she crouches wordlessly by the minute figure laying lifelessly by pale furred toes. it's body consisting of such intricate delicacy that the whistle of the breeze stirring at downy feathers is enough to make you gasp a second guess that perhaps life did still course through that tiny vessel, powering not only its ability to fly and soar and sing but to discover and wonder and love. but then the sprightly air abandons them and the stillness slinks back in like a hungering scavenger, laying itself greedily across the dead. she does not know why it lays in the grass' gentle caress, the body seeming in perfect condition to the confused eye and if it were not for that deathly quiet, you would not believe that death could have a place here. it simply does not make sense, and that in itself sparks rage within her. it is one thing for the loss of life to come as a result of something, the ridiculous 'circle of life', old age, injury...but this? for a young bird, probably only just after leaving the confines of its nest to see the world that gleamend and enthralled, to just die?

the world had no right to claim this life, just like it had no right to still the beat of her papa's heart and the longer she spends blinking upon the chilled body, the more and more her mind reels at the sheer audacity of it. this child, born to die. "why?" she demands, glaring upon the pastel skies, dotted with lazy clouds shifting languidly by without a care for the soul that had been snuffed out like a mere candle. thoughts and dreams..moods and feelings all just squashed from existence with that final beat of a tiny heart. what had its last moments been like? had it known it was gonna die? was it scared or perhaps oblivious to the darkness that prowled after it. its last moments spent blissfully admiring the winsome essence of the very world that was about to betray it and wipe it from existence. 

it is with a start that the dove realises a wet drop has fallen upon the ruffle of a feathered belly. she is crying and for a moment a startled fear sparks through her....that she is able to cry over a bird and yet not her papa? but it settles somewhat, an aching acceptance unfurling within her like a serene lake top. she cries for death and the lives it snatches into greedy hands for no reason at all, for to die was one thing but when it was completely unnecessary. wrapping her tail around the tremble of her lithe figure, the marbled girl would crouch there and weep over the fallen bird for quite some time. 

for despite being exposed to death from a very young age, she did not understand it any better now than she did the day she'd quietly asked kavik about its nature. the ability to snatch the lives from prey and simply shrug it off as the natural order of things..oh how her soul rebelled so fruitlessly! and therefore she was doomed to the cruel clutch of relentless empathy, to feel that resounding ache everytime she ate to keep herself alive. why must wolves be so monstrous? even alsek with his little flowers would one day have to kill if he wanted to live...some seen it as superiority but polaris, she seen it as a curse. they were not better than the animals they fed on, those beings that could live without needing to cause the suffering of others. in their stories the wolves were the villains and in polaris' opinion, rightfully so.

she thinks ruefully of papa as the tears continue to slide down saturated cheek fur. the world had preyed on him just like they did to animals like this very bird at her paws and she wishes to cry out WHY HIM. a being of such kindness, such strength and honour...so filled with love and yet what a hypocritical question when they never questioned their meals as to whether they are a hero or a villain? why should she have rights to scorn the world for its pick when they themselves did the same thing each and every day. what deer had her very own papa killed to keep them alive and therefore shatter an entire family of gentle eyed clement. 

"oh papa...." she exhales to the fallen bird
 
"i do wonder are you simply gone? do you simply linger in an eternal sleep, belonging to the darkness or is there somewhere else? can you see us? are you happy? do you forgive me for my selfishness, for not going to see you just because you'd found happiness while i mourned? it does seem as if the world has punished me for such actions and yet perhaps thinking that in itself is selfish, for your death is much more than a punishment..it is part of this world's awfully cruel game" 

a soft sob hitches in her thorat as she pushes to a shaky stand. "goodbye papa- @RIP Kavik, maybe we will meet again or maybe the darkness will simply embrace us both" and blinking rapidly, she would get to work tearing at the soft earth until a decently sized hole lay before her. by the time she'd gently placed the fledgelings body within and covered it so that the scavengers could not pick at it from above and it would remain embraced by the earth forever, the tears had dried. 

as she rambled back to where she'd left alsek marvelling at the little creatures, she felt strangely lighter.

