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+--- Thread: Whitefish River You're a catalyst to your happiness you know (/showthread.php?tid=40994)
You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Speedy - April 24, 2020
She had already been wandering along the edge of the river when Acheron was suddenly at her side as if summoned by her troubled thoughts. He was already as tall as she was, and it squeezed her heart that she no longer had to look down to smile at him. He looked so much like Charon that it was difficult not to think about her troubled past anytime she was around him. He was a quiet boy, very introverted and she could always see his wheels turning. She loved spending time with him, as she did with all of her children, but it was rare that he sought her out. She knew asking him outright if anything was wrong wouldn't get her very far; he would tell if or when he wanted to. So she just greeted him with a smile and offered a gentle:
Hey sweetie,before quietly walking next to him.
The last few days, she had gone back and forth trying to decide if she should tell the children the truth about their father. There were so many things she feared by telling them the truth, most of all that they would get curious and go to Moonspear on their own. She couldn't bear to think about it. But she also refused to lie to them and she knew they were old enough to now that they should be allowed to make their own decision about everything, even if it was that they hated her and wanted nothing more to do with her. Her stomach churned, this time not because of the children she was almost sure were growing inside of her. A couple days ago, hints of nausea had started to greet her when she woke in the morning but she wanted to wait until she was absolutely sure before she announced it. Plus, it was hard to be as excited as she wanted to be with this huge secret hanging over her head.
She offered her son a gentle nuzzle, knowing he didn't like being fawned over by his mom but not really caring. Then she lifted her head and called for her daughters. Now was as good a time as any to tell them the beginning to their story. She ignored the questioning look Acheron was giving to her as she stopped and took a seat; he would have his questions answered soon.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Spica - May 01, 2020
Spica had been chasing bugs with @Syrma in the pond they used to play at when they were really little.
Aw man, leave it to mom to ruin the fun,she moped when Speedy's call came, and she nudged Symra's shoulder in a silent gesture of c'mon even though she knew she didn't really have to to get her sister to join her. Spica took off in the direction of her mother's call then, making it into a race between her and Syrma.
The pair arrived pretty much at the same moment, though they would probably have a discussion later about who was actually first. Spica sat down in front of her mother and brother, panting and her front paws and snout still a little muddy from playing in the pond just moments before.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Syrma - May 02, 2020
At the sound of their mother's call, Syrma abandoned her pounce midway and skidded to a stop with a frown, effectively derailed. She didn't know the nature of the summons or whatever it could possibly entail afterward, but like her sister, didn't want the interruption to their very busy play. Reluctantly, she shook herself off and then launched into a dash to get to where they were summoned.
And indeed, they arrived together and at first, this twin was skeptical. Their brother was already here, and after she passed that quick glance over him, she beamed their mother with her own questioning look before she sat herself next to her sister, ears up.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Speedy - May 04, 2020
When the girls arrived, she smiled at them both, offering each a gentle nuzzle in greeting if allowed. She waited for Acheron to settle next to his sisters before finally speaking.
I have something to tell you guys now that you're old enough to understand,Speedy started. She drew in a long breath before speaking again.
This is about your father.She paused a second to look at each of her children.
It's a complicated situation. He's mated to someone else, and I made a terrible mistake—not that I regret having you guys or think of you as mistakes at all.She wanted them to have no questions about that.
But what I did was a mistake, and it hurt a lot of my former packmates.She drew in another long breath.
Hydra, your half sister and one of the leaders along with your father was angry, understandably so, and chased me from the pack.She paused and swallowed.
It's something I feel terrible about every day of my life.Her expression became stern then.
The pack is called Moonspear, and I need you to promise me that you'll never set foot on their territory nor let any member know who you are if you happen to meet them at any point.She knew they were all old enough now that they would want to start exploring more.
