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+--- Thread: Heron Lake Plateau Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting (/showthread.php?tid=31084)
Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Kiwi RIP - December 02, 2018
She probably could have easily avoided her sister here. There was plenty of room and plenty to explore, and already she'd stuck her nose in quite a few of the corners of the plateau. But she was ticked, she knew she was right to be ticked, and that meant she was going to go make her feelings known.
Plus, since they were packmates again, better to get it all on the table.
She'd worked herself up into a right snit on the way, running over all the the reasons she was upset, so she was practically thrumming with upset and nervous energy by the time she was through. Kiwi wasn't one to get loud when she was upset, but she definitely got intense. And for such a little wolf, she did intense well. She hadn't quite landed on the right words, but it was hard for her to really nail down what it was that had upset her the most. Probably she'd find them when she saw her.
She cut a wide arc through the Redhawk claim, lookin for @Bat and ready to say some things that needed saying.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Bat - December 02, 2018
She was in good spirits when she returned to the plateau, following the day's adventure with Cinder. But as soon as she came home and stumbled across her mother's and sister's scents, her smile faltered, then dropped away completely. Bat began to slink off to find Tegan, then caught herself. She was avoiding Wildfire and Kiwi, she realized, and now she frowned.
Slowly, she turned and instead began looking for them. It made her heart flutter and her stomach clench, yet Bat told herself it was a good thing they were here. Sure, it flew in the face of everything she'd done to establish herself here, start her life away from all things Drageda. But did it matter? Nobody cared what name she used and it didn't even seem like Wildfire was mad about the lies or even running away. She just seemed glad to be together again.
But, she thought to herself as she bustled in the direction of the lake, still... Seeing them made all her feelings about nomi's departure resurface, among other things. Where was nomi anyhow? And Silkie? And Tux? And why the hell had they left Drageda? Bat would have to ask Wildfire, Kiwi or Sequoia... and here was her chance, she saw, as she crossed paths with her sister.
"Hey, Kiwi," Bat opened, falling silent when she saw the look in Kiwi's eye.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Kiwi RIP - December 02, 2018
It was in fact a very fine thing that she hadn't thought of anything to say, because the instant she saw Bat, she would have forgotten it. Even if she had seen her in passing these previous days, it wasn't like this time. Because this time she was gunning for a confrontation, and that tended to make the head roar just a bit.
Bat greeted her, but Kiwi didn't return it. Instead, she tensed, her fur tingling with the adrenaline of being so angry at someone and finally getting to let it rip on them why. This was going to feel so good.
"How could you just leave like that?" She finally asked, but there was nothing but edge to the question. This wasn't about being upset, this was about being mad, and the two had very different tones.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Bat - December 02, 2018
Kiwi lashed out at her and Bat's huge ears drifted backward, her body shrinking away half a step. She squinted, grasping for how to react to her sister's anger. There was a flare of indignation, quickly followed by a sense of resignation. Wildfire hadn't seemed to care too much about these details; she was too caught up in finding Bat again. Given a moment to think about it, Bat decided it wasn't unsurprising, nor even unfair as it felt in that first second.
"I tried to catch up with nomi's war party," Bat said, mumbling at first but then catching herself, clearing her throat and speaking more evenly. She felt a pang at the recollection, sad silver eyes combing Kiwi's face even as she continued. "But I never did. And it hit me that she left us. She took Ephraim but left her own kids. And mom." Bat swallowed thickly. This was hard to think about but Kiwi deserved an explanation. "I ran into Tegan again and he told me about scouting, so I decided to go with him. I just—I couldn't go back."
She shrugged listlessly, looking down at the ground and then back up at Kiwi again. She bit her lip. She'd done her best to answer, to explain herself to her sister. But what would she do with it?
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Kiwi RIP - December 02, 2018
Bat's explanation would have probably made a more understanding wolf sympathetic. What she said echoed exactly Kiwi's feelings; she'd felt replaced too, when Ephraim got to go and they were left behind. Perhaps even worse, because for some reason, Kiwi had latched onto the idea that because she was similar to nomi in color, in drive, and her daughter, maybe one day she'd be Heda. Maybe, if she could prove that she was worthy, a fact that she already knew herself.
But it instead only made her more upset. "And you just thought none of the rest of us would want to come too? Just like her. We were supposed to be sisters." The last part had the most accusation, and it felt mean even as she said it, but she wasn't about to back out now. Because that was the heart of it. Kiwi wasn't mad that Bat left; she was mad she left without saying goodbye, and without asking if Kiwi wanted to come along. She might have said no, but it didn't matter. Being left behind because the other didn't want you along sucked, and she hated the feeling it gave her.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Bat - December 03, 2018
Kiwi's sharp words stung and part of Bat wanted to say something in her own defense. But she also understood her sister's anger. She remembered thinking of this very thing when Tegan had gone missing. Much as she wanted to deflect, she couldn't blame her sister. Bat could remember all too well how worried, how bereft, she'd felt while Tegan was gone. Not to mention how shitty it'd felt when nomi had gone away.
