Nerain came to the den and found it empty, no pups, no Thistle, no Ragnar, was this all a dream? where was every one? Nerian still could not believe that she was a wife to Ragnar, She had changed so much in her time away from the temple. It only felt right now.

Though the sudden change had brought Vali to the forefront of her thoughts and actions he was slowly subsiding like before, and with the feeling of love she felt from Ragnar perhaps it would be the last she ever needed to think of him. Or was she caught in another trap, it also felt like that it would all end horribly or suddenly.... She almost saw it crumble when Thistle was hurt that day just because she wanted more.... More love from a different god.. er.. Wolf. Did loving one prevent the love for the other?

Nerian felt more torn now then she ever did, felt like she had gotten what she wished for and yet found it oddly empty.

Nerian didn't see Thistle until she practically tripped over her and the pups... Nerian held her expression so guarded and neutral even as she had walked her aimless trail so that none would know her inner angst. Nerian offered Thistle a relieved and friendly smile and whispered so at the not wake the children good day Thistle Cloud, Enjoying the sunshine? She didn't know how to start a conversation with Thistle it seemed every time she was around Thistle her life became just that much more complicated. She wondered just what would come of this chance meeting.

Thistle had not been in the den with Nerian and Ragnar and her own children for a few days, fighting to assimilate herself with everything and everyone. She had not realized that by doing so she may have hurt her sister wife, when that was not her intention in the least. Thistle herself had problems adjusting to the thought that she may not be loved anymore if she had ever been loved at all, but she would not voice this issue and contention it hurt to do so.

Thistle opened an azure blue eye and offered a small smile What did I tell you Nerian about guarding your emotions. She was merely teasing her voice a whisper, as she gently untangled herself from her children and moved a few feet away so as to let them sleep widely unscathed.

Thistle stretched and smiled again Hello Nerian. I am enjoying it, I believe winter will come sooner than we want it too this year, so I am taking what I can get.

Nerian furrowed her brow and thought back on any conversation she had had with Thistle hum.... I honestly don't remember..... I have been raised er.. trained to keep them neutral, not show them, good or bad... I'm starting to have trouble with it though I need to practice more.[/b]

Nerian gave the pups a wide berth making sure not to get close, glancing sidelong at them as she made her way to Thistle's side. She didn't want to touch them or wake them with the sound of her foot steps.Then she settled next to Thistle and rested her cheek on Thistle's neck with a soft exhale, to her it was more then a hug, but she knew Thistle was no likely going to think into it.

How do you feel? does your head hurt much anymore? Nerian questioned honestly concerned for Thistle and worried that she should have done more. Lifting her head she looked into Thistle's eyes assessing the pupils and then the color. Catching herself to turned her gaze to the pups and her heart became heavy.

Thistle.... I fear Ragnar wants something of me that I want you to give him first, that you want to give him before I do.... Nerian's stomach did flip flops, she wasn't sure if she even wanted to ever be a mother, it was the heat that make her desire that, the rest of the time Nerain was very awkward and scared around pups. Her gaze didn't leave the pups she was afraid to look at Thistle

Thistle saw the furrow in her sister wifes brow and was taken back wondering what she had said to upset her. Thistle felt as if she was walking on eggshells around Nerian so afraid to upset her, and make Ragnar mad, since she stubbornly believed she was not loved as Nerian was. As well as the simple fact that she was growing fond of the quiet priestess and did not wish to upset her anyway, regardless of whether or not it would upset their husband. Why would you want to hide your emotions from those that care about you though? I am merely curious? Thistle did not understand why she would not want those who were her family to not know how she felt, it felt fake and odd to thistle to not share that aspect of herself with others. She always wore her heart on her sleeve so to speak.

Thistle chuckled Do not worry you will not wake them, they sleep like the dead. and they did she certainly hoped as they aged that they would not be as heavy sleepers, especially when they were old enough to have their own dens it worried her, that they may sleep through danger. She however also knew they were still rather young, not quite 3 months old, soon they could go hunting with them all. Thistle did not mind her sister wife’s head on her shoulder getting used to her close proximity, as a matter of fact she imagined come winter when Ragnar would leave in the morning for patrol, they’d probably both gravitate towards each other in their sleep. She preened Nerian’s fur behind her ear though, gently getting any debris there, not thinking much of it or the effect it would have on the other, she would do the same for Julooke or her children or Ragnar.

Thistle shook her head No it doesn’t I am fine, thank you for saving my life Nerian I owe you a great debt. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight that day. The Cougar I believed scrambled my brains fairly well. She smiled then and tilted her head letting Nerian assess her current state of mind. She didn’t mind her checking on her she would do the same.