They have no love for us and will kill all of us if given the chance.It was harsh, but she had protected them from the truth for as long as she could. Now knowing the truth was the only thing that could keep them safe.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Acheron Cambria - May 11, 2020
What she told them was way too much to take in. She had never talked about their father before, at least not to him, and he had never really felt too motivated to ask about him. But even the times he had wondered, nothing he thought of could have ever been close to the actual truth.
He stared at their mother, face blank and mind swimming with too many thoughts and emotions. They had a family out there that wanted to kill them? That was the most alarming to Acheron. What if they ever found them? What if he had unknowingly ran into them any of the times he had been out? He could have accidentally said something to put them all in danger. So that was what made him angry—that she had potentially put them all in danger. He didn't much care about the rest of it. He knew she loved them, and he knew she probably felt incredibly guilty about it all. He had seen how kind and attentive she was with pack mates, and so it would have been easy for him to see past the rest of it. But for her to not inform them of how much danger they were all in was just too much.
How could you not tell us before now?he finally asked, angry blue gaze meeting hers.
What if we had run into them while out exploring?he said, shaking his head.
I could have said something to put us in danger,he threw at her. A hard swallow moved through his throat as he fell silent once more. It was so much to process, and he wasn't used to being angry with mom; he didn't like how it felt at all.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Spica - May 15, 2020
When they arrived mom had her serious business face on. A thing that Spica didn't necessarily look forward to but whatever, she also just knew that her mother was a serious creature a lot of the times. She worried too much, honestly, but Spica didn't know how to show her that she should chill more. This was probably something about Emrik McDumbFace who should keep his mitts off her mom or how she was going to replace them all because she loved her new mate so much more now. Spica pushed these thoughts away because they were making her angry and instead focused on listening to what mom actually had to say.
This is about your father. Honestly, Spica had never given him much thought. She didn't stop to think who her father was because she was content with everyone that she had around her; her sister, her mother, and yeah sure, even her brother was part of that. She didn't care that she didn't know her real father, because who cared? Her mother had done it all alone, she was strong and independent and if she didn't need their father, then Spica didn't need him either!
But all of that changed when she heard those words. Suddenly she grew curious and interested and a lot of questions entered her mind. What was he like and could she meet him? Was that what mom was going to tell them about?
She took in all the information and Spica blinked. Mom said that the pack was called Moonspear, which Spica instantly recognised as the pack of the grumpy-ass wolves who had pretended like the glen with the fireflies was theirs alone. She didn't tell mom that she had been snooping there and quickly shot a look to Syrma warning her not to tell (she'd told her twin all about her encounter with the grumpy wolves, after all). She had intended to go back and see if any of the boys were out without their mother, but now she wasn't so sure it was a good idea. Not that she was scared, of course. It's just that she wasn't stupid, was all.
Acheron exploded, being all 'mature' like usually as he challenged their mother on not telling them earlier. Spica wasn't sure what to think of it. All of it. It was one of the few times that her wit didn't come to the rescue. She did wonder why mother hadn't told them before now, though, though she'd never admit that Acheron had a good point there.
Why do they want to kill us now? They don't even know us.It just didn't make any sense to Spica and she kinda doubted her mother's words. If she'd last seen this guy and his relatives a lifetime ago (for Spica, anyway) then was the information really still relevant?
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Syrma - May 17, 2020
Right from the get-go, Syrma was quick into a frown. A lot of new, strange information came at them and at a time when she really wasn't expecting it to be so heavy. Like her sister, their father was really of no concern to her, whoever he might be. Fleetingly, she had wondered what he might be like before.. but that was all the traction the notion ever got. It had never felt like she needed to know, really.
Listening on only made her ears flatten. All this talk of mistakes, feeling terrible, resulting anger--but an affirmation that they were not mistakes that only made her wonder suddenly, and Syrma didn't know what to say for a long, ugly moment as it began to set in just how big of a mess this actually was if it was really that bad. Not pleased about the doom this seemed to drop on their head, even if the concern had always been there without them knowing, her eyes shot to her brother when he spoke, then to Spica for her piece of contribution. All good questions that she was suddenly eager to hear more about.
