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+--- Thread: Kintla Flatlands And I'll never let him go (/showthread.php?tid=30326)
And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 22, 2018
@Seabreeze
The cold of the past week had retreated and Wraen was able to enjoy the warm sunlight of autumn afternoons, while tracking and hunting in the vast plains of Kintla flatlands. With no need to bring back food to hungry mouths at home, she had a new-found joy and excitement for following scents, digging and searching. Here and there her path crossed with those of deer herds on the move, and out of old habit she followed them a little while and checked out the ones that could do for a meal, only to realize that a prey this big was entirely out of her league, while she was on her own.
Often her mind wanders back to the pack that has probably reached their destination by now, whether all of them are fine and, whether Terance is getting on well with the newly appointed Beta Treason. And lastly, what has Maia decided to do. Wraen had promissed to hang around Sunspire for a while and wait, if and when she returns to her, but she is also ready to accept, if she does not come at all.
She pauses in her hunt, to cast a thoughtful look around.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 22, 2018
Seabreeze had held no interest in the deer. With everyone (more or less) back home now, she felt that it was her duty to scout for new recruits. Elysium's numbers ran low after Korei and Alarian had disappeared, no, deliberately abandoned them. It worried her, if only because her members had worked so hard and she did not want to let them come this far only to lose everything.
When she saw Wraen, initially she perked and trotted in her direction, but as she got closer she slowed. It was Terance's sister. The affable wag of her tail stopped, and she stood straight (but not assertively or in an unkind manner). Her ears swept forward and she blinked — how was she supposed to handle this? And what had Terance told the wolves of Sunspire about how things had gone? His view of the world was so warped she couldn't be sure it was the truth.
Wraen was obviously busy with something, but Seabreeze thought it'd be good to... reach out. Maybe she would want to see her niece and nephew. Yes, she would focus on that.
Hey,she calls softly, not wanting to get in the way,
Wraen?
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 25, 2018
Wraen had not given much thought about Seabreeze after she had left with Olive and the children. Yes, there had been anger and disappointment, and she had spoken about them harshly in the pack meeting. But that had been it. Two months later, having put down her mantle as a leader and left the group altogether, she was almost indifferent to the event as a whole.
Therefore, when she recognized Seabreeze, she was first surprised to see her brother's ex here and second did not really understand, why she had approached her. Wraen really had nothing to say to her. But, perhaps, there was a different reason. "Hey, if you are looking for Terance, they are not here anymore," she told her, coming closer so that they did not have to raise voices, when they spoke. "They moved the pack to the valley on the other side of the mountain range. Place called Lost Creek Hollow."
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 27, 2018
Oh,she says,
I didn't know. He told me that you had planned on moving, but he never said where.Her eyes find the Sunspire, and her chest squeezes painfully for a moment. It hurt her that after all of that fighting with Terance, that the Sunspire had just moved anyway. She had been right, but it didn't feel like victory.
I wasn't, though. We just moved as well, to the willows on the other side of the mountain. We settled in a few days ago, but our scouts will be moving out soon to let our allies know. I'll be sure to send one their way.
Well, that was more information than Wraen probably expected or cared for.
You're a ways from home, then,she says.
Stretching your legs?
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
If Wraen had been looking for a perfect moment to tell Seabreeze eye to eye, what exactly she had been thinking about her, this would have been it. Free to speak about everything without having fear that this could reflect badly on Sunspire as a whole. She listened to the other she-wolf speak with polite interest, while inside her mind she tried to formulate one straight-to-the-point insult out of many reserved just for this kind of event. And one simple, short and surprisingly all-inclusive came forward. A leech. Resource-sucking parasite that took advantage of the situation and left, when it was the most convenient.
Just a five-letter word that contained everything and as her eyes took in Seabreeze's frame comparing it to the worm-like creature that lived in the water, and her mind repeated the chosen name for her, she felt better and better, until a sweet smile appeared in her lips, her expression lit up and she began to laugh. Who would have known that calling people names in your mind without them or anyone else knowing could have such a therapeutic effect? "Oh, I am sorry," she said inbetween chuckles, "an old joke came to my mind. Give me a moment." It took some time for her to collect herself and attempt to look her almost-sister-in-law in the eyes without bursting out in another fit of laughter.
