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+--- Thread: Emberwood gravity don't mean too much to me (/showthread.php?tid=33057)
gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 03, 2019
As her pregnancy progresses, her thoughts seem to consume her. Thoughts of home, of Lainie, of @Rosalie; truth be told, she's tired of thinking about it. She's tired of grieving, of feeling left behind by the world and by her own body. Time waits for no one, she knows — but she just can't seem to drag herself out of the hole she's dug. Instead she isolates herself, away from her packmates and even away from @Kavik at times, though she doubts she's pleasant company anyway, melancholy and distant as she's been.
She finds herself drifting idly through the woods bordering the creek today, lingering near enough to the borders to call for Kavik if she needs to, though she can't seem to find a reason for her paranoia. Hormones, she assumes; lately it seems the excuse is all she has to cling to when her mind betrays her. After a time, a strange prickling across her skin draws her to a halt, and she glances around with ears perked. She suddenly feels as if she's being watched, but doubt floods her immediately; surely it's only her imagination. Hormones, she reminds herself, shivering a little. But she takes another moment to glance around anyway — just to be safe.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 03, 2019
The ebony frame causes a moment of hesitation, the dark color had given Lie pause as it always did. Reminiscent of her long-forgotten companion. There was something to be said for the beauty in the lack of color. The vivid strike of the black against the fading frozen world. Hope gleaming for a moment before the woman ferociously crushed the sensation.
Lie frowns, her paw lifted as though to turn. The woman hadn’t noticed her, nor seemed aware of her presence. Until now, as she turned her head looking for the gaze that left her silver hairs standing on end. Wary red orbs would find the necessity in paranoia, and for once Rosalie’s hesitation served her well. Disbelieving green eyes shone through the dim lighting spread between the two women.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 05, 2019
She'd never expected to see a ghost. No stretch of time or distance or haze of memories passed could have kept her heart from seizing at the glimpse of chestnut and gold, the slender silhouette of the only body she has mapped and memorized more thoroughly than her own. It's a sight she could never forget, a sight she'd never expected to see again. And for a moment, she really sees her, beautiful and alive as she'd always been — but then she remembers. Rosalie is dead.
Her gaze locks to the delicate curve of her throat, not seeing golden-blonde fur or the expanse of scar tissue hidden beneath but seeing instead torn flesh, indistinct red, throat gaping and bubbling blood with each labored breath. She sees dark-soaked dirt, the flash of teeth red with her own blood; images she's tried so hard to forget — but how could she? That night should have been her own death, too. Now her ears are ringing, limbs stiff, breath quickening as the scene replays only for her. She sees her lover's death throes, the desperation in her seafoam gaze, and again she knows she can't save her —
Rosalie?The choked word drags her suddenly above the surface, back to reality, back to the impossible cruelty of this moment. It can't be Rosalie. She'd watched her die. It can't be — but she wants it to be true so desperately that her trembling limbs move unbidden, too quickly, to bring her closer. The sweet scent of flowers and home thickens around her with each dizzy step, almost suffocating, and all at once it becomes real. Rational thought vanishes from her, and she reaches to press haphazardly against her in a clumsy, unplanned embrace. The next words to slip from her are half-sobbed, disbelieving.
Lie — you're alive. I —I never would have stopped looking if I'd known.
But she hadn't known — and she's ruined their future. She's ruined everything.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 06, 2019
Her jaw fell, and her eye’s widened. This was the last thing Lie had thought would happen waking up this morning. Awe struck, the brunette girl didn’t know what to do. She was at a loss for words, confused, but most of all hurt. Rosalie had never found out what happened to Alessia, but now… now she knew.
Relief flooded her system. She had survived! And just as quickly as the relief came so did the grief. Her glee was replaced with sadness, a heart wrenching ache that penetrated her soul. She left me. The realization struck, and for the first time, Lie realized that she had been abandoned.
Alessia came forward to embrace her, which Lie allowed. Although refraining from reacting herself, the chestnut woman realized startlingly that this woman’s frame bowed significantly. With her heart thudding harshly against her chest, tears sprang forward, threating to spill down her cheeks. “Alessia…” She whispered softly into her lovers’ ear. “You left me.” Her words uttered in disbelieve, physically hurt her as they burned her tongue.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 06, 2019
The sound of her name from Rosalie's lips is achingly sweet, soothing for a moment — and then her next words cut through her like daggers, and the air abandons her lungs.
No,Her own voice is soft, choked with emotion.
Rosalie, no — I would never —A brief sob cuts her off as the full weight of the accusation falls on her, and she steps back, limbs trembling so fiercely she wonders if they will collapse from under her. Her next words are a tremulous whisper, frantic as she tries desperately to make her understand.