If they weren't the mistakes, why did these strangers want to kill them?
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Speedy - May 19, 2020
Acheron's anger hurt, even if it was warranted and his question completely reasonable. She hadn't been sure what exactly to expect once she told them the truth but honestly, it would have all hurt just the same. Spica's confusion hurt just as much because Speedy was the reason for it; she was the reason for all the discomfort she could read on her children, and she hated it. But she had promised herself she would tell them the truth when they were old enough; lying had got her into this mess, and she wasn't going to let it ruin things again.
She drew in a deep breath and released it slowly. She turned to Spica first.
Because, sweetie, not everyone deals with their anger in the correct way. They are angry with me for what I did. Your father is the alpha of the pack, and most of its members are his children. I betrayed them, and the only way I can ever make it right in their eyes is with my life and the life of the my children who they think shouldn't exist.It was harsh and blunt, but their questions needed proper answers without the sugar coating she usually applied to things.
They have every right to be angry with me, but they do not have the right to make you pay for what I did. I want you to be aware so that you're never in that situation.
She turned to Acheron then, offering him a sad smile.
I'm sorry, sweetie.She said first, regret twisting her expression.
I wanted to make sure you were old enough to really understand what this means for you.It was tough trying to decide when the right time was, and his reaction made her realize she may have waited a little too long. But how do you tell your children that someone wants them dead? And for something they had no control over? The whole thing brought up so many repressed feelings; she felt sick about it all over again.
I just want you three to be careful while you're outside of pack borders. Never tell a stranger who I am; you never know who you might be talking to.Moonspear was only on the other side of the valley, and it would be incredibly idiotic of her to assume that they never made it over near Kaistleoki.
The same goes for greeting strangers on the borders,she added, just in case. Then she was silent again, ready to answer any other questions they had.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Acheron Cambria - May 22, 2020
He was feeling overwhelmed. He was one that liked to really consider all possible view points of something before he really decided how he felt about it. But that was proving difficult right now. Anger, fear, and confusion rushed through him all at the same time, and he had no idea how to deal with it; it was too much emotion at once. So he was quiet for a long time. He said nothing after his mom addressed his concerns, and he said nothing as she answered his sister's question.
It was hard picturing his mom causing so much trouble; she always seemed so level-headed and kind. What could have made her act so strangely? He had no experience with relationships or anything that went with them, but he had a hard time believing that he would act out of character because of any of that.
He needed more time to process all of this. He felt he could probably find a more reasonable way to feel about it, but that wasn't something he could do right now. Shifting into the more familiar and comforting serious mode, his tone became oddly flat and he asked:
What are the names of these wolves we should be worried about?It would be helpful to know that when running into to strangers while out.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Spica - June 04, 2020
It just didn't make any sense. Spica didn't know what to say even when she was given an answer. Ugh, how stupid and unfair it was that someone wanted them to die just because their mutual father was a total stupid asshole. Why hadn't he stuck up for them?! And it was a lifetime ago now, why couldn't they just forget whatever it was they thought Speedy had done wrong?
Her twin just remained silent, which made Spica feel all the worse. Neither of them were quick to be silenced usually, even if Spica tended to be a bit more mouthy in general. To see Syrma frown without knowing what to say hurt Spica a lot because it mirrored her own feelings.
Acheron meanwhile was pretty smart about it all and Spica disliked that he was being so, so.. well, clever and controlled. Why wasn't he angry at these wolves? Why wasn't he angry at all? She just wanted to grab him and shake him until he came to his senses. The pair of them didn't always get along -- he thought himself a lot more mature and responsible than her and she didn't think he had the right to act so self-righteous -- and right now it showed a lot.
But she didn't berate him, instead just glaring at him and then turning back to her mother with her confused face, now turned into a frown to mirror Syrma's.
