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+--- Thread: Ravensblood Forest the fat pelican (/showthread.php?tid=40252)
the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - March 20, 2020
Kaertok was feeling dejected about the possibility of Legion becoming more than it was. There was still no sign of Arbiter's mate or missing child, and that meant it was unlikely that she had a reason to stick around, either. He wasn't leaving just yet, but the thought had crossed his mind more frequently over the past few weeks. Things felt stagnant, and while that wasn't always his first reason to leave, it certainly was weighing on his mind today as he continued to venture out toward the coast.
His path took him toward a forest. Kaertok couldn't say whether or not he'd ever been here before. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for, except Raleska, or maybe somebody who knew of her whereabouts. The dreadful thought that she may no longer be alive had also invaded his mind now and again, but he tried to remain optimistic. He was still alive, so why wouldn't she be alive, too?
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - March 20, 2020
After parting from Dacio's company the few days before, Raleska hadn't returned home right away. She couldn't. Home was where all the negativity was. She loved Erzulie and Rosalyn and Nieve, but so much had happened -- so much bad -- that she couldn't separate Rusalka from the unsavory feeling that bucked in her gut.
She had made a den in an old rotted oak, and it was there she spent her days. Hunting alone in the wilderness, having no one around but her own thoughts for company -- there was something to be said for that. Something freeing and independent. No one to bring her down but herself..
Raleska was in the middle of stalking a rather fat juvenile squirrel when she caught a glimpse of something pale passing through the deepwood. Her nose twitched as she tried to work out who was passing (friend, or foe?) but the wind was blowing in a southernly bluster, affording her no help. Clearing her throat, Raleska set the task of hunting aside for investigating. "Who goes there?" She barked, readying for anything.
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - April 03, 2020
It wasn't her voice that he recognized. It wasn't even her scent. No, it wasn't until he saw her with his own dark brown eyes that he realized who had asked the question. He stood before her, staring blankly for a moment as the recognition washed over him.
An old friend,he replied, a wry grin settling there. He didn't rush forward or pretend to be dumbfounded that he had found her. Kaertok had spent his entire time in this region looking for her, and here she was. He had always known that he would find her; it was only a matter of time.
Still hate me for leaving?
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - April 12, 2020
An old friend. Raleska's expression went from dour to surprised, to joyous back to dour again -- Kaertok.
He was given the sweep of her cool gaze, which had returned to steely glints as she regained her composure. Her mouth twisted grimly. So much had happened since he had left them all. Despite everything she found herself just wanting to forgive him without much a fight at all, just so she could for once accept something as it was and not have to fight for it.
"Surprised to see you." Raleska murmured, deciding to ignore his question -- if only because she didn't trust she'd be able to keep a lid on her tongue. "Why are you back?"
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - April 13, 2020
Her reluctance to answer his question led him to believe she was at least conflicted about how she felt about him, which was better than being outright hated in his humble opinion. He gave a small "mmph" when she mentioned her surprise, followed by another hum when she asked him the obvious question. He considered being cryptic, perhaps obtuse or dancing around the answer, but that wasn't the Tartok way, and it certainly wasn't his way.
I went back to my family for a time, but I couldn't shake the thought of you. On the advice of my mother, she suggested I seek you out.He did, of course, leave out the bit about his suspicion that Raleska and he were meant to be one another's aokkatti. He let his explanation sink in, wondering what she might think of it.
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - April 21, 2020
Raleska knew she was being cold, but that's all she could be in that moment. He had left her in a time of turmoil, and she hadn't quite forgotten it. Even if he came back, even if he remained a steadfast piece of her life, it would take time to redeem the black mark he had left in his wake.
She felt her mouth run dry as he mentioned a mother; she wanted to share everything and nothing at once. She wanted him to know and yet, she felt he didn't deserve to know, because he had left, which meant he hadn't cared, right? Her perspective was so young and juvenile -- she should have realized what mattered now was that he was here, standing before her.
"Oh." She answered, her voice flat. "Does this mean you're back for good?" Her gaze narrowed and an unspoken question remained in the air: Have you come back to Rusalka?
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - April 23, 2020
I do not know. I came here to find you. I wanted to talk to you.And here he was, talking to her. Kaertok let himself settle, folding his legs underneath him until he was sitting.
Where I come from, Tartok, we are taught that there is one wolf out there that is pledged to you. Not a mate, although occasionally they are the same. This wolf, this aokkatti, is somebody you have a strong connection with. You pledge yourself to them, to fight alongside them whenever needed or requested. I think that you may be my aokkatti.
There was a ritual associated with it, although Kaertok believed that it didn't need to happen exactly as Tartok had taught in order for Raleska and him to become one another's.
That's why I came back. Being so far away, it didn't feel right. But if you don't feel the same, then...Well, that was obvious. If she didn't feel the same way, then he had been wrong.
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - April 24, 2020
She watched as Kaertok situated himself before her, her expression growing from scrutiny to disbelief.
Was this his version of a sick joke? A stupid prank? 'Aokkatti'? It sounded made up. Her confusion melted away to anger, hardening the yellow of her gaze with mistrust. "You can't be serious." He had to be joking. It was too much -- his words, everything that had happened in the space he had been gone.. And he didn't even have a clue how much things had changed - how much she had changed.
She wasn't the Raleska he had known when he said goodbye. That Raleska was dead and gone, smoke on the wind -- what if he found out the who Raleska had become was not the person he had expected? "That's bullshit." Raleska snorted dismissively, setting her gaze on him in a half-hopeful way that said: you're kidding, right?