Thistle heard the words and though it hurt, she had expected such. Ragnar did not care or he did not understand about other’s feelings she wasn't sure and he hurt her’s often, so she would imagine that he would run rough shod over her again. Or it could just be that she was a little too sensitive, but that was something she could not help and he had known that getting into the marriage so. She loved the man dearly, but sometimes she wished he would care a little more about her emotional well being. Nerian I told you that he probably would not allow me to have them first. Our husband wants his son’s far too much. It’s okay I have accepted this and though it hurts a little bit, I am okay with it, and I will gladly take care of you if you should have children and you need help. I know this would be your first time. I also can help you be not so afraid. You seem to be a little scared of the children, with your own I think it will come naturally, but I can help you if you like. Thistle shifted her paws, though it would hurt to help the other take care of her children, it had been born from selfish desire to have pups first, since she had been his wife first, but she would just keep that to herself. She did not wish to upset anyone, and she would put them before herself as she always did.

I need you to know Thistle, that I would have you give Ragnar his first true born litter. I do not know what Ragnar would do to me if I hid away during my next heat, Since I will come into heat again before you, but I'd do it for you. I love you.. to put your needs first for once Nerian nearly faltered at her admission but covered it quickly and smoothly with a continued sentence. perhaps Thistle would think she meant to say I'd love you to put your needs first or that she heard incorrectly to begin with. Although then again Thistle was rather good at reading into wolves. Which is why Nerian tried her best to keep her stoic facade going.

And though Nerian wanted nothing more then to prove herself to Thistle Cloud, This also came out of fear of becoming a mother so in acting like Nerian was for once was being selfless she was actually acting more selfishly then ever.

Nerian swallowed hard tore her gaze from the pups and finally looked at Thistle again. Oh ... I have more Feverfew dried at my old den so I could get you a few leaves in case a head ache come back

Nerian gathered from Ragnar's reaction the other day that seeking comfort with Thistle was not going to be tolerated, she felt attacked and scared then, thought she was close to losing it all. Nerian felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Why did everything have to be so complicated? She dropped her rump to the ground ungracefully and sighed Sorry Thistle I wanted to change subjects because I'm tired of hurting you. I don't think I have ever seen you truly happy, then I blunder upon you when you are peacefully enjoying some love and quiet with your children and I make a mess of it again.... Nerian reached down and rubbed her face on her front leg hoping to dash away the tears before they fell.

,

Thistle listened and her gaze sharpened in on Nerian’s. She heard what she heard of that she was certain, but she kept it to herself. She did not mind being loved, and she was certainly fond of the priestess and she would probably grow to care for and love her as time moved on, it would have to be so, they lived together, would birth children together and Ragnar needed to realize this. It did not make them Lesbian lovers or some other such nonsense, it was just the way of things. They were sister wives, somewhere something had to give. Thistle froze for a moment thinking, she would not ask Nerian to do this. No Nerian do not do that. I….let me handle Ragnar when he’s in his moods, I think I can do it a little better, you are far more genteel than I am. And frankly I do not think Ragnar would listen he would find you and I will not take that from you. Being a mother is a wonderful thing, and I want you to have that if you want it. Granted the she wolf did not know how deep the fear of puppies went into Nerian, but if she had she would do her best to diffuse it.

Thistle was confused at the change of topic and she was curious, but she didn’t say anything. Deciding that Nerian must not want to speak of children or pups anymore. I will remember that thank you.

Thistle saw the tears and was alarmed, by the gods what had she done now. She was always upsetting the priestess, it took her a moment to realize what she was saying. She spoke softly Nerian you stop that, do not blame yourself. I was upset with you yes, but you cannot help what you feel and who you love. I was more hurt and angry at Ragnar than you, because he had promised me things and then broke them. It was not you, well some of it was you, but that was mostly jealousy. Our husband has loved you a long time, and I suppose I just simply felt like I was a replacement, but I have become okay with this, I accept this because I love him and I am fond of you. You are absolutely difficult to dislike. She said the last part with a slight tease in her voice. She bent her head and lifted Nerian’s muzzle, I am sorry that I have upset you, but I am happy right now and you are not intruding. Trust me Nerian if you haven’t figured out something about me yet I’m going to tell you now, I am very, very vocal about my anger, if I was not happy or I was upset believe me you would know. She smiled again, unsure what else to say.

A smile blossomed larger on her face making her blue eyes dance as she remembered something that did bring her much joy. Oh I wanted to show you. Come with me. Thistle stood to her paws and strode a little ways over, where the natural wind break was and the medicine cache and her den lay. I dug this, you can move your herbs here if you like, we can share them what is mine is yours and so forth. Or you can keep them in your old den, it is up to you. She wagged her tail happily with a smile on her face pleased with the area and the cache.

Neiran allowed her head to be lifted, enjoying the contact however brief, she drew a little breath as Thistle moved off. Nerian let the apology stay, even though she felt sorry for intruding upon everything Thistle had built. But she knew that Thistle would hear none of her apology if she even dared to start to utter it.