Why didn't our father stick up for us? Isn't that what family does? Did he just ditch you?Spica felt pretty angry about this still, and vengeful thoughts entered her mind as she thought of it. So, Moonspear, huh? Wasn't that the mountain that Stupid & Stupid and their mom had come from? Were they some of the siblings that Speedy mentioned?
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Syrma - June 06, 2020
The further explanation only stirred more confusion in her. It seemed to point at the others first, for not coping with their anger properly, but then it still circled back to their mom as a guilty party for doing what she had done that betrayed them--and that they were right to be angry at her? Syrma's ears tucked back, uneasiness plain to see while she sorted through this all. Her brother asked for names, and Spica asked about their father.. who didn't stick up for them. So many questions.. and these were all things she wondered too.
Yeah who does he think he is, anyway? Does he even know about any of this??she asked right after Spica when she lingered newly on the idea of their father, deciding that some anger there felt justified since they had obviously never needed to know about him before.
It was easier to vent some of the frustrations on this completely unknown face of father, though it didn't clear Speedy entirely. Syrma just struggled more with it.
Why did you betray them.. if this was what they'd do?? Like how did it get this bad for us to never tell a stranger who you are! I don't understand why it has to be like this...she murmured, voice a little quicker than she had wanted it to be for being the first time she really piped up here and even this did not feel like everything that could be said. There were too many questions, and even the answers weren't making her feel any better.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Speedy - June 09, 2020
Acheron seemed outwardly less upset than the girls, but she knew him well enough to know that it was most likely a defense mechanism because this was all so upsetting. She hated that she was hurting them with this information. Part of her wished she could have just never told them and let them go on living their lives without dropping this on them, but then they wouldn't be aware of the danger lurking out there; if something happened to them because they didn't know they should be careful, she would never forgive herself. She would honestly never forgive herself for all of this, but at least this guilt she could mostly live with because her children would be safer when outside of Kaistleoki.
To Acheron's question, she gave him a small frown but answered:
The two names you need to know are your father's name, Charon and his daughter, Hydra. She is his beta and holds a lot of power within the pack.She knew that regardless of what Charon might have wanted, it would have been Hydra's decision what actually happened with her and her children, which was why she had fled. That and she really had no choice in the end once Hydra learned the truth.
Speedy turned to Spica next to answer her question.
Sometimes, it's not quite that easy for some wolves,she started. She did often wonder if Charon was looking for them, at least to get a chance to meet his children, but she didn't dare wander far enough from Kaistleoki to be able to figure that out.
He is the leader, and his pack is his family. It was probably easier for everyone for me to just leave and for them to try fix the mess that I made,she explained. She didn't know how else to answer the question. In a perfect world, he would have stood up for her. But at what price? Again, she wouldn't have let him chose her over the rest of his family. What happened between them shouldn't have happened, and she wouldn't have been able to let him leave his entire family behind because of her; things were just better this way, even if it didn't feel that way to them right now.
Syrma's second question made shame burn in her chest. Why had she betrayed them? She knew how it would turn out, and she knew it was wrong, yet it still happened. She had no real answer for her because she didn't quite know herself. Hormones had played a part, as well as her inexperience with the season in general, but she couldn't blame it all on that. On some level, she had made the choice, right?
I don't know why,she finally answered.
Sometimes, you just have to try and learn from the things you do wrong and then do better in the furure.She knew it wasn't a good enough answer, but she had no other answer for her.
I'm really sorry it has to be this way, and I understand if you guys are upset with me.She looked between the three of them.
I wish I could fix things, but I can't, and I'm sorry that you all have to suffer the consequences of my actions.She was more sorry for that than anything she had ever been sorry for in her entire life.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Acheron Cambria - June 12, 2020
His sisters actually brought up some good points, and he looked to their mother to see how she would answer their questions. Honestly, her answers were lacking; it was a lot of apologizing and basically telling them that it was what it was. He didn't really like those answers; they didn't clear things up really, and they didn't make him feel any better about the situation. So they were just supposed to accept this as their new lives? Constantly having to watch their backs? How was that living? He was so angry with her for all of this, and that's what hurt him the most. She had always been their infallible, loving, kind, mom, and now he was seeing her so differently. It was just too much. He was shutting down even more, pushing the feelings deep down so that they hurt less. His face became blank and emotionless.
