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+--- Thread: Stone Circle Will I ever be good enough? (/showthread.php?tid=30076)
Will I ever be good enough? - RIP Valette - October 08, 2018
Valette was relieved when Greyback had returned. As much as she wanted to shove him into Ira's face and show her that she was right, Valette refrained. Ira would find out soon enough that her father had returned. The dark female decided that it was time that she spend some time with Stark. She would visit him as often as she could, usually once a day. She was not sure what was wrong with him. She knew that he was weakened and not very responsive. She left him food or tried to nudge him towards the river. There were good and bad days. She hoped today was a good one...
Valette approached with a freshly caught hare. Her days were often about balancing her attention between being the pack's alpha, a good mother, and a caring mate. It felt as if she was always on her feet. Luckily she was young and in the prime of her life, she didn't feel exhausted just yet. Valette lovingly popped her head inside the den, expecting a black shape on top of the bison skin. Except, there wasn't one. She dropped the food. "Stark?," she called out. The den felt cold as if there hadn't been someone for hours. The female reversed and looked around. Stark was never too far from the den. "Stark!!," she called out louder.
A frown fell on her face. Slowly shock and confusion were mingling. The ground around the den was hard enough to not have any tracks. She pushed her nose close to the ground. A faint scent. It could have been old. She moved to the river but the scent stopped there. One pawprint in the mud, was this all she got? Valette stepped into the water but on the other side, there were no footsteps, no scent. Her heart sunk deeper in her chest. Did... Did Stark just leave? Her ears fell back. No. Stark wouldn't leave her. Would he? Or did his past haunt his life too much for him to be happy... with her? Valette started to move through the water upstream, after a few steps she changed her mind. Stark was weakened with illness, upriver might be too difficult. She jumped on the muddy bank and started to run downstream in a full speed gallop.
Maybe she could catch up with him she could change his mind. Perhaps he was just being silly and stubborn self. She should stop him if she was able to. She ran next to the river, her limbs stretching out under her until she was far past the border and looking over Wapun Meadow down below. Valette slowed down into a trot before she completely came to a stop. She was panting harshly and her eyes were wide set as the fear was settling in. There was no sign of Stark. He was gone. Valette's ears fell back, before determination set in. She let out a long howl, a howl to come back to her. She then perked up her ears to listen for a reply. The alpha female followed by sounding the same howl, more desperate this time. The same thing happened, no response.
Valette realized that she was trembling and that she was feeling unwell. She literally felt sick to be abandoned. She turned on her heels and rushed back into the safety of the territory. Perhaps he did travel upstream, thinking that she would think he would choose the easy way. Valette traveled upstream into Easthollow but her hope and determination dwindled as she traveled further when realization settled in that he left her. Stark vanished. She stopped walking, that familiar feeling of abandonment suffocating her. Why did these things happen to her? Why was she never good enough? Why was she so unlucky when it came to mates? Valette turned away from the river. Why was she trying to find someone that didn't want to be found?
Breathing was becoming a bit tougher and her head was starting to throb. Automatically her legs started to move. If only she could run away from these emotions. Her legs brought her to the stones, her beloved stones. She always went to them when she needed comfort. She threw herself against Steady's stone, the tallest of all the stones. The sun was setting which she would normally found beautiful but now couldn't wait to be over. It would mean that this terrible day was over. Within the comforts of the stone circle, the female let the loss catch up with her. The tears started to flow, something she didn't want. But she knew that she had to let them go if she didn't then she knew that later they would come out anyhow. The sounds of her sobbing filled the air.
She wished she had Nanook with her or any of her children. Perhaps she should seek her older children out in need of comfort. Oh, her children. How was she ever going to tell Merrit, Keen, and Arlette? That was something she might not be able to do at this moment. She wasn't even sure if they would be sad. The sobs slowly became quieter into sniffles. The dark female curled up at the base of Steady's stone in a tight ball mourning the loss of Stark. As always, instead of going to others, she would find comfort by just hugging herself tightly. Valette was used to it being left by loved ones. She just needed to cope with it once more.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - Steph - October 08, 2018
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The black figure tore through Easthollow, catching Steph's attention. She recognized her mother immediately, though not the reason she ran. Steph was quick to follow and catch up. She could tell Valette was upset even if the tears hadn't given her away.
