Nova Peak If you must live, darling one, just live

Nova Peak If you must live, darling one, just live - Printable Version

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If you must live, darling one, just live - Wylla - November 20, 2020

Set after this, vague on the outcome.

There was only one last end to tie up. There were other wolves in Sagtannet that Wylla had enjoyed the company of and appreciated once, but only one had shown his loyalty when it really mattered to her. So she spared no thought for Star or Takiyok, those who deserved no explanation, nor for Taikon or Asra, whom she wanted nothing whatsoever to do with. Her tread carried her to the ridgeline, where she paused with a singular purpose.

She tilted her head back and called for @Stag. He wasn't going to like what she had to say. Hell, she didn't like it much either. Every seam of her being was threatening to pop open and spill out a tidal wave of sorrow and anguish. He'd once asked her why wolves left and she had told him some wolves were stupid and useless. Something like that. Now she was going to go and do exactly that. It sat in her stomach like acid.

He alone deserved to know why, and she had something to ask of him, as well.

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Stag - November 20, 2020

Following their ill-fortuned meet, Stag had kept Wylla first and foremost in his mind. So when she howled for him, he was near, and it took little time for him to discover her.

Nevermind long sermons, or words which would fade to the wind. Stag had seen enough of the mortal heart to know whose blood beat for him, and whose did not. He approached with ears flat and posture low, but when he spoke his tone brooked no quarter. "That was wrong. All of it.. I'm with you, whatever you decide."

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Wylla - November 21, 2020

Well.

Don't be rash, growled Wylla, struggling to hide dejection's hot burn as it rushed across her face and glazed her eyes. That was rich coming from her, but unlike her, Stag was not a leader who had just been effectively dethroned by the disapproval of followers who barely knew her, or her reasons for fearing the unknown. He still had a life here. Hell, he could make a lot more of his life here now that there was instability in the pack's hierarchy. It was the perfect opportunity for him to rise and take his father's former place, steady them all once more.

I came to say... She choked on it. The words surged into something like a sob that hitched in her throat. Giving her head a shake, she roughly continued. I've overstayed my welcome. I... This is your family, Stag. You're needed here. I'm not. It seemed like an awful stretch to even imply she was wanted here by anyone that wasn't him. She appreciated his loyalty more than she could ever say. She could not work her tongue around the words; it would break her apart. So she swallowed thickly and asked instead, please look out for Phaedra and Thade for me. We have no idea if Thade is staying or not, but we're going to phrase it this way because it would be some shitty for Wylla not to mention her son if he does stay. If those wolves end up being a threat, please. Get them out of here.

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Stag - November 21, 2020

Stag was prepared for Wylla to tell him to use his head, but he was not prepared for the sob that nearly broke her composure, nor the implication she was leaving.

His throat constricted. Rough, discomforting emotion surged through him.

She was leaving.

Like his mother had, like his father had -- like Ego, and Mesa, and Monarch.. His entire family had come and gone, wolves had walked in and out of his life over and over, and yet never once has Stag considered the impossible: that there might be a time Wylla was no longer in his life.

He didn't feel needed, not now - and he was even less inclined to stay in a pack that had so handily demonstrated they were rats rather than wolves. It was disquieting to think that once, he ran among them -- that once, he believed the loyalty he felt pounding in his heart would be given back in equal measure.

This time, Stag would not run. Stag kept his head up, his voice level -- but Wylla would be able to sense how distraught he was to think of leaving Phaedra behind. "I'm going with you."

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Wylla - November 21, 2020

You can't, she insisted, feeling the back of her lower jaw clench and quake. It was bad enough she no longer had a place in the pack. She didn't think she could stomach being accused of stealing their members in the process. Sure, she knew that's not what happened, but that wouldn't stop the others talking about it. More than anything, she would prefer to never be spoken of again—another product of her ever-present anxiety surrounding others, and her irrational paranoia that everyone was out to get her in some way.

Phaedra needs you here. Your mom needs you here. Mahler— She meant to say that Mahler needed him as well. Stag was Mahler's brother's son, and as much a son to him as Thade was. He was essentially Mahler's heir, she believed. Something like that. She'd never really asked about all the details regarding Stigmata. He would be devastated to lose Stag in a way she no longer believed he would be devastated to lose her. At the same time, the ugly reminder of Mahler's indifference toward her struck her dumb, reminding her that Mahler didn't deserve a goddamn thing, certainly not any courtesy from her or from Stag. The desire to hurt him by letting Stag leave with her was overwhelming.

A lot of feelings surged when his name left her mouth, anger and pain and betrayal and confusion and heartache and, weirdly, a kind of homesickness, and all of it washed out in an abrupt tidal wave of tears she'd been holding in since the meeting.

