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+--- Thread: Duskfire Glacier die with memories, not dreams (/showthread.php?tid=49019)
die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 16, 2021
To make a commitment, one must be willing to fulfill the requirements. Askari was originally invited within the glaciers to assist Lane on her journey as a leader. So far, very little assistance was given, save what simple advice she had to offer upon their orientation.
By now, the grounds had been well traveled. Keeping record within memory was a gift she had, so finding her way around now wouldn't be too difficult. What mattered here on out was doing what she was asked.
Aside a small den she had dug out for her own use, the pale woman called for the newly named alpha, @Lane, to join her. Askari refused to sit and do nothing during her stay. Something must be tended to.
You've asked for me to stay and help. Well, here am I. I cannot lie and say I am as wise as a true seer, nor as knowledgeable as any elder... but, clearly you sought something from me that you cannot find on your own. I will not live in these lands as a lifeless body left passed and looked down upon by its inhabitants.
She'd made her intentions clear, surely. No promises would be made, but she did want to be kept busy and actually feel like she meant something to these wolves. A purpose was needed and whether or not it was here she found it, it would be found somewhere or another.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 17, 2021
Lane listened to Askari's speech with concern upon her outer features, even as her (rather warped) sense of humor was tickled with bemusement. Lane couldn't help it; there was something about the flow of Askari's uninhibited condescension and judgements that amused her to no end. This was probably why the new recruit had pegged Lane as an alpha who was not serious enough for the position she held.
But really, wasn't this all a little dramatic? A lifeless body left passed and looked down upon by its inhabitants. Whew.. Lane wasn't sure how to even begin unpacking that one.
"Well," Lane began, chewing her cheek thoughtfully (and to prevent herself from chuckling). "You hold the rank of Iota right now, which is a rank reserved for guests or wolves who have not yet made a commitment to Duskfire Glacier. But we could always discuss changing your rank, if you're willing to rise to a corresponding level of commitment."
"Where do your interests and talents lay? I'm sure we can find a way to put them to use." Yes, Lane had accepted Askari into Duskfire Glacier on the premise that the recruit would serve as an advisor to her, but Lane didn't want to pigeonhole Askari in a role that didn't suit her skillset.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 17, 2021
With what new Lane had spoken, something else was to consider.
Would she go back on what she said before and swear a permanent soul to Duskfire Glacier? Doing so would grant her the purpose she had been longing since her departure. Was it worth it? Well.. that would only be found out if she stayed. So stay she would.
As apparent as it has become, I will have less of a purpose anywhere else. It wasn't my intention to make any full commitments just yet, but where will I go then if I don't do this now?A small pause came, then a purse of her lips. Askari would take a moment to think on the words she would next speak.
If you can't already tell, I like to talk,The red lass began, half chuckling in amusement to her own remark.
Hunting isn't always a promising task, given my limit in size. Though, I can track quite well. Knowledge is as easily to passed as it is gained. Really.. I have no favorites, nor preferences. Wherever I am useful, that is where I am content.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 17, 2021
Askari's question struck Lane as more self-directed than anything, but Askari paused as if she were waiting for a response. Lane shrugged. "You don't have to go anywhere. You're welcome to stay here as an Iota until you are comfortable making a decision, one way or the other."
Askari seemed really torn, and Lane wondered if she might have been unclear in her stated expectations (or failed to state them entirely). "If it helps, you're not committing to like.. undying loyalty to me or to spending eternity here. Your commitment really just means that you consider yourself one of the pack, and you take full responsibility for contributing as best as you are able. You're saying that the good of the pack is your top priority."
Maybe that would seem more enticing? Lane lifted a brow questioningly.
Lane listened to Askari's description of her own abilities. A jack of all trades, huh? That would make trade development a little tricky.. she really ought to pick something and stick to it.
"Let me show you something," Lane offered, tossing her head over her shoulder in a motion that indicated they should walk. She was always better at thinking while she was on the move.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 17, 2021
You've already extended your welcome far enough and offered me many opportunities. Who would I be to turn and walk away now, or even in the future once I've finally been settled? When I ventured off from my former home, I knew that it was my intention to settle somewhere... it was then I assumed the world would place different options in front of me and I could have my pick. Never did I realize that sometimes it's better to accept what's given to you, rather than ignore it and move on in the hopes of finding something better. Say I were to leave... what if I never found anything more to my liking? You having invited me here would have been all for not, as would have my rejection of a fair home and family to call my own.
