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+--- Thread: Neverwinter Forest I can’t seem to settle down (/showthread.php?tid=44200)
I can’t seem to settle down - Mal - October 11, 2020
Feeling like blah is a good reason to start a thread, rite?
He wanted to move on but still couldn't. To those outside his little bubble, Mal was a little bit better by now -- he could smile a little, sometimes joked, but he was still wounded by the loss. He'd caught a hare and headed to what was Cupid's den to find his son.
Unsurprisingly, @Caerus was there. Mal paused a little bit away, watching him for a moment before continuing forward. He placed the hare at his paws, then nuzzled the growing boy's shoulder before plopping himself down next to him. Hell, Caerus was barely a kid still. He was pretty dang big, especially considering how tiny he was on the day they first met.
Your choice if you want that all or wanna share.Or like.. wanted to talk but he'd hold off on that suggestion for a second. It sounded dopey as hell to just say right now.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Caerus - October 12, 2020
Caerus no longer felt like a child, curious to learn about the world and bold in his words and opinions. He had devolved into some scrawny shadow of himself- a ghoul in a boy's body, where a foolish young spirit ought to be. He spent his days in Cupid's den. He had no desire to hunt or experiment with medicines or vex his younger siblings. All of that felt a world away when he was here. The little room that had served as his father's den felt like his own little private bubble where he was safe from everything, and no one had to look upon his grief.
But today Dad came. Caerus' feelings were complex- even he was not sure what he wanted, comfort from the one wolf left he considered family, or alone time away from him. Anytime Mal might visit, Caerus didn't feel strongly enough to tell him to go away. He knew Dad was trying his best to be there for him- and even if he still felt like a shell, he wanted to be grateful for Mal's efforts. He looked down to the hare at his paws.
The spotted boy had little appetite these days- his jolly exterior had faded and he was losing weight, not so much that he was anything like a skeleton- but there was less fat left on him, and if he stretched particularly far his ribs might whisper their shape against his skin. He would eat a little to appease Dad, and thus did so, quietly darting his chin down to take a couple sorry little bites before nudging the hare back towards his father with his snout.
thanks, dad.Caerus murmured, though he couldn't meet his father's eyes. He settled his head on his paws.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Mal - October 14, 2020
It was quiet here, which was to be expected -- a place of now-sad memories. But at least Caerus ate a little, even if it was barely anything, really. And at the thanks, Mal gave him a smile, warm but strained by the weight of all that had happened. He took the rabbit back but only took a piece of it, too. Really, it was there for Caerus mostly, and he pushed it back to him after that. It was sharing. Mal worried about him.
So, after a bit more silence between them,
I miss him.It wasn't like Mal could put a finger on why considering Cupid always acted like he hated him, but he'd still cared, and there was certainly a void in the pack where the man should have been. But Mal was awkward and probably about as in touch with his emotions as his son. Mal wanted to help his Caerus and maybe in the process help himself. But how? The only thing that was becoming clear to him was that just sitting here didn't seem like it was working, or at least he didn't like how Caerus looked waiting here, fading into the earth itself. But to say more than that seemed too much right now, so he'd wait before suggesting anything else, just in case.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Caerus - November 12, 2020
I miss him
Caerus lifted his snout from his paws, and without making eye contact, nuzzled himself into the fur of Dad's neck. Couldn't he just stay here forever? He didn't want to face the world. A breath he didn't realize he'd been holding drifted out in a small sigh.
i miss him too.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Mal - November 13, 2020
Mal curled towards him, holding his son close and quietly grooming Caerus' fur. All Mal could do was to be honest, open -- even if not everything made Mal seem perfect, and some probably didn't make Cupid sound perfect, but it didn't matter. They'd both been here for Caerus, and Caerus was the one that mattered.
Do you want to do anything special that would honor him? Or that we can do together? I know that he and I didn't always get along, and I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to change that, but I know he was always a great dad to you.It was that lack of ability to change things that really hung on Mal's shoulders. It was all too sudden.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Caerus - November 13, 2020
The grooming was a good comfort. Caerus didn't resist. When asked what he wanted to do to honor him, Caerus shrugged meekly.
i... i dunno... how do we honor him? i've never known anyone who-who died before, he meant to say, but trailed off into silence. Caerus didn't care that they didn't get along- in fact, most of their disagreements hadn't happened in front of him. Sure, he'd never seen two parents who were in love, but they'd never seemed like enemies from his perspective either. Friends parenting side by side: and it had always been good enough of a view for him.
it's okay,He sighed after some moments,
don't be sorry, dad. you didn't do anything wrong.Half lidded gaze fell to the earth gloomily, and he grew quiet again like a brick wall.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Mal - November 13, 2020
Well, I mean some things could be just like you would if he was still here with us. Like I think my sisters are still alive out there somewhere, but I made this pack so they'd have a safe home if I found them again. It doesn't have to be something so big like that, but something where when you think of whatever it is or tell someone about what you've done, you know he'd be really proud.He sort of smiled, not that Caerus could see,
You should think about it.He nuzzled Caerus' head again. It would at least be more productive than sitting around here. Forward momentum!
No, I know I did mess up a few times, and I made sure to say I was sorry.Even if he didn't entirely know why Cupid had thought some of it was wrong, he still apologized.
I wish I could say I knew a bunch of things about him and I could tell you all sorts of stories, but the only one I really know is how we met, and stuff we talked about while you were small or elsewhere, and how I felt all those times. And I'm sure there's stuff there that won't make him look good just like there's stuff that'll make me not look good. Does any of that sound good to you?Not that he really knew where to start from other than the beginning, but it was the only clarity Mal could provide about Cupid other than things that Caerus already knew.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Caerus - January 03, 2021
Caerus listened in silence, then nodded very slowly.
i...He pondered for a moment,
sometimes... dad told me about the herb stuff he knew. i think... i think if i keep studying that, dad would be proud.It was just a theory, but he felt quite sure that following in the medic's footsteps would have him smiling down from wherever spirits went.
Mal was talkative again, and meanwhile Caerus sat like a cold metal statue, all still and hollow inside, but taking everything in. He sighed,
yeah, that sounds- i wanna hear about it all,Caerus agreed, finally glancing up to make eye contact with his father.
RE: I can’t seem to settle down - Mal - January 03, 2021
That sounds like exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about,he said with a slight smile.
Aibreann is a healer too. If you ask her, I'm sure she'd be happy to help you with that goal. She's a midwife too, so not only does she know healing stuff, but also is a midwife, so she knows how to help wolves who are going to have pups too, in case that interests you.
It was, in a way, hard to figure out how to tell the story. The first part was fine, but it was their second meeting that made Cupid look awful -- or at least he was pretty sure. So, he'd break it up a little.
When I met him, the pack was still in the process of forming. There'd been a lot of issues before you were born with weird stuff happening, so there wasn't much prey around -- I think then it was just starting to come back? Either way, I'd left the forest to go hunting to the south east. We were tracking the same rabbit. We didn't end up catching it.Which was at least kinda amusing, right? He thought so, as could be seen.
Either way, we stayed together much of the rest of the day. I should have asked him to join the pack right then, but I think he was in some other pack at the time. Not one I knew.The writer is at least pretty sure the timeline went that way. Been a while.
And I definitely would have asked if I'd known you were on the horizon.He gave Caerus an affectionate bump with his nose.