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+--- Thread: Blacktail Deer Plateau Black Beatles (/showthread.php?tid=30699)
Black Beatles - Elixir - November 09, 2018
looking for @Ruenna for some drama? Forward dated to when she had come back from the other side of the map. (Rank drama? If you’re interested :) if not anyone welcome! IC is not what is thought OOC
Elixir had come back from her travels, the ranks had changed and she had just found out. Rue was now a beta? Elixir was speechless nothing hurt her worse than that. It was like a knife had cut through her chest and pierced her heart. What had she done to not prove she was worthy? The thoughts, regrets, and worry had flooded in her mind like a sea. All she could think to do was find Rue and talk, after all she was an aspiring counselor and wanted to work out her feelings not keep them in.
For some reason she had a new outlook of why Grezig had done what she did to Liri. There was no anger toward the Alphas... yet... But she now seen clearly what Grezig must have felt toward Liri. The wolfdog shook the thought that haunted her. No I mustn’t think like that. I need to find Ruenna, she thought as she started to sniff for her scent.
Elixir had started to pad around to sniff for the woman’s scent. She hoped soon she would be able to find her as she was scared about what other thoughts would come to mind. A small but piercing howl was let from her throat to call for the woman who she failed to pick up scent too.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 10, 2018
Ruenna was not far; with her recent rise in rank she thought to stick a little closer to home for the next moon or so, especially while Blacktail Deer Plateau seemed to be going through so many changes. Elixir's summons was a curiosity to Rue, but certainly not unwelcome. Perhaps the pack's counselor could help her come to terms with her somewhat complicated feelings she held about the Beta position.
Or perhaps Elixir was exactly the wrong person to talk to about these feelings. Rue knew that the wolfdog had been with Liri and Kavik for longer, and it was possible that she would have complicated feelings about Liri's choice as well. Rue tried to dismiss the nagging feeling, but she worried that Elixir might think her ill-suited for the position. What if this was a confrontaion, and not simply a conversation?
Rue tried to push her worries aside as she drew up to Elixir. "Hi, Elixir," she greeted the woman quietly as she approached. "How are you feeling?" Although Rue's travels had kept her away from the Plateau, she had heard that Elixir had been under the weather for some time. Soft concern etched across her features as she awaited response.
RE: Black Beatles - Elixir - November 11, 2018
It was but a moment before she heard the footsteps of the one she was looking for. At first she wasn't entirely sure what she was wanting to say to the Beta. As Ruenna got closer, the knot in the wolfdog's stomach got bigger. She felt a bit sick and when she was greeted a small smile was all she mustered up. She took a second to swallow the lump in her throat.
"Hello Ruenna, I'm doing well now. It was quite a scare I had not too long ago." she said softly. Elixir noticed that the Beta seemed a bit soft spoken. Her face fell and ears drooped a bit as she thought about the conversation she was about to bring up between them. "I bet you're wondering why I called you here?" she chuckled a bit but still felt semi-awkward. "I just want to talk about your recent rise in Position. I always feel its better to talk about feelings rather than bottle them up... " she said calmly and sat back on her haunches.
The wolfdog's tail swayed slowly in anxiousness. The hopes that they would be able to work it out were high right now, atleast in Elixir's mind.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 11, 2018
Elixir said that she was well now, but Rue wasn't so sure. The wolfdog didn't really seem like herself; there was something about her energy that felt... dampened. Ususally Elixir was so cheerful, so optimisitic...
"I had no idea it was so serious." Rue frowned in concern. "But I'm very glad you're better." Not for the first time, Rue was frustrated by being unaware of pertinent information. It was simply further evidence that she needed to remain closer to the packlands, especially if she was to now fullfill the responsbilities of Beta.
Rue wanted to move forward and nudge her friend sympathetically, but something about Elixir's energy made Rue hesitate to do so. Rue's head tiled as Elixir revealed her intentions behind the conversation. Elixir had chuckled a little bit, but Rue wondered if she had done so to cover up a painful emotion.
