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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. (/showthread.php?tid=46774)
You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
Just as she'd said, she didn't go far. Towhee walked until she found her path cut off by water, then slumped to the ground. She didn't think it was possible to sleep after everything that had happened—surely, her spinning thoughts would keep her up for days—but as soon as her head hit the ground, she crashed.
When her eyes opened, Towhee found herself gazing at an orange and pink sky. Was it early evening? Or perhaps early morning? She sat up, feeling disoriented, and winced as her body protested. Gingerly, she bent in half to inspect her nethers. She wasn't actively bleeding anymore. But everything hurt: her body, her heart, her goddamn soul.
She flopped back onto the grass and lay motionless, staring up into nothingness.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 06, 2021
Presumably after he'd made sure Niamh had her medicines, or perhaps before that, Eljay found Towhee. He'd brought some painkillers, and some moss just in case there was still blood that needed to be stopped. He found her not too far off, followed her scent trail. Ears perked forward and Eljay stopped a few meters short of Towhee, respecting her personal space.
I brought something for the pain,he murmured, unsure how to go about this. He could handle everything surrounding the herbs, but what about the mental pain..? Eljay waited at a distance to test the waters and see if Towhee was in any mood to be treated, or to talk, or if she just wanted to be left alone.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 06, 2021
She didn't hear Eljay's footfalls but she felt them. Slowly, she rolled her head to the side to look at him upside down. It was impossible to read his lips like this, so she slowly rolled over and straightened into a sphinx position. Her orange eyes dropped to the herbs resting at his feet, then drifted upward to his face.
Towhee should probably apologize for disappearing and leaving Niamh. She should've asked about the Regent too. But instead, she said nothing. She nodded to him, making a jerky motion to invite him closer. The Sovereign then gently rolled her weight onto her left side to expose her underside for his examination.
She wanted nothing more than to lie back and let him get on with it. But Towhee assumed some communication would prove necessary, so she remained upright, eyes fixed on Eljay's face. She prepared herself to answer any questions he might ask or follow any instructions he might issue.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 09, 2021
Towhee remained silent, a thing that was highly uncharacteristic for her. She just said nothing and rolled over so that he could inspect where it had all gone wrong. Eljay frowned and he first placed the herbs by her head, then repeated,
It's for the pain.He wasn't sure he felt very up to inspecting, but he knew that he must; to ensure that she wasn't presently still bleeding.
He stayed a respectful distance from Towhee as he looked for traces of blood — dried and fresh, though he would leave any cleaning to herself — and checked if there was no longer any active bleeding happening. Most of the damage was on the inside, and he knew even though he hadn't been in such a position before that he would be unable to help very much. This particular thing was... tough, and even though that was what had made Eljay want to help improve it in the first place, he often found himself feeling helpless when it came to pregnancy's downsides and risks.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 09, 2021
She didn't touch the herbs right away, though she nodded to acknowledge them. Towhee watched as he inched a bit closer to inspect her hindquarters. Maybe it was weird to have her brother staring at her junk, though the Sovereign knew it was his job. On that note, she rumbled, "You can get closer if you need to."
Towhee drew in a breath, held in her chest a moment, then decided to ask the question she was afraid to ask. "I lost two," she started with a fact. "Could there be others, who survived?"
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 09, 2021
Eljay nodded when Towhee said he could come closer. He felt a little weird, not just because they were family but also because Towhee was, well... different. It didn't show as much in normal daily life, but now he was reminded of it and he couldn't help but wonder why she was that way. Of course, he'd never dream of asking in any way, and focused on just looking at the bits he actually needed to see if the bleeding had stopped.
He looked back at Towhee after a quick inspection and said,
It looks like the bleeding stopped, at least...That was good, because it at least put Towhee in a state of not-immediately-any-physical-risk. Now, it was just the mental health that needed checking.
Her question was a tricky one. Eljay frowned, unsure how to answer the question. Not having any google at his disposition, Eljay had not heard of such things before. He hesitated a moment and said,
I don't know. I've never heard of it happening, but... That doesn't mean it can't happen.Two pups were a small litter, but it wasn't impossible. Last year Towhee had had one, after all, and that made Eljay fear the worst.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 09, 2021
Her heart sank when Eljay answered with a frown. Towhee almost looked away, not wanting him to confirm what that look meant and dash the rest of her hopes completely. But she made herself stay still, catching every word that his lips formed. In the end, he didn't know for sure, but the fact that he'd never witnessed such a thing did not bode well.