frowning at the abandoned stream, she sniffed nervously at the ground and picked her way hurriedly after the scent. she really shouldn't have left him alone for such a long time even if she herself had been making various trips past the borders at such an age. perhaps he too was kissed by 'wanderlust', recalling the memory of the moonspearian wolf handing her such a beautiful word distantly as she followed the blackbird's scent to a cave. frowning, she stepped into the gloom beginning to form a loud "alse-" yet eyes widened at the familiar figure before her and a spark of intense panic shot at her tender heart as she moved to slip closer to the ink blot staining the dark, bicoloured eyes fixed carefully on the earthen woman of whitebark stream as she murmured a wary "hello"

the only words to have swam through the darkness to linger cruelly about fluttering ears before her quick intrusion on the hushed conversation almost put a stop to her rushed progression. they seem to echo within the cup of her ears for a lifetime before making their way slowly through her mind; leaving a wave of icy cold licking at her insides in its wake. 'where's papa?' the further it travels into the depths of a fragile healing soul, the more distortion seems to warble and croon its uttering. suddenly her own voice cries it out, panicked hysteria sinking curved claws into her chest...and then it is sweet little lainie sobbing it forth at this further injustice pushed upon a girl who did not deserve a day's unhappiness. even zephyr with his sharply cutting words of vehement distaste towards the sable raven, now she hears the crack of deeply sown guilt tearing at him. guilt that will try to fester and destroy. and helios...growing softer and softer in the memory of youth...edges starting to blur in his mind's image and yet still his voice echoes with stark clarity as he whispers that question. there is no answer, papa is just..no more. he is gone. 

somehow her paws continue to draw her into the shifting shadow's embrace despite the roar of her wayward mind and eyes are feverishly bright as her brother shoots forth into the caress of her figure. she even manages to produce a quiet smile from the murk lapping at the confines of her inner being, wrapping as much of her willowy frame around him as possible at the words that pierce through the fog. the blackbird's song, like the burning rays of dawn batting back the sneering dark. "i missed you too" she whispers hoarsely "but don't worry i'm here now" she is here, not gone and for this boy she will fight the odds of the earth when death comes lurking hungrily. she will not be another name he has to ask about fretfully, she won't be a 'where's pola' she will be here. never gone. 

her jaw clenches briefly at the feathery arrow to piece forth at what the earthen clad woman murmurs. what is the use in speaking tones so soft when the words themselves have the ability to pierce and cut? wrapping a blade in delicate velvet only works to the marvelling eye, when the time comes it will still cut through flesh like a knife through butter. she peers through the shifting gloom. "your pup?" she returns, voice lilting forth with its own padded softness. deciding she too will sprinkle downy feathers and vibrant petals across her utterings, finding wry amusement in the idea that to a passerby the hummed melodies slipping free from the tenebrous den mouth would suggest the most pleasant of conversations were being shared. "your pack does not own my family just because some lives both came to be and..ceased to be on your soil" she blinks down at the huddled mass pressed to her, eyes guttering as she inhaled deeply. why is it that the world has taken such a fascination towards testing the boundaries of their little family?

this child should be allowed live in bliss with his dancing flowers and scuttling creatures, why punish someone who marvelled so fervently at the earth's own little wonders? she is going in circles with this thought process, having confirmed the harsh truth several times now that the nature of your soul meant nothing in the hands of fate. that the sweetest, purest being might die a premature, terrible death and yet the cruellest villian may live a full life and pass serenely into the mist in the calm clutches of sleep. yet it still pierces her, still picks away at her nevertheless...the lack of fairness, of justice. and her powerlessness to be but a pawn in this game stroked an ever growing flame sitting with brazen defiance in the center of her being. 

continuing softly, she looks back to the woman she'd met on the whitebark stream borders only weeks ago and yet it felt like an entire lifetime "he is a tonrar and he is his own person, he belongs to his name and himself. whether this is but an important adventure that he will return to you's after or he has decided to leave that place behind is only his decision" perhaps a heavy statement to leave in the paws of a child but polaris didn't care, she remembered if only vaguely being such an age and it was the decisions she'd made then that had shaped her today. he deserved choices and if they were made naively and were to be regretted than he would someday change them, but it would be him always that made those choices. he would not be owned, controlled. their family were not posessions to observe with drawns brows of hushed pity. they were individuals of light and strength. 

