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+--- Thread: Neverwinter Forest Don't know what's inside of me (/showthread.php?tid=31661)
Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - December 27, 2018
Midar walked the borders of the forest, marking trees and rocks as he passed and keeping an eye out for any wolves that might make the mistake of wandering too close. His wounds were healing well thanks to Alarian, even the deep one on his neck, leaving only a mess of scabs over red, tender skin. As he walked, his mind replayed the vivid memory he had that day in the grove with his lover. Midar still had no idea what any of it meant, and he continued to become more and more frustrated by that fact. He could still see every aspect of the memory in detail and even though he had clearly seen himself praying or whatever it was he was doing under the red moon, he still didn't actually feel like he had done any of that; the memory always played like he was watching some other large, violet-eyed wolf sitting in front of some kind of shrine saying some words that seemed important for some reason he could remember.
He wondered if @Damien would have any answers for him. He hadn't explained the memory to anyone yet, but he would be willing to tell some of it to the man that was his family in some way, especially if he could shed some kind of light on what exactly was going on. The beast hoped maybe he would run into the other man while out patrolling but would otherwise seek him out once he was done.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 02, 2019
As the days went by it became easier for Damien not to think of Blackfeather, but the guilt that came with it grew incontrollably as the thought of Relmyna and her daughters (still 'trapped' there with Kove) made a harsh comeback to screw with his mind. He needed to figure out some way to get them back if he was to keep up his idea of a united Melonii front in the Teekon Wilds, and he needed to do it fast, but without an actual home, or force to provide the safety and stability that he wanted for them he believed it was still better for them to stay behind.
Those thoughts swirled up and down through Damien's mind as he drew his patrol out, a vicious circle that he had gotten himself into ever since he had decided to settle down in Neverwinter. Only the scent of his Midar in the fresh air was able to snap him out to some degree, and with a thoughtful nod he greeted his relative from afar, and invited him to join. Maybe Midar's company would make it easier to concentrate in the task at hand.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - January 03, 2019
It was as though his own thoughts made the other man appear a short distance in front of him, and Midar needed no further invitation to join Damien. He padded silently to his side, a dip of his own head offered as a return greeting.
Damien,he said first, continuing to move along the borders.
I have something I need to discuss,he added, getting right to the point. He was never one for small talk or fluffy words, and if he hadn't had something to bring up, he probably would have continued their patrol in silence until spoken to. As it was, he was hoping for some clarification from the man who had promised to help him on his journey to restoring his memories. The episode was not something he was too excited to talk about, but he was hoping that bringing it up would help bring some much needed understanding to the memory.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 06, 2019
Midar joined him without unwillingness, and Damien resumed the patrol at a slow pace hoping Midar's presence would lighten up his mood. It was tranquilizing knowing that another with whom he shared blood was so close by after living a lifetime of relatives banishing from his life. It was selfish of him, but he believed that perhaps it was Midar's amnesia that had kept him there so long, so loyal, and so he hadn't actively sought him out to help him remember. Alas, the day would come that Midar would seek answers.
Of course,he said, fearing what was coming, but facing it with a calm demeanor. He didn't slow down his pace, but his eyes met Midar's expectantly. With Damien there was no beating about the bush either, he was an upfront man and he didn't fear facing whatever life threw at him.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - January 07, 2019
Keeping pace beside his leader, he thought about how to phrase what he wanted to say. It was hard to even bring it up because the memory still induced a large amount of rage within the beast, but he needed to know what it meant.
I...think I remembered something,he started, expression darkening.
I was...maybe praying--i'm not sure, and I was saying these words,he added. He didn't like this at all--it made him feel vulnerable, which further stoked the rage fire. Midar's jaw clenched, and he had to breath a deep breath in through his nose before he could continue. He wouldn't lose his shit in front of Damien.
The words--they were,he paused again, steeling himself for the anger and confusion that would accompany his speaking those words again.
They were something I have never heard before, but in the memory I was saying them,he finally said, losing his resolve at the last second and finding himself unable to repeat the strange prayer or whatever it was. His violet gaze remained trained on the snowy ground in front of them; the beast was afraid of what the other man would see in them, and he was much too rattled by trying to recount the memory to be able to hide his emotions right now.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 16, 2019
Midar tried to explain that he had gotten back a hazy memory, and having first hand experience with memory loss himself Damien knew what it felt to not know where this was all coming from or not being able to make sense of it. It was like living in the darkest night surrounded by a thick mist, adrift in time and space, adrift in life. It was not an exciting experience.
Here, calm down brothersaid Damien slowing down to a halt.
There's no need to be afraid of your memories, Midar. We can work through this.he said kindly.