I thought you were dead — I thought I was going to die, too. And then someone — someone dragged me off, and I didn't know where I was, or where you were. I-I tried to go back — when I was strong enough. I looked for you — for your body, or —But it hadn't been enough; she hadn't done enough. Another sob interrupts her, but she forces herself to continue, words hardly coherent past the thickness in her throat.
I'm so sorry, Lie.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 07, 2019
She was so confused, the words tumbling so sweetly from Alessia’s delicate lips, Rosalie almost collapsed from the sound. This was more than she new what to do with, more than should could have ever anticipated. This reunion was very different from what Lie had dreamed.
The brown girl could never have imagined happening upon her long lost love, let alone great with child. Happy without her.
“Looked? You looked for me.” Lie never raised her voice, not wanting to startle the girl, the woman standing before her. It was easier to see Alessia as she stepped back, and Rosalie took a good look. She couldn’t help but assure the woman’s well-being, despite feeling betrayed.
“I never stopped looking for you, Sia.” Her words hovered above a whisper, as tears freely fell. "Never."
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 07, 2019
It takes no longer than a breath for her to crumble. The weight of every mistake she's made seems to fall upon her chest as Rosalie speaks, every sin staining her soul — and something simply breaks. A weak, ragged sob tears itself from her, slim frame trembling as she tries fruitlessly to keep a hold on her emotions. Her gaze drops, words refusing to come past the tender lump in her aching throat. It takes a moment to quiet herself, to force her gaze back to her love's seafoam eyes despite how it hurts to see the tears in them.
When I lost you —Her voice, quiet and tremulous, breaks after a moment, and she swallows hard.
My whole world ended. I was nothing — I'm still nothing. I've made so many mistakes, Lie —She fights to stifle a sob as she finishes, adding haltingly:
But I've never stopped thinking about you, wishing that you were here — if I'd known...She sucks in a breath, closing her eyes as a fresh wave of tears soaks into her fur and turns frigid in the winter air.
Rosalie, please,She can't stop the broken plea that pours from her.
I-I can't lose you again — I need you. I —Another sob cuts her off, more hysterical than the first, and her next words are a half-sobbed jumble.
I've been so alone.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 07, 2019
Each halted sentence breaks her will, her resolve to push away her feelings. Lie could feel her walls building to protect herself from the eventual rejection she felt coming. The — i’ve found someone else — or the — i’ve started my family without you —. Because it was so obvious; Alessia had moved on, had started a new life. A life that no longer needed Rosalie.
Just as quickly as she felt the need to turn around and run, just as quickly as she accepted her fate… her world was lifted. The cloud of self doubt and pity absolved. With three little words, not the plain hallmark moment of — i love you —; but the monumental confessional of I NEED YOU.
A vicious sob racked through her frame, snatching the air from her lungs as Lie was able to breath for the first time. Oxygen flooded her system so quickly her head swam, and her legs almost buckled beneath her. “Alessia.” She breathed urgently, quickly closing the distance between them, to feel the only woman who belonged in her heart.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 07, 2019
Her own thoughts are plagued by the expectation that her love will turn away from her, that her mistake is too great to be overlooked this time. Her sobbing halts as the breath catches in her lungs, eyes still squeezed shut against hot, stinging tears. She can't make herself breathe again until she hears her name, an urgent whisper that forces her tear-reddened eyes open just in time to see Rosalie's swift approach. As quickly as she'd crumbled, her scattered pieces are swept up in the embrace of the only wolf she has ever loved more than her own life, her own freedom; the only one to leave such a void within her that she'd felt a part of her was missing.
And just like that, it isn't anymore.
She leans into the embrace, burying her muzzle in Rosalie's neck fur with reverent kisses. Her affection is fervent, almost desperate, tracing a path through her fur to linger at the base of her ear a few long moments before trailing back down her neck. It's been so long, she'd almost forgotten the feel of her lover's delicate body, the sweet perfume of her fur, but now she soaks in the sensations as if starved for them.
Rosalie,She murmurs into her fur between kisses, voice thick with emotion, and presses closer. There is no sense of closure yet, no certainty to be had about where they stand or about their future together — but it doesn't matter. Not right now. Rosalie is here.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 07, 2019
Her desperation was met with equal measure, leaning and pushing as close as she could into her lover. Lie couldn’t help but bury her head into the familiar fur along Alessia’s neck, her breath coming in rushed hiccups and tears continued to flow. The mixture of hurt and glee blurred beyond recognition, to relived to masquerade as angry. She couldn’t be sure where this left them quite yet, but there was one thing she knew. Rosalie could never let her go, not now and not ever.