teeth press harder at the incredulous talk to tumble forth next. it is perhaps a little unfair to judge so harsly on the delivering of a topic so difficult to understand and portray no matter how long you'd roamed the earth and yet her fur prickles like a defensive hedgehog. they are not still here, she does not mourn for a being that can still be reached. she will never hear the deep rumble of his voice, the bright spark in those verdant eyes, press her cheek to the protective embrace of his solid figure. they live on through memories and love but that is not here, she carries her papa with her and yet still he is gone. watching over them? perhaps he does but that does not make him here. but she keeps her mouth shut, eyes shifting wearily to blink upon the slanting light casting her flamboyant hues on the gleam and sparkle of the treacherous beauty beyond. she does not usually enjoy the dark, relishing in the way the light allows life and nature to flourish. but in this moment, she feels safer in the gloom's clutch than out under the sharp peer of the sun. 

her eyes flutter shut against the pulse of her heart at alsek's quietly murmured words but when they open she smiles and nods gently. she shoots a look to the woman as she intercepts before she can speak, frowning once more at the wording. talk about applying weight to an already heavy decision, did she wish to flatten the pup to the ground? yet it brought to light a new question and polaris was left to judge her own reckless and perhaps naive actions. say alsek did choose to remain with her? what if she brought him back to easthollow and valette didn't let him in? or the ranks were too heavy with their own pups? she did not know how many mothers were expecting within the protective stones. what would she do then? but what if there was room and he could flourish in a land where wolves did not speak to him about eternal sleeps and observe him as if he were as fragile as a glass vase. she didn't want him to have to grow up as 'that pup who's parents died', life as fleeting as it was, had so much more to offer than that.

when she did speak, it was simply to murmur very quietly "alsek home is wherever you want to be, where you feel happy and safe. i...this is something i can't answer for you, home is where you want to go. and if you want to go back to whitebark stream with her, if that is home to you then you do that. and if it's not home to you, then i will bring you somewhere but home is up to you. i will not be able to go back with you to that pack okay? but i won't ever be gone i promise. i'm here and i'm here to stay, never ever gone." the smile remains despite the shard to press against her chest, guilty for putting such a decision on his small shoulders and yet unable to see any other way to go about it. child or not, alsek must decide where home is himself.

ears press tight to her skull in a hastily covered wince at his shrill plead, breath shuddering free from her wearied vessel as she wondered on what exactly did his dreams consist of. they were peculiar things, dreams, and in her opinion they were not to be trusted. she'd oft been presented with these warped visions of reality, from witnessing butterflies as large as a wolf to nightmarish entities that luckily appeared not to exist in the waking world. it seemed that whoever was in charge of designing the dream state was quite the trickster and had therefore been sated with the control of a world that did not truly exist. so it would therefore make sense that his parents could have been distorted at the mercy of his mind's sleeping projections, or perhaps this teasing image of wolves he could no longer witness in his day to day life was a burden too heavy to bear. her lip found itself between chewing teeth as frustration writhed mercilessly throughout her. it felt as if someone had dropped a mountain of ants upon her and they picked away greedily at her skin as she twisted uselessly. how could she help him when her own thoughts on death were so perverted? she could not accept it as something so two dimensional like so many seemed to and so how on earth would she be of any benefit to alsek? 

