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+--- Thread: Swiftcurrent Creek the difficulty of Sundays (/showthread.php?tid=32446)
the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 24, 2019
Upon searching up and down the edges of the creek, Ruenna had located a plum tree and set to task digging. Her efforts this morning had rewarded her with a section of twisted, knotty plum root-- what Rue remembered to be an excellent cure for nausea and vomitting.
After spending so many aimless days feeling rather useless in her new home, it was nice to be able to help again... although it did worry her greatly that Myrren seemed so sick. Rue trotted toward the spot by the creek where she had last seen her fellow Plateau refugee, plum root firmly clenched between her teeth.
"Myrren?" Rue called tenatively, spotting a dark form reclined by the creekside. Her voice was a bit muffled due to her mouth being full, but her gentle concern would still be evident in her tone.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 24, 2019
Had anyone told Alessia that the beginning of pregnancy involves so much vomiting, she surely would never have gotten herself into this mess. Between avoiding Kavik and having periodic break downs, it seems vomiting has become a full-time career for her. She can't seem to hold anything down — not even water.
Of course, this is worrying; she swears she can hear Rosalie's voice during moments of silence, chiding her for not taking better care of herself. Except it's not just herself now — it's herself and however many new lives are growing within her. She sighs, fighting another wave of nausea as she stares at the bile already pooled on the ground in front of her. Her throat hurts, and she's fairly disgusted — but more than anything, she's exhausted. She just wants to go to sleep and never wake up again.
Unfortunately, the universe (or her player, same difference) has other plans for her. Ruenna's slightly muffled voice startles her from her thoughts, sending a bolt of panic through her briefly. Her ears pin back slightly as she glances up, noticing immediately the root she carries.
Hi,She greets lamely, casting a guilty glance toward where she'd vomited. She opens her mouth briefly as if to say more, but seems to change her mind, gaze drifting back to the root in the other's mouth as she waits for some sort of response.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 24, 2019
Rue was cautious in her approach, knowing how touchy some wolves could be when they were sick. Once Myrren greeting her, Rue closed the distance between the pair. "Hi, yourself." She laid the root upon the ground and nudged it toward Myrren, offering a small smile along with the herb. "Chewing that should help settle your stomach," she said in a hushed, sympathetic tone. "Sorry it's dirty, um.. I just dug it up..." Rue's gaze fell to the root at her paws. The soil was partially frozen and had been difficult to shake away from the root's weblike tendrils.
"Myrren," Rue swallowed, hesitant to broach the subject. "Are you... Ah, do you think you may be..?" Rue let the question hang without speaking the "p" word aloud. Rue had scented Myrren's heat a couple weeks back, and now with this sickness... it just seemed like too much of a coincidence. The former beta's brow knit with concern.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 24, 2019
She watches her set the herb down with ears perked, relief settling over her features as Ruenna speaks.
Thank you,She murmurs, bending to take the root into her mouth immediately. The flavor is not what she'd describe as pleasant, but she doesn't mind; anything to relieve the nausea plaguing her. She chews slowly, uncertain whether she's meant to swallow the root or not.
Ruenna's questioning brings her pause, and she looks away, face flushing with heat as she registers her meaning. Immediately her eyes well with tears despite her best efforts. She closes her eyes, silent for a moment.
Yes,Her confirmation is quiet, muffled by the chewed-up root still in her mouth, but the grief in her tone is still clear. She sucks in a breath through her nose and starts to chew again, still struggling against the tears now threatening to overwhelm her.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 24, 2019
Myrren was an obliging patient, and for that Rue was grateful. It would make for one less thing to worry about.
She confirmed Rue's suspicions, and the champagne lady's expression clouded even further. Judging from their current situation and the grief in Myrren's tone, Rue could tell that congratulations were not exactly in order. Rue nodded, quietly taking in a steadying breath.
"You can eat as much of the plum root as you need, it wont.. ah, hurt... anything," Rue said at last. This remedy would be safe for Myrren's growing children, but... was that what she wanted? Rue noted the tears threatening to spill out of her companion's eyes, and she leaned forward to nudge her muzzle comfortingly into Myrren's ruff.
"Um, Myrren, I..." Rue swallowed. Myrren had trusted her enough to disclose her condition, so Rue would trust the dark woman with a secret of her own. "I know what it is, what it feels like to be.. to be forced.." Rue's voice faltered. After a beat, she inhaled and continued.
"If someone here has hurt you, done this to you, we have to tell Kavik. He will protect you." She then added, "He will protect us." If someone had attacked Myrren when she was at her most vulnerable, was any female here safe?
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 24, 2019
She nods slightly when Ruenna confirms that she can eat it, forcing the plant down her throat with a painful swallow. The touch startles her slightly, but she doesn't pull away at first, finding comfort in the small contact. At the woman's next words, though, she can't help but draw back with wide eyes.