So by the time she offered the names, all Acheron could do was nod and give her a far away look. He committed the names to memory, though, because as upset and overwhelmed as he was now, he still understood that he needed to be careful. Maybe one day when he processed this all better and felt something other than hurt and angry, he would have more questions for her. But now? Now, he just wanted this to be over so he could go be alone and sulk while he tried to process everything.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Spica - June 26, 2020
Syrma was quick to back her up on the deadbeat dad issue. Speedy of course was sweet and mitigating, as she usually was, saying that he maybe wasn't in a position to.
There's always choice,Spica couldn't help but say out loud, a thought that passed her, as she huffed. She disliked this guy already. Charon. And his daughter Hydra. Especially the latter was pretty easy to remember. Spica wasn't sure if she'd actually run off or spit in her face if she ever ran into her.
Anyway, Spica's head was getting quite full from all of this too. It was a lot to take in. She really just wanted to leave, but Spica waited to hear if they would be dismissed soon so that she could actually take Syrma and run off and be together alone somewhere and process all of this shit that was dumped on them. It was a lot, even though she might not show it in that moment as much as Acheron did.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Syrma - June 27, 2020
If nothing else, the names were something to keep for later: Charon and Hydra. She didn't like the taste of either of them, honestly, but it was the most tangible piece in all of this they were going to get apparently. Now she at least had a name to know her mysterious actual-father by, not that it would probably really matter--besides knowing now to avoid the subject entirely, and keep that concern that these wolves (a family of them!) wanted them dead in the back of her mind for good.
Nothing else she heard really answered any questions that well for her honestly, just apologies and avoidance and wishing it could be better--all of which fell flat here in the moment. Her ears had fallen too, and she was left to feel somewhat forlorn about this whole new situation now that frustration had begun to lose some of its traction. She didn't want any of this and silence hung accordingly; not knowing what else to ask, or how to even compartmentalize this entire situation that had brought them here. Syrma only stared straight ahead a moment before a heavy sigh.
Can we go now..?she piped up with a quiet, flat voice. Not wanting to accept any of these apologies while it was so painfully fresh, she just wanted to back away from it all and take herself (and Spica) elsewhere.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Speedy - July 07, 2020
You're right, sweetie, there is always a choice.There was nothing else she could say to make her feel better about this. She wished she could have just kept this all from them but she knew that would end up biting them all in the ass.
When Syrma asked if they could leave, Speedy's heart broke.
Of course, sweetie,she said softly. She could tell they all needed time to process this; she just wished she could help them. But she had been the cause of all this hurt and she wouldn't surprised if they wanted nothing to do with her after this. At least for a little while.
Still, she offered:
I'll be here if you need to talk about anything.She wanted them to at least know that.
Acheron turned and quietly left in the broody way he had when he was upset about something. She looked to the girls then, assuming they would leave too.
RE: You're a catalyst to your happiness you know - Syrma - July 16, 2020
Already in a bad mood about this, she took that okay to go right away. Acheron did too, going off silently unsurprisingly while Syrma reached to nudge Spica softly. With only that said between them, she began to make her own way off, trusting that her twin would follow along (maybe after a remark of her own, she didn't know, but it didn't matter that much at this point--the damage = done). Syrma had no intentions of talking about it anymore with their mother, at least not until she had a chance to sort this out, sulk about it, and stew with her sister. First things first, at least.
For now, she just wanted away from all of this. The more distance, the better.
They left their mom to her own devices, free to go off and do whatever else she needed to do--probably tending to someone somewhere after dropping a bomb like that on them. There was a lot to digest, suddenly.