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+--- Thread: Whitebark Stream It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight (/showthread.php?tid=40254)
It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Kavik - March 20, 2020
His heart slammed against his ribs as he neared the borders of Whitebark Stream. He had imagined this moment over and over again in his mind from the second he had realized his mistake and throughout his entire trek back here. He knew Grezig, and he knew she would be pissed and hurt. He had left her while she was pregnant, and it was unforgivable. So why did he think he could come here and ask for that very thing? He couldn't abandon his children though, and he couldn't just abandon her here in a new and unfamiliar place to raise their children alone. It had taken him too long to realize what he had done. His judgement had been so clouded by doubt and grief that it had taken many miles alone with his thoughts to finally see what he had actually done when he left.
He stopped at the edge of the territory, almost deafened by the sound of the blood raging through his veins and rushing through his ears. He had no idea how this would go. He may very well have ruined any chance to know his children; the thought squeezed his heart so tightly that he thought it might explode within his chest. He wouldn't blame her for making that decision, but it would hurt all the same. He had tortured himself with all the what ifs long enough; it was time to face the consequences now. He drew in a deep breath, lifted his muzzle, and released a somber howl for @Grezig. The sound echoed across the territory even as he lowered his muzzle. It seemed like even the trees were holding their breath along with him as he waited to see her swollen form approaching.
he'll definitely call for the leaders if Grezig lets him stay, i just wanted to see where that would go first. it is aw, though, because that's more realistic given the situation, so leaders can join before the call if they want
RE: Its deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Grezig - March 20, 2020
Grezig heard the call from inside a dream. She’d been sleeping a lot lately, both because the pregnancy was making her tired and to conserve energy for the birth and the caring of the pups. Whitebark had been good to her; she hadn’t starved since her arrival. Still, this pregnancy would have been easier had Kavik stuck around for the whole thing. When the call came, she thought she saw him at the far end of a long tunnel, as if he wanted her to walk it and reach him. As she padded closer and closer to him, she also awoke, until she was blinking daylight out of her eyes, coming in from the entrance to her den.
And the howl was still going. It hadn’t been a dream. He was really here. Delight suffused her body, followed immediately by anger, feelings of betrayal, wanting to kill something. Him, maybe. Or maybe she’d just tear off an ear and feed it to him, make him choke on his own blood. He had left her—and more importantly—his children. The children they had made together. And now, here he was, having crawled back to beg her forgiveness.
She stood on unsteady, tired legs. She really shouldn’t be outside the den for long at this point. She only had a week or so left before she gave birth (or so she thought). If she hurt herself getting to him now, she’d hang it over his head for the rest of his miserable life. She waddled out of the den, walking slowly over to where she’d heard his call. It would take a while to reach him, and she thought he could use that time to wallow in his probable misery…
Eventually, she saw his form through the trees and stopped. There she stood, some distance from him still, staring him down with dark, angry eyes. She said nothing, but a menacing growl began in her throat, her chest. Her ears pulled back along her skull, her tail lifted over her back in a show of dominance, and she bared her fangs at him and snarled: the perfect picture of a wolf about to tear someone’s face off. She inhaled sharply, and after a moment, snapped, “Well?”
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Kavik - March 20, 2020
His listened intently to every sound around him, waiting to hear her footsteps approaching; it took a while, but eventually he heard her. A few more long minutes passed before he finally saw her, and he immediately felt even worse. She should be resting, not meeting him here and getting upset. The anger rolling off her gaze as it bore into him seared his soul; he hated that he had done something to make her look at him that way. Her body language shifted from angry to aggressive and dominant, a snarl leaving her throat before her one word question that felt like sword in his gut. His jaw tightened and his own ears flattened. For a moment, he looked away, unable to bear the weight of her condemnation. But he deserved everything she dealt him, even if it was her teeth. Finally he lifted his gaze, his expression pleading.
Grezig,he whispered.
I'm so sorry. I've been so messed up for so long. I—I thought you guys would be better without me.He shook his head and looked away. It had been too late by the time he realized that leaving them now was hurting them too; he had done what he had tried to prevent—failed them. If only she would let him make it up to her.
I'm an idiot.An idiot for thinking leaving was the answer.
I know I have no right to ask, but I want to be here with you and our children.He swallowed and risked one small step towards her.
I'll do anything,he vowed.
I want nothing more than to be apart your lives.He released a heavy breath.
Please,he begged.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Grezig - March 20, 2020
He blubbered and begged and tried to explain, and she stood and watched him in cold silence, keeping her tail above her back and her posture tall and dominant. His self-hatred, or whatever it was, disgusted her… not least of all because it reminded her of herself not so long ago. She, too, had abandoned her children, back at Rusalka. And not just her own pups, but Illidan, too. Yet, she pushed all that down and hid it away deep inside herself. This wasn’t about her right now. Kavik needed to pay for what he had done. She waited until he was done groveling, and then stared him down for a moment.
