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+--- Thread: Swiftcurrent Creek and maybe you're too good for me (/showthread.php?tid=32406)
and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 22, 2019
She is slow to stir this morning, yawning into @Kavik's thick fur and pressing closer to him as she wakes. She notices immediately the difference in herself, the lack of stirring in her abdomen and the absence of the mind-fog that has suffocated her for the past couple weeks. No burning desire, no desperate need; all she feels is sore and exhausted. As the realization dawns on her, the gravity of the situation suddenly threatens to overwhelm her. Children. A man.
Oh fuck.
Any chance she might have had at avoiding pregnancy had died somewhere over the course of the last two weeks, and it hits her with terrifying clarity now. She's pregnant; there's simply no way she isn't, after spending her entire heat underneath some male she hardly knows. She tenses against the man beside her, fighting the urge to rip herself away and flee the scene of what now feels like a horrible crime. His warmth against her, comforting only a few moments prior, suddenly inspires a wave of nausea. But she stays motionless, still pressed against him even as her pulse quickens and her mouth goes dry. Children, she thinks again, numbly this time; I'm going to be a mother.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 23, 2019
He woke from his dreamless sleep still exhausted but not in a bad way. Kavik was completely oblivious to the inner turmoil currently going on inside the woman pressed up against him. The last few weeks were honestly kind of a blur--his own fog not lifting even when he left to find food for them. None of the repercussions of their time together had started to work their way into his brain yet, and so he assumed that this morning would start like all the others had. He reached over and ran his muzzle through the fur on the back of her neck.
Good morning,he said quietly against Myrren's dark, soft coat.
how are you feeling?There was no way she wasn't sore after all that, and he wanted to make sure she wasn't too uncomfortable.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 23, 2019
She sucks in a breath as she feels Kavik stirring against her, shifting and wincing a little at the way her body aches. There's no denying their difference in size, and she regrets not considering that before fucking him. Even so, she can't help but feel a slight stir of desire as his muzzle travels through the fur at the back of her neck. She shivers a little, biting back the urge to sigh softly. Everything in her wants to melt into his embrace and forget the consequences of this, but she knows she can't allow herself that.
Instead she steels herself, sucking in another breath and tensing further at the other's words.
Like I'm not ready to be a mother,The words are quiet but biting, edged with venom and bitterness — and hurt, too, for one observant enough to catch it. A panicked sort of hurt; a desperate why would you do this to me? She swallows, pulling away from him slightly with a hateful expression as her heart pounds in her chest. She isn't ready to be a mother — certainly not to his children. From where she's at now, though, it feels horrifyingly inevitable.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 23, 2019
The stiffness of her body against his finally registered as her answer slapped him in the face. The words were quiet but angered and pained, and a sudden wave of shame washed over Kavik. He had to close his eyes and pull in a deep breath through his nose against the painful way the guilt squeezed his chest. What had he done? And to someone he should have been protecting. Instead, he had taken advantage, and now motherhood would be forced on her all because he couldn't control himself. He didn't know what to say at first; nothing seemed right or enough, but he had to say something.
Myrren,he started aplogetically.
I--Kavik said and paused, rising to a sitting position as guilt continued to course through him.
I'm sorry,he finally finished, but he felt like it wasn't enough. How could he fix this?
what can I do?he asked, but it was more a plea than a question. How could he make this right? Was that even possible?
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 23, 2019
She's not certain what she expects, but his response surprises her. She feels vindicated by his apology, if only for a moment, though something stays the venomous words threatening to slip from her tongue. She closes her eyes at his question, turning her face away from him for several moments. Her first instinct is to think that there is nothing he can do; neither of them can take back the last two weeks, and there is nothing else to fix this.
She takes in a deep, slow breath, running through every implication and possibility in her mind. For several beats, there is only heavy silence between them — until finally, she knows what he can do. No part of her believes that Kavik will grant her request, and truthfully she does not want him to, not for herself — but for the children she's certain are forming within her, she knows already that she would do many things.
I don't want my children to be bastards,She says finally, quietly, still not looking at him. The implication is heavy in her tone, and she falls silent again, waiting to see if he understands, and what he might make of it.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 23, 2019
He watched her--studied her face as she turned from him, trying to get any kind of indication what she was thinking. The silence was torture; it left his mind racing as it went through every possible aspect of his life this choice would affect, most importantly, Liri. He still had no idea where she was and still very much wanted to find her. The whole Grezig situation lead him to believe that if she came back now, she would most certainly turn back around and leave him, and he wouldn't even blame her.
Her words pulled him from self loathing, but it was not a request he would have expected from her. They barely knew each other, and from what he could tell, she didn't even seem to like him very much, but he surmised that what she was asking had little to do with how she felt about him; her concern was for the children, their children, and that made the answer clear. It would mean betraying Liri, but what else could he do? The pups were his number one concern now.
Then they won't be,he finally answered. No matter what he faced going forward, he would make sure Myrren and their children wanted for nothing.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 23, 2019
Another pause falls between them, leaving her to wonder about his response in the silent space left between them. It is true that they hardly know one another, and for this reason her mind runs wild with possibilities. Would he ask her to rid herself of them? Chase her from the pack to avoid the consequences of his actions? Or intimidate her, perhaps, into accepting something less than what she has asked? She doesn't know.
His voice startles her a little when he finally answers her, and her gaze finds him again despite herself with eyes wide. For a moment, her expression betrays her surprise and relief, eyes softening briefly as she glances to him. The sharpness quickly returns to her features, though, and she pulls her gaze away from him a beat later, suddenly fighting tears.
