he does not find brilliance or solomon. he returns to an empty sanctuary, the trail of his friends leading away, and remembers -- of course. they'd talked about escaping from the stench of death, the mangled cat-bodies, more of delight's various failures neatly stacked. 

bitterly he can't help but wonder what his life would be if he had not left the forest at all.

it would not be difficult for the chancellor-cum-shiva to catch up, and he starts to, but something holds him back from completely reintergrating into his pack-mates path. there is too much sorrow and anger in him right now -- he does not want to show his face yet. does not want to apologize again. and then alarian breaks from the group and --

his heart is already too heavy. what is one more small tragedy?

eventually there is nowhere left for him to linger back. lily's territory is beautiful; delight has grown tired of beauty. wearily he calls out -- i'm here, i haven't left you -- and sets out into the willows.

his face creases, overwhelmed by mali and lily's respective shouting and questioning. everything eventually slips between his fingers -- he's never been able to hold on to anything, has he? "mali," delight says, making his voice sharp, "i chose to leave, knowing we would move soon. i shouldn't have left you alone, and i'm sorry for that, but we cannot go back. i'll take you with me and we can go that way to look for them, okay?" it's not temper-fueled so much as insistent. he isn't about to give up, he means that, but he needs to rest and figure out what to do. "there's another pack close to there," delight adds, glancing up at lily so she knows this too, "your mother and i spoke to them, so they'll keep an eye out for us, too." 

mali seems to give up, though, as delight refuses to budge from his shoving. anxiously he reaches out to groom behind his ears, some little gesture of apology/affection, and lets his gaze fall back on lily. "alarian isn't coming," he says tiredly, and opens his mouth to say more but closes it. the intimacy of their conversation doesn't need to be divulged, and really, he doesn't have the words for it yet. instead he shakes his head and shrugs helplessly.

as for the other thing, "and brilliance and solomon ran off -- i thought they'd gone with queenie, but she came back and we realised they were just gone, so i went to look for them -- sorry," delight adds, with the grace to be sheepish. "we spoke to the wolves that live on the glacier, ikkanattuk, but they hadn't seen them. i have no idea where they could've gone."

he feels for his son, he does, but he does not have the energy to make things right. at least he stays with him and does not leave as his sisters did -- though honestly could delight blame him? no. he has done terribly and it is his burden and his burden only to bear. but he shouldn't let that guilt ruin every interact he has with his remaining child, he knows -- so he'll have to take it quietly.

lily asks about korei and delight pauses, but shakes his head, offering a helpless shrug. maybe yes, he thinks it is a fair assumption to make given their closeness, but he cannot say for sure. her dismissal of his apology earns a tight smile, though he says, "thank you, lily." at first it is all he can say, overwhelmed by a sudden flood of emotion. oh. here he is with only mali left to his name. "um -- yes, that would be. i'd appreciate that, yes. 

"so this is where we're staying?" he asks, finally letting himself look around at the home lily's chosen for them. he had registered its beauty easily but the details remain blurred -- perhaps he should ruminate on aesthetics another time, but he is so desperate to talk about anything that is not queenie, alarian, or his daughters.

if delight could read lily's concerns he could make some attempt at apology -- it is not lily specifically who he tries to shut out, but he cannot help being opaque. dancing around the edges of what he wants to say is second nature -- he does not have it in him to be open. very few can coax a blunt truth from him; maybe seabreeze, rarely alarian. jomyo, strangely, and at moments queenie, when she shocks it out of him, but even then they come with blades embedded.

but he can't read minds, and so: "we could all use a little more happiness," delight agrees, drawing a smile. less pleasant is the return to the topic of his daughters, though of course he does not feel ungrateful for the promise, and so he mumbles "thank you," again, his own gaze returning briefly to mali's sullen form. do his children hate him, he wonders, for the chaos he has unintentionally made of their lives? there'd been -- ha, no, there'd never been a plan, just delight fumbling in the dark. it doesn't make it any easier, though.

"i think it's time to rest," he says, voice soft -- ostensibly about poor mali, though he is the one about to collapse from fatigue, and it shows in his face. gently the androgyne moves towards his son, to nudge him toward -- well, "maybe -- would you mind showing me to the dens?" delight asks sheepishly, something of a wincing smile pinching his features momentarily inward.