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+--- Thread: Whitebark Stream All my fears could be Irrelevant (/showthread.php?tid=41758)
All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - May 28, 2020
She needed to talk to him.
since her ordeal she had realized just how short life was, Just how fast Everything could be snatched away. It was a humbling realization.
Taking a ragged breath she padded across the den site, following the scent of @Surya . It thankfully, did not take her long to find him, and she trotted up alongside, a smile on her features.
"Do you have a moment to talk?" She asked, cocking her head endearingly.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - May 29, 2020
he was walking, thinking of many things. the witch in the swamp. aphrodite's ordeal. the new mother. so much had happened in the past moon, and he didn't know quite what to make of it all. there were things he still did not understand, and things that were out of his control. but—
surya glanced back to see aphrodite approaching, and greeted her with a smile, nodding.
of course,he replied amiably, letting her fall into step beside him. his verdant eyes shifted her way in query.
what do you want to talk about?
he had some suspicions, but no real guess. it could be anything from a lighthearted lesson to a therapy session to. . .well. best not to speculate until it all came out.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - May 29, 2020
He looked as lost in thought as she was. She wondered for a moment what could be on his mind...
later. She would ask later. There was something more important.
"Umm...What I said...on the beach. I realize it was probably kinda silly...we barely know each other..." She stared down at her paws akwardly.
"The whole time I was with Donovan... especially when he said he planned to keep me long enough to force me to...have his pups....But all I could think about was you."
She stopped fidgeting, looking up to meet his gaze finally.
"Life's too short. I know that now. Life's too short to not take action, to not tell people how you feel, to not...live. and uhh...I want to live it...with you. Eventually. If you want. It's ok if you don't and I probably should just stop talking now..." She cringed slightly at her own akwardness.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - May 30, 2020
right. what she had said on the beach. surya had chalked it up to emotion in the moment, but as she continued, his brow began to furrow in some distress. not. . .well, not distress. but certainly a touch of anxiety, a sudden weight upon his shoulders, responsibility—
haaye! a lot to put on a boy barely a man.
i—sorry. i was not expecting this,surya responded, stammering slightly. he came to a halt, watching her watch her own paws.
aphrodite. . .i like you. a lot. what you're saying, though, it's—it's too much, hai naa? for me, anyway. i'm sorry.
mates, pups, family. . . he was barely able to grapple with his own fractured sense of identity, let alone contributing to someone else's. what if he became his father—his true father? what if he was eventually destined to abandon aphrodite and their unborn children, just as the chutiya who'd sired him had done?
i'm really sorry,he repeated, shaking his head.
i just think. . .we need time. you know? there's time to think about all of this.
maybe. maybe not. but it was too weighty for surya's mind in the present moment.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - May 30, 2020
The rejection sends her mind spiraling.
for a moment, there is a whirlwind of thoughts, and she wants to cry. He didn't love her. Didn't even want to. Why had he even bothered rescuing her?
She blinks past the tears and sighs, folding in on herself.
"I... Understand. I forget how young we are. I guess im still emotional about... everything.."
She pulls away, somewhat hoping he'll chase after her.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - May 30, 2020
the tears might have been kept at bay, but the sadness in her voice was clear. surya took a few stumbling steps after her as she pulled away, ears slicked back against his skull.
aphrodite, wait,he called out, his voice breaking boyishly on the last word.
please don't be upset,the yearling begged her, looking quite hangdog.
you didn't do anything wrong. i really like you. i want to have fun with you. but all this about love, pups—? i'm not ready for that yet, yaar.
now it was his turn for his gaze to skim the ground. he felt utterly dejected, but then, what choice did he have? he was barely more than a baby himself.
i'm sorry,surya said quietly.
i didn't—don't—want to make you sad.
he wanted to continue to learn about herbs and healing, to have fun fishing capers, to explore the territory with aphrodite. all of that, without the rigidity of a future he wasn't sure he wanted. . .or for which he was even equipped.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - May 30, 2020
She paused as he indeed chased after her, turning to give her answer. Her own ears laced lightly against her skull as well.
"Love doesn't stop being fun. I don't think. If that were the case why would anyone ever want it? And...And my Culture believes you don't have to just love one person- you can love as many as you want, so long as they're all ok with it." She answered softly. "Only loving one person? The same person? Forever? It's so silly!" She answered, laughing at the idea. She had very different Ideas, of love and mating than the average wolf.
