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+--- Thread: Neverwinter Forest i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather (/showthread.php?tid=39775)
i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Hyacinth - February 26, 2020
@Mal?Phillip had been meaning to speak with him for awhile now. Ever since the meeting, he could not keep his mind off of Alarian. He was starting to lose hope on this search mission, but there was a newfound spark. He didn't want to leave the forest, but Mal was soon. He said he'd tell people to keep an eye out for his missing friend, Phillip just needed to hear conformation one on one. It'd help him sleep tonight.
Again, he called
Mal?
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Mal - February 26, 2020
What else could he do to prepare? Hm. He'd done some patrolling earlier... Maybe find something oldish in the cache to scarf down. He was honestly just milling about in the between-tasks void when he heard Phillip calling for him. His ears pricked up -- he hadn't wanted to like... hover around the poor kid but he did worry at times how he was doing. Not that Mal would ever admit to worrying about anything -- did he even know what worrying really was?
Whatever, he pinpointed roughly where Phillip had been calling from and took a few steps that way before calling out Polo,
Yeah, over here,and moving to try to intercept.
What's up?
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Hyacinth - February 27, 2020
When Mal found him, he immediately felt embarrassed.
Um..Are you going to find Alarian? was what he wished to say, but that didn't come out. He felt foolish for asking; one, because he already knew Mal would do what he could and two, it seemed like Phillip was the only one who really cared about it anymore. Everyone else had given up more or less. He didn't want to admit it, but even he had given up in a way. If he really wanted to find his missing friend, he'd get out there and do it himself.
Am I bad?It's a subconscious thought that slips out of his mouth. He didn't recognize he said it until it was too late. He recoiled slightly, afraid of what Mal had to say. Maybe he didn't hear, or maybe he'd just ignore it. Phillip now regretted looking for him in the first place.
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Mal - February 28, 2020
He was expecting it to be something about Alarian, honestly. He'd said to say to come find him, after all, so it kinda made sense... So Mal had shown up with a positive expression and was ready to say yeah, he was gonna take a look. Maybe wasn't going to admit that he didn't entirely expect to find anything -- Alarian seemed to enjoy disappearing for ages at a time if Mal's experience with him said anything.
The thing that came out of Phillip's mouth, though, was not what he was expecting. Blink. He was obviously caught rather off guard by the whole thing,
No. Why would you think that?His expression had shifted, to a slight frown. That had come out of nowhere. Mal was now trying to think if his words at the meeting had somehow given that impression.
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Hyacinth - February 29, 2020
He wanted to believe him. He just wanted to accept the no and continue to avoid this question that's been stuck in his mind. But he can't. The answer made him feel worse, like he was being lied to. There had to be something wrong with him.
Because everyone hurts me. And everyone leaves me.
Phillip blinked back some tears and looked up at Mal.
Did I upset him? Is that why he left?He was too emotional to hold back any thoughts now.
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Mal - February 29, 2020
If any wolf would understand some of that, it would be Mal. How many times had he been ignored or ditched in his life? A lot, pretty much. He'd stopped counting.
I think for some of us, that's the way things are. Of all the wolves that have been in my life, the only ones who haven't outright abandoned me are the ones in this pack. And they should all be here for you, too.If they weren't, Mal would have a bone to pick with them.
Alarian you mean?A pause, then he continued, somewhat somber,
I think it's just the way he is. He was in the pack I was born in. When I was maybe, I dunno, half a year old, my mom and dad went off looking for my sisters and left me by myself. That was when the idiots in charge decided they should totally move the pack while they were all gone. He was supposed to watch over me during the move but somewhere in the middle he was just gone. I didn't see him again until you were with him.Mal hadn't been sure he was going to tell it in the first place, but given Alarian's kind of wobbly history with Mal, it was worth mentioning, if only because it really wasn't just Phillip. This failure seemed to be all in Alarian's court.
I don't know why he leaves. But I don't think it was anything you did.
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Hyacinth - March 01, 2020
But he didn't want things to be this way. If someone was gonna hurt him, or abandon him, or whatever bad thing they wanted to do to him, he wanted them to have a reason. He didn't want to live out his days wondering what he had done to deserve the pain. There must be a reason, so he'd know he was the one in the wrong. Once he found the problem, he could fix it. But he couldn't fix anything if he didn't know what the problem was in the first place.
Phillip wasn't satisfied with it's just the way he is'. There must be a reason why he left both him and Mal. What have they done? What has he done? There has to be reasoning! These tendencies couldn't be part of one's nature!
Everything is weighing on him again and Phillip can't hold back the sobs any longer.
It's not fair,he cried,
It's not fair.
RE: i helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather - Mal - March 02, 2020
Mal's ears tipped back slightly, his tone was somber.
I know it's not. Life hasn't ever been fair for me either. But look. We're here together. I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure you stay safe. Make sure you can be happy. You just tell me what you need and we can try and make it as fair as it can be. That's all we can do.He took a step forward, lowering his head and reaching out to Phillip but not touching him. Mal had never been touchy-feely but he was also assuming Phillip wouldn't want him trying to comfort him either.
However, Mal was also willing to live in the present. There were so many things that he couldn't change... So he fought for what he could.