Now these words,said Damien,
Were they in the common tongue? Or did they sound like a different language altogether?it was important to know. It made sense that Midar would know the Daedric tongue, and being who they were, it was not strange to find oneself praying to many different deities, each with their own meaning.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - January 17, 2019
He slowed to a stop when he sensed Damien had done the same, letting his words soothe his frustration some. Midar wasn't sure how to answer his question at first. He had definitely understood the words, but he couldn't recall the language they had been in.
I'm not sure,he said first, shaking his head a little.
I know that I understood the words, but I--he paused, releasing a sigh.
--I can't say what language it was.He didn't even understand how that was possible. He watched the words literally come from his own mouth, yet he didn't know if they had been in common or not?
Alarian was there--while the memory hit me, and he said that I was speaking a foreign language after,he added.
I, of course, don't recall that and I, um, lost consciousness soon after.That was perhaps equally as frustrating as the strange memory itself.
How could I have spoken another language and not know it?he asked with another frustrated shake of his head. He had kept his eyes from his dark leader while he spoke, but now they searched his face. He wondered if the other man thought Midar was as crazy as he felt.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 17, 2019
Damien could see how much frustration filled Midar's expression as he tried to explain what had transpired. It wouldn't surprise Damien that Midar would have to go through many more episodes like that one for some time until his memory was fully restored (even if it never got to that point), and he could do little more than try to comfort him and make his best to help him make sense of the flashbacks. As someone who had never been to the Melonii homeland it woul most definitely be impossible for Damien to understand everything, but this time, for instance, he had an idea of what Midar was talking about.
Syt se qringaomnon hen lī qilōni ȳdra daor gūrogon istia sagon vēttan vok lēda ānogar se zūgagon...said the dark man in fluend Daedric.
For the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear...he then translated to the common tongue. It was likely that if he had been praying in this flashback Midar would have chanted these words, for they were Mephala's creed and motto.
You know this tongue, brother. It is the tongue of the Daedra, and it is taught to every Melonii from birth... Even my siblings and I who were raised far from home.he tried to explain. Perhaps it would be difficult for Midar to make sense and utilize the language again, but Damien would try his best to help.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - January 17, 2019
Understanding flickered in his expression at the words in the unknown yet strangely familiar language. The words were the same he had spoken in his memory. Damien repeated the prayer in common, although Midar hadn't needed him to; he understood the other language perfectly, like he had heard it his whole life.
Yes, that's what I said in my memory.The beast would never forget those words; they were etched into brain.
What does it mean?he asked, forgetting his frustration with the possibility of finally getting some answers.
The Daedra. The word stirred something deep inside his scrambled mind, but it was not clear enough to know whether he was familiar with it.
I know that language,he answered, his gaze distant. He didn't know how, and he didn't think he could do much aside from understand it when it was spoken, but somewhere from deep inside the darkness came the realization that he most definitely knew the tongue of the Daedra, and with the realization came a familiarity that lead him to believe it was something he had know for a long time.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 17, 2019
Recognition and familiarity gleamed on Midar's eyes, and suddenly he didn't seem all that confused or worried anymore. Perhaps that was what it felt like to have someone understand you for once, but Damien wouldn't know that. He held the other male's gaze with comprehension rather than dominance and felt himself allowing Midar to share his burden with him. That's what family was for. That's what he wanted to be for his family.
You do.Damien agreed, but to really understand Midar's memory he needed to know more from this prayer.
Do you remember any other words, Midar? It would help me figuring out the intent in this prayer,and knowing that he might find out what kind of wolf Midar had been in this past life. An assassin's pleading resembles but doesn't use the same words recited in a spy's prayer.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - January 25, 2019
Finding this out--that he knew this language was, for some reason, unsettling. He didn't understand how an entire language could just be gone from his memory. It was even more confusing that he had unknowingly spoke it, and even now after hearing it, the beast couldn't muster up even a single word.
He thought hard for a few moments about Damien's question, but those were the only words he remembered. He sighed heavily. He thought that was the whole prayer, but it seemed his own mind had failed him again and left out more information that could help him or anyone figure out who the fuck he actually was.
I am sorry,he said first, averting his gaze.
That's all I remember,Midar added, frustration leaking into his features. He thought he would have more for the dark man and maybe be able to learn something, but it seemed he was mostly in the same place. He didn't blame his leader, of course, only his damaged mind.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - January 29, 2019
Damien could see the frustration pouring from Midar's expression, so he knew it was perhaps best not to push it until he felt more comfortable digging deeper into his memory. He knew that Midar would remember it all at some point, he had lived through it himself, so he knew to be patient.