"Yeah, I am far away," she replied, stiffling giggles that were fighting their way against her self-control. "How are the kids doing - Ibis and Okeanos - they must be big by now?"
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 28, 2018
Now, Seabreeze wasn't a mind-reader. She couldn't know what Wraen had been thinking of her (though she'd suspected as much, when she'd lived on the mountain). But for her to laugh in her direction was enough. She shrunk in on herself, lip tightening as her kind gaze turned stern and cold. It didn't matter what excuse — or truth! — that Wraen could have told her, all that mattered was that she'd laughed.
They are. I was going to ask you if you'd like to see them,but considering Wraen had only stopped by the den once since they'd been born ... perhaps not.
You deserve to be in their life, and they deserve to have an aunt.And a father, but it looked like there were things more important to Terance than his family, and she didn't expect it to be much different with his kin.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
Seabreeze did take offense, whether she suspected, what was going on in Wraen's mind or not at that moment. With any other person she would have felt need to apologize and explain, and be just a teeny-tiny-bit guilty. But not here, not now and not with this particular person. She actually enjoyed this and did not hide it.
"That is good to hear," she was glad, though so much time had passed between her having seen them last and now that any feeble attachment that had begun to form at that time, had suffered the metaphorical frost and died. She was a stranger to them as they were to her. "Well, I think you made the decision to cut us out of their lives in their place once already, didn't you?" she asked. "What made you change your mind? Because, frankly speaking, whatever chance of building meaningful relationships was there, is gone now. I don't see the point in forcing it now."
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 28, 2018
It took a lot to make her angry. Seabreeze was not a woman who was natrually inclined towards violence or vitriol. But this?
As much as the wolves of Sunspire wanted to see Seabreeze as a useless parasite, she'd done more for them than she'd ever gotten recognition for. She'd warded off hostile trespassers not once but twice (and had been the first on the scene both times), fought alongside the mountain's warriors against the heathens of Shadow Mountain, set up the alliance between Sunspire and Tindome, and helped care for their wounded. Even during her illness she'd helped mentor Hyacinth, and she'd been called upon as therapist more times than she could count.
The moment she'd unlocked from Terance after their tryst she'd run to Rannoch to tell him she could terminate. She'd made one mistake — one! — and now it was Seabreeze the Terrible even though she'd been granted permission.
You know as well as anyone that we had no choice but to leave. People were starving, Wraen. I made it perfectly clear that my children's family was welcome any time. I begged Terance to come with me so our family wouldn't have to split. We couldn't hunt anyway; would you rather have had us continue sucking the resources while the rest of the pack died?
It was easier to use Seabreeze as their scapegoat. If Wraen made to talk, Seabreeze would do her damnedest to talk over her.
It's not like we saw much of you while we were still there anyway. You came and saw the children what, once?Why did everyone want to act like they'd been so benevolent?
Nobody even came by to say sorry after Oaxaca died. Nobody. So if you want to stand there and pretend that we were cared for in any way other than being fed, fine.
She snorted, tail lashing behind her.
As for me? I'm going home.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
Having had so many rows with Terance in the past, Wraen had learned a thing or two about self-control, therefore she did not let herself be riled up - she calmly watched and listened, how Seabreeze spoke about those events from her perspective. Angry, hurt and with a hint of "I am fed up with this lot already". And there she realized, how each of them had lived in a different bubble of reality then and still did so now, and how a single fact could change it's entire meaning, when viewed from another angle.
Seabreeze had no idea, what it meant to hunt day and night, spend long hours and even days away from home tracking and planning, and leading group hunts to take down big prey. And that after the prey was left in the cache for the matron's and children, there was hardly any energy left to interact with children and build those foundations.
And Wraen had had no idea that having just food was not enough. She had not known, how one of Olive's kids had died (assumed that it was from natural causes) and that there had been a lot of other things going on. What really had been missing was the chance to talk things through. To sit down, discuss and listen. And she could leave things as they were and watch Seabreeze go or take the hardest path and talk. Make peace and maybe start anew. It was always better to have more friends in the world than enemies.