"No," Bat admitted, "no, I didn't really think about it at all. I just did it." She paused to let out a shuddering breath. And I'm not sorry, she yelled in her mind but Bat didn't dare say that out loud. Instead, she added, "I'm sorry I just left the way I did. Mom wouldn't get off my back ever since you and me went missing the first time, so I had to make a run for it at the first opportunity." She finished on a long exhale.
Bat didn't know what to say in response to Kiwi's remark about sisterhood. She felt the hot sting of tears behind her silver eyes and blinked rapidly, willing them away. Just because she understood where Kiwi was coming from didn't mean the implication hurt her any less.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Kiwi RIP - December 03, 2018
There was no room in her for sympathy, and a part of her that took distinct pleasure from how upset her words made Bat look, much as she still continued to explain. There was another part, a little one, that had the grace to feel bad, but it was squashed and shoved under the rug currently. There was honestly likely nothing Bat could do to make up for it, because it had already come and gone, and the hurt was done.
"Well you should have." She responded, her hackles lifting. "But obviously you didn't care about us. Glad you found a new family. I found a new sister too." And she's way better than you ever were, she thought silently, even as this last bit curdled in her stomach. Mom would've likely smacked her to hear her talk like that, but mom was too easy on Bat. She'd done nothing to deserve getting let off the hook for leaving. She hadn't come here intending to get nasty but she'd also never been much for thinking of others' feelings.
Honestly she would love for Bat to come at her. They they could fight and get over it, maybe, or just call it quits and Kiwi could be done with her. She just didn't want to have to pretend like everything was ok and it didn't happen. That was one thing she couldn't do.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Bat - December 03, 2018
She didn't argue her sister's point, though her lips parted at the accusation. That wasn't true! Or was it? Her lips pressed together as Kiwi shot a sarcastic comment at her—not entirely off base—and then a jab that was equal parts intriguing and painful. Bat felt some anger stir in her belly, though mostly she felt a little sick about this entirely unexpected confrontation.
"Why did you all come here anyway?" Bat wanted to know, voice a little shaky. Their arrival had absolutely thrown her, yet she'd tentatively embraced their mother despite that. Now the youth felt like she should avoid Wildfire, Kiwi and even Sequoia entirely (and purposely), maybe even pretend they weren't here. Her life here at Redhawks had been going so well—she'd almost successfully repressed all her memories of Drageda—when they'd showed up.
And now Kiwi was really harshing her vibe. Why don't you go back? she thought, tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. Bat had changed in a lot of significant ways, yet she still despised conflict. Kiwi was spoiling for a fight but all Bat wanted now was for this conversation to end so she could get on with ignoring the Drakrus' existence here.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Kiwi RIP - December 03, 2018
So now they were in the wrong for showing up, that was rich.
Mom wanted to come. And I wasn't gonna let her come by herself.Her reasons weren't really that altruistic. She had grown up driven by one main force, praise, primarily the approval of her parents. If Thur's leaving had shaken that then Wildfire's would have left her with no base to stand on. It was easier to go than lose that.
Just don't expect me to be as glad as mom that you're here. You don't deserve it.She said finally, before flicking her tail and going to stalk off. Did she want to pounce on her and pound her right now? Yes she did. But she'd never intentionally hurt a sibling, and something wouldn't let her start now, even if it was unclear if she'd ever acknowledge that they had that relationship again. She could be fairly mercurial in her moods, but she could also hold a hella grudge.
RE: Hard time forgiving Even harder forgetting - Bat - December 03, 2018
But why? Bat wanted to press, curious despite herself. She wasn't going to ask Kiwi though. If she really wanted to know—more than she now wanted to pretend they didn't exist—she could always just ask Wildfire. Clearly nothing good was going to come of this conversation with her sister.
With one final blow, Kiwi turned to leave. Bat made no attempt to stop her or call her back. She simply stood there dumbly for a long moment, squinting a little as Kiwi finally became no more than a smudge in the distance. Did she care what Kiwi thought? Truthfully, she did. She couldn't help it. But in the spirit of refusing to let their appearance upset the good thing she had going here, Bat suppressed that feeling.
She was scarily good at putting all things Drageda in a locked closet at the back of her mind. It'd be a little harder with constant reminders of their existence popping up everywhere—like trying to shut the door against an overflowing cascade—but Bat would just have to do her best. She'd been doing just fine without them and wanted to get back to life as she knew it.