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+--- Thread: Chimera Fields I see it, eat though every word I sow (/showthread.php?tid=44909)
I see it, eat though every word I sow - Simmik - November 10, 2020
for @Mal
It was well into the night before she was officially on her way home, and wow was her shoulder hurting. There was no doubt she did way more than she should have today, but now she was tired and very sore, and there was no way she would be haunted by the things she didn't want to think about. If she could get her pain down a little, she knew she would soon pass out.
Until then, she continued her slow trek towards the forest. There was absolutely no hiding her limp now; she tried, of course, but the pain was too much to put all of her weight on the leg. The fur beneath the wound was stained pink from the drainage—another sign she had irritated the unjury with all her activity today. Hopefully she could go home and rest, and all would be fine tomorrow. She would definitely try and take it easier the next few days too, as long as she wasn't plagued by her memories too bad.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Mal - November 11, 2020
The fact she'd gone out of the territory was probably a little unsurprising but Mal followed just 'cause. Of course, he was hours behind at that point and the weather had turned -- he wasn't sure if he was actually smelling bear, for instance, but that prickle of a memory put him on edge. In the end, the storm had washed away her trail and he'd been forced to return home anxious. Not a good combination. Where had she gone? Why? It was bad enough he hadn't had a chance to friendly-scold her and tell her to take a break. Maybe he should have made a point of it.
He headed back out to try again to find her -- not that he expected to suddenly have better luck, but he was going to try. There was no way in hell he was going to let her disappear like the others. She was way too important to him (and the pack too, probably) to let that happen. He was galloping back to where he'd last caught her trail when he spotted a pale figure off not too far away -- not the exact direction he was heading, but pointed towards the forest it seemed. That was her, right? Had to be. Or else he was gonna go crazy.
As he got closer, yes-- yes, it was her! He called out as he got closer,
Simmik! What happened?!Because something had to have happened to make her go so far away after everything that had gone on with trespassers and other dangers and being freshly injured. Mal, in comparison, was back to his usual self, but he also wasn't nearly as badly hurt as she was. This wasn't the first time he'd greeted her bot happy to see her and afraid for her safety, was it? Tail wagging, sniffing for clues but still wanting to give her some space unless she'd totally changed her mind on that one (which he would totally happily accept).
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Simmik - November 11, 2020
She was close to home, so she wasn't surprised to be greeted by Mal. However, she was surprised by his worried question. Did she look that bad? She didn't think she did. Her confusion surely showed in her expression as she watched him inspect her scent.
What do you mean?she asked.
Nothing happened. I mean, not really.Now was the time to fess up she supposed. There would be no sneaking in and hoping no one would have noticed she had been gone for most of the day. She glanced down to her obviously irritated wound.
I needed to get out, and I just pushed myself too hard I think.She glanced up to Mal.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry.She hadn't considered that part, and she was feeling pretty guilty about causing him more stress than he already had.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Mal - November 13, 2020
But he was totally wrong, apparently, and now he felt awful about it, especially when she seemed guilty from his response. He probably was just far too on edge after everything that had happened. It was his fault,
I -- I'm sorry. I over-reacted,he looked down, kind of to the side, ears splayed. It also seemed to be a reoccurring thing -- he'd worry about her, and it was never returned with a smile or a laugh or something at his fretting about, all he could remember right now was her seeming guilty. It might have been a little awkward before, but this time was too much, apparently. Not that his reply probably really helped with that, but he was genuinely just being stupid and not realizing that,
I just -- I mean I saw you left and then the trail got lost and then I thought I smelled bear and ---he was mentally flailing a bit there, eventually giving up.
Would it help if you could lean on me the rest of the way back?And Aibreann should probably take a look at her shoulder too -- Mal had probably dragged out his similar injury by refusing to cooperate, but it was never as bad to start... Well, that and he suddenly went to practically bedrest when Cupid died -- that probably helped too.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Simmik - November 17, 2020
His reaction didn't make her feel any less guilty, in fact, the more he explained, the worse she felt. She knew the bear was out here, and she had gone out anyway, and Mal had been afraid something bad had happened. She stepped forward but then stopped, unsure what she was trying to do. She wanted to nuzzle into the fur of his neck and comfort him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, and she hated herself for that. She swallowed and released a heavy sigh.
I'm sorry,was all she said at first.
She didn't take him up on his offer to help at first, seeming to consider whether or not she could handle it. But her shoulder really was hurting quite a bit, and it would be nice to take some of the weight off of it. So eventually she nodded.
Okay, yeah; help would be nice.She moved forward again and leaned against him, slowly off-loading some of her weight onto him so that he could adjust.
I think I may have done something bad to my wound,she said after a few moments. She would start walking once he did.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Mal - November 29, 2020
He hated the distance between them so much -- mostly from the fact it wasn't something he could fix. The more it dragged on the more awful it seemed to him, that it could still be hurting her even now. He still wanted to do something. But what? Hell if he knew. She didn't have any ideas, and he didn't want to push her and accidentally make her go farther away. It was the same thoughts he'd had each time this became an issue. Still no solutions.
