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+--- Thread: Moonspear I'm still waiting for my turn. (/showthread.php?tid=44568)
I'm still waiting for my turn. - Nyx - October 28, 2020
MATURE! Mention of suicide.
@Keres, backdated to Oct 20th!
@Keres, backdated to Oct 20th!
In the weeks since she'd brought her cubs to Moonspear, Nyx' uncertainty remained. It flared to life in new ways throughout this time: would Ciri ever recover her self-worth? Would Elke hold onto resentment for her forever, a bitterness for uprooting her so suddenly? Had she made a mistake in removing each of them from Sagtannet? Would Mahler hate her for making such a decision without reaching out to him beforehand?
Her woes plagued an already wearied mind that night as the lioness prowled Moonspear's higher slopes, so much that she barely recognised thinning air and biting chill. Her body did - her skin pricked and paws numbed - as she found herself trailing through freshly fallen slow, but neither mattered.
She'd barely allowed herself the opportunity to think of the gargoyle who'd sired her daughters, so afraid she'd been to pine for the closeness of him. His companionship was not what she'd wanted in the beginning, nor even now, yet somehow along the way her heart managed to open to him all the same. Nyx' guilt over her fondness for him remained rooted in the splinters of what was left of it for he was not hers, never meant to be hers.
I did not expect this to be so cruel to you.
Neither had she, but felt now that she should've known better. Each small sliver of joy in her life had always been swept violently from under her, every time leaving her winded and bruised, a shadow who she'd been before. It was not entirely Mahler's fault, either; she'd chosen him, despite his offer of escape when Wylla once more entered his life. There were days when she wished she could go back, accept that opportunity to escape. She could've found a donor in some rogue beyond their borders, someone who wouldn't care to look for pups that came of such a union, but -
You gave me a beautiful gift in them, Nyx.
She had, just as he'd gifted her. Nyx paused, lifted her tired yellow eyes to blink up at a vast midnight sky and curled her lip in self-loathing. Ciri and Elke were everything to her, because of Mahler. He'd been nothing but honest with her from the start, yet still she'd warmed to him in a way she'd thought impossible. Thoughts turned swiftly to Lycaon and how her actions had surely brought him to ruin all those years prior, and emotion welled in her gaze as she compared this most recent breakdown of family to then.
This was not the first time she'd robbed a father of his children.
A sob racked her frame and, as she staggered forward, she felt herself at the edge if the cliff on which she stood. Lowering her crown with a gasp, Nyx stared down into the blackness below. Overwhelmed, limbs trembling, weeping freely, a darkness grasped the opportunity to creep its way back into her soul; the wind whipped at her furs - nature's cruel encouragement. The tawny Ostrega lingered there, afraid and too aware of the temptation to sacrifice herself to that never-ending drop with the hope of ridding her poison from the lives of all she'd ever touched.
RE: I'm still waiting for my turn. - Keres - October 28, 2020
come all you weary with your heavy loads
There was something missing this night, this night that wrapped its cold fingers around her heart and pulled. If she looked too close, for too long, Keres would find exactly what it was that eluded her. She knew, of course, but opted to ignore the obvious and instead let her mind wander and wish. There were a great many things she wished for, a great many moments she longed to revisit and relive.
lay down your burdens, find rest for your souls
Only her memories gave her company now, the pristine mask of smiles and optimism slipping to fall to the earth behind her, forgotten on the path as callused paws carried her up the mountain. A weariness draped itself across the wolf of silver fur, sadness trailing behind her as if the cloak of her emotions dragged, disturbing the dirt in her wake. Her life had never been the easiest, but Keres — no, Gray, had always taken it in stride, never letting the mask crack or betray her.
Cause my yoke is easy and my burden is kind
The closest she had ever come was her moment of vengeance, ripping away the man's life, the same way he had ripped away her love. Since then, Gray had not allowed herself much of a chance to reflect on these memories, the cuts too deep to tend to herself. Her journey here had been some sort of poultice, though it had been applied with little forethought. Something was better than nothing, however, and it had served its purpose, keeping her together until she had reached the shores of her salvation.
i'll take yours upon me and you can take mine
Gray's arrival to the mountain had been but a distraction; it was the reunion with her brother that had been the true cornerstone, the turning point in a life that had been aimless and exhausted. Their time spent together, the moments with his children, his wife, had filled her again, though not quite in the same way. And yet it had done what Gray alone could not manage; her wounds began to close, the edges of those terrible lacerations slowly, steadily softening.
come all you weary
Here, upon this mountain, among her family, Gray Ostrega had begun to heal, truly heal.
