time had faded into some kind of murky irrelevance. she would sleep, eat and roam; paws shifting with aimless intent until exhaustion dragged her down into the gentle embrace of unconsciousness once more. it was all she could do, this desperate swimming to keep ones head afloat day after day. how was it usually so easy? a peaceful tread through the most serene of waters suddenly becoming the fruitless thrash against leering waves of pure, unfiltered, strength. it made her feel so, so disgustingly weak. 

yet here; a lock is slowly turned within downcast eyes, revealing a slant of shimmering curiosity slipping through. the warm breeze partakes in frivolous banter with the swaying heads of vibrancy rolling away from dirty paws, symphonies of humming bliss tickling at the fringes of tilted ears. something within her still writhes at the sight of this psychedelic carpet, each flamboyant hue embracing the full extent of living despite it's frail existence. the sour taste lingers, the dull shock that someone as substantial as her papa's life had been snuffed before the gossamer gleam of a single plant before her had so much as dulled. but it lingers lower than before, the roaring fire nothing but sated embers for now, for she has been unable to fall wholly into the claws of sharp edged bitterness. part of her will always treacherously marvel at the pure beauty the world would offer up despite it's gleeful displays of blatant cruelty. after everything, she still felt drawn to the very thing that had killed her beloved father twice. how pathetic, and yet, her gait is lighter than it has been in days as she drifts forth; paws skimming the plants with precise care. 

petals would stir from the earth's clutch to dance freely with the wind, the world's eolian hand offering them the chance to roam with the breeze and encircle the girl that frolicked within them. so caught up in hazy reveries that dulled the striking blades of dejected hurt, it took a moment too long to realise that an earthen boy also found himself within the valley's cupped hands. flushed and breathless, uncannily bright eyes would rest upon him as she'd murmur "oh sorry i had not realised i wasn't alone"

she allows a smile to press lightly against her lips at his observation, instantly appreciative of someone who also treasured the earth's brazen displays of beauty. although she wasn't sure if it were possible for anyone with sight to not feel some sort of awe at the flamboyant array of vibrancy embracing them. "i'd go so far as to deem it breath taking" she agrees, blinking back to focus upon the verdant gleam shining back at her. there was always something so inviting about green eyes, from those that shifted like murmuring foliage to the sharp ethereal bite of flinted mint and all that lingered delightfully inbetween. yet a new ache would always unfurl within her chest now when faced with what she found so enthralling, for even if she tried to think only of west and clay, or the mystical boy from the moonspear mountain...her papa's face would always cross her vision. proud emerald set magnificently within the shadowed clutch of his sable fur. yet it is as soon as she guiltily shoves the image away and admits the want to simply appreciate nature with a boy that knew nothing of her or her situation that the earth would chuckle and croon with a cruel shift of air. 

the stirring would finally unleash the scent that had hidden behind pungent scents and she'd blanch lightly as it wrapped tight claws around her. he was from whitebark stream...her struggle to regain a face of neutrality amongst the sharp pain that scent shot through her was abandoned as a new panic rose within her, what might this boy's presence mean for alsek? and as if summoned, the boy's shrill call would sound from a rustling clump of purple. "i'm...here" she'd let out meekly, casting an uneasy look at their company as the little blackbird took notice of him and kept close to her. her own ears would lean back against her head at his exclamation, any hopes of him not realising who alsek was unraveling away. except..."chhotu?" she'd repeat with a confused frown, that could hardly be some variation of 'alsek' could it? unless they knew each other well and he had some sort of nickname for him, she's surprised at the sour twist to her chest such an idea evokes. 

for as he questions the child, she is suddenly aware that not only is she worried about him being brought back to that place of death unwillingly...she selfishly is not ready to let him go. the sense of purpose and duty that looking after him provided (not that she was all too good at it) as well as his blissful chatter about flowers and the like all had helped her keep ahold of the parts that had cracked and withered at artyom's words. plus...he was all the family she had around right now, in such a short time she already wasn't sure what she'd do without him. swallowing thickly, she'd murmur "he's okay" and because of him, i'm almost okay, please don't take him away.

eyes tear from their earth kissed company when she notices the concern to flicker within that viridescent gaze as it focuses upon the diffident figure crouched beside her. brows knit together as she blinks down at alsek, patronized by that too dry burn to her eyes as she watched the tears silently wet his cheeks. in one fluid movement she'd moved to crouch beside him so that they no longer loomed above him with those foreboding expressions bearing down on him. trying to soften her features somewhat, she'd nudge him very lightly and whisper "hey it's okay, look at the way the flowers are dancing. they wouldn't dance with such joy if something was wrong" such lies, she wondered how many she'd been fed as a child to cheer her up or just shut her up. for the whole meadow could bleed with the loss of lives and those scintillating flowers would continue their unabashed, frivolous dance. she wonders if her papa had ever gotten to gaze upon these very flowers before he'd died. 

eyes drag back to look up at the boy, a challenging gleam chasing back the shadows. 'what happened'. that is all it is to them, an unfortunate event in history. she wishes to launch herself from the ground and scream that her papa is NOT just a hapless episode that happened to be a blow to their pack. he does not belong to them, that chapter of his life is so miniscule and despite her fondness for the sibling by her side, she wishes to yell that SHE is his real child. they think because he happened to draw his last breath in their pack that suddenly they have rights to him and his kin? her chin tips up proudly despite her lowered position amongst the grass as she declares "i am his sister" a careless statement considering she'd held it tight from even alsek himself but this irrational need to spark shock into this stranger roiled within her. momentarily captured by the need to shift the crushing blame from her shoulders and onto someone else, deeming his pack and therefore him know it alls that thought they suddenly owned her own family because of their involvement in her papa's fate. 

but does alsek even wish to stay with her? if a littermate remains within those cursed borders and she could not continue to play pretend forever, to keep them on this little gest . she would have to return home eventually, and sooner rather than later, she knew nothing of the pup situation there. would valette take him in? could she? despite the unwavering tip to that chin and the sharp press to mismatched eyes, her shoulders sagged a little as reality took a dig.