She waddled toward him with as much dignity as her pregnant body would allow, until her nose was nearly touching his. She continued to stare at him. Finally, she spoke, and her voice was deadly and quiet. “Listen to me very carefully, you piece of filth. Fuck. You.” She fell silent again for a few moments, breathing harshly through her nose, but remaining calm. “Were I not so heavily pregnant, you would feel my wrath through fangs and claws and I would spill your blood on the snow.” She said all this with deadly calm, though her voice shook slightly, betraying her inner rage. “You deserve nothing from me ever again and these children are mine and mine alone. Your role in all this is nothing but the member that hangs between your legs, and you are lucky I have not bitten it off and fed it to you.”
Another moment of silence passed, and then she turned away from him and waddled away. Her voice now was indifferent, as if she were speaking to the dirt beneath her paws. “Whether you are allowed to return is not up to me. Goodbye, Kavik.”
And then she was gone, disappearing through the trees back to her den, to lie down and sleep for an eternity, or at least until her children were ready to be born.
@Artyom
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - Artyom - March 20, 2020
To hear a solemn voice rise from Whitebark territory outskirts roused nothing but dread in the pit of his belly. Artyom at first regarded the call only with a backward twitch of a gilded lobe while his dark eyes lingered in the direction of Dawn's whelping hollow. His whole world was hidden away in there, their future uncertain as his mate laboured through the day, and for some time his reluctance to leave his post kept him rooted to the spot.
Only when a curious pack-mate was drawn in by the scent of birthgiving did the pale leader head toward the summons at a quickened pace, so eager was he to return to his family. Daylily would not hesitate to seek him out should anything change, Artyom knew, and so his crippling anxiety over the ashen Alphess' impending delivery of their offspring was held at bay. He worried, naturally, as any new father-to-be would, and he hated to be gone too far from Dawn should she need him.
He found Kavik at the borders, looking rather miserable, and the heavily pregnant Grezig stalked angrily past him. Artyom could feel the tension in the air, the weight that hung over the area, and he let his gaze follow the agouti wolfess for a moment longer before he turned to fix her raven companion with a firm stare. A deep frown tugged at his ivory muzzle and, with a lash of his tail to communicate his own annoyance, he strode forward to close the distance between them.
"Not quite the welcome you hoped for?" Artyom asked coolly and canted his head slightly, curious to know why he'd left in the first place. His thoughts turned to their first meeting, to the promises Kavik had made, and how poor that first impression had been. He felt right to have doubted the obsidian brute then, and the same uncertainty was resurfaced with ease to have seen the fury on Grezig's face as she departed.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Kavik - March 20, 2020
He was frozen in place as her words slapped him in the face. It was so much worse than anything he could have expected. She hated him and rightfully so. If it were just her hate he had to deal with, he would have stood there and accepted it. But her very obvious disgust twisted his insides so painfully he thought he might throw up. He was a piece of filth, leaving her and then coming back and asking for her to let him back into her life. His expression was distant as he disappeared into the darkness inside of him to repeat her words over and over. He wished the earth would open up beneath him so that he could fall into nothingness. He was brought back to reality with her next words, the ones that made it clear she wouldn't let him see or know his children. The twisting intensified, something he didn't think possible. He had told himself this might happen. He knew Grezig would be angry enough to want to take them from him, but to actually hear the words—it was more painful than he could have even imagined; it rivaled the day he had lost his entire family to the rumbling of the earth. It was essentially the same thing.
She turned from him, stating that him staying here was not her decision to make. He wanted to beg her to not take his children from him, plead with her to reconsider. But he knew it was useless; she wouldn't change her mind that easily. His only hope was to prove to her through actions that he wasn't going anywhere. Maybe then she would allow him near the children. He hated all that he would miss in the mean time, but that was the price he had to pay for being weak and leaving.
It was only then that he registered the Alpha's presence. He stared at the spot where Grezig had disappeared, realeasing a heavy sigh.
Hoped for? No, but very much expected.He knew it would have been wishful thinking to expect anything else. He had been scarce at best even before joining, spiraling out of control when he could no longer suppress the pit of despair eating away at him from the inside. He had promised much to the pale Alpha, and he had failed in every way possible. He had no idea what had been going on in the pack or even that Dawn was so close to delivering their own children. He envied the man for all the things he once had. But he couldn't wallow, not if he wanted to fix things. As best he could, he tried to will away the defeat in his expression as he turned to the Alpha.
