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+--- Thread: Moonspear i'm on my way (/showthread.php?tid=46351)
i'm on my way - Nikai - January 29, 2021
After learning of his mother's death, the world seemed a bleaker place. Nikai had thought, after visiting her, of moving back to Easthollow for a while; back home. See, perhaps, more family grow up there, help raise them. Just for a little while; just to take a breather from whatever was going on with him and @Alya. Things seemed well on the surface, but ever since she had left for some time, he felt that he needed space. Maybe he'd always needed space. Maybe he'd pushed it away in favour of Alya, in favour of staying with her and her family.
Nikai believed he could return to Moonspear and be happy with Alya, some day. But right now, in the wake of his mother's death, he knew that he couldn't stay here. Not right now. He needed to get it out of his system, to properly mourn, the way that Alya had mourned her parents.
He knew he could not expect of her to come with him on this journey. He'd stay at Easthollow for some time, and after that, he was not sure yet where he'd go. Nikai said his good-byes to his mate and nuzzled her fur that morning.
I'll miss you, but I'll be back,he whispered in her ear, softly. He lingered, wanting to say to her that she always would be free; that he had never tied her down and he never would. That he hoped she'd be there when he returned but that he never expected it. This was her life, and he was glad to be a part of it, but now his own life was pulling him away from hers for the moment. Hopefully some day, they would diverge again.
But of such things such as her freedom and his he did not speak, only left it implied in the air. As many things often were, between them.
He said good-bye to @Hydra and @Dirge, hoping to see them again in the future too. Raise his children beside theirs, perhaps, if he and Alya ever got to that point. Or maybe just stay to be the fun uncle to their kids. Maybe that'd be enough, if it was with Alya.
That was one of many things he needed to figure out, he realised as he set out. Nikai said good-bye to Hydra and Dirge's children, and then howled to the rest of the pack of his departure.
One day he would be back, he told himself as he started his travels towards Easthollow, slow and steady.
One day, but for now, he needed to find himself back, so he could truly be who he was meant to be in the middle of all the Ostregas his mate's family consisted of. Whether he had a mate to return home to by the time he was ready, he didn't know. He didn't expect her to stay loyal to him, if she found someone else. That wasn't fair to expect. She didn't have to sit and wait for him to figure out his life.
But he hoped, though; hoped that whatever happened, when their paths next crossed, they were both unattached and could truly choose one another again.