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+--- Thread: Emberwood I'm inside out, you're underneath (/showthread.php?tid=37541)
I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 14, 2019
going to be vague about the events of this thread and anything after since it's important to his timeline and hasn't progressed enough yet to assume anything
With Lainie (presumably) safe and protected, Kavik set out in search of something for her to eat. The treeline of the forest beckoned him from the second his gaze scanned over the sparse, skinny trees. The grey and brown of the woods was sometimes broken up by the occasional fir tree, and the colors combined in his peripheral vision, barely registering in his conscious thought; his focus was on the scents. He hadn't expected to find much, but he had found nothing so far, and it was discouraging. The forest held the scent of many others, leading the former alpha to believe that this place had been searched many times over for prey. The heavy scent of predator would do a good job of ensuring there would not be much for him to find here today. Still he searched, nose to the ground as he tried to sift through all the scents and find something promising. He was determined to return home with something for his daughter to eat. He had been hopeful that he might find even something for himself as well, but now that seemed unlikely. He would settle for something for Lainie, though, even as his painfully empty stomach protested the thought. It was a familiar feeling by now. Not that it was any more comfortable, just that he was used to focusing on other things and letting it become just a part of life. Hunger was, by far, less painful than the grief and guilt he carried in his soul every second of the day. The discomfort from his perpetually empty stomach paled in comparison to living with the fact that he had led his entire family to their death. His heart began to pound in his chest and a lump formed in his throat; it was what usually happened when he allowed his thoughts to linger too long on his family and how he had failed them. He forced his mind back to his task, drawing in a deep breath and analyzing the scents of the forest. This was not the place for such thoughts; they would distract him and keep him from being successful, and he couldn't return empty-handed.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 14, 2019
Assuming that this comes after this ([small]and that her tiny legs can realistically move fast enough for that to make sense)[/small].
The journey from the Foxlands to the Emberwood took less than a day. To recover, Bhediya retired beneath the branches of a redwood and bathed in the sunlight. After meeting Ibis, most of her time was consumed by scouting; the ascetic needed a break.Age was beginning to eat at her joints. Bhediya knew that travel was only speeding up the process. She sighed and threw her head back, resigned to simple avoidance. Scouting was a newfound passion that she was not keen on giving up anytime soon.
The sound of another drew her from her light slumber. Bhediya lifted her head and looked around, eyes scanning the area before settling upon the dark form of a stranger. It made sense that an outsider would wander in so far; their scents hadn't yet settled upon the wood. Bhe released a drawn out chuff and waited to see if he would respond.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 14, 2019
He was eager to get lost in his search—welcomed the distraction from everything else eating away at him. And for a while, it seemed, aside from Ibis who he knew was exploring the woods, there was no other creature to be found. He hadn't scented any trail the didn't seem to be at least several hours old, and from what he could tell, he was alone in this part of the forest. But a chuff pulled him from his task, breaking his focus and making him halt his steps. Kavik lifted his head and looked around, muscles tense as his emerald gaze found the shadow where she perched on the ground. A sniff of the air finally drew her scent into his nose and he realized it resembled Ibis and the other wolves he had met at the marsh. He relaxed some, dipping his head in her direction.
I am Kavik. I just recently joined Ibis,he offered. If his assessment of her scent was correct, then she would know whom he was talking about.
I was searching the area for any prey, and Ibis is around somewhere as well.No need to see him as a threat, although from what he could tell, she didn't seem too disturbed by his presence in the first place. Still, he wanted to make sure.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 14, 2019
Their collection of strays continued to grow. It was good that they'd left the marsh so early in the season. The territory wouldn't have been able to sustain their blossoming group.
I'm Bhediya, she yawned. The ascetic stood and stretched, then shook out her coat.
I'm not very good at hunting, she laughed,
but maybe I can help.Small lessons led to big accomplishments. Scouting for the pack was one thing, but hunting offered the direct benefit to her packmates that she so craved to give. Bhediya trotted to Kavik's side and brushed shoulders to intermingle their scents.