"Yes. Beta," Rue confirmed, brow knitting in concern as she spoke the position aloud. She had known this would happen, figuring that it was only a matter of time before someone made ill-feelings known. Rue had predicted that the first to speak up would be either Minori or Elixir, two pack members who had been with Liri, Kavik and Grezig from the get-go. Likely both of them thought the position was better deserved by a packmate with more longevity, and Rue certainly wouldn't have argued with that conclusion. But Liri had made her choice, hadn't she?
"Liri did not provide me with the reasoning behind her decision," Rue said quietly, apologetically. She sighed, figuring that was the information Elixir was seeking and disappointed that she couldn't be of more help. Liri had listed Rue's accomplishments, but she hadn't gone into detail as to why those accomplishments might be any better than those of their other packmates, or why Rue was more fit to the position than anyone else.
RE: Black Beatles - Elixir - November 11, 2018
There seemed to be a sort of tension between them and Elixir could feel it within her heart. It wasn't her intention, to make Ruenna feel bad for the position or to make her feel like she had hated her for it. Elixir just wanted Ruenna to know that she had felt like she was undermined as a pack member being overshadowed as a candidate for the Beta position. It was like a stab in her heart, which she would let Rue know later.
"I dont want you to feel like you can't talk to me anymore or feel safe around me. I'm not upset with you. thank you, I'm glad I am better too." she said before the other woman had even talked. She had to get that out there, just so she would know.
After Ruenna mentioned Liri didn't tell her why, it was a shock to Elixir. She understood that the woman was a vital part of the pack but wasn't the wolfdog too? She wasn't too sure anymore. "I felt as though I was overlooked you know...." she whispered tears threatened to fall from her eyes as they welled up. "I mean it's not that I've been here long....I have .... but I've worked to get my trades... to make sure the pack is okay... " this time it wasn't a threat a tear had trailed from her eye down her muzzle and dropped off to make a splash on the ground. "Maybe it's because I got sick, because I travelled..." she voiced her reasons why, she knew Ruenna didn't have a clue why she wasn't picked but she needed someone to talk to and so it had to be the new Beta.
"I'm always so happy and now it feels like I'm stabbed in the heart and I'm bleeding everywhere." at this point she couldn't even look her superior in the eye. The ground was more like it and so she watched a bug walk past her on the ground as tears continued to fall from her eyes.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 11, 2018
Elixir's reassurance released Rue from her frozen position, confirming that there was no ill-will between the pair. The reassurance allowed Rue to move forward to lap at Elixir's cheek as her tears began to fall. Rue listened quietly as Elixir spoke, nudging her comforting every now and then when the wolfdog's voice faltered.
Elixir ended on the vivid imagaery of bleeding out, and Rue had to agree it seemed as if Elixir's life force had been sapped. It pained Rue to hear that her friend was in so much distress, and a small whine escaped her.
"Elixir, I don't know Liri's reasoning," she stated again, "But I trust that she considered her choice very carefully." Elixir trusted Liri too, didn't she? Rue's head tilted sideways as she continued speaking earnestly. "I am quite certain that you were not overlooked. All of Blacktail Deer Plateau recognizes your accomplishments. We're so proud for you."
Rue breathed in. "If I had to take a guess, Elixir... perhaps it has something to do with your chosen trade- the counseling, the.. the therapy. A few moons ago, I would never have felt safe to share my heart's troubles with someone from the leadership tier," Rue admitted, reminding Elixir of the conversation they had regarding nightmares. In fact, Rue had been terrified that a leader would find out about her past and give her the boot. "..But I felt safe with you. A fellow subordinate. A friend. Perhaps Liri does not want pack members to feel somehow separated from or.. or subordinate to their therapist."
Rue hoped that reminding Elixir of her chosen purpose would soothe her, particularly reminding her that not being a leader could very well help her fullfill her role better.
RE: Black Beatles - Elixir - November 11, 2018
Ruenna was a blessing as a friend to the ebony wolfdog even if she didn't know. The lick of her tears helped Elixir to not produce anymore. It hurt her that she wasn't chosen, she wasn't sure anymore if a pack was what she wanted. The words her superior spoke were much needed to hear. Those words "were all so proud" made her feel a certain amount of relief. Someone was watching her? Someone knew? She didn't want to hear that but it was said and it felt good.
