she'd always been aware that morningside did not exist as a place, but as a people, a family. above all, it was what she'd always bonded herself to. but now, when morningside lay dissapated and her packmates scattered, it was difficult not to fall back on the plains as some attachment to the past. not a particularily good moment of the past (if it was relieving the good parts, she would have gone to the plateau) but a place to anchor while she waited all the same. 

when her hunt had, ultimately, show success, she'd returned to the borders thick with her brother's scent and laid dawn the carcass of the ailing goat she'd taken down early morning. she called for @Sunny once, short and low, before turning back the way she'd come, leaving a short trail a ways away from their borders. in the same way she'd forced him from the packlands after he'd reacted violently to the grief of loosing Grayday, she understood that there was no guarantee that he'd want her near. and so she'd wait.

"sunny." hoarse, low, a voice similar to the one she'd used when the fire was fresh in her throat. and then he rushed her, not with fangs and claws like she'd feared (and he would have all the right to) but with joy and love. though her limbs had grown stiff from her frozen vigil, she moved into his embrace, allowing him to check her over though not making any move to do the same; it felt like a right she did not have. she pulled low and hummed a soft note in her chest, adopting a stance similar to that of faint submission, but one which conveyed the apologies that would sound to meaningless to her own ears should she utter them. she did not have to offer back the same words, they were evident in the rawness of her gaze; she'd missed the boy terribly.

Test: howl, howled, howling, h o w l e d, h*wled

he confirmed what she knew, though the addition of the latter name brought forth hope lanced with a bolt of fear. "avianna?" skraeling was a name familiar but with no bonds attached to it; she let it slide from her thoughts, for now. fear turned quickly now to dread, for in naming only the living Sunny left out the dead, and there was no way in hell Avianna would leave behind her only daughter, for any reason.

it made the last decision a little easier, though not as easy as it would have been if Sunny had not asked his question immidiately after. "no." soft, but firm. she did not allow much silence in which he could offer a rebutal. "I am much to blame for all that's happened. until I can find peace with that, I will stay away, but I will not leave." brief pause, and then, "I never did find any of them." she knew that the deaths were many, the vanished many more.

she did not know how anyone could go peacefully when their child still remained, alone and loved fiercely, but she was silent. then came the rest, gradual puzzle pieces that began to fill in a void. she was glad for those who'd wandered and found new lives, truly, though her her chest ached when news of Aditya was offered. she merely dipped her head, accepting without seeking to judge or understand why he'd done it. it was terrible, but was not too cheating on her mate, leaving behind her all after one failure too many? perhaps she'd go next to undersea. perhaps it was better to stay away. 

her crown tilted, muzzle stretched into a slight curve as he spoke, but at her brother's final words she paused, attempting to bring words to the sentiment she'd come to. "morningside is - was never a place. it was a people. those people are dead, scattered, some to good ends and others worst off than when they joined us." she paused, seeking her next words with care. "it began with Da, and some of it ended when he died. but now - " she exhaled, finding her brother's gaze then. "start your own legacy, Sunny. something new, with only hope and none of the failings of Morningide's last days." aditya had not left morningside leaderless; he'd left it with Sunny. her brother had not been enough, not had the experience to keep them upright, but he'd managed to keep together a small fraction of them. one day, he might be a father, a leader, but nor of morningside. those people were dead and gone, taking with them old bonds and potential to start something of themselves. 

"I will not come back with you, but nor will I leave. I need time to think, time to do what I need to. in a moon, I'll be back." to stay or to spend only a few days, she didn't know yet. still, wih the coldest part of the winter upon them came the knowledge that the thaw would come soon, and then spring; with it renewal and possibility.

he understood, then, at least in simplest term. some of the tightness in her chest released when he agreed, glad then that they'd forge their own paths. a small curve of her muzzle was all she offered when he spoke of freedom; freedom from all the had been was impossible. morningsides, all it's highs but especially its lows (and her own) were tightly intertwined with her very identity. in many ways, morningside was all she was and all she was dedicated too, and there came a dizzying sense of uttter aimlessness now that she knew it to be truly gone and faded. "I will." she promised, and she knew that this was one bond that would be easy to keep. 

at his second, request, she too nodded; at his request she'd put aside her own trepidance to visit the island home that Aditya may or may not have shattered. once more she pressed her muzzle to his shoulder, quiet a moment before withdrawing. "I should go." she felt utterly drained and intensely desired solitude, now.