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+--- Thread: Sun Mote Copse Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting (/showthread.php?tid=43500)
Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Maia - August 25, 2020
pre-dated, so they can have one more, because she'd def want to say goodbye! no rush on this
By the time Maia got around to saying her goodbyes, she had fairly well convinced herself that it was fine because no one would mind when she left. It made it a lot easier to go track down @Eljay when she put things in that perspective because the optimism hid the hurt. This wasn't the same as when they left Terance, but it was similar... that feeling of leaving something to keep something, and it never felt fair.
If she caught them together, she could say goodbye to @Weejay too... but if not, she'd track the girl down after, maybe share a story or two so that she could share them with the other kids. Maia hadn't really stuck around long enough to share her love of stories so far, and aside from she and her sister, none of the other adults seemed interested. It was a shame to leave them without anything.
Maia sighed, then tried to gather up her resolve.
Eljay? You around?
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - August 26, 2020
@Weejay leaving it up to you if you want to join or not, Lauren <3 I don't really care where it is on the timeline, but I hope it's OK to incorporate the water levels rising already in this!
It had been raining so much. Eljay kept telling himself that it would be alright, but when Weejay's garden had started to get too wet and some of the flowers died, he was beginning to worry. But this was the Copse -- it was like Weejay's Caldera -- and he didn't want to put her through the hurt of leaving that ever, like he had when he had left the Caldera once, and then again when they'd moved. Why did this happen? Right now, he was hoping it'd just go away. That maybe it was just temporary.
Weejay had just gone out for a bit -- he wasn't sure how long or short it'd take before she'd be back -- while Eljay was lapping away some of the excess water from the garden. It didn't make much difference, but he hoped that it might make a small difference; at this stage, maybe that'd help enough.
When he heard Maia's voice Eljay smiled fondly and he looked up, turning his head and then his body towards her.
Hey Maia,he said, actually looking pretty alright today -- unaware of the bad news that was to come.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Maia - August 28, 2020
i think they left before the flooding started but we can keep it loose!
He was already smiling when she turned around, and she felt a flip in her stomach. She really didn't want to deliver this news, and that only made it harder to deliver.
It's fine, he's got everyone here, and he'll be better off without you hanging around. Her pulse was picking up, and she could feel it pounding in her ears.
Umm, hey.She gave him a smile, but then it faded as she looked at the ground. Better to just do it now.
Wraen's leaving. I guess Towhee allied with Moonspear or something, and Wraen had a really bad experience with them. I... don't really like them, but I'd be fine with it. Cept I can't stay without her.
She didn't look up. She didn't really want to see his reaction. A part of her hoped he'd just shrug it off like it was nothing, but a part of her hoped... no. Maybe he'd be mad. That would be the worst.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - August 29, 2020
Alright, I'll just not mention it & keep it vague then :)
Wraen's leaving. That on its own hit like a truck, mostly because the words weren't delivered by his friend herself. They'd known each other since the beginning of the Firebirds and though Eljay found himself wondering if she didn't consider him more of a burden than a boon on several occasions, she was a friend to him. He thought that the same counted for her -- that they were friends -- but now as Maia stood here delivering the news of her departure, he wasn't so sure.
Is... Why didn't Wraen come to tell me this herself?he -- very uncharacteristically -- interjected, cutting Maia's words short before she could continue (or possibly talking through the next bit). It didn't make sense to Eljay. They'd been through so much. All of the Copse. Apart from mom and dad, she was the only one left who'd been there through it all. He couldn't help but feel anxious thinking about how it had meant so much less to her than to him all along that she wouldn't even come to deliver this news personally.
But it inevitably got worse. Something about Moonspear that he didn't really care about (he didn't know them at all, had never met a wolf from there) and then she said it. She couldn't... Stay without Wraen.
So that's why Maia had come here to deliver the news. Not to tell it instead of Wraen, or say it knowing that he and Wraen were friends.
This was a goodbye.
