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+--- Thread: Blacktail Deer Plateau I want reasons to stay (/showthread.php?tid=38903)
I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - January 18, 2020
Rosalyn didn't know what it was, but she knew something was off with @Raleska. Perhaps she was just avoiding because she needed some space to herself, or perhaps something was actually amiss... but after her request for stability, for a support structure that would not waver, her mentor felt she should seek to make herself available.
She walked among the trees of the plateau towards the creek that ran at it's heart. She wasn't sure she'd find the girl here, maybe the coast or surrounding lands would be a better gamble. She'd search a while, then try simply continuing on. She wasn't even sure if she was being avoided, after all.
As she walked, she mulled over her conversation with her wife and what it might mean for their future.
vague, also only if you have time and want to! Otherwise I can open this up <3
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - January 18, 2020
<3 ty for starting! keeping some things vague until i know deets :p
Raleska had found an edging of stone near Rusalka's furthest reaches: from here, she could see the hazy outline of the shore, and hear distantly the cry of gulls. Somehow being near the coast, but separated from it, was soothing -- and there were lots of things in the young Eyjolfur's life needing soothing.
She had made this little nook her den the last few days. It had a small enclave to the north side of the wall, one she had lined with little bits of fur and pinefall. From her vantage she could see Rosalyn's form below, threading her way through the plateau. Raleska withdrew, wanting to keep herself concealed: this action plagued her with guilt, and drew her from her little summit. Walking down the scree, she tried to put a game face on for her mentor -- but knew Rosalyn knew her too well to hide her emotions for long.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - January 20, 2020
Rosalyn didn't read the nature of her mask right away, so she smiled as she approached. She knew, however, that just because a wolf was friendly did not mean that nothing was amiss, and she was too old to take Raleska's composure at face value.
You've been hard to find. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.She turned her head to give Raleska a full, searching glance. But she remained standing, for the moment.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - January 24, 2020
The closer Raleska got to Rosalyn, the more she realized it was disingenuous and an insult to their relationship for her to fake it. Rosalyn's warm demeanor was met with a softening of Raleska's hardened mien; she tried to smile, but the emotion was but a feeble wisp on her face, no more tangible than smoke torn by the wind.
She sighed, and heavily at that. There was no use dogging the bullet. No use pretending things were okay. Rosalyn had a right to know -- she ought to know -- for her life had collided with Caiaphas years before Raleska had ever even been born.
And she had been hard to find. And she hadn't been okay. And that was on her, not Rosalyn. She sucked in another breath, preparing for the inevitable. "She's dead." She blurted. It came out rough and shaky and quick, with none of the composure she had imagined in her head. "My mom, I mean." Her gaze trailed the ground as tears welled in her eyes, for she could not bear to look at Rosalyn in this moment.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - January 24, 2020
The charade dropped. Suddenly there was a despondency around Raleska that Rosalyn had never seen; not even when they had spoken a while back, after her mother's departure. She expected bad news, but not delivered so plainly. It took her a moment to even hear it properly.
For herself, Rosalyn felt nothing. Her rival was dead, but the chance to be friends had long since passed. The pirate wanted nothing more than for the woman to leave her life for good and now, apparently, she had. The only grief she felt was for Raleska and the struggle that brought tears to the young girl's eyes. Rosalyn did not remember her mother's face, her voice, or even her name, but she did remember grieving her. Losing a parent would always be hard, no matter if it is their physical presence or what they stood for. And, unlike Rosalyn, Raleska did not have anger to hide behind. Caiaphas had not thrown her daughter away.
She didn't quite know what to say, so she didn't for a moment. Her single eye shimmered with a host of feelings, none of them the triumph that perhaps would have taken her alone. Finally, she took a step forward, to lend her presence if Raleska would let her. Maybe she did not need to say anything. For now, she would listen.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - January 25, 2020
It was as if all of Raleska's strength had been stolen by those short, consequential words. She shuddered, a coldness icing her ribcage, her blood, her body. The ground she stared at became blurry as the tears turned from shimmering to flowing freely down her dark muzzle.
Besides her Rosalyn said nothing. At first, there was a certain gratitude to be had by that silence - but as Rosalyn drew close Raleska's body stiffened, and the tender strands of composure she had been so tightly gripping were gone entirely now. She fell against Rosalyn with a heaving sob, pressing into the warmth of her fur with all the intensity of a child that had well and truly lost everything.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - January 26, 2020
There it was. As she moved in closer, the walls broke, as though Raleska's grief were a wave she'd been trying to keep contained behind a sand embankment. Rosalyn shifted to allow her better space to lean into, and as she supported the girl who had collapsed into her, encircled her in a loose but warm embrace.
Still, what could she say? She didn't care how Raleska knew or how it had happened. She knew the daughter was already struggling with guilt, but that wasn't a conversation that it was her place to start. The decision had been hers to begin with.