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Stag - November 23, 2020

You can't. Stag thought he goddamn well could; his jaw set, hardened by the conflict of Wylla's logic with his own treacherous wants. Life, he knew, would never actualize all of his wants at once -- but in the face of Wylla leaving, Stag realized that his home had never been where he laid his head --

it had been who he laid his head with.

There was no place for him here, if Wylla was gone. While he loved his mother, she had proven she didn't neeed him. Mahler too, in his own way -- Stag viewed him with the quiet worship of a little boy who had lost his father, but Mahler was not infallible. In a bitter way, all of this had been because of Mahler - the chips in the foundation had cracked well before Taikon ever opened his mouth.

Seeing Wylla cry made Stag's eyes water, and he looked away with a tight gulp of his throat. The only wolf who needed him besides Wylla was Phaedra; he couldn't envision leaving her.. But between a yearling coming into her first of year of life surrounded by packmates to love and care for her, and Wylla departing into the wilds alone, Stag knew his choice.

"Phaedra will live." Stag steeled himself, more tears to his eyes to think of leaving her than anything else: "she has a pack to love and support her. My mother will live -- she has a pack to support her, too. Mahler.." Stag paused, feeling a strange barb of resentment to utter his name -- "will be fine. You will be alone.

I'm going with you." Stag reiterated, feeling his damp cheeks flush with a strange brand of certainty. "Two is better than one, and I won't let you leave without me."

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Wylla - November 24, 2020

Counterpoints leapt into her mouth, ready to be delivered while Stag argued his points, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get any of them to come out. He had a very valid point in that Phaedra, Takiyok and Mahler still had all their packmates while she would be all alone. She wasn't a stranger to being alone, though, and she opened her mouth as though to say so, but clapped it shut again.

Stag wasn't going to be deterred, and arguing with him was just going to add more stress to an already breaking back. Fine, she conceded, folding back her black ears stubbornly. I'm leaving at first light to scout for a place to hang out. I didn't tell anyone this, but I want to stay close. For Phaedra and Thade, of course, but also on the tiniest chance that Mahler would suddenly wake up and realize what a fucking idiot he was and would come begging for her to come home.

Not that she would. The pack had spoken, more or less. But it would be mighty satisfying. Make sure you at least tell everyone goodbye, okay? I would hate for them to worry about you. Stag would be safe with her. Wylla wasn't good for much, but when it was someone she was loyal to—and Stag had her loyalty, now more than ever, in return for his—she would give her life for them if she had to. That was a more recent development. In her youth, she'd leave anyone to die if it meant surviving.

But surviving was no longer worth losing someone important.

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Stag - November 30, 2020

Ugh sorry for the wait! Busy week

It was a good thing Wylla didn't voice her counterarguments. She would have found a rare brand of obstinance in Stag in that moment. He had made up his mind and no amount of logic, arguing, or pointing out the flaws of his decision would sway his mind.

It shook him to the core to learn that the pack -- the thing that Wylla had practically revived and built herself alongside Mahler -- did not have her back. It shook him even worse, to see that the man Wylla laid with did not have her back either.

It was not just loyalty then that drove Stag to Wylla's side -- though there was a heaping spoonful of it driving him to do so. It was the realization that he and they were not the same. That Wylla and they were not the same. Both of them would fight tooth and nail to defend what they needed to.. and to learn that the wolves that shared their home, their resources, and their lives would not do the same was a slap to Stag's face.

"I will." Stag affirmed, hastily tacking in: "say goodbye, I mean. I'll find you tomorrow morning."

RE: If you must live, darling one, just live - Wylla - December 06, 2020

She had come to the same conclusions in a millisecond as Stag drew now. Part of her knew it was impulsive, maybe a little childish, to leave her home and her children just because she was sick and tired of being scorned by the pack, let alone the man who claimed to love her. But the majority of her knew that she was not compatible with a pack that allowed her to work for them, but shunned her when she needed something from them. More importantly, she had suffered disrespect too many times in her life in spite of her efforts to swallow that bitter pill again, much less from Mahler's hand.

Even the thought of his name made her throat sizzle with an unnamed but potent emotion. She nodded dumbly when Stag told her that he would find her in the morning. She hoped to be well clear of this place by then, but would be mindful to make her path conspicuous enough for him to easily follow. Possibly for another to follow, but she dared not breathe any life into that notion. If he had had any intentions of stopping her, he would have done so already.

Without another word, as much because she couldn't bring herself to speak as anything, she quit Stag's company feeling no better for it and retired to a faraway part of the territory to sleep away her last evening within Sagtannet's bounds. Sleep never came for her, however; try as she might, she could not slip into its numbing embrace.