"Seabreeze," Wraen spoke, "please, don't go yet. I am sorry about what I said earlier." This was true, this was sincere, although the first steps were never easy. "You are right - I never got a chance to interact much with either you or the kids, but I was not indifferent. It was just too much and too many on my shoulders - I was constantly away, tracking herds, planning hunts, hunting and bringing food back. And at the end of the day there was hardly any energy left. I am sorry, if I could not give you more, if I could not help you make you feel welcome and that I did not notice your emotional hunger," she said.
"We all worked hard to make things work, when they were doomed from the very beginning," letting so many puppies to be born was a mistake. "But you should have spoken up before everything was beyond repair. I can speak only for myself, but, what really hurt me and hurts still that you did not have enough trust in me to reach out and tell, what was wrong. That you kept it to yourself and simply dropped a bomb one day by getting up and leaving. That's, how it seemed to me - not that it is necessarily true in your books. I failed you as a leader and as a friend, but only because you two were kept silent, when you could have just asked."
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 28, 2018
She heard her name, and as her feet connected with the ground they rooted as if they'd been cemented there. "Please, don't go yet. I am sorry about what I said earlier." It sounded genuine, and Seabreeze wanted to believe. She had always seen the best in others, even when they were not always kind to her.
So she listened. And later, she would weep. For how things could have been between them, for the misunderstanding that had cost her children their family.
But for now, she must compose herself.
She took a deep breath and composed herself again, for she felt fit to burst.
So she listened. And later, she would weep. For how things could have been between them, for the misunderstanding that had cost her children their family.
But for now, she must compose herself.
I respect that, Wraen. I always appreciated what you did for us. I am a lousy hunter, I would've scared off your prey more than I would have been any help.
But it was not solely you that made me feel unloved. I.. did not intend on leaving so abruptly. I first talked to Terance, and then to Rannoch. I thought that Terance might come with us, because we were in love.. because these are his children. He chose to stay behind, and, even still, I don't know what to make of that. And I'm sorry that me being unable to deal with it has cost us so much.
She took a deep breath and composed herself again, for she felt fit to burst.
I'd like to leave the offer open to come visit, and see your niece and nephew. I understand if you're not ready for it now. But.. I would like to put this behind us, if we can, the best we can.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
"Practice makes perfect," Wraen replied softly, for she too was a person, who tried to see the best in others and refused to believe them, if they claimed that they did not have those good qualities.
"Terance and me have had a very rocky relationship, he did not come running to me and telling the whole story. I never heard it. He is like that - reserved, keeps all the pain to himself and blames himself for every single thing in life that has gone wrong," she explained, holding now tight on that branch of mutual understanding that had been built in these few precious seconds.
"I was surprised that he did not - no one would have held this against him. That would have made sense, that's the way it should happen," she shared her views on the matter. And yet her brother had put Rannoch above everyone else, whatever his reasoning had been. "I am in no rush, I can accompany you for a while," she offered, seeing that Seabreeze wanted to be on the move, but not wanting to finish this conversation just yet.
"Being a leader is damn hard work... really, no one warned me, when I took the crown," she concluded. "Tell me more about the two - does Ibis still sing and, what has Okeanos turned out to be?"
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 28, 2018
I remember that,she says gently,
He did talk to me sometimes about the arguments you had, and other things too. It took a lot of patience to get him to open up.And what had it all boiled down to, anyway? He didn't have someone like her anymore to take care of him, just Rannoch. And she'd counseled him enough to know that while he was a good ear, he could be a little reactionary.
If this is what Wraen thought of her, or had thought of her, she didn't know how bad it was with those two.
I was surprised, too. I understood and still appreciate his loyalty, I just... he didn't even give me the chance to explain that it was supposed to be temporary, until the food had come back. My plan was that maybe we went to the Sanctuary, where our old allies had moved, but..It didn't matter anyway; she always had known he wouldn't come along, and any plan she'd devised in the threads between were meaningless.
Anyway. I'm in no rush, either; I am a leader now as well, though I didn't ask for it. It was kind of...Well, dumped upon her.
The one who'd run the pack before me appointed me his second hand, and then left one night without notice of his own volition.Still, she tried not to hold it against him — Alarian clearly had things he needed to work through. She just wished it didn't have to come at her expense.