Mom? She said softly. She pressed her nose against Valette's neck, whimpering. What's wrong? she asked, not knowing what, or who, might have caused such sadness
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - RIP Valette - October 09, 2018
Valette had been curled up so tightly and so within herself she had not heard her daughter's approach. She was a bit startled at the touch. The female's sad eyes looked up at the other. It was Steph that was standing before her. She didn't want her daughter to see her upset but then again, Valette kind of wanted the comfort. She sniffled and let her ears flop to the side. "Stark, he vanished," she spoke softly, sounding upset. Who wouldn't when your mate left you. Especially after she took so much time out of her day to care for him.
"He left. The den, it was empty. No tracks." Valette hated that she couldn't track him down, but if he used the river then it would be almost impossible. Valette's green eyes glanced away sadly before placing her head down on the ground with a sad sigh. What had she done wrong? Valette was scared that she messed it up, that Stark had seen or noticed that she was hanging out with Greyback more. Maybe that was why he left.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - Steph - October 10, 2018
Steph's expression turned to shock when her mother told her Stark had vanished. It quickly turned to worry, both for her mother and her mate. She nuzzled Valette in an attempt to comfort her, but Steph knew only Stark returning could do that. I'll go look for him, she said.
She knew it would be difficult, there not being any tracks and all. But, Stark was important to Valette, and Steph wasn't just going to let it go. He very well could have up and left himself, but Steph couldn't find a reason to do that, unless he felt like he was a burden. That was far from the truth, but she could understand it. Do you know of anywhere he might go? she asked softly.
She knew it would be difficult, there not being any tracks and all. But, Stark was important to Valette, and Steph wasn't just going to let it go. He very well could have up and left himself, but Steph couldn't find a reason to do that, unless he felt like he was a burden. That was far from the truth, but she could understand it. Do you know of anywhere he might go? she asked softly.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - RIP Valette - October 10, 2018
Valette leaned into Steph's nuzzle. She slowly shook her head. She didn't want to lose Steph as well. Clary was also traveling. Greyback had taken so long to return. Valette sighed, she slowly started to keep her sniffles at bay. "Why look for him if he clearly doesn't want to be found?" she sounded bitter. Something that Valette thought she had grown out of. Clearly, these intense emotions triggered her old behavior.
"I don't know," she spoke, and then realized she had no clue. Did she even know her mate? "I don't know," she whispered. "I know he always regretted not finding Tambourine. And he also had a tough time with Tavi going missing. But— I don't think he would leave now. He loved the pups. He couldn't be more proud unless... that was a lie?," she spoke. No, Stark wouldn't lie about that. "Maybe he didn't want to be a burden? He is stubborn like that when he gets something in his mind. I just don't know where he could have gone."
Valette swallowed. If Steph was going to go and go look for him. She dreaded others knowing. How humiliating to think that her mate left her. Valette's ears flopped back. She managed to lose two mates. "Do you think others will judge me? For losing another mate?," she asked softly.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - Steph - October 15, 2018
Her face contorted into something akin to reluctance when Valette expressed that they shouldn't look for Stark since it was obvious he didn't want to be found. While that was true, he owed her mother an explanation, and whether he wanted to give it or not, Steph was eager to confront him about it.
While she understood Stark being upset over his older children, Steph didn't think that gave him a pass. Whether he felt guilty or not, how is going to feel leaving more children? If that was the reason he left, it's a very bad one, she said honestly. Though, she could understand him being a burden, it still didn't excuse him. If he felt he was a burden, he should have put those feelings aside for his children. They need him more than whatever he is feeling.
The instant the question came out of Valette's mouth, Steph thought of Ezekiel. And hated him. She had always had an indifference to him, but generally didn't give him enough though to put any type of emotion towards him. Now she did. You didn't lose your mates, she said softly, nuzzling her mother. For one reason or another, they are gone, but two of the three made that choice on their own. Steady, as you've told me, is the only one that didn't leave willingly. And even that isn't your doing. Steph wondered why the other males couldn't be like Steady? Why couldn't they stay?
You've made a very loving pack here, Mom. They won't judge you. For anything, she assure her. Steph fully believe that, and she hoped her mother did, too. She lowered her body next to Valette's, licking her cheek in comfort.
