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+--- Thread: Sun Mote Copse now it's hard to breathe (/showthread.php?tid=34633)
now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - May 23, 2019
maybe the thread where @Finley and @Elwood invite Eljay & pups to live with them? forward dated to just after Colt's pack meeting.
Eljay just didn't know what to do. Mommy had already had to attend him to look after @Elfie that day when Wiffle died, but he just didn't know how to pick himself off the ground. He knew very well that he should be a good father to Elfie and @Weejay, but he was just feeling so broken all the time. He had been crying all the time since Wiffle had died. Every time he stopped crying he felt that he had run out of tears, but every time he started to cry all over again when the littlest thing happened that reminded him of Wiffle.
Eljay sat and stared at the glinstening stone that he had brought Wiffle a few months ago -- the one he'd plucked from their den at Redhawk Caldera, the one that reminded him of Wiffle because she'd given it to him when he was but a baby. He didn't remember that, of course, but he remembered that it had always been there. Now this stone still sat here, but she did not. It was so unfair.
He raised his head and glanced around for the pups, who had been nearby sleeping just a moment ago. Eljay decided he would try to do something fun with them or get them some food in their bellies, just as he had that day with Elfie when Wiffle had been sick.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Wraen - May 23, 2019
I will sneak in for couple of posts and then leave, when Finley and Elwood come in.
Wraen had kept a respectful distance from Eljay during the first few days after Wildfire's death, giving him enough time to mourn on his own. She was sure that there were other family members that kept tabs on him, though at least once a day she came to check out the immediate vicinity of her leader's home, to make sure that no puppies had gone astray unnoticed.
Today, however, she had a particular reason to come and visit, because she had found, what she thought, would make a nice toy for the two kids. A half-broken deer skull with a piece of antler still attached to the head. The animal had been young, when it had met it's end, and the bone had lied on the ground long time afterwards. Aside from it's interesting shape, it bore no scent of the animal, not a single piece of a tasty morsel was left.
Wraen was greeted by Elfie first, who, once he was done being broody over the unfairness of life, had engaged in a game with her and later on, she had brought back the sleepy and tired puppy back to his father and sister. The boy was still not entirely happy - there was weariness and sadness about him, but the twinkle in his eyes, when he beheld the toy the older wolf had brought him, meant that even for a short while he would have a pleasant distraction.
"Thought I came by and see, how three of you are doing," she greeted Eljay with a kind, sympathetic smile. "How are you - how are the kids?"
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - May 23, 2019
*sneaks in*
It felt horribly wrong to move forward with her life knowing Wildfire was no longer part of it. Finley missed her so fiercely. It felt like her heart had been ripped open in a way that it could never be sealed again. And maybe it wouldn't. That was the trouble with having kids--it was like setting your heart free of your body and letting it walk around outside of you. There was no putting it back in once it was free, just as there was no retrieving it once it was gone.
But, with so many of her hearts out and about in the world, Finley had no choice but to keep moving. There were too many depending on her now, many of them far more than they ever had before. She had to move forward for them. She had to show them how to move forward too.
And that was what brought Fin to Eljay that day, for if there was anyone that needed her the most, it was her eldest son and his children. She'd spent as much time with him as possible since Wildfire's death and it never seemed like it was enough. That was why she had hatched this plan with Elwood that she brought with her now to share. Another wolf might've wanted their space after suffering a tragedy like this, but Fin knew better when it came to her firstborn.
It appeared that she was not the only one inclined to visit Eljay that day. When she arrived, it was to see Wraen attempting to speak to him. Finley lingered for a silent moment, not wanting to draw attention to herself just yet. She wanted to see how her son would respond--if he would engage or if he would withdraw and keep himself buried under the weight of his devastation.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - June 03, 2019
They were still fast asleep for now. Grief was a tiring affair, he supposed. Just as Eljay looked up he saw Wraen approach and the sympathetic smile on her face nearly broke him into a million pieces all over again. Every time someone would look at him in that way it reminded him of what he had lost. It was easier to pretend that it wasn't so when he was doing something completely unrelated, but when they cast him that glance... He knew. He knew that life would never be the same, and that Wiffle was never coming back. No matter how hard he tried to bury it, he just couldn't.
Eljay frowned and with watery eyes he nodded, trying not to look horribly unappreciative. He did appreciate that others were looking out for him, but everything was just... Well, a lot, right now. He only had hands to juggle three balls but instead he'd gotten about a million. And he could tell that for the pups it was much the same, but at the same time it seemed he could do nothing to fix that for them either as he couldn't magically grow any of them more hands either.