This doesn't make us lovers,She manages, swallowing hard as she struggles against the flood of tears threatening to spill over. Her control slips and then breaks entirely, and she buries her face between her forelegs with a choked sob, muffling but not quite muting the sound.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 23, 2019
His gaze had already been trained on the woman in front of him, so he didn't miss the fleeting looks of surprise or the relief that momentarily softened her features at his agreement. He quickly shook his head at her next words.
Of course not,he answered. He hadn't even been expecting that but was glad to make it clear if it would make her feel better.
Her crying slayed him. Even if she wasn't most definitely pregnant with his children, there was still no way he could just sit there and watch her cry. It was worse that she was crying because of him. Kavik slowly lowered himself back to the ground, careful not to touch her any more than he could help for fear that it might make her angry. He hesitated for a brief second before reaching over and softly licking her cheek if allowed.
You're not alone in this,he said gently.
We'll figure it out.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 24, 2019
Her lips peel back briefly at the touch, though the expression is hidden, but she makes no move to stop him. Instead she buries her face more tightly between her forelegs, struggling to contain her hysterical sobbing even as it intensifies. Anger and shame burn her ears and face, but she can't stop. She can only crumble under the cruel, endless loop in her mind: her life falling apart in an instant, the loss of her freedom, her happiness, her own body. Confined to a strange territory filled with strange wolves — raising the children of a man she hardly knows. A man she'd gone to for protection.
I trusted you,It slips from her raggedly before she can stop it, voice breaking on the last word. She's shaking now, spiraling further into an all-consuming panic with each passing second.
I-I should have known this would happen — I should have just kept to myself — I'm not ready for this, I can't — I can't —She's more or less babbling now between sobs, less coherent with each word until she finally loses her grasp on lucidity entirely, resigning herself to her hysteria.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 24, 2019
I trusted you. Hearing it out loud just reiterated what he had already been beating himself up over, and Kavik swallowed and closed his eyes, lifting his head to turn away from his betrayed packmate. Shame squeezed his chest again, and he felt his own eyes water a little as he listened to the sound of her sobbing. There was no making this better--nothing he could say or do would change what happened, and he felt helpless; it was a familiar feeling lately. If he had any doubts before, this pretty much confirmed that he was cursed. Somewhere, somehow, he had done something to warrant a hex on his life, and now she was paying the price, just like she and the rest of the plateau wolves had already paid the price when they lost their home. If he didn't have responsibilities, and wolves he cared about, and now children on the way, he would disappear, never to be a burden on anyone ever again.
He turned back to Myrren, watching her fall apart right in front of him. He placed his head on his paws directly next to where she was hiding her face between her own legs.
I know,he whispered.
I'm so sorry.There was nothing else he could do or say.
I'm so sorry,he repeated. He was pretty sure he had never been more sorry about anything in his entire life.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 24, 2019
She'd half-expected to feel satisfied in drawing some sort of reaction from him, but the grief in his whispered apologies somehow only cuts her more deeply. Neither of them had wanted this — but they'd both done it, hadn't they? The thought fills her with a different sort of shame than before. She tenses as he settles his head beside hers, fighting the urge to lash out even as her attitude toward him softens and her tears inexplicably begin to abate. Suddenly she feels so, so tired.
As her sobbing calms and her breathing slows, she's hit in force by a flood of conflicting emotion; a change of pace from the pure devastation she'd felt only moments prior, yet almost as distressing. She wants to comfort him — maybe more than she wants to sink her teeth into him. A sigh slips from her, and she tentatively inches her own face closer to his until they're just barely touching, still trembling and struggling to withhold the last of her quietly-falling tears. Every logical fiber of her being says that she should distance herself; unfortunately, the part in control right now says that Kavik is hers, regardless of any turmoil.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 24, 2019
He wasn't sure what exactly slowed her tears. Maybe exhaustion or maybe his comforting, but it didn't matter; he was just glad to hear the sobbing finally subside. She moved her head and rested it close enough that they weren't touching, but that he could feel her warmth on his cheek. He wanted to offer her calming words and promises that he would give her whatever she needed, but nothing seemed like the right thing to say. Maybe that was because no amount of apologies or assurance would take away the real reason for her despair--nothing he could do would fix the fact that they would be parents in a few full moons. Needing to do something, he turned his head a little and offered a few soft licks to her cheek again if allowed, hoping to soothe any amount of her anguish.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - Alessia - January 24, 2019
She sighs again as he licks her cheek, ears laying back against her skull as she presses a little closer. Though her anger still simmers somewhere under the surface, it's muted now by exhaustion, the comfort Kavik offers, and the realization that he is her only ally in this. She has no one else; she'd left her family and friends far behind with a vow to herself that she would not become her mother, she would not tether herself to anyone or anywhere. Yet here she is — and the only wolf she has to turn to is one she can't decide if she hates or needs. The thought almost brings her to tears again, but she stifles the feeling, whining so softly it's almost inaudible. She can't even begin to understand how it's possible to have such strongly conflicting feelings about someone — but of course the one to inspire it in her would be a man.
RE: and maybe you're too good for me - RIP Kavik - January 25, 2019
Kavik couldn't tell whether or not his attempt to soothe her was making her feel better, but the tears seemed to stop and aside from a tiny whine, she didn't make any other noises or say anything else. He was glad when she moved closer--maybe it meant he was helping after all. He had made an unforgivable mistake here, but he would spend every day after this attempting to make it up to Myrren as much as he could. At the very least, he would make sure to help her through this to the best of his ability, even now that it meant abandoning his current mate to be with the woman now carrying his children. He tried not to think too much about Liri right now; it was too much, and he already had enough to deal with. There was nothing he could do about it anyway. He still planned to keep searching for her whenever he could. He wouldn't just pretend she didn't exist anymore. He finally pushed thoughts of his former mate from his mind, focusing back on the woman who was his mate now. He would wait until she hopefully fell back asleep and then follow soon after.