As it was made evident, they both had different ideas of what a commitment meant. Askari had always been taught that loyalty was the greatest commitment and gift a soul could offer. Turning away was complete betrayal and warranted shame for all eternity. The worries that flooded through the red wolf's head would never be understood unless she voiced them. While Lane seemed trustworthy, it wasn't yet clear whether or not it would be her desire to share.
Let me show you something.
Lane's voice rung through her ear, pulling away the thoughts and kicking Askari's feet into motion. The small lass followed quickly at her shoulder, now glad perhaps she would receive a distraction.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 19, 2021
They walked, and Lane listened, trying to imagine herself in Askari's pawprints to see from her point of view. They had similarities in their pasts; both had left the situations of their birth to seek a different sort of life. But Askari seemed so rigidly principled-- so set in one way of thinking that she appeared to be standing in the way of her own happiness.
"If you had turned down my offer, I don't think I would have viewed it as rejection. If this was not the right place for you, or if my offer came at the wrong time, that's not an insult to me personally." Lane walked in thoughtful silence for a moment before continuing.
"I have a friend, Kukutux, who leads Moonglow. The pack lies on the other side of the mountain chain." Lane pointed with her muzzle. "She offered me a place in her ranks, but I turned her down. Each time I visit with her, she reminds me that there is still a place for me in her pack, should I desire it. We're great friends. Maybe someday I'll need to take her up on her offer." Lane shrugged.
"Not every decision has to be either a perfectly correct choice, or a terrible mistake. Take it easy on yourself, Askari." Usually Lane was the one who was guilty of black-and-white thinking; it was strange for her to find herself counseling another to view things with a little more flexibility when it was advice that had so often been given to Lane herself.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 19, 2021
There is time to teach and time to listen. Askari had lent what knowledge she could give before to Lane and now the gesture was being reciprocated.
Though, regardless of how much truth she saw in her words, it was hard to peel away the many things she had been taught to see a different side instead. She did her best to listen and heed anyway, no matter the thoughts that deterred her.
It isn't so much of perfection in choices...
Trustworthy or not, here goes nothing..
You see, when I was a child, both my sire and dame were quite strict in how they led their lives... and how I would lead mine. A commitment in their eyes was a promise - a solemn vow that could never be broken. If it ever was, the soul of that individual would be cursed for what days they had left to live. Perhaps I don't fully agree with that, but it can be hard to set aside things planted in your brain from a young age. I feel as though disregarding their lesson would then bade me a disrespectful and ungrateful daughter. They weren't the best parents, but I will always hold them in high regard.
The topic was difficult to speak of, but she did so nonetheless. Askari wanted Lane to know her truth; to be able to understand what she thought and why she thought it. Call it a feeling, if you will. It just seemed like that's how it needed to be.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 20, 2021
They continued to walk, and Askari revealed a tidbit about her childhood. It did help put a few things in place for Lane.
"I get that," she imparted, nodding in solidarity. "My parents had a pretty strict code too, but it was kind of the opposite of yours." Lane huffed in amusement. "They raised me to be a medic, and taught me that my duty to medicine was more important than all other things. They warned me about wolves like your parents, and told me to avoid pack life at all costs because of wolves like them. They said an alpha was always going to require me to serve my pack above all other commitments."
A humored smile pulled at Lane's expression. "You see how well I listened to them." Not only had she joined a pack, she now led one. Of course, that meant that she got to make the rules, so perhaps her parents would have seen the advantages.
Lane's smile dropped away as realization dawned upon her. "Askari.. did something bad happen to your parents?" If leaving was viewed some big betrayal, then it seemed strange that Askari would be here and not still at home, serving out her years as a good little daughter.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 22, 2021
It eased her of thoughts; getting to hear the story of another. A small smile drew upon her facial features, listening intently to what was shared.
If only my folks were similar. Perhaps then I could have been raised doing something I enjoyed... And, I only say that meaning, by assumption, you enjoy being able to care for others in such a way through medicine. I was often warned to not stick my neck out for others when my life could mean more. Though, that was one lesson I never quite obeyed.
Oh, the irony. One minute you're told to turn away, but you end up at the head of it all. Askari quite admired Lane for that. She followed where fate led her, rather than listening to those who tell her she can't.
A content feeling remained partial, even after an inquiry was made of her dame and sire. It was never seen as a happy tale, but it wasn't one she would allow to hold her down.
With a small shake of her head, Askari tipped her ears aside a tad.