She let herself slump back in the grass then, face upturned toward the sky. "I thought it was just gas," Towhee said to the clouds overhead, tears sliding down either side of her face before she pressed her eyes closed and became dead to the world, just like...
With her eyes shut, she pictured their tiny bodies. Blackbird, she decided, and... Butterfly. It was kind of a girly name, for her, and she didn't know their sexes. But the markings reminded her of a monarch, just... one that had left the safety of its cocoon much too soon.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 09, 2021
Eljay wished he had better news, but for now the only thing he could offer was "no with a dash of very big maybe". He didn't want to say that it was not possible at all... After all, he couldn't be too sure. Towhee looked pretty destroyed with that news, and Eljay moved away from her private parts and moved to sit by her head, though at a respectable distance again; he knew she might need some space right now, and he wanted to offer that to her.
Grieving Towhee wasn't something Eljay was used to in any way, so he wasn't really sure how to offer consolations. Even when his parents had died Towhee had been strong.
I'm so sorry, Towhee...Eljay said slowly and ruefully. He wished he could offer anything more. He wished he could offer anything that would help her out. He didn't even know the half of her grief, didn't know she'd been with Reyes (honestly, the father of the pups was a bit of a mystery to him at all, since he thought she had stuck to Redhawk Caldera's territories, which was why he was surprised to hear about her pregnancy; so he presumed for now that it was just her alone again, like last year).
If there is anything I can do...He didn't mean just bringing her herbs or food or anything. He also meant picking up leadership tasks that she couldn't do in her present state of being. Anything.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 09, 2021
His condolences and offer both fell on deaf ears, though when Towhee eventually opened her eyes again, she turned her head and saw him still sitting there, ever attentive. She found herself wondering, intrusively, if he would have pups with Maia this year. Now there might be room for them here in the caldera. That thought hit her so bluntly over the head that Towhee's breath hitched and she began crying in earnest. Loud, hiccuping sobs and the whole nine yards.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 09, 2021
When Towhee looked at him at last Eljay began to repeat the words --
If I can pick up any --but before he could finish Towhee started to... Cry?! Eljay didn't remember ever seeing Towhee cry. He swallowed thickly, unsure what to do. His instincts told him not to get close, because in her current state she might lash out at him.
But another part of him, his heart, told him that she needed someone right now. It was almost like a different kind of instinct when Eljay got up and abruptly thrust himself at Towhee; he pressed his head against the side of hers, pressed the side of his body against hers and wrapped his paw around her neck to envelop her in a very tight hug.
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Towhee - March 09, 2021
When he clutched at her, Towhee let out a little cry that turned into a wail as she threw out a forelimb and clung to him just as fiercely. Later, she would look back on this moment and feel very weird and vulnerable about it. But in the moment, she latched onto the comfort he offered, sobbing into the side of his neck and even thinking, I should've just picked you. She would likely repress it all later.
At some length, her crying subsided into occasional hiccups and her grip loosened and slipped away from him. Towhee slumped in the grass, hurting and all wrung out. Thank you, she thought dimly, forgetting to actually say it out loud as her swollen eyes closed again, once more cutting off the world.
Whether he stayed or went, Towhee ceased to notice as she drifted there in the darkness of her own mind. For a while, things like time and the universe would lose all meaning as she sank into a period of blackest mourning.
I think this will be my last, glad we already have another!
RE: You shout it out but I can't hear a word you say. - Eljay - March 10, 2021
When he was there, Eljay found himself afraid — afraid of Towhee lashing out in her grief, afraid of the physical and emotional pain that would follow. But instead of any of that, she clung to him for dear life, folding into the hug. Her sobs and cries turned into a howling wail and Eljay just clung to her tightly, still not really sure what he was doing. He just knew that she needed something, someone, right now, and he would be there for her.
Sometimes, it was good to just cry for a bit, and he'd be the friend that let her.
Eljay kept holding her closely until he felt her grip loosen, and only then did he loosen his grip, too. He might not always be the best at social situations, but Eljay was good at sensing emotion, and so his hug faded as Towhee's grip, easing her back into the world on her own.
He lingered for a little while after that, his social insecurities returning because it was hard to read whether Towhee wanted him to stick around or not. He hesitated, but stayed near in the end.
Over the next days, Eljay would bring Towhee food regularly just so he knew that she was taken care of. It was clear from the vacant expression in her eyes that she wasn't all there in those days, and Eljay would not have her fall over from starvation or dehydration; he decided on that day that he would take care of her when she could not do it herself, for however long it was necessary.
such a beautiful thread, thank you <3