While she understood Stark being upset over his older children, Steph didn't think that gave him a pass. Whether he felt guilty or not, how is going to feel leaving more children? If that was the reason he left, it's a very bad one, she said honestly. Though, she could understand him being a burden, it still didn't excuse him. If he felt he was a burden, he should have put those feelings aside for his children. They need him more than whatever he is feeling.
The instant the question came out of Valette's mouth, Steph thought of Ezekiel. And hated him. She had always had an indifference to him, but generally didn't give him enough though to put any type of emotion towards him. Now she did. You didn't lose your mates, she said softly, nuzzling her mother. For one reason or another, they are gone, but two of the three made that choice on their own. Steady, as you've told me, is the only one that didn't leave willingly. And even that isn't your doing. Steph wondered why the other males couldn't be like Steady? Why couldn't they stay?
You've made a very loving pack here, Mom. They won't judge you. For anything, she assure her. Steph fully believe that, and she hoped her mother did, too. She lowered her body next to Valette's, licking her cheek in comfort.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - RIP Valette - October 16, 2018
Valette listened to her daughter and knew that she was right. If he felt guilty or wanted to look for Tavi that shouldn't be of the cost of their own children. Frankly, most of the time he had been ill, so how could he have been doing much of his father role. Not much at all. Then again, she could relate him feeling like a burden but he should have told her about it. Not just leave. Steph was right. "You are quite right," Valette admitted softly.
Valette pushed her ears up when she heard Steph speak of three mates. She only had two. She and Ezekiel were never officially together. She didn't want to be together with him at the time. She had used him, and she was confident that he wouldn't stay. She had been right. "Ezekiel was never a mate, though only because I didn't trust him to stay for so long," she admitted with a nod. "Steady got into a fight and died," Valette nodded with a sigh. The injuries were too much.
"You are sweet, Steph," she spoke, happy with the comfort now. Valette leaned her cheek against her eldest daughter. She would need to digest this, though luckily she did have her children. They were her greatest comfort those males gave her. "Perhaps one day there will be a male who stays," she sighs. Maybe she would visit Nanook she heard from Yakone that she was in a pack in the north. "Thank you, Steph," she sighed. "I'm glad I have you and your siblings."
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - Steph - October 16, 2018
Steph was glad to hear her mother agree with her. Sometimes, it was hard to see the positive side of things when all one could focus on was the hurt that had happened. But, Steph was determined to lift her mother back up, no matter what it took.
Her expression turned confused when Valette said she and Ezekiel had never been mates. Had Steph forgotten that? Maybe she had never asked, since it never mattered to her. Oh, she said. Well, all the better, she said, trying to turn it around. I know you feel abandoned by Stark, she began softly. But, you are such a strong female, Mom, she told her. You've been leading this pack on your own almost my whole life, Steph pointed out. And you're damn good at it. You've never needed a mate by your side, even to raise your children. She sighed, not sure if she was making her mother feel better. I know you've wanted someone by your side... But just remember, you stand tall on your own, and I believe once you realize that, you'll see how strong and independent you are. And you'll see that this was all Stark's loss. Not yours. She looked to Valette, trying to determine if her words got through to her.
We are the lucky ones.
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - RIP Valette - October 17, 2018
Valette knew that Steph wasn't fond of Ezekiel. She could completely understand why. Valette didn't press on it to make her daughter change her mind. The female offered a tiny smile when the other explained about how strong she was. She didn't feel very strong at this moment but Steph's words helped. She pushed herself upright into a sitting position. "Thanks, sweety," she hummed and then nudged her cheek after all the kind words.
"We are the lucky ones," she repeated. Perhaps her daughter was right, but now, the feeling of abandonment was too strong. She also still loved Stark and it hurt that he left. However, perhaps she was right with one thing, that she just needed to stand tall as she did before. Maybe she would be fine without a mate until now mates had only brought her sadness and despair. "Perhaps no boys for your mother in a while," she suggested. "Thank you, Steph. I already feel so much better."
RE: Will I ever be good enough? - Steph - October 19, 2018
Her tail thumped the ground when her mother nosed her. She had hoped this talk helped her realize that she would be alright, Steph had no doubt. Maybe her mother just needed reminded of that.
She gave Valette a soft smile when she said no more boys for her for a while. She hoped that was true, since they all seemed to do nothing but break her heart. If she had known Greyback's affection for her mother, it would have made her all the more unhappy with him. Valette needed time, not someone else trying to court her. I'm glad you feel better, she said genuinely.