even if the onus had been placed on Alarian to get rid of him once and for all.
She looked back at the Governor, a small, sad smile coming to her face. "Thank you for telling me," she said sincerely. "I understand better, now. What you've been through. How you've suffered." And how it continued to haunt him. Would he ever be this candid again? Lily seized hold of this moment, keeping it close. Who knew when it should come again?
"I'm very sorry, Ali," Lily murmured. She swallowed, glancing away. "At least--I mean. . .at least he's dead. He won't bother you or your family anymore." That was a comfort, at least. Even if the onus had been placed on Alarian to get rid of him once and for all.
She looked back at the Governor, a small, sad smile coming to her face. "Thank you for telling me," she said sincerely. "I understand better, now. What you've been through. How you've suffered." And how it continued to haunt him. Would he ever be this candid again? Lily seized hold of this moment, keeping it close. Who knew when it should come again?