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+--- Thread: Moonspear so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears (/showthread.php?tid=35127)
so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Arcturus - June 12, 2019
@Hydra <3
things were... not okay on the spear. things were not, they were not. arcturus' mind reeled, stuck in an endless hiccuping loop - parents, dead, dead, charon, dead, parents, mom, dead, rocks, dead, broken, dead. it went on and on like a maddening gyre, revui, gone. parents, gone. gone. gone. dead.
he was rudderless without his father, moorless without his mother. he traveled through moonspear more ghost than wolf, drifting, eyes open but unseeing.. mind there, but unbeing.
it was not moonspear now, not without his parents. it was some other place. some other legacy.
he thought of it all over and over again; ruthlessly arcturus extracted his thoughts and pulled them through his mind, inspecting every minutia, pouring over each inconsistency and rough end. he had always been the type to get too far into his own head, and in the days that followed he thought and thought until his thoughts were but a brickhouse built around him, isolating himself from the world and the fractured family his parents had left behind.
he thought of hydra and her thirst for power, dirge and his disdain of charon, of speedy, of his father's confiding in him, of revui coming and leaving again... all these tiny little patchwork events seemingly at random, setting into motion the incomprehensible...
and all that was left was hydra.
so, charon's lost boy took the first of many steps forward, his confidence and willpower growing by the minute. what started as a small unsure shuffle, soon rolled into a powerful, agitated walk -- until he found her he would prowl the spear like an disconsolate panther, yellow eyes wide and always searching.
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Hydra - June 12, 2019
She knew her time was coming near, and knew there were things to take care of prior to it coming. Hydra lurked near the whelping den at present, an isolated, hidden spot. But she did not frequent it for very long; her brother, one of the two that remained, came to mind. Revui had left them, and had not returned. Her father had made an ill decision under pressure, and Hydra regretted that he had made it only because Arcturus had deserved it.
And then, Arcturus had lied to her.
She began her own prowl, suddenly restless. But she was not searching for him as he searched for her, not yet. Instead, Hydra ascended the mountains reaches further. The night sky sprawled above her, and Hydra only rest when she found a spot to sit and think. It was a long shelf, as wide as it was long, and Hydra knew it was safe; it was not her first time here, after all.
Hydra looked to the sky, and spoke to firstly her father:
you have found your way to the stars at last. I know it,and a shooting star winked into existence, a quick flash—and Hydra watched its path without blinking.
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Arcturus - June 12, 2019
hydra was not where she often denned. arcturus' swift stride carried him higher. past stone and rock, past granite and gneiss, shale and blasted basalt.. until at last he was upon a precipice, and there on that promontory shelf a shadow lurked -- the shadow of his sister.
arcturus drew to her warily. they had not spoken since the demise of their idols, and before that, he had made pains to avoid her. there was little to be said for his lying; he had done it at the cost of obeying his father, who he would have obeyed even until death... not that hydra did not already know it, and likely, had already turned that around in her mind.
she was far too clever for him; he knew this, and he was terrified of it... but he had learned things too.
he had learned pride could be your downfall, and when you fell you often pulled the fabric of other people's lives with you.
he had learned that people lied for love.
he had learned that loyalty was the highest gift to give, and to give it indiscriminately was to sign your own back as a target.
he had learned that good things did not happen to good people; that there was no roster in some other realm keeping tally. bad things happened indiscriminately, and good things too -- but to sit and wait for fate to smile upon those that did well was folly, and he would follow that goal no longer.
he had learned that family was not everything; blood united, but it also dispersed -- revui had gone and this time, the third time of his brother's absence, arcturus did not seek him. he had learned by now his brother was inconstant; would leave and would return, same as the cycles of the moon.
he looked upon hydra, gravid on a stone -- her gaze trailing the endless skies where a streak of a star shot past. arcturus watched its arc silently and took in a deep breath, stepping forward.
"hydra."
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Hydra - June 12, 2019
She heard him come, and acknowledged it with the backward cant of one ear until the star faded into its own oblivion. When he said her name, Hydra looked to him; there was no trace of anger upon her features. If anything, there was a measure of understanding there that lingered; for Hydra had learned many things too—
Too much pride could be ones demise. Her father was unrelenting in the pride of his loins; Amekaze had killed him for it, in the end.