My mother passed when I was only a young lass. She was a kind soul and taught me much... unfortunately, her life was short lived. It was my father who did the most to raise me. As his only child, the man worked so hard to mold me into a future version of him. An alpha who cared only for authority, control, and obedience. By the time he was ready to pass leadership to me, I refused and it sent him into a raging fit. He called an order upon one of the Kāvalar to execute me for betraying my people. However, the particular one he named was a close friend of mine. After forcing me further into the wood, he claimed he would do just as he was commanded out of the sight of those who couldn't bear to watch. Instead of killing me, he told me to run and never come back. Up until now, it has been my assumption that my father was told I was dead and they found a replacement for me.Many words spoken, a break was needed to catch her breath. This wasn't often told, and anytime it was, it stung deep.
Perhaps I would have accepted, but only in the case that it weren't in the way he wanted,She added slowly.
The pack was like my family, but I could never go on to lead them in a way I didn't believe in. Living that way would have been just as much, if not more of a death sentence than my father bade upon me that day.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 22, 2021
Lane listened to the story attentively, and when it was through, she felt like she understood Askari so much better. No wonder she seemed so set in her ways, and so judgmental of others-- she'd spent her entire childhood being brainwashed! Even so, Askari had still managed to overcome her indoctrination when the moment of truth came. That, in Lane's opinion, spoke volumes of the strength of her character.
"Of course you couldn't," Lane agreed wholeheartedly with Askari. "You couldn't be expected to go through life as a puppet of your father's." She walked a few wolfslengths in silence before continuing. "Medicine was not my choice, or my passion.." she admitted. "..it was just the way of life in my family. It was the only real skill my parents had to pass on, and they taught me so I would have some way to support myself. They taught me what they knew, and then released me into the world to follow my own destiny." Her own pups would also follow their own destinies. "Your father never should have tried to take control of yours." Her destiny, that is.
Because they still had a ways to go, Lane posed another question.
"If you had been able to lead your pack exactly the way you wanted, what would you have changed?" Why yes, she was (shamelessly) trying to squeeze some more leadership advice out of Askari. The woman had been raised to be a leader after all; surely there must have been a few nuggets of wisdom that found their way into her upbringing... her father couldn't have been completely unhinged, if he had command of a pack.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 22, 2021
They were more alike than she thought, the two of them. Lane had been led in a way that she was not too fond of it, but yet, she still managed to come out as what she envisioned, rather another's plan for herself. Perhaps Askari could lead the same, or even similar of a life.
Maybe it wasn't right of him... nonetheless, it's what parents do. Isn't it? They ensure that their offspring are prepared to succeed in the world. Some just have a more dire heart to do so than others. As unfortunate as my childhood was, I am still grateful for my family and all that they taught me. I wouldn't be as strong as I am this very day without them.
While there were many things she disliked, it wasn't possible for her to place complete disdain upon her father. He was there for her when she had none else, even if she did disagree with his ways. With his faults came her triumphs and ideas to create a different and better way. Lane understood this. Such was made clear with the question of what it is she would do different if given the opportunity.
Packs were designed to display different ranks and responsibilities, though, some have different definitions. My father thought solely of superiority and inferiority. Equality wasn't a word he understood. There were those who led and those who follow. However, who would leaders be leading without others to follow behind and take part? One wolf cannot do all alone. It takes many to complete a circuit and keep a continual flow. Take a hunter, for example. There are many segments that go into experiencing a successful hunt. There are parts to be filled in the act. As a leader, it would be my duty not just to lead my people, but act alongside them. I can give the final say, but simply standing to the side while they do all of the work? Many would do just that. Not me.
By now, she was enjoying herself. Being able to vocally express the difference she dreamt of making was something she'd wanted to do for so long now. With the chance standing in front of her, nothing would be held back.
Leaders do not know all. Various generations hold knowledge that others do not. Teachers come in all forms, sizes, and ages. Something as simple as creativity can solve an issue that years of life cannot. Absorbing and understanding the value of what others have to offer brings more warmth to the heart than being able to give it all away yourself. Discipline and punishments are even though too highly off. There are those who say it teaches, but does it really? What does hurting another teach? It teaches them to fear. Instead, we should be instructing them of a way that is more beneficial than the way they did it themselves...
There was much more she could think to add on to the list. Though, Askari minded how much patience and willingness to listen her company would have. Short and simple was the best way. If more was sought, she would give.