'okay'

she's not quite sure what she was expecting him to say, or why such an impassively flung word hit with enough strength to make her flinch as if it were dipped in venemous animosity. she blinked distractedly after the departing figure of alsek as he wandered into the embrace of vibrant bliss, teeth picking idly at her lip as her heart bet with furious vehemence against an aching chest. 

'okay'

she is a right fool and the word seems to echo with mocking sneers about her mind as trembling ears press tight against her skull. no one warns you quite how hard that part is, watching the indifference leaking from the pores of those unaffected as they roamed about their daily lives whilst yours lay shattered and unrecognizable at your feet. no one warns you of the burning, raging inferno of longing to make them all just stop, the want to be seen and to be recognized for what you suffer by everyone. she swallows thickly, willowy limbs tensing under her crouched figure to push her to a sit; gaze now averted as she frowns hard at the grinning life radiating about her. 

when did it become expected of you to take pain on the chin and struggle through, when exactly did you cross that threshold when you could no longer run crying to your parents or the nearest adult? it wasn't exactly like someone chose one day to pull the curtains and announce that play time was over. she needed a really, really long nap. 

she turns an afflicated look back to the verdant eyed boy when he spoke again, teeth gritting. structure? family? her head shakes a little, the sizzling anger blowing out meekly as she exhaled lowly. the claws of weariness suddenly too tight to hold onto such a fiery emotion and the thought that she'd frolicked through these jeering flowers only moments prior suddenly seemed absurd. so much for the hopes of mundane chats with someone her age. "i don't...i'm not trying to steal him i found him all alone, none of your pack in sight. and structure and family? thery're..you cannot throw around structure when it's just shoving him back into a hole of pity because his family...i shouldn't have to say it. i know he's soft, that's why i wanted to let him marvel at his flowers and enjoy the world rather than grow bitter at what it stole from him" and once again, that roaring burn in her guttering gaze, begging for the release of tears and yet remaining so painfully dry. "if he wanted to go home once, i would bring him back without question but..i'm not going to let anyone force him back there"

she looked over to the little blackbird, heart constricting tightly in her chest. surely it is what papa would have wished, for his dove to find him and remind each other of these little beautiful things life had to offer. she looked back to the earthen boy, still chewing anxiously at her lip and asked somewhat tentatively "can i ask you your name?"

surya

she gives a small nod at the offering, a little more sated with that nugget of information. he was no longer just some random wolf bearing the scent of the pack that had watched her papa die, or the boy that sought to steal- no, take back she supposed, the little blackbird that her mind had so gratefully attached its tether to. for she was coming to believe that had it not been for his need to marvel at life and offer up frustratingly odd challenges, she would have drifted away into an unconscious haze of searing agony these past few days. was that dreadfully selfish of her? was she so adamant about 'protecting' him from the fate of returning to a home of suffocating pity that would surely snuff the vibrance from that lustrous gaze of wonder because she simply feared that she could not pull through without him? no, surely not! she would never try to influence him, he had not wished to go back there even once- this wasn't a selfish act, it was mere free will. but anyway, he was surya. and surya was just a boy trying to do the right thing and how could she bear any ill will towards him for that? she would not start harbouring negative feelings for benevolent kissed characters when so much evil lingered within every nook and cranny. turning against each other is as foolish as feeding fuel to the fire that threatened them so.

at the velveteen touch of his floating words she'd blink gratefully, even dragging a fleeting smile up from the twist of her wearied soul to grace pallid features. her gaze would follow his to the child, conflicted heart unfurling softly stabbing tendrils through her chest as she watched him murmur quiet words to the frivolous dancers. she did not look away from the painfully beguiling painting before her of alsek and his flowers, even as she felt the press of surya's gaze upon her as he murmured a quiet apology. her head shook a little now, ears seeking silent refuge against her skull as she whispered a little hoarsely "it's okay, you only seek to do the right thing i...i was perhaps too quick to fall defensive" 

she inhales deeply and turns away to look upon her company once more. she felt so old, was this what adulthood was really like? she most definitely hoped not, the responsbility, uncertainty, loss...it all wrapped around you like the heaviest of dragging chains. surely their parents had not struggled under such burdens pressing on their shoulders each and every day? 

and oh how judicious of him, that choice of wording to assault her ears. the ugly twist in her chest marked his success and yet still...of course she sympathized for alsek's sister but it is much harder to feel the same level of remorse for a nameless, faceless being. she had cared little for kavik's other children, in fact some disgraceful part of her had in some ways despised them until she'd met the boy with the heart of wonder. alsek had never even mentioned her. a sigh breaches the painfully tight clench of anxious jaws as he asked of her name.

"polaris" she returned clemently, pushing her svelte figure to a shaky stand as stiffness began to nip at tired muscles. "i only want to let him choose when he's ready. i think deep down he kind of..knows, not in a way his mind can process it but some instinct knows something is wrong. we all deal with this differently, perhaps his sister craves the support of others but i think alsek needs to be away from it all. he is young but he is not foolish." looking back to her brother, she'd chew idly at her lip and murmur quietly "if you can trust me in saying this, i am thinking only of him. i just aim to provide support and care for him until he decides that he is ready, no matter how long that takes"