I'll follow your lead.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 14, 2019
He dipped his head at her greeting.
Nice to meet you, Bhediya,he replied. She admitted to not being very good at hunting but lucky for her, there wasn't much skill required in hunting small game. Some skill was needed, sure, but it was far more difficult to take down something large as a pack; that required teamwork and strategy.
Help would be appreciated,he said, a small smile curving his lips. She moved to his side, brushing up against him as she did so, and when she instructed him to lead the way, he nodded and began to walk again.
He was quiet for some time, refocusing on his task as best he could with his current company in tow. But he eventually grew curious and lifted his head from the ground. He hadn't found anything promising yet anyway.
How did you come to be here with Ibis?Kavik asked. He wondered what her story was and if she was willing to tell it.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 14, 2019
The pair set off with no clear direction. Aimless travels were fine, so long as they were had with company. Bhediya struggled to maintain Kavik's pace but she muffled her breathing so that he wouldn't notice.
We both needed someone, she sighed. It was terrible to imagine dying alone.
Bhediya assumed that Kavik's story was like everyone else's. Winter was coming and the loners had begun their search for a pack. It just happened to be easier to join one that was still forming than one that had been pre-established. Still, she asked,
What about you?
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 14, 2019
He nodded in understanding.
Yes, need tends to bring us together,he commented. It was how he had found himself here, after all. What created their need for a pack was most likely different, but the need itself was the same: to find a safe place for winter. She didn't offer any details, and he wasn't one to pry, so he didn't push for any more than what she had offered. In time, he hoped to learn her story as he did with everyone else as well.
He too released a heavy sigh. He wasn't keen on talking about all the events that had led him to be here, but he supposed he had opened himself up to those kinds of questions.
I led a pack at Swiftcurrent Creek. The quakes forced us from the territory and took most of my family,he offered, gaze fixed on the path ahead.
My daughter is all that's left; she's young still, and I needed somewhere safe for her for the winter.That was the gist of it, except he left out the part that his entire family died because he led them through the mountains. He would carry that guilt for the rest of his life, but there was no need to dump that on her, especially since they barely knew each other; he had shared enough of his pain already.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 14, 2019
Bhediya nodded along with Kavik's words.
I'm sorry about your pack, she said. Silence.
Her breath caught in her throat at his mention of his daughter. It had been days since the girls had crossed her mind. What would she say if they were to meet again?
What's her name?she asked. Children always made things a little brighter. Come spring, she wondered if the pack might see a new generation. It was hard to picture Ibis as a mother but Bhediya thought that she'd be damn good at it.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 15, 2019
He dipped his head in silent gratitude at her words. His devastating past wasn't something he wished to speak much about, so he was thankful that she directed the conversation to his daughter.
Her name is Lainie,he offered, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth despite the lump of despair that sat heavy in his chest like a boulder.
She's smart—too smart really. Things have been hard for her, and she hasn't had as much freedom as she should have, but I can't let anything happen to her.He shook his head, swallowing hard. He knew he shouldn't smother her so much, but he didn't feel like he had much choice. She would understand one day how hard it is to do what is needed when all you really want is to do whatever will make them happy; sometimes they aren't synonymous, which meant he often felt like the bad guy.
And what about you? Do you have any children?Maybe they were here with her and she just hadn't mentioned them yet. Lainie would be excited if that were the case; she was always looking for friends her age.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 15, 2019
You sound like a good dad, Bhediya smiled. She thought about lucky Lainie must be to have such a devoted parent. Every child wanted freedom, though they rarely understood the cost. She remembered Ishara and how anxious she'd been to leave the nest, even as an infant.
Kavik had no way of knowing the weight that his question carried.
All of my children are grown now.It was the simplest answer she could give without admitting to him her wrongs. Not once, but twice had she abandoned her own. Regret festered in every bone of her body.
I haven't seen them in a while.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 20, 2019
Her praise intensified the guilt always present in his chest when he thought of his children. If she knew that Lainie was the only child left of the six he had, she might think differently. But it was too painful to talk about—maybe he would get to where he could talk about it some day but for now, he just couldn't bear to speak of the family he lost. He could hardly bear to live with it, honestly, but he refused to leave his daughter without any parents.