"Im proud, I'm proud of everyone. Proud of you for being able to have the Beta position, proud of everyone for working so hard here. I'm just feeling empty?" the last statement surprised her... empty? and it was a question to herself... she didnt know why. What would fill that emptiness, she didn't even know what should go there. "I feel like someone was putting together a puzzle and the last piece was missing and now its just a puzzle almost done but not quite there." hurt was seen in her eyes as she flashed her cherry orbs to Ruenna.
"That's understandable I guess. Not everyone sees their Leader as someone they can trust with such things." she said softly. "I'm not even sure I wanted the position, a lot of responsibility, but to be recognized for it and told why not would have been nice." she nodded. Ruenna was a good choice for this position, she hadn't been there for too long but not for too short either and she was a good learner.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 11, 2018
Rue sucked in a breath at hearing that her friend was feeling empty. The feeling that she was describing... it seemed very like the feeling that Siqsa had described to her not too long ago. Was this a common feeling among her packmates, then? Elixir seemed to accept Rue's theory as a plausible explanation, and she seemed to be calming somewhat. "It might help for you to speak with Liri about this," she suggested gently. In truth, if Elixir had these questions Rue wondered why she had sought out Rue instead of the ivory alpha straightaway. Certainly Liri would be able to provide more insight than Rue ever could.
"That last puzzle piece for you... was leadership?" Rue guessed, trying to make sense of the analogy. "Do you think your puzzle would have been complete if you were promoted, or.. or is there something different that's missing?" Rue nudged her muzzle beneath Elixir's chin to gently lift the woman's gaze. Elixir's eyes were usually a pretty blush color, but the reddish hue seemed deeper than normal, likely due to her crying.
RE: Black Beatles - Elixir - November 11, 2018
It was hard to hear that it might help to speak to Liri. Honestly she hadn't seen Liri in a while, since she was sick to be exact and hadn't even told them when she left for the Hinterlands. It made her nervous to even think about what she would say... A lot of what she didn't want to hear probably.
"I guess I probably should..." she hesistated for a moment before she blurted it out. It felt she had just thrown up everywhere but without the actual throw up. The knot that had went away before was now back and bigger than ever. What a mess she had made now. The wolfdog's breaths were shallow as she was in disbelief that she had did this to Ruenna and now she was supposed to talk to Liri.
"I'm not sure that that is it. Leadership would have made me stressed. I'm not stressed just empty. I met someone who asked if I love travelling, and when I thought about it travelling is something I Love with all my heart. Seeing beautiful things and being free. That's everything to me." she said as Ruenna brought her head up. Maybe that was her missing piece but she wasn't entirely sure of it yet.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 15, 2018
Elixir agreed with Rue's suggestion, but they way she spoke made Rue wonder if something else was holding Elixir back from conversing with Liri. A counselor had conversations for a living, as far as Rue knew, and it was odd to Rue that Elixir would wish to avoid a coversation that seemed so needed.
Elixir spoke again of emptiness, and before Rue could make another suggestion Elixir seemed to be answering her own concerns. The wolfdog seemed to already know what would fill up her emptiness, which to Rue seemd like it should be good news. "Our leaders have always encouraged us to follow our hearts... No matter where your passion takes you, you will always have the support of your family here." Rue wasn't exactly sure why a passion for travel seemed to have Elixir so conflicted. Was she trying to tell Rue that she wanted to leave?
RE: Black Beatles - Elixir - November 24, 2018
Elixir just nodded at Ruenna. The talk was much needed and she was thankful that Ruenna was there but it was time for Elixir to take some time for herself to think about what she would do now. “Thank you Ruenna but I should get back to duties now.” She said half heartedly. She felt misplaced here but soon she would know what she needed to do, on her own time.
RE: Black Beatles - Ruenna - November 24, 2018
Elixir seeemed to be pulling away, disengaging quickly from wherever the conversation might have led. Rue had to wonder what it was that the wolfdog wasn't saying, and whether she wan't saying it precisely because of Rue's new position.
"Okay, Elixir," Rue said simply, with a very sad-looking smile. She gave her friend one last nudge of farewell before stepping back to give her space to depart.