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+--- Thread: Moonspear Next time, I'll be braver (/showthread.php?tid=34928)
Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 06, 2019
The time since returning to the mountain had been torture for the healer. She hated lying to everyone, and she hated what she had done; she had never felt more guilty about anything in her entire life. A self-loathing had moved in and settled in her heart, spreading it's poisonous vines through her body with every heartbeat. Speedy had tried to soothe her inner turmoil by gathering herbs, but she hadnt even been able to find peace or joy in what used to be her most favorite activity.
So, when she woke up three days ago, nauseous to the point of vomiting and again the two mornings after that, she knew what she had to do. She was stupid to think she wouldn't get pregnant; she had held onto the hope that nothing would come of her time with Charon and everything could just go back to normal, but her symptoms had crushed that naive hope, and now she had to fix things for good.
She moved along the borders, searching for Charon's scent; she needed to tell him, and then she would leave. She knew there was a possibility that he would be angry, but there was no changing her mind. If she left, then things could finally return to some semblance of normal for them, and she wouldn't be hanging around complicating everything.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 06, 2019
Things are changing, but Charon was sure that he could keep everything under control. Amekaze would get over this eventually and things would get back to normal; he was sure of it. He was certain that he had convinced Hydra enough of the worth of the offspring to make sure they lived. Now they were angry, but they'd get over that, and they'd see the value in keeping the children and Speedy, their healer, in place.
As he happened upon Speedy along the borders, Charon chuffed at her. They hadn't seen each other since their return to the mountain and he could not deny that seeing her again now made his heart skip a beat. He had considered running away with Speedy, but his family -- his legacy, with Hydra at its helm -- had gotten the upper hand and he wanted to stay and make them great, like they deserved. He still firmly saw a place for Speedy in that. A place he would forge for her and for their children. He approached almost as if nothing ever happened, like a friend, his tail waving lightly and a lopsided smile on his face as he drew closer.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 08, 2019
She couldn't help but return his smile with a weak one of her own. How could he seem happy to see her? After everything that had happened? It confused her a little--made her question her decision to leave. But her suffocating guilt snapped her out of her moment of weakness. She had to stick to her plan; it was the best for everyone, including the life inside her.
Charon,she started, looking away.
I need to leave.It was the only way to keep things from getting worse, especially now.
I'm--she paused, swallowing hard as the words stuck in her throat for a second.
I'm pregnant,she finally managed to get out. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, but she blinked them back. Now wasn't the time for crying; she needed to be strong and make him understand that her plan was best.
My leaving is the only way to fix things,she added after moment. Plus, she vividly remembered Hydra's words the day she had returned, and she knew that once the beta found out she had lied, she wouldn't be welcome here anyway.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 10, 2019
When she said his name, Charon immediately knew that something was wrong.
What's wrong?he asked after she spoke his name and looked away, even though he should've guessed. When she disclosed the news, he couldn't stop a smile from moving onto his face. Pregnant... He was going to be a father again! The gravity of the situation took a moment to settle in, and it didn't fully until Speedy announced she was leaving.
What? No!He shook his head.
Speedy, I promised I'd keep them and you safe, and I will.Charon looked at Speedy, seeking eye contact, hoping that he could convince her this was the truth.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 10, 2019
Damn it, why was she so weak when it came to him? She had made up her mind--convinced herself to finally do what needed to be done, and he had come and shattered her resolve with one sentence. She met his gaze when he sought hers, indecision clear in her expression; she wanted so badley to just give in and let him do as he was promising, but she knew it wouldn't be so easy, and she couldn't justify what she knew it would cost him.
But, Hydra...when she finds out I lied to her, she'll kick me out.She couldn't make him protect her against his own daughter and second in command; she was supposed to be finding a way to fix all of this, not make it worse.
I've caused enough damage already,she added quietly. She looked away again, unable to bear seeing hope on his face when she felt so awful about everything. What he wanted was wishful thinking, and as much as she wanted to be comforted by his proclamation, she couldn't stop the dread that formed instead.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 11, 2019
Speedy seemed to be in a panic but Charon felt he still had everything under control. It'd all be fine. Hydra might be angry, but Charon felt that he could suss her soon.
I'll have a word with my daughter,he said calmly and smiled at Speedy.
And I'm sure it'll be fine.Speedy was feeling scared, and he got that, but honestly, Charon felt a little insulted she didn't think he could protect her well enough.
I promise, it'll be fine.After a beat or two he frowned thoughtfully and looked earnestly at Speedy.
But if you do leave, or have to, at any point... Can you please let me know, when you get the chance, somehow, where you -- they -- are? I would like to meet them.Charon smiled softly. He felt it would be difficult to convince Hydra, but maybe there was a way. Maybe he could barter his crown to win his childrens' lives.
I'll talk to her, though. Give me time.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 11, 2019
It will be fine. He had said it twice, yet she still found it hard to find too much comfort in his words after suffering the brunt of the beta's anger. But, she didn't voice her doubt; he seemed pretty confident that he could make things work, and she didn't think she would be able to sway him otherwise. So, she merely nodded.
Okay I'll stay,she acquiesced, knowing she couldn't say much else on the matter. He seemed to sense it might only be temporary because he asked her to let him know where she was if she did end up leaving. She nodded again.
Of course,she answered.
I wouldn't keep them from you; I just want them to be safe.They were her number one priority now, and although she had agreed to stay for now, she wouldn't hesitate to bail should things get worse.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 11, 2019
Charon smiled when Speedy agreed to stay, happy that he'd convinced her. Good. Selfishly he wanted to keep them close, didn't want to be a stranger to them.