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - April 24, 2020
Well. That was... a Reaction with a capital R. He hadn't been expecting or hoping for any specific reaction, but he was quickly realizing that this reaction was not one he wanted. She was angry now, apparently calling his beliefs bullshit and insulting him in the same go. He furrowed his brow.
I am serious,he said, his muscles tensing unconsciously.
Am I wrong?he asked. He wanted to hear it straight if she felt that way. If she thought there was absolutely nothing there that bound them, it would be enough for him. He would be the fool, and she could laugh him away. Kaertok would not be ashamed. He had come here looking for Raleska, and he had done what he had set out to do on the guidance of his mother.
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - April 28, 2020
Kaertok tensed in response - who could blame him, when his beliefs had just been accosted so?
Raleska did not soften. Guilt seeped through her prickling skin but still she did not yield.
He had left her! He had missed so much! And now he was here, acting like things could just pick up where they had left off -- as if the landscape of Raleska's life had not irreparably changed.
Mulish, childish, stubborn. "I dunno, if it was true why did you leave in the first place?" Stung, abandoned, hurt.
You left me, her eyes accused.
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - April 29, 2020
Did she not remember?
Rusalka was unstable,Kaertok replied, wondering if she was just playing dumb or if she had truly forgotten.
I asked you to come with me, remember?She had refused, for obvious reasons, but his point still stood. He hadn't wanted to part with her, but he couldn't live under leadership that was constantly changing. He was curious about its current state, but he didn't dive into that subject just yet. There was plenty of time for that after they got this figured out.
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - May 02, 2020
Rusalka had always been unstable -- heck, Raleska's entire life was unstable. She didn't see through his eyes, she only saw through hers' -- and in her narrative, Kaertok had left when she had needed him most.
Raleska huffed, stung to silence for several long moments. It hadn't been fair - she couldn't leave her family any more than Kaertok could have stayed. These things had happened - for a reason or otherwise - and there was no use debating their worth now.
"So, I'm your akkotakko or whatever. What happens when you leave me again? Is there some sort of curse in your weird religion that follows you like a black mark?" Oh, how the barb slipped from her tongue unanticipated, part of her satisfied to strike so cold, and part of her horrified to strike so low -- she had always carried a bit of cruelty to her, and it seemed to come out most when she was hurt.
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - May 02, 2020
She was silent for that, although there was no sense of victory for Malrok. Raleska seemed, at least on some level, willing to listen to him and learn, even if she was doing so in a less-than-pleasant way.
You are only my aokkatti if you choose to be. It's an agreement, not an ownership, which means that coming and going isn't out of the question. It merely means that you and I would come to one another's aid if we needed it. Of course, it would mean that we would likely want to stay closer than we have been.
Hailing a wolf from halfway across the world wasn't very practical, especially considering the hell Kaertok had gone through to find Raleska in the first place. He didn't think she would like the next part, but he figured being upfront about it was better than claiming he was planning on sticking like glue by her side.
I'm staying nearby, a place called Noctisardor Bypass. I'm helping a pack form there. After that... I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be opposed to coming back to Rusalka for that. Where are you staying now?This forest didn't have the thick scent of wolves, and Kaertok was too smart to trespass, so he didn't think she was here permanently.
RE: the fat pelican - Raleska - May 02, 2020
Even if she wanted to listen (and how she wanted to, to listen, to say it was okay, to make up -- anything but this tense standstill where neither wolf had higher ground), Raleska found that the longer they stood there, the more she remembered how lost at sea she had been following Kaertok's departure.
The blame wasn't entirely his; his leaving just happened to be the nimble seam-ripper that had quickened all the loose threads, and sent everything downhill.
The more she listened, the more she realized he wasn't coming back so things could be how they were. It was hard to stomach he had his own life, and she wanted to selfishly tell him he couldn't -- but that wouldn't be fair to him. Embracing this change, however, didn't feel fair either. Somehow, they both got the short end of the stick.
"You know where I'm staying. Rusalka." She supplied thickly, jaw tensed. Unlike him, she had never left.
Wading through all of these emotions was like swimming under molasses; slow, choking, and so damn muddled she couldn't see where she was going. "I can't --" She started, paused, started again. "You can't just come back and expect everything to be the same. I can't.." What, forgive him? "So - you're going to help these other people --" Shades of jealousy here, because Raleska felt she deserved that help more -- " .. and then maybe leave them too? Why can't you just stay in one place, Kaertok?" Her tone took on an edge of barely controlled emotion: of hurt, of frustration, of retaliation. "Why do you think you can come and go in people's lives? Why is it so hard just -- to just --" Her rage was building, but Raleska was losing steam -- she didn't have the energy for this kind of battle.
She stopped abruptly, her jaws clasped shut and eyes hard. For a long moment it seemed as if she would continue, maybe even backtrack -- but it was too late. Too much had been done, too much he had missed. "I need some time alone." If he tried to talk her out of it, he would find her teeth -- Raleska was already heatedly striding away.
RE: the fat pelican - RIP Kaertok - May 02, 2020
He hadn't imagined things to be the same, but he had hoped that the friendship they had forged was stronger than this. Perhaps he was wrong. Coming and going was a staple of Tartok life. He had known it since he was a whelp. His own family had left within months of him being born.
But where—he broke off. She was already storming off, but she knew where she could find him. Now it was in her hands, as far as he was concerned. He had done what he had set out to do: to find her. To see if there was merit to what he had felt.
Kaertok still wasn't sure about the latter question, but perhaps after some time alone, she would decide. As for Kaertok, Arbiter had a surprise proposition waiting for him back at Legion which would likely throw a wrench at any chance of Raleska trusting him to any degree.