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+--- Thread: Blacktail Deer Plateau because her words had forked no lightning (/showthread.php?tid=30683)
because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
@Minori -- slight PP, just to make Minori show up in the thread.
More and more the idea of leaving the Plateau came into Grezig’s mind. This… being here… was no longer working in anyone’s favor. It was not good or healthy for there to be tension between the members of leadership. They didn’t have to agree on everything, but this was no longer a small disagreement. Grezig didn’t know what was wrong with her or why she now hated Liri so much. They had once been friends, months ago. But now she just… looking at the female alpha just filled her with so much disgust. Disgust for being deformed. Disgust for turning down her spar.
Grezig knew it was her fault, too. But this wasn’t even about Kavik anymore. In fact, if she never saw Kavik again it would be too soon. She needed to find a mate for herself, and fast, just to get that life goal out of the way. But she would never be happy at the Plateau now. She wished she could be, because she’d grown to love the other members like family. But she just… couldn’t see herself being subordinate to Liri and Kavik any longer. She needed to leave, to start something new all her own. To become the alpha of her own pack. And if she was going to do it and still have babies in the spring, she was going to have to leave quickly.
She was sitting here, thinking all of this, when Minori showed up.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - Minori - November 09, 2018
There had been a lot of tension in the past few days, between Siqsa and her and Liri and Grezig things seemed awkward and the air seemed heavy. She was worried about if this would have a lasting effect on the Plateau or not. She wanted to speak to Grezig which was a coincidence because as she walked she caught sight of Grezig sitting and looking deep in thought. "Grezig. Care to vent to a willing ear?" she asked, ears perked and eyes somewhat soft with sympathy. She had no idea what the reasoning behind her troubles were but she could see it was tearing the beta up.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
Grezig dragged herself up to a sitting position tiredly, as if she were an old lady instead of a woman in her prime. “Minori,” she said, returning the dark female’s greeting. When Minori said she would lend her ear, the beta hesitated. She really wasn’t sure what she should talk about and not talk about. Was it better that everything be out in the open completely? Would Kavik or—Gods forbid—Liri get angry at her if she just told Minori everything? Not really sure what to say, Grezig began hesitantly.
“Well… First of all, if I tell you anything, you have to swear on pain of death that you will not go spreading the information around.” Here she held Minori’s gaze long enough to make it awkward, but very clear that she meant business. “I’m not sure how you or anyone else in the Plateau will take all of this and I don’t need the pack to fall apart because there are rumors going around.”
She waited, then, to make sure that Minori promised to keep her mouth shut. Otherwise she wouldn’t say a word.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - Minori - November 09, 2018
Minori remained silent as Grezig clearly hesitated but it made her wonder just how bad what had happened was. She listened intently as Grezig spoke of swearing by punishment of death if she broke her word and she couldn't help it, she snorted. "I care so little about the drama of others. You don't have anything to worry about. There definitely will not be any problems from it on my end" she said bluntly. The only reason she was here is she cared about Grezig, not her problems and if venting would help then she would listen. Simple as that. She nodded for Grezig to continue, her gaze patient as she lowered her rear to the ground and prepared to listen.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING
Grezig sighed heavily when Minori promised not to spread the information around. “Well,” she said, gathering her thoughts. “Let me try to make this as succinct as possible.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “I want pups in the spring. Originally I was going to ask Corvus to be the father, but then he disappeared. I don’t know Issun at all so I went to Kavik. We’re close. Well… we were. I know he is mated to Liri but I only wanted him to father my pups, not to become mated to me.” She sighed. How naïve she had been.
“He agreed, but said they’d have to ask Liri first. That was fine with me. I wasn’t trying to cause a rift in their relationship. I just wanted pups, and for that, I needed a willing male. So… we went to Liri eventually, after a few days or weeks. I cannot remember. But then… something happened when Kavik started talking about how much he loved Liri, trying to butter her up before he asked her.” She stopped here because the memory was painful. She shook her head, remembering the flash of pain in her heart, the way her hearing had faded to a dull roar as Kavik had kept talking about how much he loved his mate.
“I realized,” Grezig whispered. “too late that I loved Kavik. I couldn’t…” Her voice cracked and she cleared it, hard, and then shook her head and sat up straighter, forcing the emotions down. Her eyes became dull. “I could not go through with the plan of Kavik impregnating me. I called it off, but I was distraught. Liri must have realized right away what Kavik meant to me. Our relationships have all been strained ever since.” She shook her head again. “That is… partly why I left a little while ago to try and find Illdan’s family. I was hoping things would calm down by the time I got back, but… they didn’t.”
Grezig’s eyes were hard now, and glinted in the light. “It’s not about Kavik anymore. I’ve been worrying about Liri’s ability to run this pack for some time. It is wrong of me, but I—I cannot look past her deformity, and her soft heart. It is not bad to have a heart, but I worry that she cannot… be strong enough in lean times to lead us properly.” The beta sighed. “I am not fair to her, but it does not prevent my feelings. That’s why I wanted to spar her. In my natal pack, spars solved any dispute we had. I assumed that if she won, I could just give in, become subordinate, go back to caring for the pack and forget all about our problems. Maybe that was naïve but… clearly, pushing down my emotions only made everything worse. But then… she rejected the spar and now I don’t know what to do.”