Good.He was glad to hear that if she did end up leaving at any point, she'd let him know where she landed.
How long have you known? Can you feel them kick yet?Charon knew little about pregnancies but he found his attention piqued just as it had been through each of Amekaze's pregnancies. These were his, little miracles growing inside of her stomach. It was always hard to believe.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 11, 2019
Her expression softened a little when he asked about the pups, although worry still remained a remnant on her face.
Not for very long,she answered.
I just started having symptoms a few days ago.She glanced down at her side briefly before focusing back on Charon.
I haven't felt anything yet but when I do, I can let you know if you'd like.The last part was offered quietly as she suddenly became unsure if that was something he would want. He was the father, so she would let him be as much a part of things as he wanted, but she hadn't forgotten how much discord this had created; she was honestly surprised he wasn't angrier with her. She wondered if he would still feel the same when it became impossible for her to hide the pregnancy and things got worse on the mountain.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 12, 2019
Okay, so none of this was smart, but Charon was determined to somehow make it work and keep his family together here on the mountain. All of them. He'd figure out the details later. He looked at Speedy as she offered to let him know if she felt any movement and he nodded. Amekaze had never been one for such sweet things, but Speedy seemed the type and he couldn't deny the allure to feel proof he would be father yet again.
Have you considered names yet?he asked.
Maybe something with stars?That was the naming traditions of his family, though perhaps it was not entirely suiting she choose it for hers. But then again, he was still fully convinced that everything would be fine, at this point. When the dust settled.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 14, 2019
She hadn't thought of any names; why would she? Mostly she had just been trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do. As calm as he seemed about the whole thing, she wasn't lured into thinking that this could all work out. She promised to stay for as long as she could, but in the back of her mind, she knew her leaving was just a matter of time. Still, she couldn't help but humor him after seeing him so interested in their children.
I haven't thought of any yet, but star names would he pretty,she answered.
Do you have any that you like?Even if she ended up having the pups somewhere else, she would use any names he gave her.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - June 19, 2019
Charon thought for a moment when Speedy asked if he had any names that he liked. For now, he just wanted to keep lingering in this moment of almost-a-father; thinking back to all the years he and Amekaze stood at this point, although things were different then. He wished it was her in that moment, and not Speedy, but things were as they were. And even though it was foolish, perhaps, for now Charon was just happy to be a father again soon. Damn what the rest of the world thought of it. He'd make things right, he'd make sure they'd get a good future, somehow, somewhere down the line, after appeasing his other family.
Spica and Syrma,he said eventually.
It was what I first had in mind for the triplets before finding out there were three.Charon smiled lightly at Speedy, sad that circumstances weren't more in their favour but happy that they got to have this moment, at least. Speedy might not exactly be relationship material for him, but she was still a dear friend that he didn't wish all of this onto, either.
Acheron would be nice. A gentle reminder of who their father is. If I remember correctly from when I was last told the story, Charon was a boatsman and the Acheron the river...Maybe not the smartest move, considering the world around them didn't want to be reminded of their parentage, but Charon's arrogance got the upper hand here.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - June 26, 2019
She smiled despite the heaviness of the situation, immediately liking the first two names he suggested.
Those are nice names,she said.
What do they mean?She had never heard anything like that, and she wondered if they had some kind of meaning to him other than wanting to give them to a previous litter.
She like the third name he offered even more.
Acheron; I like that,Speedy replied, her smile growing a little. It was surprisingly easy to forget about everything going on around them while they were talking about names for the pups; it lifted her spirits some, and took her mind off of her guilt and fear for a little while.
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Charon - July 02, 2019
When Speedy asked about the meaning of the names, Charon offered,
They're stars. Both part of the Virgo constellation.Lately, Charon hadn't been able to focus on his astronomy quite as much as he used to in his younger years, but he remained an astronomer at heart. He'd named most his children after stars, so it seemed only fitting. Another reminder of who their father was.
Acheron she seemed to like too, he could tell not just by her words but by the smile on her face, too. Charon's tail waved as they agreed on that. Three seemed enough, and it gave enough of a hint in what names he liked for her to know what direction to think of, should there be more. Just talking about their children made it feel almost like they were building a future together, like they'd stand there and raise them side by side. While it was a future that Charon greatly entertained in his mind, he knew it could never be. But just for a little moment, he would linger in it.
feel free to fade this with them talking names and babies more, if speedy hasn't got more to say specifically :)
RE: Next time, I'll be braver - Speedy - July 02, 2019
Oh, star names; she thought that was pretty. She, too, had a hard time not imagining that things were different. She knew she shouldn't and that she wasn't meant to be here talking to Charon about baby names, but she couldn't stop the part of her that wished it were different just so things might be a little easier. Sometimes, well, most of the time actually, she wished she could take it all back. But, it was a wish that caused a lot of conflict inside her heart when she thought about her unborn pups; how could she wish for them not to exist? It was all very confusing, much like the rest of her life had been lately.
Still, she entertained the conversation, continuing to talk with him about baby names and asking more questions about the story of Charon and Acheron and inquiring about his wishes for number of pups and what genders. It was a stolen moment, one she didn't deserve, but that didn't stop her from holding on to it for as long as she could, knowing she would soon have to return to reality.
:'(
I will miss Charon very much
I will miss Charon very much