She frowns at his broken expression. "Pups are a year away, maybe more. We have plenty of time for thinking about that." She finished softly, tucking her muzzle under his. "I realized...We could die at any moment. Something could happen, and we could go away, never come back. And that thought... terrified me."
She sighed, shaking her head. She was his- however he might want her.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - May 31, 2020
yes,he agreed, though half-heartedly.
i suppose. . .he didn't know anything about love. he knew—he knew he loved his siblings? and (begrudgingly) his parents, too? when he looked at aphrodite, he didn't feel that. but maybe it was different. he had no way of telling.
he sighed as she pressed her muzzle under his, talking of her traumatic experience.
i understand,surya murmured in some agreement, nodding. it felt nice to have her so close—was this love?! damn. . .he just didn't know. he liked it, for sure. he didn't want it to stop.
can i tell you something about myself?he whispered, voice pitched even quieter than before. his face drew tight, ashamed.
someone i haven't told anyone else here. well. . .besides my brother.he pulled away then, eyes widening.
my brother's here,he told her, all but bouncing in place in his excitement.
have you met—? well. . .you will. but anyway—
the yearling sucked in a breath, feeling one hundred and fifty percent awkward and zero percent confident.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - May 31, 2020
Every time they touched her body hummed with a strange electricity.
She was young, naieve, chasing pipe dreams. All she knew was that she wanted to be friends with him forever. She wanted him to look at her the way her father looked at her mother. She wanted to laugh with him, and tell him all about her life. She wanted him to teach her the strange language he spoke sometimes, and maybe she could teach him a few Greek words. She wanted him to be happy with her.
If that was love then she loved him thoroughly and completely.
He started to offer to share something about himself and she nodded, smiling.
"I want to hear anything and everything. I could talk to you for hours." She laughed softly. He bounced excitedly...he had a brother? "I haven't met him yet, but I would love to...I wish you could meet my family..."
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - June 02, 2020
family. it was complicated. it was at the root of surya's issues with love and commitment, the fear that no matter how much he wanted to pledge himself to someone, his true identity would rear his ugly head. he was not the son of a noble man, but the son of a cur who had left his mother (already mated to another!!) pregnant, and disappeared without a trace.
i am. . .ek dogala. i don't know how to put it—it is someone whose father went away. who wasn't pledged to my mother.he swiped his tongue along his jowls nervously, staring away from aphrodite.
my father—who i thought was my father—is not my blood. i was created out of. . .lies.
there was a burning in his chest that bade him stop, stop, but he continued haphazardly on, looking distressed.
i'm afraid i'll do the same,surya blurted, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. he saw stars, and the outline of her form—or was it her? or some other woman he was destined to spurn?
that i can't be loyal because of my blood. because main hamesha dogala hoon.
he felt tears behind his eyelids and held them at bay, taking a shuddering inhale. was this just theatrics, a panic reaction to get out of commitment, or were these issues really so deeply ingrained within him?
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - June 02, 2020
The pain on his face was obvious, and she wanted nothing more than to wipe it away, to smooth his cheek with her tongue and love the pain out of him.
His confession about his father is lilted, shameful, and then...the reason for his fear. She nuzzles against him once more as he struggles, tongue caressing him, pressing her body so tightly they might be the only two wolves in existence.
Finally, she speaks.
"Surya. My Surya. Agapé." She breathed, her voice a soothing breath on his pelt. "In my old Culture...there was Zeus. King of the Gods. He was married to Hera, Goddess of family, and marriage. And he was...not faithful. But he was strong, and fair, and loved Hera deeply. Hera was jealous, fysiká. She would punish his lovers, and kill their children. She tried to overthrow him, tried to run away. But she still loved him."
She paused, thinking about her next words. "Zeus had many, many children. With nymphs, with mortals, with other gods. Those children went on to do great things. Become Kings, and gods, and heroes. One of those gods was my namesake. Aphrodite- goddess of Love and beauty, and fierce warrior. She was forced into a marriage with Hephaestus, who she didn't love, to prevent a war of the gods. But then she met Aries. God of battle. And she fell completely, totally, and helplessly in love with him. And he, with her."
She sat, looking deep into his beautiful Amber eyes. Her heart racing.