We just relocated, and we're just getting set up. It's hard. The children have taken it the best they can. Okeanos is still a little ray of sunshine. He gets sad sometimes.. but he takes it all in stride. There are other children here, too, for them to be with.No mention of how well they got along though, because they clearly didn't and she didnt' want to lie or get into it.
Ibis has taken it harder. She misses her father, and she wonders.. why we weren't good enough for him. There are only so many things I can tell her... but I always let her know that no matter what it may seem, he doesn't love her any less. I just hope it's good enough.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
"I feel bad that I could not be that person for him. To open up to. But I think I spoiled that chance long time ago already," Wraen replied, feeling sorry for Terance and seeing, how he really, really needed this figurative "shoulder to lean on", this better now than ever. He was chasing this idol of, what he should be, that he forgot he was just the same as everyone else. That bad stuff happened and no one had to be blamed.
"Temporary - that changes a lot of things, doesn't it... Yet, I think you were right to move, when you did, because it still took a long time for Sunspire to find a new and suitable home," she said this more to herself than to Seabreeze. "Well, speaking from experience - expect first white hairs on your head," she replied and chuckled. "Though... I don't seem greyer than, when I began as a leader, but I sure feel that way so," older, wiser, worn-out, burnt-out... "I enjoyed it, but I am glad it is over now."
"Okeanos was a little gentleman," back then, when she had met him in person for the first time she had imagined him becoming just like his dad. Maybe without depression and a healthy dose of self-condifence. "And I am sorry for Ibis. The pretty little, fragile thing - that's, what I remember of her. And the first to be musically inclined in a line of wolves, who are notoriously unmusical. Maybe she gets it from you?"
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 28, 2018
Even though you couldn't be that person for him, Wraen, you're still important to him. Maybe the distance will help.Not that she could relate to that, but since they weren't going to always have to be near each other, maybe it would help.
I'm sorry to hear. Is the new territory nice, at least? Is everyone acclimating alright?She hoped so. They all deserved it, even if she resented them a little. These things would still take time to heal, even if mounds of progress had been made today.
I already feel it,she says with a laugh,
though I am a bit lighter than you. Maybe the cream will cover it.She pretends to smooth her paw over her head in vanity.
Oh, gelman,she said with a laugh.
That has to be his dad. And I thought the creative parts came from his side, too! Terance told me about Superfun Coconut.Still, she thought it was an endearing story.
But I do sing, sometimes.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 28, 2018
"I believe that distance will make us better people," Wraen said, though she wondered, how were things going on between Terance and Treason, now that the latter had climbed up to the leadership ranks. While she would not be that tactless to speak about the possible "romance" between the two with his ex-girlfriend, it was a dynamic she would have been very curious to see developing. And just maybe the kick-ass-tough-as-nails personality of Treason was just the thing her brother needed.
"Hah... that's a super old and crazy story that our mom came up with," she said with such a smile that showed, how very dear Osprey was to her daughter even after all this time. "I don't remember all of the details, because a lot of stories she told as kids were not conventional, so to say. But I don't remember her ever singing... though her side of the family did have a tradition to name all of the offspring after birds. And I understand that this had begun even before my grandmother's March Owl's time."
"Maybe that somehow reflected on children. I never got to ask, what's your background? Where do you originate from?" she asked.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 29, 2018
She nods.
I don't remember all the details either, I only heard it once or twice.. but we told the children, and maybe they'll carry it on. They're named after birds, too. Terance had told me about that tradition.She had no clue what an ibis looked like... but, hey. Maybe there was a similarity there, or something.
I don't know my own background. I washed up on the shore about a year and a half ago, and I couldn't remember anything then. Nothing's come to me since then.Kind of sad, really, but she tried to view it as a fresh start on life.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 29, 2018
"Quite a mystery yourself, eh?" Wraen remarked, having not known this part of Seabreeze's story and wondering, whether Terance had now this as well. Briefly she imagined, what would it be like not to remember a significant part of her life, and she found it impossible. Every single past experience made her, who she was now. Irreplaceable. Truly.