I failed her and you,he said somberly.
I know I have no right to ask, but I want a second chance to prove myself.He repeated the same he had asked of Grezig, hoping that Artyom would show him the mercy he desperately wanted but in no way deserved.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - Artyom - March 20, 2020
Defeat. It was not something Artyom expected to find when his gaze swept over Kavik's powerful frame, yet it radiated from his every pore. The pale Alpha felt his muscles slacken somewhat and he inhaled deep to release it in a heavy sigh. "Expected, and probably deserved," he breathed. Kavik would know that without being told, though. Artyom, despite having not witnessed the venom with which Grezig had spat her words, did not find difficulty in deciphering how she felt for the rogue's return.
A request was made, one that the pale-furred Alpha contemplated for a quiet moment. He had already considered how he might deal with such an encounter should Kavik choose to return, and felt confident in the direction he intended to guide this exchange. "I want to help you," he answered with a deep frown, "but how can I trust your word this time?"
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Kavik - March 20, 2020
Kavik nodded.
Yes, deserved.He knew the damage he had caused the mother of his children and the promises he had failed to keep to everyone, and so he accepted whatever consequences were coming to him. And as much as it broke him even further to realize, he knew that his mistake may have cost him his own children. But that didn't mean he wouldn't die trying to prove himself again.
Artyom brought up a good point. He had no ground to stand on when it came to asking the leader to trust him; he already had once, and Kavik had disappeared.
Trust is earned,he answered with a respectful dip of his head; he knew that better than most.
I know that I haven't earned yours, but I'm willing to do whatever you ask to try and change that.His promise was genuine. But would the Alpha award him the second chance he knew he didn't deserve? It was already more than Kavik deserved that he seemed to be considering it, something for which he was eternally grateful.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - Artyom - March 22, 2020
Artyom blinked, twitched a whisker as he considered the newly-returned Kavik's words. If he felt that trust was something to be earned, what was it that made him take it all for granted? The pale leader suspected that perhaps his kindness might've led the dark rogue to believe him weak or foolish, which was far from the truth. Artyom, who strived to see the best in each of his fellow wolves, could harbour dangerous contempt if the need arose. He hoped that Kavik would not disrespect his gentle nature a second time.
"All I ask of you," he said, a solemn edge to his tone, "is that you forgive yourself. You made a mistake, but you will learn from it." He offered the raven brute a thin smile, a hopeful one. "It is not my business to ask what made you stray," Artyom gestured with his ivory snout, moved to lead his comrade away from the territory outskirts and deeper into Whitebark territory, "but I want you to know that, if ever you find yourself lost, there is no shame in that feeling. Instead of turning away, take strength from those that need you." Grezig needed him, even if she wasn't prepared to admit it.
Their unborn pups needed him.
Whitebark Stream needed him.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - RIP Kavik - March 23, 2020
He was prepared to do whatever Artyom asked of him and excepted some kind of task to prove his loyalty and that he was grateful for the second chance he was being offered. And he was grateful, more than he could ever express. What was asked of him, though, took him by surprise, and it showed in the delay between when Artyom turned to head from the borders and when Kavik began to follow him. Forgive himself? That seemed like an impossible task, not to mention he didn't really feel like he deserved to forgive himself. Maybe if Grezig ever could, then he could try and figure out a way to do the same for himself. But right now? Kavik felt that he deserved to suffer for breaking his promise and abandoning Grezig while she was pregnant. Again, the leader was too generous by not asking Kavik to explain himself, and again, he was grateful. He wasn't sure he could talk about it again right now. Eventually, he might open up about it, but today he was too raw and exhausted.
He finally took a slow step forward, and then a second and a third, eventually trotting up to walk at Artyom's side. He listened to the advice he offered and wondered if it would save him the next time he broke under the pressure of his own mind. He greatly feared it would happen again, and he just hoped he would be able to remind himself of the wolves in his life that counted on him.
Thank you, Artyom,he finally said. He vowed that he would find some way to thank him with more than just words.
RE: It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight - Artyom - March 29, 2020
A simple thanks came, and Artyom dipped his muzzle in response. He looked up at Kavik, sought his broad, raven features with a quiet glance before he led him further along the route he'd travelled to answer his call. The dark-furred brute had a long road ahead of him if he wished to mend the rift he'd made between himself and Grezig, but Artyom had his own challenges to face.
"I will leave you for now," the pale leader called over a gilded shoulder. "Dawn has laboured through the day, and we expect the pups should be here by nightfall." A pause, only to look in the rogue's direction to wish him well: "good luck, Kavik."
He carred on alone, keen to relieve Daylily of her watch and resume his own.