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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. (/showthread.php?tid=46773)
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
For an entire week, Towhee did nothing but lie near Tailfeather Creek with her eyes closed. She only stirred to fetch a drink or relieve herself. She didn't eat. She didn't sleep much, despite appearances. If anyone approached, she refused to engage. She withdrew into herself, shutting out the whole entire world as part of her died along with Blackbird and Butterfly.
But when she felt the first kicks and knew life still stirred inside her, Towhee peeled herself off the ground, took a long drink—that made them kick all the harder—and went in search of food. She would not lose the rest of her litter, even if last week's events had stripped her of her entire vision for the future.
After eating a small meal, Towhee went in search of @Phox. She hadn't spoken with anyone in the past seven days and she didn't want to have this conversation, yet she knew she must. Towhee assumed Phox had punished Reyes for what he'd done to Niamh, though she couldn't know for sure until they caught up.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 06, 2021
Whatever had happened to Towhee while she had been out of the territory, it had changed her. Or maybe Reyes's departure had changed her. She would not so much as look at him the few times he had approached her. Nobody had told him what had happened to her, and it confused and frustrated the ever-loving frick out of him, but he was a patient wolf. When she was ready, she could talk.
He was on his way to test his luck with her again when he saw her up and moving around. It was the first time she'd appeared alert in the past week, and Phox's pace quickened.
-Towhee?-he half-greeted, half-asked.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
They spotted one another at the same time. While Towhee came to a stop, Phox hastened toward her. She drew in a breath to steady herself, reading the look on her brother's face. Her legs felt weak, presumably from lying prone for so long. The pups kept kicking, lending her some levity and strength.
She didn't trust her voice, especially after a week without speaking, so Towhee asked silently, -What did you do with Reyes?- Her heart pounded in rhythm with the fluttering in her womb as she sucked in another breath.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 06, 2021
What did you do with Reyes? Not "Is Niamh okay?" or "Did you murder the man who broke Niamh's limb?" or "Thank you for taking care of him." or even "This is why I've been a robot the past week." To be perfectly honest, Phox was hurt that she didn't even seem to care that he'd taken care of what had to be done.
-After he attacked Niamh, I chased him out.-He studied her expression, hoping to discern whatever might come next, but he felt a disconnect.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
Suspecting an outcome and having it confirmed were different things. But Towhee was not surprised by this information and met it with a single curt nod. She pulled another breath into her lungs, felt herself shaking ever so slightly, and let it out.
-How is Niamh?- was her next question, pulse still fluttering in her throat.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 06, 2021
He could not begin to imagine what must be going through her mind, although none of it could have been good. The father of her children—a potential future mate—had turned out to be a traitor. If Niamh hadn't called for help, would he have killed her? Would she have lost the children? Phox did not wish to let his thoughts linger on it.
-Her leg is broken, but it's healing. Eljay is as good a medic as ever, so I'm sure it'll be fine as soon as it can be.-Phox wasn't sure how long that would be, but Eljay was skilled and he would make Niamh well again.
-Are you... okay?-he asked, concern laced in his voice and expression. He didn't know exactly what had set Towhee off, but he assumed it was Reyes's departure based on the timeline of events.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
None of this information was technically news to her, though it was good to know Niamh was likely on the mend. Towhee met his words with another nod, slower this time. She briefly worried whether her pups were in any danger from the incident, though surely her brother would've mentioned it if that was the case.
Phox tentatively asked after her and Towhee wondered what reaction he might've expected when it came to how he'd handled Reyes. Of course, he didn't know he'd chased out her mate. But he knew they were involved, so perhaps he'd been expecting something more than a mere nod of acknowledgement.
She moved her legs as if about to answer, then stilled. She couldn't help but wonder what they'd fought about. Towhee had quickly decided there was no way to justify Reyes's actions. He'd broken their pregnant pack mate's leg; that was indefensible. But she also knew Niamh. She wasn't blameless, though she didn't deserve what he'd done to her.
Instead of asking, Towhee focused on the question he'd asked her. -I asked Reyes to be my mate the day before the fight,- she said in way of answer, -and while they were fighting, I was miscarrying. I lost two babies. They're buried beside the cave.-
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 06, 2021
Phox stilled as she signed, focusing on the movements. Well, shit. Her mate? He'd chased out her mate? Maybe it was for the better, he thought, but then came the next bit of news that really sank him. Two children, gone. A dark thought crossed his mind, though. Maybe it was better that those children hadn't come into the world. If Reyes was so unstable, what was to say it wasn't genetic? He didn't speak such a terrible thing, of course, but he thought it, and it sickened him that he was capable of such thoughts.
-I'm so sorry,-he said, his eyes downcast. He wanted to approach, but he stopped after a step, checking in with her to see if it would be okay to do so. Did anybody else know?
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
He said he was sorry and Towhee wondered what for. Was he expressing condolences for the pups or his regrets about Reyes? They were both total losses. She felt shakier than ever and had to take a seat. Phox began to move closer as if to offer comfort but the Sovereign found herself pulling away from any physical contact.
