the familiarity of the blur acted as a comfort. bhediya walked mindlessly through the territory in an effort to conserve what little joy she had left. it'd been days of draining activity — endless conversation, long-distance travel — and now that she'd returned home, bhe was feeling its effects.

so she continued on this path to nowhere, hauling her body forward with each step. it will end, she thought to herself, this will eventually end.

bhediya? 

it took a moment to return to reality. the voice was muffled, quiet against the rush of blood in her ears. hey, easy, she called. bhediya turned and moved to close the distance between them. i was hoping to run into you.

the words were choked, constrained in her throat by a growing sense of dread. she coughed. what've you been up to? they'd been playing tag the since easy joined, both of them decidedly not it!

bhediya smiled. hunting, hm? it was a skill undoubtedly inherited from and likely fostered by her father. grayday had done their children justice, that much she knew for sure. everything counts. fish tasted just the same as everything else, so it really didn't make a difference. food is food in the winter time.

she listened intently to easy's findings. they may have been disheartening, had she not long since resigned herself to hopelessness. it was a fluke to have found easy wandering so close; the others, they were gone.i went to easthollow a while ago to do the same thing. she motioned for them to keep moving.

the strain in easy's voice was easily picked up, if only by tone. bhediya looked up at her and searched the girl's gaze for any readable sign of emotion. i was afraid to crowd you, she admitted, her own face contorting just slightly, so i went on a scouting trip to the mountains.

more time alone meant more chances to mess things up. bhe hadn't considered that avoiding this confrontation counted as an automatic loss.

bhediya drew in a deep breath. where do we start? there were years of lost time between them, moments that they would never get back. thinking about it was too overwhelming but avoiding it was no longer an option. a small, selfish remnant of her past self wished that they'd never reunited so those thoughts could have stayed hidden away.

after waiting for easy's response or lack thereof, bhediya tried to list all of the things she could say to make easy leave. it grew exponentially by the second, each line filled with another sour truth. 

i'm afraid of you. 
you were supposed to be my redemption. 
it almost felt good to leave.

bhediya shook away the whispers, hoping that easy wouldn't notice.

bhediya would never understand easy's willingness in the situation. she admired it, envied it, but knew that she would always question its validity. too good to be true, she thought to herself. 

still, a hopeful smile grew across her maw. bhediya used her shoulder to bump against easy, the first attempt at physical contact since they'd met. i don't mind you calling me akuti if that's easier. it's just a name. there were stories of home that she'd long since forgotten, stories that she thought easy might enjoy.

it means princess. which is funny to me now because i'd make a horrible queen. bhediya laughed then, hoping that easy would pick up on her humor. names mean everything in the south. that's why i made sure all of you had a southern name. that, and because she'd been much more proud of her roots back then. now, they were just another part of who she was. easy is nice, too. your dad had some good taste.

it was embarassing to admit that neither name had much of a meaning at all. khoe doesn't mean anything, she said, and bhediya just means wolf. there wasn't a lot of creativity that went into choosing either name. i tried not to speak the common language when you were little. do you remember any of it? there would be no disappointment if easy said no, because at this point, even bhe was beginning to forget.

she laughed at the girl's musings. even with knowing how long it'd been, it was strange realizing how much they'd aged, matured. did someone give you blackbear? bhediya asked, it fits. easy was a mammoth of a wolf, her size comparable to the northerners within the pack. she thought of pygmalion and how odd it might feel to stand between them. 

i remember the cutie days, she laughed, it was sweet, but it could be annoying. if there was one thing that bhediya was insecure about, it was surely her size. try as she might, those legs weren't growing any taller. especially back then. i wanted to be tall so bad. now, i'm an old lady, and i'm still just as short. come next winter, she imagined herself so small that her belly scraped the ground.

knowing that they'd grown up in a healthy environment warmed bhediya's heart. she'd never doubted that grayday would do right by them, but it hadn't occured to her that they might find a second family in morningside. there was no room in that bond for her to fit, but she didn't mind. new beginnings and all of that. a term of endearment, she sighed, little sister.

pihu came to mind then. my sister, pihu, she can probably teach you a little. only if you want. bhediya didn't want to give the impression of disinterest, so she added on, i can, too, but i'm not as fluent as she is. years near the coast had left her with a mishmash of an accent that made communicating in her natal tongue somewhat difficult. not impossible, but certainly not ideal.

the question of their shared heritage brought bhediya into a moment of deep thought. my parents were a normal size. both of them had small mothers but large, hefty fathers. they were domestic women with no reason to have bred into their bloodline. she wondered how far back the intermingling went. pihu is almost as big as you, but i wasn't so fortunate. the children born of their parents certainly had a strange mix of characteristics.

the colors in your coat, they're common where we come from. chitrit mahilaen, it's called. bhediya envied the patterns in her daughter's coat. the mottled shades of grey, the canvas of black, it was a beautiful combination that she often wished she'd been given.

bhediya didn't mind the change in subject because it was obviously a sensitive topic. eventually, they would be able to confide these things in one another, but it was okay that they had to wait. she arrived a few days after you, actually, bhe explained, i'll make sure that you two get to meet. 

it was easy to imagine grayday coming up the tall-tale. he had a knack for that sort of thing. i was too big to chase anything when i was pregnant with you all. now that easy had grown to adulthood, one could get an idea of how large she must have been as a pup. 

painted woman. there's an old folktale about it. there was a folktale for everything back home, but this had always been one of her favorites.