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+--- Thread: Lost Creek Hollow fuck this shit (/showthread.php?tid=31483)
fuck this shit - Laurel - December 18, 2018
Wyatt was gone. Laurel knew this would happen, but he was really gone. In her absence things had only grown worse and now, she had had enough. She wouldn't stay in this shit hole one day longer, where the children disappeared one by one. Laurel called a distressed call for @Indra when she concluded she could find no trace of Wyatt or his scent anywhere near the pack's territories. She felt very 'I told you so'ish about their discussion a few weeks prior but decided she needed to be the bigger wolf for now, because obviously she needed Indra to come with as they searched for the lost pups.
Impatiently Laurel waited for her sister, ready to leave right about two hours ago.
RE: fuck this shit - Indra - December 18, 2018
a distressed howl had echoed through the glade, stirring indra from what had been a restless nap in the weak winter sunlight. she was quick to rise, chasing away sleep with a tired yawn as she instinctively searched for her sister.
when she found laurel her steps slowed, for she saw in her sister’s eyes a stricken emotion. indra felt a crestfallen bolt sickly settle in her stomach- what other bad news could they fairly shoulder? when did things get better?
RE: fuck this shit - Laurel - December 18, 2018
As Indra came into view, Laurel put on a strong face. Indra would know -- knew, from the howl alone, of course -- that something was wrong, but she would not break in front of her sister again. Laurel's voice was stern and precise as she announced: "We're leaving." Laurel had contemplated whether she should say I or we, but it had always been 'we'. If she hadn't said 'we', then maybe Indra might think that Laurel was leaving her, and that was one thing she would never do.
"Wyatt's gone, Indra. I'm not gonna sit here and watch all our children get snatched away. I'm going to go and find them." There was a determination in her look that said, with or without you. But of course, there was the implication in her 'we' that said, with you. Whether Merrick, Nunataq and whatever else might be left here would come, Laurel did not care, so long as Indra was there and so long as they found Laurel's beloved children.
RE: fuck this shit - Terance - December 18, 2018
the call was for indra, sure, but terance had ears. and so did poor marten, who scrambled ahead of the hollows leaders to see what kind of trauma laurel was facing— why she called for his mother. marten stumbled out to press to indra’s side, only after catching the tail end of laurel’s words.
they were leaving. marten said nothing. of course, he would follow his mama to the end of the earth, even if it meant uprooting again. again. again...
terance arrived late, feeling the urgency in a different way than marten had. he stopped before the two women and the pale boy, his brows furrowed and his green gaze settled upon then. nothing seemed wrong, and so his muscles relaxed. he looked first to laurel, then to indra, and asked
what’s going on?his voice was free from judgement or anger, but concern was certainly present— especially in his features.
RE: fuck this shit - Indra - December 18, 2018
a certain firmness slipped into laurel’s gaze, hardening the hazel hue of her eyes in a way that looked harsh to indra. it was as she feared - wyatt too was gone.
her heart felt like an old dry leaf; flimsy and brittle and crunching under every new blow. and when did it end?
she opened her mouth to contest, but the soft form of marten arriving besides her stayed her response. and it was of little use anyway— as much as indra felt torn in a thousand ways (could she leave merrick and nunataq? could she leave terance after all the heartbreak he had endured? and treason, who would think she usurped their benevolence and used them?), indra knew she would never leave laurel.
a wry, sad smile briefly played her features. stigmata was right.
was this how seabreeze felt, knowing the path ahead, and knowing the hearts it would break in the process? indra breathed deep, her mind a storm of a thousand chaotic thoughts.
and then terance came along. her ears fell flat in shame, for she knew their departure would be a new scar to christen his battered heart. she could barely meet his gaze, and feeling rotten, only looked dumbly to laurel.
wyatt is gone.her tone was pained yet flat, constricted by the guilt that was now settling deep in her ribcage, like thorns working their way through viscera.
we have to go.
@Nunataq and @Merrick wherever they were would have to be told or collected — indra’s throat seized at the thought of leaving them behind.