Grezig was tired after speaking so much. She didn’t think she’d ever spoken so much at once in her entire life, and was actually kind of embarrassed about it. She gave Minori a shy glance, and then looked out at the trees, wondering what her friend would think about all this.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - Minori - November 09, 2018
The gush of words that came out surprised Minori but she did her best to keep up with everything. The first part she understood, she wanted pups too. Then Grezig said she had wanted to go to Corvus and she tensed up, heart squeezing for a moment though her expression remained the same. The mentioning of Issun bugged her as well and she immediately questioned her own sanity. Why should she give a crap about what another female wanted with Corvus? And why would she have a problem with Issun providing children for another female? She shook the thought off and focused back in on Grezig. As soon as the tale of what happened began she immediately assumed what had happened and felt sympathy for all members of the problem. She nodded slowly and was about to respond when Grezig moved on to Liri's leadership skills. "I've been in love once, I know you cannot help who you fall for. I also know that it is possible to move on and the feelings do fade. Kavik is a loyal male, he won't leave Liri and that is not Liri's fault. It is not yours either. I recommend that you move on, this sounds like a case of jealousy because she has what you don't. Why don't you focus your energy on finding someone else you can love as a mate? Kavik isnt the most impressive male I've ever seen, there are plenty more worthy of such a woman like you" she gave her opinion and advice bluntly though her tone was gentle.
Then it changed a bit, growing more firm "I originally believed Liri couldn't handle being an Alpha because of her injury. Yet she hunts, gets around, and patrols just as well as any other wolf. She isn't soft either, she is kind and compassionate, there's a difference. Her soul is strong, she knows she is doubted and she knows she is at a disadvantage but she keeps her head up high and does her job anyway. I have no doubt that if we all fail this winter, it won't be because of her." she said what she needed to on that part and reguarded Grezig for a moment. "Do you truly hate Liri or do you hate that she has a mate, her own loyal pack, and can handle the pain of what happened between you two in a calmer fashion while you suffer and struggle?" she asked this in a genuinely curious voice, wanting to know if a fight over such a silly thing had really ruined a friendship.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
The more Grezig listened to Minori, the more everything made sense. Grezig nodded as she spoke of being in love, herself, once. ’I recommend that you move on, this sounds like a case of jealousy because she has what you don’t.’
These words were a bit like a slap in the face for Grezig, but she still found herself nodding along. Yes. She supposed she was jealous. And not about Kavik specifically. She was jealous because Liri had a mate—any mate—and Grezig did not. And Liri had a pack, and Grezig did not.
Minori’s voice hardened as she defended Liri, talking about how she, too, had once thought Liri weak, but she didn’t anymore. ’Do you truly hate Liri,’ Minori asked, ’or do you hate that she has a mate, her own loyal pack, and can handle the pain of what happened between you two in a calmer fashion while you suffer and struggle?’
Grezig stood up immediately. “I know what I have to do now,” she said. “I have been feeling this way for some time, but you helped me see it truly. I must leave the Plateau. I cannot grow into a better person while I remain here. Liri is better than I am in many ways and I respect her for that, but I must get away from my feelings attached to this place if I am to become better myself.” Grezig was nodding again. Everything made so much sense and now she felt a purpose coming into her bones. “Thank you, Minori,” she said, her voice serious and determined. “I will make an announcement to the whole pack soon.”
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - Minori - November 09, 2018
Minori felt a sense of satisfaction that she had helped Grezig so much, she hoped things would get bett- did she just say she was leaving the plateua? What? Her ears flattened back and a look of oh shit what did I do? came across her face. Yet Grezig looked so much happier and she sounded more like herself so Minori quickly tried to stop looking so horrified. "Grezig, you are better than her in other ways too. It's not a matter of not being good enough. If you think that you can't function here then I support you in leaving but...just know I do wish you would stay" she said the last bit gently and looked away awkwardly. Here she was losing another friend yet it didn't hurt in a bad way nescessarily, Grezig was leaving but she wasnt doing it in a mean way. She had to go to better herself. "Please don't..mention this talk. I fear that if everyone else finds out I gave you the idea to leave they'll be unhappy with me" she requested this in a hushed voice, feeling weird about such a request. When did she start caring so much about what others thought?
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
this reply is really weird cos I'm tired af sorry
Minori seemed confused by Grezig’s words, which annoyed Grezig and also made her a little sad. She had not anticipated being sad about leaving. Damn. She’d be leaving behind four months of hard work, and all of her friends. Was it worth it? She had no idea but she was gonna do it anyways because Grezig is being fucking crazy right now I don’t even know what’s happening anymore Grezig what are you doing.
“I’m sorry you’re sad,” Grezig admitted, nudging Minori in a friendly manner. “But I have to do this. And I won’t tell anyone we talked. Besides, I told you I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I was probably going to leave no matter what happened.” She gave Minori a rare smile.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - Minori - November 09, 2018
She remembered when she had told her father that she would be focusing her life on being the general of the armies instead of the crown. She would have gotten the crown anyway of course but no princess was supposed to fight. Her father had been disappointed but had supported her in the end. She took the nudge and smiled, cheering up at how Grezig had seemed to cheer up completely "I suppose it's good that you're leaving happier now. We'll miss you....I wish this hadn't happened" she said.
RE: because her words had forked no lightning - RIP Grezig - November 09, 2018
Her smile faltered at Minori’s words.
’I wish this hadn't happened.’
“I wish I had not fallen in love with Kavik,” she said. “I wish I did not feel such anger towards Liri. But I cannot change that it happened, nor anything that happened afterwards. But I can choose what to do with my life now, and I choose not to drag the rest of the pack down with me.” Her words were sad, but determined. “I will go. I will not ask anyone to go with me. I want the Plateau to succeed. I do not hate Liri so much that I would wish true harm upon her. She and Kavik and I created this pack together—along with you and the other members. I hope it survives. And I think it is strong enough to do so with or without me.”
Grezig stepped back now. “I must go and think,” she said. “I’m sure you will hear from me soon.” With that, she turned and left, weaving between trees to go and find a place to be alone.
[Exit.]