Eljay frowned, his eyes shining with emotion as he tried to control what was going on in his head in that moment. He tried to picture the Copse without Wraen, and damn, was it hard to see such a place. What was left for him, then, except the every present warmth of his daughter?
He tried to picture the Copse without Maia, but it was impossible. He and Towhee had gotten over some of their past animosity but Eljay couldn't help but feel that they'd never be friends for real. It would only take one mishap for him to screw up and for her to snap at him for that illusion to be broken again. Niamh and he were okay, he supposed, but they were just so different and she and Towhee were very close so if he messed that up he messed Niamh's friendship up too.
He needed... He needed someone that he could be around where he didn't feel like he needed to pretend. Where he didn't feel like they would lose respect for him if he cried. Someone that he didn't also need to care for and be responsible for. Someone...
He needed someone like Maia.
But he knew that he couldn't ask her to stay. That would be selfish, and for what..? So after the longest silence where his upset was written very clearly on his face -- his breath came out in ragged gasps, his face was knit into a frown, his eyes watery -- he tried to say something. He tried to say 'okay', 'I will miss you' or 'It was good to have you as a friend, but as he tried to say all these things the words got caught in his throat as his breathing increased.
O--All that came out was a squeak as his throat refused and his breathing increased to a hyperventilation.
Oh no. Oh no. It had been so long since he had had a panic attack. He thought he'd outgrown this. Eljay sank through his legs a little bit as he lowered his head and looked at the space between his legs, ashamed, his tail tucking in dismay while his breath came out in high pitched wheezes and he felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.
Feeling like a total idiot over having a panic attack over his friend leaving didn't improve his status any.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - August 29, 2020
sorry i am late - feel free to skip as needed <3
Weejay had known ever since she had come across Arcturus, that something was up. The mountaineer had told her regrettably that he, Wraen and Maia were leaving -- the last which left a sinking feeling in Weej's heart.
So she sped off to find her father, and see if he knew -- only to find Maia's scent and presence near the den. Slowing down, Weejay cast an ear towards them -- if it was a tender moment, she did not want to interrupt.
Things did not seem so tender judging by the raspy squeak - at this Weejay bustled towards the garden, giving Maia an apologetic smile before setting her sights on her father. Mid-panic attack, by the looks of it. Weejay tried to nose him affectionately, but ultimately decided to give him space. She knew crowding him during all of this would probably make it worse.
After some time, where she allowed the adults to talk and her father to recover, Weejay couldn't help it anymore. "Daddy..?" Weej spoke up, her brow knitted with both concern and something a bit different -- resolve: "why don't you go with her?" She knew Eljay was a creature of habit, but he was not doing himself any kindness rotting away like an abandoned shrub in the dark halls of their den. Maia brought sunlight with her whenever she visited, and Weejay was afraid that when Maia was gone, all the light might permanently fade from Eljay's tired eyes.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Maia - August 29, 2020
Maia couldn't even begin to answer that question, aside from the fact that Wraen had handled the harsher goodbyes. But Maia doubted, now, that any of them had truly been harder. She couldn't bring herself to look at him even as the silence stretched on, because she knew if she did she would cry.
She was already doing enough by leaving, she didn't need his sympathy in it.
She waited for the dismissive goodbye, or the lukewarm 'see you around, hope it goes well'. Or the accusation, because as much as the Firebirds touted their open door policy, she still always expected it. Instead, the silence was eventually broken by an increase in his breathing, one that finally forced her eyes from their position in the dirt.
I'll visit, yknow, and...she trailed off as her voice tightened. She didn't know what Wraen had planned, but she knew this would never be home again. So even if she did come back, it would never be the same. She didn't really know what else to add, or how to respond, but she felt a wash of worry at his reaction. She didn't know what it meant.
Weejay luckily broke in, speaking words that Maia hadn't even bothered to consider a possibility. It was so outlandish that he'd want to leave everything here, all his family, and go traveling. Now she felt a little guilty for not asking herself, but at the same time, she prepared herself for the answer before it came. Of course he'd say no.