Even if Mal couldn't necessarily handle it, he sure as hell would try -- he'd have carried her back if he had to. But leaning on him wasn't too big of a deal.. Really. He'd manage at the very least. And probably pretend a little that things were kinda normal while he did so -- pretend that she wasn't just leaning on him because she apparently hurt that bad.
Well, have Aibreann look at it when we get back? If you did hurt it more and she finds out that I knew later, she'll have my hide.A sort-of-laugh,
Maybe yours too.But at least now they were walking home together. That was progress.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Simmik - December 01, 2020
Once he had adjusted, they slowly began to make their way back. The added help really did make her shoulder feel a little better, and she sighed a little in relief. She quickly offered Mal a pained look, though.
I'm sorry, Mal,she told him quietly. Apologizing again, because all she did was make things difficult for him.
I keep causing more problems for you.First she had worried him, and now Aibreann would definitely be mad, definitely at both of them.
I promise I don't usually do it on purpose. I just—her words fell away into a strained silence. She swallowed.
I just—sometimes I just can't think the right way,she tried to explain.
I don't know...Simmik shook her head, eyes suddenly filling with tears.
I feel like no matter what I do, the memories never go away. I just want to get on with my life, but they just keep pulling back to that moment.She sniffled a little but said nothing else. What else was there to say? She was messed up, and she didn't think she would ever not be.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Mal - December 02, 2020
Her apology broke his heart. None of this was her fault. Look, this here was his fault for freaking out the way he was. All he wanted to do was help her. He wanted her to be able to smile and goof off, even if she never did gobs of that before. She could probably feel the single hitch in his step as she was wrapping up what she was saying. He wanted to stop and just hold her but he was again afraid to break what contact they had right now, and it was probably not what she wanted anyway.
No, it's ok. You are never a problem. I can't say I can personally understand what you went through, but like.. You know I'm here for you. I'd do anything for you. I wish.. I wish I could figure out what would help. And I don't want to suggest anything that might hurt you more by trying. But nothing that's happened has been your fault. You're innocent and you didn't deserve any of this. You deserve happiness.He was probably repeating himself.
Simmik, you're one of the strongest wolves I've known. You will make it fade. I believe in you. I'll help you.Whatever that would end up meaning.
He tried to continue to attach something upbeat to the end with a lopsided smile,
Pretend I gave you a hug and a lick to the top of your head but that's not only hard to do while walking but you're also too tall.Plus the other things that made it maybe not the best of ideas.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Simmik - January 07, 2021
She wanted so badly for his words to make the ache in her soul suddenly disappear. She wanted to believe that she deserved happiness and that none of this was her fault, but her mind was gnarled and it took everything in and spit it back out all inverted and wrong. She couldn't see any of it clearly.
She stopped and sank back on her haunches after he finished speaking, deciding that she actually really needed a hug right then. Assuming he stopped too, she pushed her face into the fur of his neck and stayed there for a few moments, saying nothing. She swallowed and pulled back to look at him with eyes red from tears.
I don't know how to make it through,she admitted quietly.
I feel lost and angry all the time. I hate myself just as much as I hate him.She felt so much shame, even now, and it ate away at anything good inside her.
RE: I see it, eat though every word I sow - Mal - January 10, 2021
When she stopped, he turned back immediately, and when she pressed into his fur, he embraced her as well, trying to pull her close with his chin and giving her a couple of licks while he did so. He so wished this wasn't a rare thing now. He wished he could somehow transfer some of his own feelings or something through it -- as if it would somehow help her.
But she did pull away eventually. Kinda had to, he supposed. While she might feel shame, he looked at her with warmth and the undying desire to help. He was always on Team Simmik. Maybe he'd gave her too much space to start and she thought she had to do it solo? That she had to have the answers? He hoped not.
Know that you're very loved. No matter how lost you feel, I'll always be here to remind you of that. I'll always be willing to help you find the path again. I'll always be here to listen, I can spar with you -- or rather, you can beat me up -- I can give hugs, help you safely test your limits, and I'll be there with you when we do go kill the guy. And hell, if there's anything you don't wanna talk to me about, you could probably talk to Aibreann, or we can find someone else. You're loved, you have a pack behind you, and we'll do whatever you need to feel whole again and come out the other side stronger than before. That's what friends and family should do. We just gotta try and we'll do it.
He hoped he wasn't repeating himself. Unless repeating himself was needed. He just wanted to help. He wanted her to feel like she could not having some freak ruling her life at a distance.
Just don't shoulder the weight of figuring it out on your own. Neither of us might know the answers now, but lean on me, then we'll try everything that sounds reasonable. We'll figure out what works best together, ok?He sort of leaned towards her, it would have been a nudge probably.
We're stronger that way. And you'll be stronger at the end. You'll look back ages from now and know that nothing could stop you from being the amazing wolf you're meant to be.He was sure of the destination, at least. Just not the route to get there.