I'm here,was all she settled on. Say it, if it needs said, she silently willed. She'd always found catharsis in words. And even if those words ended up knives against her, Rosalyn would take them.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - January 26, 2020
Pressed against Rosalyn, Raleska seemingly melted into that reassuring embrace. Tears flowed readily and hot from her eyes as she tried -- and failed -- many times to speak. All that came were wet hiccups, and quiet, muffled snorts -- until it seemed at last the wellspring in which her tears flowed had dried.
She pulled away slightly, trying to give Rosalyn some form of explanation. In the end there wasn't much she could say that would paint the picture she had seen. "She was sick." It was all Raleska could manage for now, though after such a spell, she felt no better. "It's all my fault."
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - January 26, 2020
Rosalyn stood and took it in, allowing Raleska the time against her to compose herself into something capable of speech. She wasn't uncomfortable with emotion; though she preferred not to break down herself, it wasn't unnatural for her. Empathy came easily when it was her family who brought it.
When Raleska finally managed to say it, Rosalyn immediately felt her hatred of the witch in double measure. She didn't know how Raleska had found out, but she didn't doubt this was some final revenge from the siren. Allow her daughter to see what betrayal had "cost", when in reality the woman did not deserve a child like Raleska to begin with. This guild was misplaced, and as far as Rosalyn saw, Caiaphas had gotten exactly what she sought. She'd flirted with death too many times to claim innocence.
She held her tongue in all of this, knowing the cuts were too raw right now. Gods, it was hard not to say it. The unspoken words curdled on her tongue.
It isn't.she finally settled on, pulling back slightly to look at Raleska.
If you need to blame anyone, then blame me. I will stand by that decision.Even though I know you cannot, right now, she thought.
She could have fought for it. It was always on her terms or not at all,Rosalyn added, a little quieter. She wouldn't have allowed her to stay, but she hadn't chased her from the area. She could have remained nearby, joined any other pack, chosen to make a new life. Instead she'd obviously gotten herself killed, and the blame for that lay in one place.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - February 01, 2020
<3
Rosalyn held her tongue, and Raleska was unaware of the rightful emotions that stirred within her mentor. Her eyes had been downcast, observing the sand and the snow and the blunted edges of her calloused claws -- how she missed the flicker of anger in her mentor's remaining eye, how she was oblivious to the stirring of enmity that roiled like a snake beneath Rosalyn's steeled gaze.
She was still looking at the ground when Rosalyn voiced the one thing Raleska had turned over in her mind, time and time again. Why hadn't she fought for it? Why hadn't she demanded to stay? To this day, Raleska did not understand what motive drew Caiaphas away from her children a third time, nor would she likely ever discover that the siren had underwent a change of heart long ago, and had realized her children better off elsewhere. Still, it had not stayed the course of hatred that lead Caiaphas to her end.
"I don't know why she didn't." Raleska murmured, hurt edging her words.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - February 02, 2020
She didn't think her fury could rise further, but then Raleska uttered those words. If she ever gave any of her children the reason to doubt themselves like that, she'd deserve every misfortune that came her way.
She couldn't stop it.
Apparently she only fought when the stakes were ours,she said, with a voice thick with her ire. Then she gritted her teeth and heaved a breath.
I'm sorry. You deserved better than that,She added quietly. The anger didn't leave her, but now wasn't the time. She had a complicated past but her opinions of Caiaphas were her own.
She didn't really know what else to say.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - February 09, 2020
Raleska had hoped for catharsis, but peace eluded her yet. Rosalyn's ire was palpable, and it was just another emotion layered on an exhaustive onion of feelings -- one Raleska was all too eager to shrug off. If only her heart was not so sensitive -- if only her feelings were stone!
She began to breathe, deeply. Who knew why Caiaphas had chosen what she had -- and a part of her more like Rosalyn than she knew, noted how it was so very Caiaphas of her to be spiteful enough to die as she was turned away. Hedging another deep breath and denying the sob that threatened to wrack it, Raleska nodded -- and made up her mind. "I need something to do." She rose, her limbs shaky but determined. "Something to.. take my mind off of all of it."
She felt guilty for wanting to bury her emotions so deep, so quickly -- but after all, she had already interred Caiaphas once. What was one more time?
RE: I want reasons to stay - Rosalyn - February 10, 2020
This was good. She was internalizing, that was clear, but no one could sort through this for Raleska. Rosalyn wouldn't try. She could, however, help by offering distraction.
Go with me to scout the herds? It's been too long since we've had a proper hunt.If they hadn't already returned (what are timelines) Rosalyn knew they would eventually. It was only a matter of time.
It would give them something to do that didn't require words, but did offer company. If Raleska preferred to find her own distraction, the pirate wouldn't be offended, but it was something she'd been thinking of doing anyway. She'd been itching for a good pack chase for a while.
RE: I want reasons to stay - Raleska - February 26, 2020
Rosalyn did not need to offer twice. Raleska wiped her face roughly with a paw, and stood up with a nod. She was ready now for something -- anything -- to put her grieving mind to bed.
A hunt seemed the perfect way to do it; it required precision and control, total immersion, and sheer instinct -- it would transplant Raleska to a world away from the hellish din of her own, and for a while, they might hunt together side by side and forget all of the trouble sorrowing their side of the world.