In fact, she almost opened her mouth to say something... but then shut it, eyes going to the ground once more.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - August 30, 2020
Eljay tried hard to talk himself down, but it was impossible when he got into this state. Every thing that popped into his mind only further fuelled his panic attack, adding to the misery he was feeling. He shouldn't be feeling this way she he certainly shouldn't be acting out like this. Maia probably felt bad enough about leaving as it was, and now he was possibly making it worse. He didn't want to do that to his friend.
He was feeling unwell and like he would burst with every passing second that his hyperventilation continued, as he was starting to notice its effects. He didn't want to -- he tried to talk himself down but it was too much to ask -- stop acting like an idiot, Eljay! -- but none of it made a difference. He felt worse as Maia offered that she would visit, further emphasising that he was making her uncomfortable.
The only wolf who might be able to get him with his paws back to earth arrived then. He only noticed by the gentle touch; he startled visibly, as he hadn't heard her approach, then looked up briefly from his hunched over position staring at his paws.
Her suggestion was so outlandish and it brought another slew of worries with it. She didn't suggest -- why don't we go with them -- she suggested -- why don't you go with her -- which Eljay had not even considered an option.
But even if he had, he wouldn't just invite himself along on another group's adventure. If they wanted him to come, then they would've extended an invitation instead of a goodbye. To be sort of invited along by his daughter was awkward and impossible. They didn't want him there, and now he was forced to give an answer in front of Maia.
It was too hard. Too hard, he just couldn't.
I--he tried, but his breathing caught up with him. I want mommy, he childishly thought, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.
So -- sorr -- hy,he wheezed out with a painful grimace on his face. As tears and sobs then started to add to his hyperventilation he realised that thinking of an answer that wouldn't seem like he was trying to wiggle himself into something he wasn't invited to, but also not seem like the idea was stupid or unexciting, was the least of his problems right now. His head was a mess as he sobbed and felt more and more like a huge idiot.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - September 02, 2020
Maia was looking to the ground when Weejay’s gaze swung to her — rather than add anything helpful Weejay only seemed to make things worse.
She frowned as her father’s breathing picked up again; this time she did place her paw on Eljay, and sought to hold his gaze with somber but firm kindness.
Daddy, listen to me.Weejay started — and for the first time she seemed more and more like the woman she had grown into, rather than a little girl.
You haven’t been happy in a long time. The only time I’ve seen you be happy is when we’re at the garden or Maia comes by. And the garden is gone, Daddy.. and Maia will be soon too.Weejay smiled sadly — softly — as she continued.
Mom and Grandma and Grandpa are dead and they’re not coming back. We can’t just stay here waiting forever while our life passes us by, Daddy. You only live once — and don’t you think you deserve your shot at happiness too?
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Maia - September 02, 2020
Maia flushed as Eljay worked out a rough approxomation of a 'sorry'. Whereas he was convinced she did not want him along, she was likewise sure he was only upset because he was too polite to turn it down flat. He didn't want to come, and she didn't want him to feel like he had to. Even while Weejay was pressing the point, Maia closed her eyes briefly, then inhaled and lifted her head.
It's alright, umm, you don't have to. You're important here, and... yeah.There was a brightness that she tried not to let sound forced, though whether she succeeded, she didn't know. She was glad that Weejay had come by to say goodbye too, though, and gave her a smile.
It's not going to rain forever, and I've seen you with flowers. You're garden is going to be back better than ever soon enough. I can't wait to see it when I come back!The hardest goodbye yet, but just another goodbye. Not forever - but for who knows how long. There's no way. You're dumb, and awkard, and a mess. Sure, you make people happy... but he'll be just as happy after. Few days and they'll barely remember you were here.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - September 03, 2020
It helped Eljay's breathing steady a bit when Weejay touched him and looked him the eyes. She said that he hadn't been happy in a long time, not unless Maia was nearby, and that maybe this was what he needed to move on. Maybe she was right, but all the same, Eljay felt that Maia didn't want him along -- why else would she awkwardly say he 'didn't have to come along', and avoid the subject in the first place? -- and besides, what about Weejay? He couldn't just leave her to herself. Maybe she would be fine, for her, but Eljay felt that he needed his daughter close. He couldn't just move without even knowing where to.