Thank you,Eljay said, ignoring Wraen's question because he didn't even know where to start and he doubted she wanted to hear exactly how he and the kids felt, anyway.
For visiting.Eljay had fond memories of Wraen; she was kind and she had always tried to help him out even though he was clearly hopeless. Even now she stood here to help him along, even though Eljay honestly had no idea how to move forward. Life had never been easy for him; let alone now, under the crushing burden of grief while he tried to raise two young children. Eljay said nothing else, just staring at Wraen with watery eyes while he silently wished he was alone so that he would not bother anyone else with his pain. He didn't even notice mommy's presence just yet.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Wraen - June 03, 2019
There isn't an universally accepted right approach to a person, who has recently lost someone very dear to them. The way Eljay looked at Wraen made her heart sink and feel bad for a moment. Even at a time like this she - with the best of intentions - had managed to step on all the wrong toes. Only Wildfire's advice not to give up on the fellow, to be patient and to keep trying, made her look past the guilty feeling she had. The young widower could not do any worse than this.
"Any time, Eljay," she nodded, then cast a side-glance at Elfie, who was making his first steps in phrenology, by sniffing diligently the inside of the split skull. She had no doubt that the little bugger would improve in the coming weeks, his will and thirst for life was stronger than staying put in the past. One day his mother would be nothing but a faint memory to him. If only it was just as easy for adults to move on as it was for little children. She looked at Eljay again and said: "If you need anything - don't be afraid to ask. You do not have to do this alone. There is a whole family behind you and..."
She paused and furrowed her brow, then eased into a smile: "... and there is another one here. Good day, Finley!"
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - June 05, 2019
It didn't take Fin long to get herself caught. She supposed she ought to have hidden herself better, or at least positioned hersef upwind of them I mean geez, what a n00b. She smiled and stepped forward to join them, dipping her muzzle in an appreciative hello to Wraen before looking between the pair of them. In another lifetime, she might've begun matchmaking right then and there, but things like that were about as far from her mind as could be in the wake of their loss.
"Hey kids," she said, settling down onto her haunches, "Just came by to say hello. That and I had a proposition for you, Eljay, if you were interested." Fin looked at her son, smiling again though it was beginning to ache. She had forgotten how hard it was to act happy when your heart was shattered. Her mind went unbidden to Lucy then, and immediately she chided herself for it. Did she really need to pile on the internal misery like that? Apparently yes, but anyway.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - June 06, 2019
Eljay followed Wraen's gaze to Elfie briefly but then looked back at Wraen as soon as she spoke again. Eljay felt guilty that he wasn't being the very best father right now; he so wished he would be able to bounce back from this, but right now that seemed entirely impossible. He was living life one day at a time, with the knowledge he needed to care for his children, but he didn't know where he was going or just how long -- or short -- he'd be able to keep all the weight of parenting while processing the grief of losing his mate on his own shoulders without crumbling apart.
Wraen's words were cut short by mommy's approach. A smile lit up Eljay's face for a split second before the gravity of reality weighed down on his shoulders again. She approached and said she came by to say hello, and that she had a proposition.
Oh..?Eljay asked awkwardly, not sure what to expect and feeling a little oddly nervous.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Wraen - June 06, 2019
Cameo in the background from now on. You can skip her.
"I will go and entertain that fellow," Wraen did not have to seek for an excuse to leave Finley and Eljay. She moved over to, where the russet-pelt kid was sharpening his teeth on the stump, what had once been a piece of antler. She leaned down and, ignoring Elfie's growls, she snatched it up, shook the fellow off and with a teasing glance challenged him to do something about it. The kid was not the one, who would give up easily. He trailed after Wraen right away, jumping up and latching on the bone again, leaving the older wolf to drag both the toy and the extra burden further away.
Eventually dragging grew too uncomfortable to continue, therefore Wraen plopped down on her belly and with smiling eyes and wagging tail, patiently let the kid play-pounce at her paws and muzzle and endured the set of sharp teeth that were chomping on her ears and fur. Both were having a very good time together and the two adults could have a conversation in private.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - June 06, 2019
Fin had been prepared to speak to Eljay with Wraen present--after all, it wasn't as though they had top secret family business to discuss. And Wraen was family anyway, so it wouldn't have mattered. Still, she smiled and nodded as the girl excused herself, then looked back to her son, who was looking both sad and nervous now.
"Your dad and I have been talking and I wanted to come and see how you felt about you and the kids moving in with us," she asked gently, "I thought it might be nice for you guys to have company, instead of staying here..."