RE: fuck this shit - Laurel - December 19, 2018
It would've been easiest to just leave right now. Laurel could sense that there was some sort of unease in Indra, but she would not face it now. Of course she didn't want to leave -- Laurel didn't want to leave -- but her children were gone and no one was doing anything to get them back. No one was going to do anything except for her, so Laurel would take Indra and go and find them. She had to.
But of course, 'easy' was never as things went. Laurel's gaze turned sharply as she saw Marten and Terance. She felt angry at Terance for bringing Marten here to see this; it would've been so much easier if they had been able to just leave, or talk this over with Terance alone.
Where Indra had seemed on the fence before their arrival, there was a sort of resolve in her words now. Yeah, she still sounded like she didn't really want to go, and she sounded like she felt guilty (but such was Indra, always holding the weight of the world on her shoulders) but Laurel knew that they must go. She felt completely locked up in here, even when she still had Wyatt. Now he was gone, too, and it was the last straw. She would go, and she would drag her sister along by the ears if she must.
But luckily Indra saw this, too, and agreed that they should go. "We must find my children," said Laurel. Honestly, Laurel hadn't thought of the logistics very much yet; she had only realised that they must go, but she had not considered whether or not they should take the pups. It seemed unsafe to bring them, but on the other hand, leaving them behind they might not be here when they returned. Keeping everyone together seemed the safest.
RE: fuck this shit - Terance - December 19, 2018
but terance hadn't brought marten, and he didn't know that laurel harbored that frustration to clear that up. he regarded laurel's sharp gaze with one completely opposite, filled only with concern and appeared as calm and stoic as ever. such was terance.
but as his gaze fell to indra, who spoke softly, and pulled her words from guilt, his expression only softened. it dropped the concern, and terance had to fight to put up something of understanding. sure, he did, but he wanted to be angry-- wanted to be sad-- more than he wanted to understand. terance hadn't seen his own children in months, and the last time he had they spat cruelties at him. and then seabreeze had done the same thing. if terance had deserved it, he didn't understand. just as seabreeze had fought to make a hard decision, knowing it would hurt everyone around her, so did terance. terance struggled to understand how seabreeze failed to see how hard his decision was as well.
his teeth gritted, nonetheless, though his expression did not harbor any of the anger or disappointment he felt. desperately, terance wanted to accuse laurel-- of stealing her sister away because she was unhappy. maybe terance missed the part of the conversation where laurel asked indra if she wanted to go, but based only by her tone of voice he could only assume she hadn't gotten a say-- she'd gotten an ultimatum. terance knew how ultimatum's worked, all too well. he bit his tongue. laurel seemed too hardheaded for her own good. he failed to see how she was a leader at bearclaw, or maybe her stubbornness was what had gotten her there. she seemed impulsive and selfish, at least from what terance seen, justified only by now and the incident with stigmata at the borders. but, truth be told, that were terance's only really interactions with her, so what else could he know?
"if you must go, i cannot stop you," he said gently, to both of the women and to the boy who pressed himself to indra's side. his gaze fell on indra then, and he added, "you always have a place in the hollow."
"you're leaving in the start of winter, you'll be fine together, but the pups will be safer in the safety of the pack." of course, terance knew that it was naive to think she would just up and leave her children here, and he didn't expect her to, it was just an offer. he said then, "i can watch after nunatuq, marten, and merrick, if you would like. " his ears pressed forwards as he offered, still focused on indra, since laurel's children had all run away from her cold aura.
RE: fuck this shit - Marten - December 19, 2018
"i'm going with mama," was all marten murmured, still pressed to her side. he liked terance, at least, as much as he could as little as he knew him. but he couldn't stay here with him. marten liked everybody, and he was sad to have to leave. but... he couldn't leave indra, he just couldn't bare the thought. he wondered if nuna and merrick would stay... if nuna would even understand, if it was worth it to explain. terance seemed to think it was a bad idea if they all went, and marten-- too naive-- didn't really understand it. but he took it into consideration, kind of. he would go, definitely, but maybe only he would be allowed to.