No, I — he didn't force me, it was —She swallows hard, embarrassed and horrified with herself.
We both made a mistake.
She pauses, sucking in a deep breath as she considers how to approach the topic of Kavik. Ruenna and Kavik are certainly closer than she is with either of them, and she feels uneasy about breaking the news. But it has to be done.
Kavik um... already knows.Her tone suggests more, but she can't bring herself to say it outright. She swallows, cursing herself silently as the first of the tears begin to fall; she's never been so emotional, and it's incredibly uncomfortable.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 24, 2019
Rue let out a sigh. She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath, waiting for Myrren to confirm that she hadn't been hurt. It hadn't been an attack, it had just been a mistake. There were certainly going to be real consequences, but at least the Plateau refugees didn't have to worry about being attacked in their own home by the strangers they were supposed to call packmates.
Kavik already knew? "Oh," Rue emitted, her surprsie evident. She hadn't realized that Myrren was close enough to Kavik to tell him such things. "Oh!" Rue's eyes widened as true understanding dawned. Truly, Kavik had been the last wolf she had imagined would be responsible for such a mistake. He was mated to Liri, after all.
Oh stars, Liri. If wolves could go pale, Rue would have right then. This was more than a mistake... this was a betrayal of vows. Loyal creature she was, Rue was repulsed. Not by Myrren, of course not by Myrren-- she was not the mated one, after all. She was not the leader, the one who held the power. It was Kavik who disgusted her. In this one act, Kavik had forsaken both Liri and Myrren-- both the mate who he had promised to love, and the subordinate who he had promised to protect.
Rue felt the strong need to gag. "I.. stars, I might need a bite of that root," she murmurred, forcing back her own wave of nausea. Rue shook her pelt in an attempt to compose herself, as if she could fling the ill feelings away. Myrren was truly the injured party here, and Rue would be strong for her. She would hold it together for her packmate.
"That's... that's not terrible. He's a leader, so his children will be ah, welcomed." Rue pointed out, trying her best to sound optimisitic for Myrren. Things would have certainly been much more difficult for Myrren if these were another subordinate's pups, or worse, an outsider's. She nuzzled the dark woman again. "We can get through this."
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 24, 2019
Ruenna's reaction only deepens her sense of shame, though she still does not know about Kavik's (previous) mate; perhaps if she did, she would already be far from Swiftcurrent Creek. She blinks and looks away, eyes stinging with the irritation of having cried so many times these last few days. Though her packmate's attempt at reassurance is appreciated, she can't bring herself to take comfort in it after the woman's initial reaction, and for several moments she's silent, reaching for something to say that won't intensify her tears.
You know Kavik well, don't you?She asks finally, glancing back to her briefly.
What is he like?She hates that she has to ask, but she does not feel she has the luxury of taking her time in finding out. Whether she likes it or not, Kavik is the father of her children — and that means she must know what kind of man he is, beyond the weakness typical of his gender.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 24, 2019
Rue lingered in quiet contemplation for a moment. All her thoughts surrounding Kavik boiled darkly, and it was a struggle for her to come up with something cheerful and comforting for Myrren.
"Kavik, he... he always means well." Rue said at last. "He has a good heart, and even if he makes a mistake, he does his best to make it right." Hmm.. judging from the tears still welling behind Myrren's eyes, maybe she should stay off the topic of mistakes.
"He's also a good listener. He doesn't interrupt, or judge, or assume he knows better than you. He's a good leader too, protective and fierce when he needs to be, but open and kind and patient with subordinates. I know you're in a tough spot, but... he's a good one to have on your team."
As she listed Kavik's finer qualities, Rue reluctantly found herself calming down and remembering that Kavik was her friend, and he deserved for Rue to think of him as more than his mistakes.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 24, 2019
She finds more comfort in Ruenna's description of Kavik than anything else; were it any other wolf, the words might not be as reassuring, but the former Beta has gained her trust rather quickly. She's silent for a few beats after the woman finishes, contemplating what she'd said. From her experience, it easily seems like it could be true. Wariness still grips at the edges of her thoughts, but she allows herself to feel some relief at the knowledge.
He is... kind,She murmurs in hesitant agreement, gaze trained on the ground. One side of her mouth curves in a wry half-smile a moment later as she adds:
And very sorry.She finds it more difficult to blame him with each passing second — hadn't her heat affected her just as much? The bitterness lingers still, but she finds it muted for now; there are certainly worse men than Kavik.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 25, 2019
Myreen agreed with one piece of Rue's assessment, it seemed. He is kind. Well... good. At least Kavik had showed Myrren kindness as he set about ruining his marriage, good for him. Rue stifled a sigh of disappointment. Hiding her judgement was even more difficult after Myrren's next statement.
He was... sorry? Sorry was what he was after the blowup with Grezig, and he hadn't even done anything in that instance. What had happened here.... sorry wasn't going to fix it this time.