"Surya. You are not your father. Do not punish yourself, deny yourself happiness, because of his mistakes." Her words, as always, were so simple but carried all the weight of the world. "You would not willingly abandon me. And when...if...we have children...we will love them, together. And if you get frightened, or overwhelmed, or decide you love someone else? I'll be right here, to love you still. To talk to you. To comfort you. And...I think that's what love really is. Wanting someone happy nomatter what."
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - June 06, 2020
he listened to her story with rapt attention, fixated on the foreign names and titles. when she finally arrived at the "moral," so to speak, mentioning his father again, surya had relaxed and the tears had subsided. still, he looked uncertain, eyes focused on her face as she spoke.
the yearling desperately wanted to believe her—and most of him did! but there was that infinitesimal doubt, lurking. . .
your culture is not like mine,surya answered, giving aphrodite a weak smile.
in my family, they mate for life. i've never heard of something like your story. but. . .i understand. i think.looking sheepish, he grazed his muzzle over the top of her head and took a step back, chin cocked slightly in query.
can we go slow? i have. . .never had a mate before,he admitted, a wry chuckle caught in his throat.
i don't know at all what i'm doing.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - June 06, 2020
The concept of mating for life sounded simultaneously exhausting and romantic. How dedicated a partner must be to put all of his energy, hopes, and dreams into one person! How agonizing it must be to be dissapointed over and over expecting one person to meet all your needs!
But still... Artyom had opened her eyes to the fact her ways were...not so typical here. And she was reminded once again how she was very, very far from home.
He brushed against her once again and she smiled, inhaling his scent, leaning into his touch.
She giggled softly at his request, smiling up at him with shimmering blue pools.
"I've never had a mate either." she laughed. "I guess we'll have to learn how to be mates together. And we'll go as fast, or slow, as you need to." She gave a slight wag of her tail, and grinned. "I wanna learn that strange language you always speak. Please?"
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - June 08, 2020
oh, good. so they were on the same footing. surya looked undoubtedly relieved as she responded, letting his smile bloom wider over his face—and wider still, as she admitted wanting to learn his mother's tongue.
strange?he said in mock affront, huffing.
i think yours is strange. but i'd like to learn your language, too.
his brow furrowed as he thought back a moment, then added,
what's 'agapé'?she had called him that before launching into her story. it sounded like a term of endearment, but he wanted to be sure. . .and he wanted to know its true meaning.
like, if it meant 'little fish' or something, and that just happened to be something cute and cuddly in aphrodite's culture.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Aphrodite - June 09, 2020
Totally thought I replied to this, lma
His teasing insult goads a laugh out of her. But at the root of it is a warmth that burbled from her toes to the tips of her ears. He wanted to know her, all of her, her culture.
"Agapé...it means...beloved. But more than that. In Greece, there is more than one way to say I love you, and no one says it unless they mean it. There is different kinds of love."
She paused for a moment, trying to decide how best to explain.
"There is Eros...which is the love for the body. Eros is passionate, lustful pleasure. It is the love that will make you persue me against your senses in the spring." She says this as though it is a matter of fact. It was her mother who taught her, that in spring a type of madness makes men rut. She continues smoothly, "Phillia is the love between best friends or siblings. It is an innocent, free, giving love. Next is Storge. That is the love between parent and child. It is the love of kin." she explained softly.
"S'agapo. Means I love you. Wholly and completely. As yourself. It is the divine love, the highest love. The love that completely gives of yourself." Her eyes are Misty. She hoped the boy wasn't overwhelmed by the meaning. It wasn't a word that was used flippantly, after all.
RE: All my fears could be Irrelevant - Surya - June 12, 2020
You get post #100! We can fade here and start another thread soonish?
his head cocked in fascination as she walked him through the different words and forms of love in her language. surya grew slightly uncomfortable as she explained what she had called him. . .but touched, no doubt. did she really feel so strongly? he wondered what he done to merit such devotion.
we have a lot of words for love, too,he replied, latching onto the part of the conversation he could tackle in this moment.
prem, pyaar, ishq, mohabbat. . . i don't know if one is stronger than another; you mostly just use the one that. . .sounds best, or touches your heart.he smiled, gazing at her.
pyaare means 'lover,' though.
and was she. . .his pyaare? could he in all sincerity call her that?
time would tell. for now, he drew closer and tucked himself against aphrodite's frame, enjoying the feeling of their embrace. taking in the myriad emotions that rippled over him by doing so.
time would tell.