"that's not really them in your dreams" she laments meekly, tail flicking at her haunches as she focuses hard on the stray beams of light puncturing the eddying shadows. the subconscious decision being made that there was perhaps no right way to approach such a grievous topic, they could only provide honesty and after that...well it was up to ones own self to come to terms with what exactly the nature of death meant to them she supposed. "dreams aren't real, i don't think anyone really knows what they are but..think of them as stories except they're shown to you as pictures instead" brows furrow, helpless shrug thrown in to conclude that useless confirmation. maybe it would ease his concerns, maybe it would make them worse, she truly hadn't a notion and it makes her head ache. how had her parents done it? how had they always seemed so wise and certain in the face of everything? did you just wake up one day and find your mind stocked with sagacious responses and thoughts to counter everything? or was it all just a mask that naive puppy eyes feasted greedily upon in their worlds of unperturbed bliss?

she looked wholly upon his stygian figure now, almost one with the shadows circling protectively. she'd asked papa what death was when she'd been about his age hadn't she? pain licked hungrily at her heart, fragmented memories prancing across her conscience. after zephyr had killed their younger sibling, a thing she'd never been able to come to terms with despite her love for her silvered brother continuing to burn, she'd posed him with that trembled query. he'd been honest with it, he hadn't tried to sugar coat it but of course, it was easier to speak of such a term when it didn't apply to the child's recently stolen parents.

albeit guiltily, she is oh so glad when the earthen woman speaks up about remedies for dreams before she can even begin to breach the subject. latching onto the chance to postpone the conversation as quickily as a flea catches ahold of its host. eyes widen a little at the offer, enthralled by the idea that such a remedy exists. "you can do that?" she breathes, a little sheepish at her own lack of knowledge in the area. she'd known that healers could use the power granted to certain plants to ease and heal physical issues but it was the first time she'd heard of anyone mastering the art of healing the mind and she found herself tentatively intrigued if not a little daunted at the prospect. was there a plant that could snare and control ones entity?? that sounded terrifying and yet, at alsek's next query she felt a snag of desperation tug away the budding wariness. despite polaris' biased discomfort around the woman, it could be admitted that she seemed cordial and had the blackbird's best interests at heart and so she would gladly accept anything that may help him..and perhaps herself as an extension for that matter.

she looks a little expectantly to their company, hopeful that she has access to the well of knowledge adults fed from yet she is regretfully met by silence as the other's azure look focuses on the dark clad child. "i won't ever stop you seeing pele" is all she can assure, uneasy about making any other promises that she may not be able to keep. pele...kavik's other daughter, she could not help but wonder what she was like in comparison to lainie or herself and furthermore, childish insecurity peeked out to wonder if he perhaps had preferred her to his previous daughters. she blinks, attempting to banish such a sour tangent but it lingers snarkily at the fringes of her mind as she waits in the tense silence slinking about them as they awaited alsek's verdict.

her muscles are tense to the point of aching, anxious at the idea of either answers waiting to pounce. the idea of alsek leaving to return to whitebark stream evokes this awful pain within her that she fears she no longer has the strength to fight, certain that it would call on the lurking hurt that was far from departing her after discovering what she'd lost. yet for him to give up his birthplace and follow her...in all of her days polaris had never been handed such pure responsibility and she would be lying if she said it didn't terrify her. 

so by the time he does pipe up, she feels as if the thud of her heart has forced itself up her throat making it uncomfortably difficult to draw a full breath. eyes widen a fraction, shooting a nervous look at the woman. if he was asking permission to see the wolves of whitebark whenever he wished then that must mean....she exhales shakily, timid smile pressing her features as she nods "of course, whenever" he truly wished to remain with her? the plethora of emotions running riot within her were too intricate to even pinpoint their nature, she simply felt overwhelmed as she nodded dumbly along with the healer's reassurance. 

a soft laugh at the question, admiring his drive. "it's called easthollow and..it's beautiful there, really beautiful. big green meadows with lots of lovely plants and these super cool big stones that watch over everyone. the wolves are all so kind too, i think you'd really like it there" and she is shocked to find that homesick tug to her own self when thinking of her verdant home, pleased to discover that her mind had taken so firmly to the place she'd sought for mere refuge. 

still nibbling at her lip, mismatched eyes blinked to the woman with her sky kissed eyes. "artyom won't mind right? you'll tell him it was alsek's choice and he's free to return at any time?" for the last thing she desired was to bring the wrath of an angered pack upon valette and her wolves, she could never do that. even quieter she'd mumble "and you um, that thing you mentioned about being able to get rid of bad dreams? could you..tell me how you do that if you don't mind?"