RE: fuck this shit - Indra - December 19, 2018
seeing terance process it all, indra felt as if her body was a stone slipped into a sea; dark and well beyond the reach of any gaze she fell deeper and deeper, beyond the help of any hand, and pulled down by some intractable weight. perhaps if she looked up she'd see the light eventually receding, the ripple of the surface world still there but beyond reach.
but she did not look up.
laurel spoke and indra was distinctly aware of marten's body pressed against her, the heat from his small frame emanating along her flank. sweet marten, volunteering to come on some lean journey - while his siblings slept comfortable and fed by some other mother's den..
and terance, gravely accepting another grim package of bad news - putting this new hurt down with the old, laying it besides ancient griefs where it pressed and turned and restlessly dug deeper. she hated to be the thorn that reopened such misery -- if she could just close the box before all of pandora's plagues rose out . . .
she stirred to speak, but nothing came of it. the idea of leaving nunataq and merrick behind was unpalatable to indra, and wildly she looked to laurel in desperation, as if laurel would somehow be able to make it right. yet, it was laurel pulling indra out by her roots, roots she had tenderly and carefully cultivated in the hollow.
she wanted desperately to say no, to stand her ground firm under her sister's sovereign stare. maybe it would have even stopped laurel from her new crusade, but indra knew them splitting was somehow worse than her leaving her children behind - to her anyway. and perhaps a shade of her mother's selfish impulse came out, for indra drew a resigned breath and quelled any idea of rebellion.
terance was right, she knew - but it did not help. it did not help that she would be abandoning her kids, same as her parents had done to her - to them. laurel's kids deserved parents, too, but what if they weren't alive? as much as she hated to face the idea, it was a very real possibility at this point.
all of this inner dialogue, and she had yet to say anything. her throat bobbed and she answered as steadily as she could, but her voice was hoarse and her eyes faltering. "i'm sorry, terance."
RE: fuck this shit - Laurel - December 20, 2018
Marten instantly decided that he was going to go with, even though it was risky to undertake such a journey. Laurel wondered if maybe Marten was right, though, maybe they should take the pups. Leaving them here only risked them getting lost too, and the whole point was that they were getting the pups back. Laurel did not care to have Nunataq or Marten there; pups she lovingly helped raise as if they were Indra's own, but well, they weren't. They'd always remind her of Xan, the wolf she so desperately wanted to leave behind when she walked out of this place. She didn't want to dislike them, but she certainly did not love them anywhere near as much as her own or Merrick.
She glanced at Indra to see her thoughts on the matter of bringing Merrick and Nunataq too, but Indra was a bit of a mess. Terance said it would be a bad idea to bring them, and maybe he was right. Besides, she would not have to look at Xan's face reappearing in Marten's every day, and it would certainly make them lighter on their feet. The only downside is that it would mean eventually returning here, while Laurel had never expected to return to this suffocating place where Xan lived.
Laurel decided she should stand up for her sister and make the decisions when Indra could not. She shot Terance a poisonous glance -- for he was the one who was making Indra a shaky apologetic leaf -- as she nosed Indra's ear and said lovingly, "Don't be sorry, Indra -- you've nothing to be sorry about." Especially not towards this man. Laurel licked the soft plush behind Indra's ear and then turned to look at Marten, who'd squished himself against Indra's leg. "You will stay here, Marten. Terance will take care of you. It's much safer that way." She leaned down to nuzzle the top of his head, too, in reassurance, while she said: "We'll find Lucas, Piper and Wyatt and we'll return very soon." She didn't actually know if it'd be 'very soon', but it was always easier feeding someone, especially a kid, a white lie.
Then Laurel looked up at Terance and said, her gaze softer then: "Thank you for offering to take care of them, and offering a welcome for when we return after we've found them."