"Tell me more about the pack you settled down with - who are they? What's their story?" she asked, curious to find out more about the former packmates and friends of Seabreeze.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - October 29, 2018
That was a much easier question.
Oh, do you remember Tindome and their leader Delight? He had relocated after their pack disbanded. He is a long-time friend of mine. He led the Sanctuary alongside his partner, Alarian, who disappeared recently, though I learned he left of his own volition.
She never would've chosen to lead like this, had she known; but it was over now, and it was what it was. She had so many to care for now, and it was her duty whether she liked it or not.
We just relocated due to an infestation of cats. Not big, like the ones that had attacked Ibis, but small like a pup that is only two or three months old! And they smelled terrible. If that wasn't bad enough, they brought an illness with them. It never effected any of the children, just the adults. The cats all died out, but they'd decimated the prey so we decided it'd be easier to just.. move.Better that than clean up bodies.
What made you decide to leave the Sunspire?
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - October 29, 2018
"Bad luck tailing after every one of us, huh," Wraen replied, though despite all of the troubles the cats had given the other pack, she found it just a teeny tiny bit hilarious that they would leave because of a horrible smell. But she did not let it show, keeping her expression composed and interested.
"Uh... as I said earlier... leading is a very difficult job. And with everything going on and feeling responsible, I burned out. I did not see another way out of that perpetual circle of work for others that hardly ever left anything for me that... call it a mid-life crisis," she finished, having not found better words. "And I realized that me and Terance will be better people, when we do not co-lead. We have fundamentally different ideas of, how a leadership could go. They are not wrong, they just don't tick together, so to say," she explained.
"Did not feel bad for the decision either. I had done a very honest work for the better part of the year. I deserved a break, I think."
RE: And I'll never let him go - Seabreeze - November 01, 2018
(To be fair to Wraen, it was actually more than a teeny tiny bit hilarious that the cats left a horrible smell. It was very hilarious. In hindsight only, of course).
She wonders what fault she ever could've found in Wraen. Maybe it was the temper thing, but other than that? She seemed like a perfectly reasonable and respectable girl.
You deserve the break, Wraen. You did more for Sunspire than anyone else.And that she felt was the truth. Wraen had kept them all fed, and to Wraen they owed their lives. Somewhere, she worried about how the Sunspire would fare without her.
That was a little dramatic, wasn't it? Still, for the most part it was true. And it wasn't her problem anymore, anyway. This whole being super empathetic thing? Not fun.
Leading is a difficult job. I'm not so sure that I'm cut out for it, but I'm going to do my best. If you ever get tired during your travels, you're always welcome to stop by and rest. We're a sanctuary, and we accept anyone. If you see someone along the way that needs help or a place to stay, please send them our way.Lord knows they could use the numbers.
RE: And I'll never let him go - Wraen - November 02, 2018
Not that much time had passed, since Sunspire had relocated, therefore Wraen's thoughts often wandered back to the friends and family that she had chosen to leave behind. She had no doubt that pack was in good hands with Terance and Rannoch at the helm. Treason - she did not know, what to think of - but, perhaps, with her ambitions fulfilled by the promotion, she would turn out to be a valuable asset as well. She missed Rannoch's children - lovely Remi, stand-offish and shy Wisp, curious and inquisitive Breccan, and their brother Deshyr Jr. - because, despite the amount of trouble they had given her, she still wanted to see them grow up, teach them things, mentor them and help take the first steps in adult life. Liffey she missed as well, though having full hands of family, had left less time for them going on adventuring together.
All things considered Wraen had gambled almost all of her life-savings in form of important relationships and put her bid on an unclear idea that somewhere the grass was greener, the sky was more blue. She realized also that rebuilding her life again would take a lot of work and effort and she was not even sure, if she was ready to go through with it again. Therefore Wraen did not jump at the offer right away, but nodded in a contempletive silence. This could become useful, if everything went wrong, therefore she was not dismissing. It was always better to have more friends in life than enemies. "I will see, what I can do there," she replied, promissing nothing. "You can walk me half-way to the place, where you have settled now. So that I know, where to go and where to send people, if I meet any that seem suitable."
She followed Seabreeze as far as, where the mountains met the coastline and after hearing all of the directions and memorizing them, left to meet up Maia in the evening.