Only more question marks accumulated and as Maia said that he was important here, which only further fueled his thoughts that she didn't want him along. Even if all that Weejay said was true -- minus that he really couldn't miss his baby girl, knowing he would never get to visit because he just wasn't outgoing at all -- then Maia still clearly didn't want him to come along. He'd only be a big bother to them while travelling. And Wraen hadn't even come by to say good-bye in person; heck, if Maia showed up with him in tow, what would Wraen think? She'd just think that Eljay would get in the way, maybe even outright say that she didn't want him along. And that would be way worse than just saying 'no' now...
Eljay still felt like a big idiot, but the conversation between Weejay and Maia actually helped steady him a bit because it gave him some much needed breathing space. He found his breathing getting up to speed, even though his eyes were still teary which made him feel dumb. Eljay quickly turned around to wipe the tears off his face before turning back.
We'll miss you,he said, his breathing still a bit unsteady, but he was glad that he at least got something out there so that she wouldn't have to leave on only half-choked panic attack words. He didn't really want her to go -- but it was for the best, surely, that she went. The prospect that she might visit made him happy.
When they were alone later, Eljay would explain to Weejay that Maia didn't want him to come along, because she had been saying that he was 'needed here' and that 'he didn't have to', but for now he decided to just not answer what she had said. Perhaps the words held some truth, but there were too many 'buts' to just decide on a whim to leave this place.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - September 09, 2020
Weejay glanced between the two adults in disbelief.
Who the hell were they fooling? Were adults always this obtuse?! She couldn't wrap her mind around the disconnect -- here were two wolves whose worlds were clearly lightened by one another -- why weren't they just saying how they felt?! Their responses seemed so stifled -- so unreal -- that Weejay's brow furrowed and her jaw grew slack with growing frustration.
It was not in her nature to be uncharitable, but both of these adults would have done themselves a better kindness by being honest and communicating -- by trying to spare each others' feelings they did neither party any favors. Weejay could see this, and she was staggered by the ineffectiveness of the adult mind.
She bit back her tongue despite her frustration, allowing both a chance to say what they really felt. When neither did (DISAPPOINTING!!) Weejay looked to her paws in troubled silence. She didn't care about her garden growing back -- she cared about her father and Maia, and how they both couldn't see the forest for the trees. She let out a lengthy sigh but kept her counsel to herself. "We will miss you." Weejay repeated softly, sitting by Eljay and feeling overwhelmed by the inability to express ones' emotions honestly and without hurt.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Maia - September 15, 2020
It might have been the space that helped to calm Eljay down, but Maia did not take it that way. As he replied steadier, she could only guess that her letting him off the hook had been the key. Was it really that awful, thinking of coming with? She felt the realization, and the pain of it, spike through her, and she bit her lip before they could catch the hurt on her face.
Y-yeahshe replied, her voice catching for a second.
Me too.
Weejay must have caught on too because she dropped it as well. Maia was glad. She never would have wanted to force him to come with, not if it freaked him out so badly.
Maia felt her chest tightening.
I... I'll see you around.She finished, a little rushed, before she whirled and began to walk quickly back to where Wraen was probably waiting. It was a stupid way to say goodbye but she was maybe 2 seconds away from outright crying. Why did she always have to be so dumb?
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - September 16, 2020
since we haven't caught a new thread yet do you wanna continue them talking about this in this thread Lauren? but i'm also ok with doing a new thread. whichever you prefer!