Don't worry, brothersaid the dark king with a soothing baritone,
It will all come back to you, I promise. But for now, we have plenty to go by.he added, hoping that approaching the matter from a positive angle might help the way it helped him once.
The words you remember usually accompany every prayer... It is our motto, our creed. They are words dedicated to Mephala, the spinner of webs and master of destiny, and through our practices, we shall cleanse the world from those who are not worthy of her, we are her envoys,he tried to explain in a way that might evoke some more remembrance, but in the end it all depended on Midar's own process.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - February 06, 2019
Midar calmed a little at the dark leader's mollification. He released a heavy sigh as he listened to Damien talk further about the religion he should remember. He could remember a feeling at least--what he was saying felt important, like it had once been a big part of him, and that part was just empty and black now. Maybe that was where the darkness came from. But he pushed the thought away immediately; the darkness only sought to remind him of how useless he was without his memories. This religion seemed like something that would lift him up rather than bring him down.
He drew in a deep breath, feeling a little better. It was helpful to have someone who knew what he should know. It made him want to ask more questions. There were so many things Midar wanted to know, but he finally settled on one.
The mark on my shoulder,the beast started.
Why is it there?It was an almost constant reminder of what he couldn't remember, and it would ease his frustration some to know what it meant.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - February 11, 2019
Damien could read the relief in Midar as he explained further about their cult. It was indeed satisfying to know that one belonged, and Midar certainly belonged with Damien and the rest of the Melonii. It was the way Mephala had wanted it, and so she had pulled her strings to drive Midar to him, for which the dark king was grateful.
But Midar still had many questions and the next that came was thankfully one that Damien also knew how to respond. He turned to expose his own marking, the only difference in his being that it was carved right on his skin rather than dyed on his pelage.
My mother marked me and my siblings when we came of age. But we wouldn't have gotten it if we hadn't been so devoted to the Brotherhood,he told his cousin, trying to imply that Midar must have been a loyal and devoted Dark Brother himself to earn the mark. Once more they proved each other how similar they were despite having grown up so far away from the other. Still, Damien wanted to know:
What do you remember about the brotherhood?he asked, and a glint of curiosity sparkled in his stark eyes.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - February 18, 2019
Midar stared at his leader's mark, eyes widening some in surprise. It was just like his, only etched into the other wolf's skin instead of painted on his fur. Then Damien mentioned the Brotherhood, and there was that feeling again; he somehow knew that the Brotherhood was important--he could feel it deep inside, but he didn't know why. His gaze found Damien's briefly when he realized he had asked him a question.
I...know that it is important to me, but I can't remember why,he answered, sighing heavily again. His frustration began to rise once more. He just wished he could end all of this wondering and uncertainty. Most importantly, he wanted to know why this happened to him. What had caused his injury that stole his memories from him?
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - February 19, 2019
Don't worry, it'll make sense at some point.said Damien reassuringly noticing the other male's temper destabilizing again.
For now you only need to know that you're home, and that family is what matters most,he vowed, implicitly swearing loyalty to his young cousin. It was frustrating for him top to see Midar's vast potential be so hindered by his memory loss, but in some way it made the young demon malleable and adjustable, and Damien believed he could do great work of the opportunity to fit Midar in his vision for the clan. With him at his side, the Melonii could be a powerhouse with him being their secret weapon.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Midar - February 20, 2019
wrap up? <3
Midar nodded at his leader's reassurance, the quickly developed tension starting to trickle away again. He had more questions, but he felt like he had delved into his past enough for today; he wasn't sure his brain could take anymore. He didn't quite understand why Damien seemed so willing to help him, but he was grateful for it; it earned the dark man his undying loyalty. He knew he would do whatever the other man asked of him.
Thank you,was all he was able say, unsure how else to express the emotions currently running through his mind. With another nod, he began walking again, content to patrol and explore the territory at the side of his trusted leader.
RE: Don't know what's inside of me - Damien - February 28, 2019
yess
Damien knew how big of a toll it could take bringing hazy memories back to one's mind. He had gone through it, and if it hadn't been for the help of Nyx and his siblings he probably wouldn't have regained his sense of self from the depths of his mind and would be a completely different man. Midar would have to go through it, there was no good way to avoid it, but that didn't mean that Damien could help him ease the process and feel comfortable with what he had around him. He wondered if someday Midar would remember what had brought him here, or even a mere image of the 'accident' that had deprived him of his memory, but for today they were done with reminiscing.
You need to rest,Damien could read it from his tired amethyst eyes.
Don't be hard on yourself, we will get everything back, I promise,was the best he could do for him, and no matter how long it took them Damien would be right beside him through the whole process. Maybe this was the way to be the father he never had himself.