True loyalty was difficult to find. She had thought her father loyal to her mother above all; but it did not turn out so. No, he had been loyal to his ideals. In the end, he had gotten what he had desired. Hydra could not yet think he had also got what he may have deserved. She could never think it. Hydra could not bear to think of him dead, but...
Those that seemed good, that smiled and were sweet, were likely not. Speedy. A dishonest snake in the grass who had earned the trust of their fellows, only to be the instigator of all that had ever transpired. Speedy.
And she became more confident in the things she had always known, too. Blood could mean everything, but it could be nothing. Revui had left once again, without a word. He had known it was a time of chaos, a time of need. Either the bear was dead, or he was, and if he was not then she would know how little their family meant to him. Hydra determined to rule differently than her father; no one would ask and be given. While family still may come first, everything would be earned.
Arcturus,she greeted, her blue eyes lingering upon him as she turned. She rose to all fours and approached him swiftly, though there was no malice in her step as she bridged the gap and sought to embrace him in a sisterly hug. The two of them had lost so much in these recent days, but she hoped they would, at the very least, not lose one another.
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Arcturus - June 13, 2019
arcturus had expected many things of hydra when her knowing lapis gaze fell upon him; betrayal, hurt, anger perhaps... but there was no trace of fury in those swimming blue depths that arcturus could recall.
when she rose and stalked over to him quickly instinctively his ears fell flat to his dark crown, but he did not flinch. if she was to punish him for his indiscretion (or, rather, his discretion in protecting charon’s secrets) so be it. it was well deserved; he would learn from the lash of teeth, and would not do it again.
yet no fanged rebuke came. hydra gathered him in his embrace and he at first stiffly fell into it, at last melting against her skin in the vulnerable way a soul that has suffered great loss does; his defenses stripped away, and his summery yellow gaze was tinged with sadness. with tightness in his throat arcturus breathed into her gossamer fur, withdrew, and lent her his sorrowful gaze.
i am sorry i lied to you.
there were many things he wished to talk to hydra about — but first, his contrition was needed.. and death had a strange way of putting things into perspective, a lesson arcturus had now learned at a terrible cost.
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Hydra - June 13, 2019
As he withdrew, she gazed upon her brother. He had grown so much, and Hydra was saddened further to think her parents would not see the rest of his life... but she would, and for that, she was thankful. All but a select few of their family had been wayward, but Arcturus was a presence within Moonspear that had only ever been beneficial. Hydra felt relief when he spoke next; he had said words she yearned to hear, and he himself was not one to mince them, or even waste his breath.
He was young, and viable to make a mistake or two in his lifetime. Still,
I need to be sure I can trust you, brother. I believe you were doing your best to do right by father, and perhaps you kept it from me because he had asked... but I want there to be no secrets between us,she shared.
If you are to be my second, I will need your honesty.She watched his features, waiting for indication that he understood, that he would never lie to her again in his lifetime. She could not have a second she did not trust, and would not.
You know what sorry means—but I will ask you anyway, because I need to hear it, now. You will never lie to me again?Her ears pricked as she observed his features, and though her words seemed cold, her features were soft. Hydra was tired; this was her hardest fight to endure, one with no true victory in sight, yet, except for this thing between them that she cherished so.
RE: so i waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears - Arcturus - June 14, 2019
arcturus felt shame still, under hydra’s knowing gaze. he was genuinely remorseful, but even then knew if he had told hydra his father’s secret he would have betrayed his father.
arcturus knew why he had lied to her — to protect his father, and by proxy, the spear; of that, he was implicitly loyal.. but would hydra look past his treason and see, or was it another notch of betrayal in her life? arcturus did not know, nor did he wish to feebly explain his reasons.. for it was liars and cowards that made excuses, and arcturus liked to believe he was neither.
his gaze was low, though he felt hydra’s eyes burning into him.
i will not lie to you again.he said, bringing his muzzle upward to glance upon her. he noticed she was watching him shrewdly; it took great pains for him to speak so baldly, but he did so anyway.
i will always serve the mountain.he was not a man of outlandish promises, and he did not pledge himself blindly — nor did he want hydra to think he was a wolf that gave his loyalty freely. from her, it had been earned — but arcturus’ eyes were always set ever ahead — who came after her, and would they serve the same purpose?
no, he would never bring himself to lie to hydra again.. but that promise might be a blade that dug in deep, for most souls did not like bald honesty and practiced their lives shadowed in deceit.
a burden had been lifted from the boy, though he did not know it yet. he would discover it soon enough.