The moment stretched for an eternity as the two women simply reacquainted themselves with each other. Remapping the atlas of the other.
The elephant of the reunion stared Rosalie in the face, a fact almost forgotten about. The words whispered between two lonely, desperate women could do nothing to quell the lingering fear that haunted Lie’s mind. The ever-present eventuality that Alessia would leave her, for whoever own the precious gift her lover carried.
“Alessia.” The words carried more weight than the lover’s ramblings earlier. This was not something that could be ignored for long, it was something the demanded to be talked about. There were choices to be made here and now. Whether Rosalie was genuinely needed or had suddenly become a nuisance.
“I can’t let you go.” A passerby might had thought the sentence beautiful in its connotation. But Alessia would now the deeper meaning behind the sentiment, now that Rosalie had found her, she wasn’t going anywhere. The love she held for this girl was far deeper and more profound than any mortal attachment. If Alessia wouldn’t have her, Lie honestly hadn’t thought about the consequences. But in this moment she knew, Alessia might as well kill her now.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 07, 2019
She could stay like this forever. If the moment never ended, she'd be perfectly content to forget the rest of the world — but of course, it has to come to an end sometime. The sound of her name brings her pause, heart thumping a little harder at the weight behind the word. Her breath hitches as Rosalie continues, and words spill from her before she can even think about them.
Then stay with me,She says breathlessly, pulling away to meet her gaze.
This —She gestures briefly to her swollen flank.
Was — an accident. I don't love him. We're together for the children but — it means nothing. It doesn't have to keep us apart — he won't care.Or maybe he will, but it matters little to her; she won't let anything stand between herself and Rosalie ever again. Not even the father of her children; she would even consider leaving him, if her love demanded it. She waits to say this, though, hoping against hope that Rosalie loves her enough to accept these circumstances — that she understands that the children need as much stability as their parents can offer... even if it isn't much.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 08, 2019
She wanted to curse and scream at the thought of sharing, the idea of splitting the short time she had with Alessia, made her blood boil. Absolutely not! But then during a moment of weakness, one word caught her calm demeanor. The children. Her seafoam gaze fell on her stomach, where her sides were expanded, and she harbored her children.
Rosalie was reminded that these babies not only belonged to a stranger but were also half her love. They were part of Alessia, extensions of herself in the most meaningful way. She could feel the jealousy rising, she wanted this! The chance to have a family, yet she was too late. Someone had taken her place along side Alessia! She should demand this to end, take her heart with her hand run! The two of them against the world just like they had been before. look how that ended…
Just as she felt the scream bubbling at the back of her throat, and the rage building to an uncontrollable level. It all broke! Like a delicate wine glass shattered, a spiderweb of doubt scattered her being. She couldn’t inflict that kind of pain on Alessia’s children. She couldn’t be their homewrecker, no matter how much she wanted to rewind and start over. No matter how much she wished it was just the two of them again, it could never be that way again. Not now, now there were other depending on Alessia. Depending on her for life.
Her jaw dropped, was this enough for her? To be the other woman? At some point her mind had wandered and her gaze followed, taking in their surroundings. The silence had flooded between them, as Alessia waited to see what she would say. No matter what happened Lie couldn’t leave now, no matter what this would have to be enough. “I love you Sia, always have and always will.” Going against her nature, pushing herself beyond her comfort zone, she decided. “If I have to share you for now, then so be it.” A sad smile formed on her lips, she would do anything and put up with anything if only she could stay by Alessia’s side.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Alessia - March 08, 2019
Part of her expects rejection — but part of her knows that if anyone could do this, if anyone would, it would be Rosalie. They've already faced so many obstacles together, even before their separation, and have remained dedicated for so long; why should their bond not endure this, too? But watching her lover's turmoil in the stretching moments before her response, she can't quite stifle the doubt nagging at the back of her mind. She almost starts to apologize, but then Rosalie is speaking — agreeing.
I love you too,She manages past the returned threat of tears, embracing her again and trying to ignore the sadness in her smile. She's certain that as long as Rosalie is willing, they can make it work; they can be happy.
My heart belongs to you.Her reassurance is fierce, full of conviction. She has never loved another the way she loves Rosalie, and perhaps she never will.
RE: gravity don't mean too much to me - Rosalie - March 08, 2019
This time it was easy to fall into their embrace, to simply let the world fall away. To stay in the moment and allow the two woman to be with each other. For just one moment longer, they would ignore their problems. Their problems with each other, and their problems with others. Right now, it was just them. Two women against the world.
Out of sight, Rosalie let one more tear fall. For the past that they had shared, and the future they had both lost. But the new future they would share, maybe that was better. “I love you.” With a gentle whisper, Lie fully relaxed.