The moment was painful throughout and Eljay was glad when it passed, even if it meant that Weejay was looking downtrodden and Maia was leaving now. I'll see you around was only a confirmation that she didn't want him to come with, and he couldn't help but wonder if she'd really miss him or not.
Yeah,he mumbled in response, his eyes shining with hurt, though Maia likely didn't see it as she sped off back towards Wraen. Would she leave right away? Would they even have a chance to say good-bye when she left, if she stayed another few days? He didn't know, and not knowing was hurtful in its own way.
Eljay let out a few shaky breaths before he steadied himself as he frowned and watched where Maia had walked out of their lives, just like that.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - September 23, 2020
Just like that, Maia was gone. Weejay watched her stride away, feeling something pull and snap.
When she looked up from the ground her fathers tear’s were misty.
Dunno why you couldn’t just go with her.Weejay mumbled quietly, feeling a sense of mounting frustration too. With Maia gone, that just left Eljay to be the source of that misapplied frustration. She hedged a sigh out into the wind, doing her best to dispel the uncharitable thoughts that swarmed her like a fog.
We’ll see her again.Weejay tried to sound cheery, though in her heart felt anything but.
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - September 23, 2020
Weejay still didn't understand. Eljay got that -- in her place, at her age, he might've suggested the same -- but the world worked tricky sometimes. It might take her a few years to realise that.
She didn't want to,he said with a sigh.
She was coming up with all the reasons why I was needed here, why I didn't have to come. And Wraen... I -- We used to be friends, but something changed over the years. I don't know what. She didn't even come to say goodbye in person. Maybe it was more than I made it out to be, our friendship. Or maybe she just got sick of me. I just... I don't think she'd want me there, either.He tried to sound confident and not let down, but couldn't help but feel frustrated, too.
I would just slow them down, and be the third wheel.Or fourth, he supposed, since Arcturus was there too.
I hope she'll visit.He didn't know what else to say, how else to explain it to Weejay. The world wasn't fair. He couldn't help but wonder, though -- would she have gone with him if he'd gone?
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - October 07, 2020
Maybe as you got older and the world knocked you around enough times, you began to lose your optimism. Maybe defeatism crept into an adult's heart the way age crept into their eyes - maybe, Weejay was just too young to understand.
She kept her annoyance to herself, looking where Maia had gone. She didn't think her father or Maia were being honest with themselves, but she didn't have a tactful way to express that, so she kept quiet. Maybe in that way, she was being defeatist too...
"You wouldn't be the third wheel, I would have come along too. Besides, Wraen isn't exactly setting a blistering pace these days." Weejay tried to joke, but only found herself worrying. Wraen had been pretty gimpy as of late. "I hope we see them again."
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Eljay - October 08, 2020
He couldn't help but smile a little when Weejay said that she would've come along, too -- of course she would, his sweet child, always there for him and always by his side to help him when he needed her most. But it still wouldn't be the same. He'd feel.. like he was bothering them, and he wasn't sure he could really go with someone if he felt he needed to fight to earn his place. Once, he would've easily followed Wraen. When he was a younger and more optimistic version of Eljay, he might've taken the plunge after carefully checking with his friend if that's what she wanted. But that was back when he was still confident that Wraen liked him; and it felt to him that over time, and over his grief over Wiffle and then Elfie, something had changed that had driven them apart, just the same as it had made him and Maia closer.
Weejay was still being the ever present ray of sunshine even now, and he couldn't help but smile as she commented on Wraen's pacing. Then, as she said that she hoped they'd see them again, he nodded.
Me too,said Eljay with a soft smile, and he nuzzled Weejay's cheek lovingly.
Me too...
fade..? :D
RE: Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting - Weejay - October 28, 2020
So many of the troubles of the world were lost on children -- and while Weejay wasn't exactly a baby anymore, she was still young enough she did not see how the pieces fell clearly.
She nuzzled her father back, her eyes trailing the path the recently-departed Maia had taken. She hoped it would not be the last they saw of them.
For her sake, and mostly for Eljay's.