RE: fuck this shit - Terance - December 20, 2018
terance did not flinch at the stone-cold stare that laurel shot his way. his face remained the same. he had given indra no reason to stay. he had not begged her, had not guilted her... he hadn't even asked her. he understood, he did. just because he didn't agree and didn't want to understand didn't mean that he didn't understand. he did. it hurt all the same, and laurel had no right to blame him now.
"don't apologize, indra," he said gently, but not as quickly as laurel could shoot out her own defense, making terance feel like his would come across as insincere. he tried again, "i understand, i would never hold this against you. i will be here when you return." he hoped they would return-- assumed. terance would always have a soft spot for indra-- he felt that he could relate to her on levels that he couldn't relate to with other wolves. but, oh, what did it matter? judging only by laurel's sharp looks and comments, terance figured this would be the last he truly saw of them. until they came to collect the children, and then laurel dragged them somewhere else.
insert a thing i want marten to do in which terance is quiet for.
"of course, laurel," he said, voice still gentle-- a little dense after marten's outburst-- though his mind reeled with ways he could force laurel out without ridding himself of indra. he couldn't think of any ways that wouldn't be cruel to indra, and so he wouldn't ever bring such to fruit. still, he couldn't imagine they'd stay long after returning. if they ever did.
RE: fuck this shit - Marten - December 20, 2018
"no!!" exclaimed marten, who had never once in his life disobeyed anyone. anyone! but this was a line to cross. he ducked away furiously as laurel reached to press her nose to his forehead, his eyes wide. he'd just realized what he had said, and felt truly terrible about it, but there was no fixing it. he raised his voice, and now he needed to speak his mind. "i'm coming with," he said as sternly as his voice could manage, "i can help hunt, and track-- i'm good at tracking, i will help you find them." oh but his poor limbs shook, not at the idea of leaving, but at the fact that he'd just retaliated from auntie laurel.
if only he knew what she was thinking about him-- oh it'd break his poor little heart.
"please, auntie laurel," he said quieter, ears pressed against his skull, "please, mama."
to the side, terance was completely silent during this-- unwilling to get between a family dispute... even if it concerned a child. who, to be fair, was almost an adult.
RE: fuck this shit - Indra - December 24, 2018
the apology that was meant to placate her audience had the opposite effect -- perhaps indra should have anticipated laurel's reaction, for she had always been the only soul to steadfastly enforce their best interest. as her sister nudged her comfortingly, indra wondered just how terribly she would come to regret this decision in the future. she half-expected terance to bristle at the venom in laurel's gaze, yet he took it calmly in stride. naturally, this did little to make indra feel better -- if anything, she felt even worse for driving the spear deep into terance's back while he simply - benevolently - accepted it.
a small part of her wanted him to fight back; to rile against their words or simply tell them they were not going -- why did he have to be so damn understanding? it made leaving all the harder.
laurel's edict on their children (or specifically, her own) being left behind caused some protest in indra, though it was marten who first voiced his dissent. she spared the boy a soft smile, feeling small pangs of hurt and guilt press firmly against her sides. if she allowed marten to come, even if he was nearly full grown, he would only hinder their progress: and at worst, might have his own safety compromised in the process.
never had indra felt so oppressively stuck between a rock and a hard place: choose her children, or choose laurel?
sighing, indra nipped affectionately at the spot behind marten's ear. "you can't come." her voice lacked the strength her composure did; it was cracked and strained. "you have to stay with nuna and merrick -- and protect them, okay?"
RE: fuck this shit - Laurel - January 02, 2019
Laurel was itching to leave. She was done with Terance's coldness, and she didn't want to stand here and argue with a child about why he should stay here. Marten continued to argue, and Indra tried halfheartedly to convince him to stay here. Laurel said harshly:
You must stay here, Marten, and that's that.
Seeing that staying here in this situation was destroying Indra, Laurel nuzzled her sister and said softly:
Come on, let's go.She looked up to Terance and said, her voice well-meaning this time,
Thank you for everything, Terance.She nosed the top of Marten's head and told him softly,
We'll be back with your cousins soon, I promise.Then Laurel turned around and she started making her way from the pack, assuming her sister was in tow.