I am sorry,he offered, his tone that of one who knew too well the loss of a child. Hers may not be dead like his, but they were gone from her life all the same.
Lainie might be happy to spend time with someone who isn't her overprotective father; I'm sure she'd love to learn something from you if you have the time.Maybe it would help ease her own loss to help him teach Lainie how to be a capable adult.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 22, 2019
There was a moment of silence that followed Kavik's acknowledgement. It was difficult to think about, much less talk about the opportunities she had missed. Bhediya thought that it would be wrong of her to exercise her maternal instincts on someone else's child. Nonetheless, she nodded along and smiled, as to not give the man offense.
Can I ask something?It was a personal question but one that she thought he ought to answer all the same. If Kavik posed one in return, she would give the same sort of reply that she then expected.
Where is Lainie's mother? Assuming she isn't here.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - November 26, 2019
Her question took him off guard. So much so that he froze briefly. It wasn't that he hadn't expected the question from his packmates at some point, but the wound was still so fresh that he actively worked to avoid thinking about it, and her question pulled him right back into the middle if his grief. He closed his eyes and released a soft sigh through his nose.
Lainie's mom died, as did my other mate and all of of my children except Lainie. There were six...children.He paused, despair forming a lump in his throat. Speaking of that day always brought him right back to it.
We were trying to make it through the mountains, and there was a landslide...he couldn't finish the rest. He hoped she would be able to make an assumption about what happened next because speaking the words would probably break the last bit of control he had over himself. Sometimes he could barely hold it together; he felt like he would crumble into pieces and fall into the darkness of his desolation, and now was getting dangerously close to being one of those times. He couldn't speak of it anymore and hoped the explanation he was able to give her would suffice.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - November 26, 2019
Kavik's grief was evident in his tone. Bhediya heard the hurt and wondered how deep it went. She remained silent throughout his recounting and still a moment later. Birdsong echoed around them, complemented by the rustling of withered leaves.
My mate died, too, she said,
but I wasn't there.Their relationship had long since ended by the time Grayday died. Bhe wondered if there had been someone else there to comfort him or if he'd had to do it on his own.
Are you.. do you believe in anything?It was difficult to keep the faith when faced with such loss.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - December 10, 2019
So it seemed she was no stranger to losing loved ones. Unfortunately, death was a part of life, he just wished he hadn't had to live through so much at once. He wondered if it made things easier for her to not have had to watch her mate die, but quickly decided that nothing would make that easier. The loss was all the same regardless of where you were when it happened.
He sighed and shook his head at her next question.
Not really,he offered quietly.
Do you?Maybe she had some kind of insight on how to continue living when every moment was torture.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - Bhediya - December 10, 2019
i'm gonna wrap this, i'll let you archive when you're ready :)
their conversation was taking an even more unpleasant turn than it already had. bhediya regretted asking such a question immediately after doing it, but was glad that kavik didn't have an in-depth explanation to bombard her with. she smiled, an attempt to add some joy back into their interaction.
me, neither, bhe replied,
but i do believe that talking to someone in a similar situation is good for the soul.to know that you weren't alone, it was a unique feeling.
there was no need to continue drawing out the interaction. they'd meet again, bhediya was sure.
if you ever wanna talk or, i don't know, take another walk, you can come find me.she bumped kavik's shoulder as a silent goodbye before veering off of their trail in search of ibis.
RE: I'm inside out, you're underneath - RIP Kavik - December 17, 2019
Kavik smiled a little, the expression feeling strange on his face. He thought she was probably right about it being good for the soul. He felt a little lighter already; he knew it wouldn't last forever, but he was grateful for any reprieve from his constant despair.
And you can do the same,he offered in return, dipping his head towards her as she offered her parting affection. She turned, and he watched her disappear into the trees. Then, he turned and trotted in the opposite direction, hoping to find Lainie somewhere.