Rue nodded and made an attempt at a comforting smile. "Why don't we go grab you something to eat, before that root wears off, hmm?" Taking a walk would be good for Myrren, she supposed. Anything would be better than lying here, wallowing.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 25, 2019
She rises to a sitting position in the moment between her words and Ruenna's next, and as she glances to her she can't help but notice the woman's tension, guessing at the source of her discomfort and missing the mark only slightly. Her gaze drops for a beat, shame heating her face. Normally she might feel affronted — but this is the woman who'd just helped her in one of her most vulnerable moments. She can't help but feel the sting of her (presumed) judgment.
Please try not to judge us too harshly,She says quietly after a moment, gaze returning to Ruenna's.
I was confident in my self-control — I told myself when I left my home that I would never make the mistake my mother did. I never wanted to be stuck raising the children of a man I hardly know in a strange place — I didn't even want to be with a man.The admission comes with a quiet, humorless laugh.
I've lived my entire life by that vow — to have broken it...She lets out a disbelieving breath, gaze dropping for a beat as she shakes her head slightly.
I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I'm certain Kavik must feel the same, in some way — neither of us wanted this.
She sucks in a breath, fighting the urge to look away again.
You are entitled to your feelings, though. Regardless, I — I appreciate your help. Greatly.Now a different kind of heat crawls up her face, though it's muted by the current situation; confessing her accidental pregnancy hadn't exactly set the mood.
So... thank you.She finishes, feeling more awkward than anything. She rises to her feet, then, suddenly eager to go with Ruenna's suggestion.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 25, 2019
Ruenna's ears drooped lower and lower as sentence after sentence poured from Myrren's maw. She suppressed a whine, feeling nothing but empathy for Myrren's predicament.
She shook her head to dismiss the mother-to-be's gratitude. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, rising to her feet as Myrren does. "I thought I was hiding my inner feelings better than I was. None of my.. my judgement is directed toward you, Myrren. I have never experienced a heat, so I have no idea..." Rue's speech trailed off as she shook her head again.
"It's just that... yes, Kavik is a friend of mine, but I am much closer with Kavik's mate. Liri's long sickness, and now her disappearance.. it has all hit me really hard. This.. I suppose this just stirs up those feelings." It felt like Ruenna's loyalties were being torn in half, but she would not burden Myrren with the full weight of her troubles. Myrren had enough of her own difficulties to face.
Rue bumped Myrren's shoulder lightly with her own. "Whoever you decide you are, Myrren, I want to know you. Whatever comes of this, I will be on your side," she promised.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Alessia - January 28, 2019
want to wrap this up and have a new one? <3
Any other time, she might have had more of a reaction to learning of Kavik's mate — to learning that she'd not only ruined her own life, but had stolen someone else's in the process. But all she can feel is tired. Her expression remains unchanged, even as Ruenna's words cut through her like a white-hot dagger and the air suddenly burns in her lungs. Kavik's mate. She'd really fucked up this time.Her gaze drops again as Ruenna nudges her shoulder.
Thank you,She repeats quietly, voice brimming with emotion as she closes her eyes for a beat. When they open again, her exhaustion is clear in her features.
I'm sorry for your loss, Ruenna — for everyone's. I never meant to...She swallows, unable to finish the sentence, and falls silent for several beats.
I'm sorry.She can't bring herself to let on that she hadn't even known about Liri; she can't do that to Kavik. Whether she likes him or not (and she truly can't decide), she needs him now — and that means she needs to keep the opinions of wolves like Ruenna away from him, or at least muted for now. She can't let him fall apart under the weight of their mistake, even if she feels herself on the verge of the same.
Can we — keep this between us, for now?She asks after a moment, ears falling slightly against her skull with embarrassment. She hates that she needs to ask — but she isn't ready yet. Not for any of this, but especially not for her packmates' judgment and certain ire; at least, not while her wounds are still so fresh.
RE: the difficulty of Sundays - Ruenna - January 28, 2019
Rue nodded. Myrren had nothing for which she needed to apologize-- this Rue firmly believed-- but Rue accepted the mother-to-be's apology because that seemed to be what Myrren needed to hear in this moment.
"It's everyone's loss," Rue agreed, laying her muzzle lightly against the other woman's shoulder in a gesture of comfort.
Rue furrowed her brow at Myrren's request. Truly, it had been her intention to approach Kavik immediately with her questions (and yes, her judgement xD). But how could she deny anything to Myrren when the poor woman was in such a state? "Okay," Rue agreed reluctantly, instantly feeling the weight of the secret settle upon her already-overburdened heart.
She tilted her head in the direction of the nearest cache. The pair drifted toward their next meal in contemplative silence, and Rue's paws felt almost as heavy as her torn, stretched, and battered heart.
Absolutely! I'll start the next one in a day or so, if you don't get to it first!