Fin let the rest of her thoughts fade. Truth was, she didn't like the idea of Eljay and the kids just lying here in the place where it happened, all alone, day after day. She knew her son wasn't coping well. She also knew that he was unlikely to improve on his coping mechanisms, and though she refused to actually think this, she also feared he would drag his children down with him when they needed to heal too. Having them all with her would mean she and Elwood could be there every day to help him and the kids along. Otherwise... Well, she just worried too much for all of them.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - June 14, 2019
Wraen seemed to feel that she wasn't a part of this conversation and left them. Eljay watched as she went to play with Elfie, glad that someone was giving them positive attention. He definitely was giving the pups positive attention but Eljay was just too worried that they would see the sadness on his face through every moment of play, feeding, or running around together. He followed Wraen with his gaze for a little while before his attention was taken by mommy, who said that she and daddy had been talking.
The offer was one Eljay hadn't even considered as an option yet. To move back to the den of his parents..? It felt like ultimate defeat, but it also felt like a very tempting offer. Oh, how nice it would be to be able to snuggle up to mommy and daddy and for his children to be able to have more love all around them.
Oh, uhm...Eljay seemed to consider for a moment whether he should accept the offer or if he should simply pull himself together and try to hold everything up on his own shoulders.
I guess that would be nice.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - June 15, 2019
Fin wasn't surprised that there was uncertainty in her son's answer. There was always uncertainty in his answers. He had never really been sure of himself and what was best for him. Fin knew that it was wrong to assume that she and Elwood knew, but if there was ever a time to impose her will, just a little bit, it was now. It wasn't healthy for him to lie in this den he had shared with Wildfire, staring at the spot where she had died day after day. He and her grandchildren needed to be surrounded by love and life, not memories of heartbreak and loss.
Or, so Fin believed, and all she could do was what she thought was best. Right or wrong. "I think it'll be good for us all to be together, for now at least," she added, "Then we can all move out to a rendezvous site once your brothers and sisters get a little older." She paused, wondering if the couple had chosen a site for their kids before Wildfire had gone. She considered asking, but held it at bay for now. There would be time to ask later.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - June 18, 2019
Mommy seemed to know exactly what they should do. Eljay listened and seemed hesitant still. He wanted to be with mommy, he really did, but Eljay also wondered if he wasn't betraying Wiffle's memory by taking the pups away from the den. He didn't want them to ever forget her. Eljay frowned, but he supposed it would be better, for now...
And he just really wanted to be with his family...
Okay,Eljay agreed eventually, his words accompanied by a sigh as if a weight had fallen off his shoulders.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - June 21, 2019
It took Eljay a bit of time to reconcile the move in his mind, but Finley was patient. In many things in her life, she was not, but for him, she could be. She had hurt him too terribly once with her impatience and she would never again make that mistake. She smiled when he agreed at last and leaned in to nuzzle his temple gently. She was relieved to see that this time around, he appeared to be more certain of his acceptance.
"Do you want me to help you gather up the kids now, or would you like to just come by later when you're ready?" she asked, willing to do whatever he wanted. Her son might be struggling just now with his feelings, but he was still their father and she would leave it to him to decide just how far her involvement with them would go.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Eljay - July 09, 2019
Eljay smiled meekly as his mother nuzzled his face. The touch felt nice, even though it reminded him too much of Wiffle's gentle touch and how he only had it for such a short time before it had been taken from him. Eljay looked at his mother with shimmering eyes as she asked him a question.
It took some time for him to process it and find the answer once more, because he just didn't know. He wished mommy'd just suggested they bring the pups now, but he knew that she just wanted to give him space to breathe.
Eventually he decided,
In a little bit.He glanced at Wraen and Elfie in the distance.
When they're done playing.
RE: now it's hard to breathe - Finley - July 12, 2019
Fin half expected Eljay to put the decision back on her, so she was pleased when he made it himself. She smiled and touched her nose to his temple once again. "Okay," she answered with a soft wag of her tail. She too looked over to where Elfie and Wraen played, watching for a little while as she decided what move to make next. She could stay with Eljay until the play was done and it was time to go. Or, she could leave him and let him bring the kids on his own.
She knew which route equated to babying him, which is something she really didn't want to do after he'd come so far. But still, Fin was terrible at doing the right thing. She settled down onto her stomach beside her son, unwilling to let him just lie there by himself. Even if it meant sitting in companionable silence, she was in for as long as it took to help him get through this.
figure this is a good place to wrap up :)