-To answer your question more directly,- she said after a beat, -no, I'm not okay. I'm...- She felt a flush traveling from her core, warming her chest, throat and face. -I'm fucking angry.- Abruptly, the shaking grew much worse, so she stopped signing until she got herself back under control. She wasn't angry with him—she understood he hadn't had any choice but to do what he'd done, even if she didn't like it—and wanted to explain.
When she could, she continued, -I've never wanted to be with someone like this. I never needed or wanted a mate. But then I opened my heart to it. I let myself think I could have the husband, the kids, the big, happy family...- Towhee was shaking again, though she stopped trying to control it now as the rest came out at sudden volume. "I didn't even get to enjoy it for a whole... fucking... DAY... before it was all TAKEN FROM ME. DESTROYED."
Towhee snapped. She whipped to the side, finding a small rock. She wrapped it in her paw and then flung it as a scream of anguish and rage ripped loose from her chest. Before it had even hit the ground, she found a stick and attacked it with fang and claw, still shrieking like an absolute banshee through it.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 07, 2021
When she pulled away, Phox took a step back to give her more space, watching as she spoke and explained her feelings. For a moment, he thought she was angry with him, but he realized soon that it was more the situation as a whole she was angry with. And it was completely understandable (and VALID). He watched as she continued to vent, and Phox ducked as a stone went flying.
The Redhawk took another step back as she went after a stick, the thin line of a frown etched into his face. There was no action he could take, no words he could form, that would ease whatever she was going through, but he would be here for her, as he had been for the past two years of their adult life, and for their first year together.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 07, 2021
The logical next step might've been to dissolve into tears and sob her heart out while her brother comforted her. But Towhee didn't shed a single tear. She continued attacking inanimate objects until she was breathing heavily, her already dry throat soon becoming raw and hoarse. When she grew still, her legs trembled and she just stood there a moment, collecting herself.
She didn't feel better at all, though when she finally faced Phox again, her heartbeat had slowed and she didn't feel like she was on the edge of losing it, seeing as she'd already lost it. Letting out a long, noisy breath, Towhee moved to stand across from him again. She probably should've apologized for the tantrum, yet the Sovereign didn't offer one.
She did try to explain some more. -I gave them names: Blackbird and Butterfly.- They looked just like me. Butterfly even had my same orange markings, Towhee thought but didn't say. Her lips twisted. -But they weren't the only ones. I can feel the others kicking.- She took comfort in that, and knowing they would not want for a father figure despite Reyes's exile.
Her mouth went dry as she thought of him. Towhee wasn't sure she'd loved him yet, though she had certainly grown very attached. But as she reflected on what he'd done to Niamh, she couldn't help but remember his reaction about surnames. Her orange eyes fell to her feet. She thought she'd come to know him quite well but the reality was, she hadn't known him at all. And now she never would. She didn't want to.
Only then did she feel like she might cry, yet Towhee only sniffed and bared her teeth instead. If she needed to lean into her anger to get through this, then that's exactly what she would do.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 11, 2021
She took the space, and Phox watched as she seemed to calm herself a bit more. She'd given them names (the children), and Phox was quickly informed that there were others still alive and kicking. That thought was a bit of a side-swipe, and he found himself wishing that—no, no, he couldn't think that. No matter who fathered Towhee's children, they would be his children, too. It was the same with any children that Phox fathered. Towhee, Niamh, and Phox had always been parents to all the kids. Well, maybe not to the litters who had been born the year before last, but certainly last year's.
She went quiet again, and Phox kept his distance, feeling that's what she wanted more than anything. Instead of sadness, she'd turned to rage, and he didn't want to be caught up in it.
-Is there anything I can do?-he asked.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Towhee - March 11, 2021
She let her curled lip fall back over her teeth as she gave Phox's questions some serious consideration. Was there anything he could do? It wasn't like they could go back in time and undo any of the damage. Even if they could time travel, it wasn't like they could control their mates' actions. Towhee quietly seethed, very nearly telling him he could do her a favor and boot Niamh too, though the Sovereign bit her tongue, for Phox's sake. He hadn't done anything wrong and she didn't want to put him in that position.
-You're already doing it,- she said eventually, her demeanor shifting from angry toward weary. -Thanks for handling things,- Towhee added, thinking not only of Reyes but whatever matters Phox had handled this past week, with his two co-leaders totally out of comission. -I'm going to try to pull myself together from here but I'm still... processing. So if I'm out of sorts for a little while...- Well, hopefully he understood, even if it was a lot of pressure as the only acting leader and, now, the sole father and provider for two litters.
RE: I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose. - Phox - March 22, 2021
We can archive here, if that's cool! Trying to wrap up some of these older ones.
He half-smiled at her remark about him doing the right things. He wished things had gone better. Phox wished Reyes wasn't an asshole. But wishing and reality were two different things. His brief brother-in-law had done something unforgivable, and Phox wouldn't forget that.
-Of course,-he said.
-I'll make sure you and Niamh are as comfortable as possible.-The children were his top priority, and both Towhee and Niamh were stressed out beyond belief. Phox would do whatever he could to make the rest of their pregnancies go as smoothly as possible.