come gather 'round near me
There was something special to the Spear, something that could never be explained or elucidated upon; even tired, exhausted, and drained, Gray could feel the mountain's presence move with her and carry her up it's slopes, bringing her closer to the starry sky she found herself wishing upon at times. And yet now, the woman found no longing to stare upon the glittered haven, found no emptiness that she needed to fill.
find rest for your souls
Instead, she found another here, atop the mountain, huddled in a cloak cut from the same cloth. A familiar figure carrying a familiar burden, one Gray knew she could help carry.
come all you weary, you cripples, you lame
Silvered form swept in close, buffering her sister from the mountain's edge to provide a shelter from the storm.
i'll help you along, you can lay down your canes
What a storm it was, too. Even in the clear skies of this night, the winds and rain of emotion raged around the two, buffeting two wolves that bore the deep cuts of the world's cruelty. Where Gray's were healing, however, Nyx's were fresh, still bleeding. Still in need of care.
we've got a long way to go, but we'll travel as friends
A gentle step to guide her farther from the edge, a neck given for the mother to cry into, fur plush and warm even on this cold night. Though she had not been there for her sister all those long months, she was here now. She could help now. It was this she sought to do, standing close, pressing her body into that of Nyx, no care given then for the tears that might seep into her fur. The only thing that mattered in that moment was her sister.
the light's growing bright, further up, further in
I'm hereA rough whisper, a murmur made to comfort as the storm raged.
I'm here.
RE: I'm still waiting for my turn. - Nyx - October 28, 2020
It would be so easy, came the silver tongue of a familiar darkness, smooth words that echoed clearly in her mind despite the wind that raged around her. Nyx had to brace against each gust, so strong was her body's natural instinct to stay alive. Muscles trembled, tightened, willed her to stay.
Survive, survive, survive!
Through bleary eyes, the lioness continued to stare down into that inviting abyss. Just one step, she mused, inhaling sharply in a sniffle as more pleasant memories flashed through her mind's frantic, desperate eye: the look on her brother's face when she and Saor caught up to him following his departure from Winterheart all those years ago; Quicksilver's voiced appreciation for her loyalty to him in Ormarr; those afternoons with Lycaon and Ingram on the beach, filled with mischief and laughter; that indescribable swell of love to have witnessed her daughters' first breaths.
Elke and Cirilla.
Elke and Ciri!
They'd come from her, these perfect tiny beings from a vessel so toxic. Together they'd saved her by serving to be her grounding to this world, yet as she stood there on the edge of Moonspear's frozen reaches, Nyx wasn't sure that she could continue to maintain her strength - not even for them.
They don't need you anymore, sharp words reminded her, and raven-tipped lobes pressed back against the peppered fur of her nape, it's time to let them go.
Forepaws flexed, claws hooking on the rugged stone where the cliff gave way to nothingness, and Nyx breathed in a shaky breath through chattering teeth. Just one step...
You never deserved them anyway.
Eyelids closed over tightly, though her tears continued to spill hotly down each sodden cheek.
Do it.
She shifted in her place, tried to convince herself to raise a paw, prepared to push herself forward, when a presence suddenly moved in to guide her away. Initially, Nyx' vivid eyes snapped open and she pointed her muzzle with an accusing flash of fangs at the one who couldn't possibly understand her turmoil - how dare they intrude upon this place she was meant to be, try to rob her of choice! That fury was replaced as swiftly as it came, however, and lips quickly sheathed her teeth as recognition glimmered in the watery depths of her sunflower stare.
She sagged against her sister, and let go in an entirely different direction. It was Grey's whispered assurance that truly brought the lioness to her knees, and she sank pitifully to the ground with a wail of despair - "I can't do this anymore!"
RE: I'm still waiting for my turn. - Keres - October 28, 2020
It was the cry that caused her breath to hitch, her eyes to water. The way her beloved sibling slipped to the ground to wallow in her sorrow. Gray would not let her drown, though, instead following the movement to cuddle in close and hunker down as the emotional hurricane surged on. Whatever warmth, whatever help, whatever love she could provide, it was Nyx's to take.
It was then that a blossom of hate flowered, deep in her soul, a burn much the same as she had felt when she had stricken the traitor down. The dark wolf of the north floated across her vision, his name scrawled across the sign posted next to the deadly flower. Though the slight had not been against herself, Gray would not forgive the damage he had caused, the wreckage he had left her sister's heart in.
You can,She assured the mother, sweeping her tongue across the landscapes of her cheeks to wipe away the tears.
It doesn't feel like it right now, but I know you can.Words, cliche maybe, but important all the same. Heartbreak was not an easy foe to combat, she knew, but Nyx was stronger than that. There was no doubt in her mind, even after finding her here on this precipice.