She watched Thistles form so complimentary to her own walk away from her, the feminine sway of her hips teasing her eyes. So different then that of a male, so much better in her opinion now that she had the luxury of studying both male and female.

Nerian swallowed the lump in her throat and followed quickening her pace so that she could heard Thistles words Thistle I.... Nerian paused her shoulder slumped a little and she changed her sentence she was unable to say it aloud not yet anyway it's lovely, I will put some here to have a few medicinal caches around is a really good idea. I can't believe I didn't think of it. Nerian frown at herself for not being that smart Oh I have realized that my old den is a perfect place to dry some other herbs the warmth and slightly breeze in there is perfect.

Even the colorful flowers Nerian had picked to offer Thistle later were drying nicely. That and the strips of meat too. She was going to show those to the whole family later the pups might like that as a tasty chew toy and Ragnar might like it for traveling and Thistle might like it because.... welll Thistle might like it...

Nerian watched Thistles tail sway and smiled she moved her back end away from Thistle a come-and-get-me grin on her face, Fancy a game? Nerian darted toward Thistles rump and nipped the tip of her tail then ran to the far left and lowered her front end just slightly her uplifted tail swaying back and forth. Not enough to make her seem crazy if Thistle didn't want to play but enough to let Thistle drop her guard and little and just enough herself.

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Nerian was right in that regard in the deep recesses of her mind. No matter how upset Thistle was she would not accept an apology for emotions, not from anyone. There was no such thing and there should not be such a thing. Emotions did not have to be something one felt sorry for, there was no way to not feel them unless you were a sociopath or some sadistic psycho like the man with white eyes who had attacked Julooke, those men and women did not have feelings.

Thistle did not notice the other femme watching her as she walked, she probably would have paid it no mind anyway, simply because Nerian loved Ragnar as far as she knew. Thistle had never studied a female’s form was unsure if she ever would, not that she had ever even thought of it. The only two forms she had ever actually studied had been Crete’s and her husband’s and that was it. Crete had been a dalliance in a forest full of lust, and hormones and Ragnar well she loved him with every beat of her heart.

Thistle wagged her tail pleased, Thank you I thought so too. I thought once you had pups we could come here the children and I if it was needed. Most females do not like others near them. Not that you’ll be that way of course. Thistle listened with her ears forward genuinely interested in what the other female had to say. That’s great, yea I haven’t found a place like that yet, they always seem to stay moist where I take them I’ll remember that. She shifted so she could listen and watch the children at the same time.

She blinked in surprise as Nerian came at her, and she chuckled. Realizing it had been some time since she actually played, it might do her some good. She bent forward in a play bow her tail wagging and with a bark of laughter she gamboled forward to tug gently at Nerian’s ear and then keep running her head turned back just once to see if she would continue to play.

Nerian laughed and bounded after her, kicking her heals up with each stride trying to look as foolish as she was trying to act. Even with the playful gate She gained on Thistle and then Neiran attempted to rear back on her hind legs and tackle Thistles rump before delivering a playful hair tug to her back and diving away looking to a tree to hide behind and keep between them, she laughter streaking behind her as she continued her playful bouncy gait

Nerian giggled foolishly as she shifted tucking her legs under her and attempting to doge each time Thistles paw came toward her face. In each dodge she's whirl about and attempt to go the other direction only to be stopped by the slender paw of Thistles again.

When Thistle stopped the chase she smiled her tongue also showing her exhursion from the side of her mouth. The sound of Thistle's laughter was music from the heavens a far greater gift then anything else she could offer. Nerian bounded the few step between them leaping upward raising her front paws high in the air before crashing down beside Thistle and joining her in her laughter. Rolling onto her back, her head next to Thistle but her body pointed in the opposite direction they looked like perhaps one long wolf from above. It was fun we should do it more often, I haven't played like that since I was a pup on tuesday after temple. We were given free time on tuesday we got to be ourselves and think ouf nothing but ourselves that was a blessed time. Nerain grinned she didn't seem distraught over sharing her past, in fact she wanted Thistle above all to know her well. even though she herself barely knew anything about Thistle

Nerian sighed when Thistle asked a question she had hinted at before and Nerian had avoided it like the plague. This time she offered an answer however vague it was I dream of it often, more so lately then ever and I wonder if it's because God has forgiven me or has a task he wants to to fulfill in order to save my soul. Nerian stared up at the clouds and added as if God could hear and perhaps understand I broke a sacred oath in order to take another type of sacred oath. I'm not sure if My god looks kindly on those things

Nerian yawned Only time will tell I'm sure.... She watched the clouds lazily move across the sky allowing the warmth to soak into her white belly mmmmm this is a good day to be resting