And lastly... instinct and gut is key. There are many I know that have pushed it aside. "By the book is the way" they say. But is it? We are given instinct upon birth for a reason. Shouldn't we use it? We, as living creatures, can decide what we feel is right within our hearts. Sometimes right and wrong can only be depicted by ourselves.. not others who claim to know more of the world than we. "Listen to your heart and you will go far." That was something my mother told me quite often as a child. It pains me to say I haven't always done so, but it is my hope for the future that now I can. None are here to instruct me against it. Without those to hold me down, I am free to hear what is spoken within.
Much was said now. Hopefully it wasn't too much to hear. This made Askari almost nervous, but her face showed nothing less than content as a gaze passed over Lane. A smile even came. The most honest and heartfelt words came from her now and it made her happier than she could admit from any other time within her life.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 24, 2021
Lane could not be more surprised to hear Askari speak up in defense of the father who meant to execute her for simply defying his will. It spoke to Lane of the intensity of her indoctrination, that she would see such a decision as simply a difference in parenting strategies. Askari did not owe that man a lick of gratitude, in Lane's opinion. Children do not ask to be born, and they do not owe anything to the parents who choose to bring them into the world and raise them. On the contrary, children are owed a certain standard of care from their parents, and in attempting to take her life, Askari's father could not have failed her more enormously.
But Lane would not point this out. Askari had made it clear that she wished to hear no more criticism of her father, no matter how much the man seemed to deserve it.
Lane listened to Askari for a long time, making no move to interrupt or quiet her. The new recruit seemed to have kept a lot bottled up, and she now appeared to be enjoying this outlet.
When Askari had been quiet for long time, Lane spoke her piece in turn.
"I can absolutely confirm that leaders are not superior in every way. I don't imagine I'm superior in any way," she admitted wryly. "But when Wintersbane fell, Duskfire Glacier needed to be led. I was willing to do it." She shrugged. "And my willingness was not out of any place of nobility either... I feared for my children. I stepped up to lead so that I could carve out he best possible future for my family. If Duskfire Glacier as a whole benefits from my leadership, that is merely icing on the cake." She knew this admission would not go over well with Duskfire Glacier as a whole, and so she trusted that Askari would keep the revelation private.
"Maybe you would consider that to be following my heart?" Lane asked hopefully. "Anyway, I'm glad you're here, Askari. I can already see I've chosen my advisor well."
The pair neared the border of Duskfire Glacier's claim now. To reach their destination, they would need to cross into the unclaimed lands of the greater Taiga.
If you want, we can fade here and pick up in a new thread outside of Duskfire Glacier. Might give you a chance to earn two counselor threads for Askari, if that's the trade you're shooting for.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - November 24, 2021
A place in her heart was touched while finding that a complete stranger had any willingness to hear the not-so pleasant tale of her childhood. Extra bits interested Lane and it made all the more worth telling. Friendships had to start somewhere and this here seemed like a great kick off.
When there is willingness, it can be done. You've taken the initiative to do something you never thought you would before. Best part is: you didn't do for yourself.. you did it for others. Just what I would consider a true and noble heart. Those inhabiting the glacier are lucky to have you.She couldn't help but pass on a wide smile. Even more than before, the admiration Askari held for Lane grew. Knowing that the pack was in good hands made her want to stay for more reasons than just a mere commitment.
I'm glad you believe so. The amount of satisfaction given from knowing I'm able to put my past behind me and amble on a course where I can be me is more than I could have ever asked for. Meeting you pushed me towards a certain realization. He is my past. This is my future.Last words of truth, spoken with the upmost confidence.
Sounds good to me! ^^ To be honest, I hadn't had any trade in mind before.. though, now as I continue to develop Askari's character, it does seem like a suiting route to travel.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Lane - November 27, 2021
A corner of Lane's mouth pulled upward as Askari managed to twist Lane's admission into evidence of a character strength, rather than a flaw. Lane still wasn't sure if she was it that way herself, but Askari's words were comforting. Perhaps Lane should take her own advice, and take it a little more easy on herself.
Askari declared that this was her future, and Lane was glad to hear it. "It sounds like you've made your decision about Duskfire Glacier," Lane noted, swinging her tail. "Let this be your official welcome into the ranks, Theta." With her newly promoted theta beside her, Lane crossed over the border into the Taiga.
We're in the process of updating the ranking system, so it won't reflect exactly this way on the current ranks page, but this is a pretty significant promotion and it will mean that Askari will change rank tiers, from Lower Tier to Middle Tier.
RE: die with memories, not dreams - Askari - December 01, 2021
Lane's facial expression let Askari know she'd hit a nerve somewhere. Whether good or bad, at least what was said was understood and hopefully would be taken advantage of.
An official welcome was given, as was a different titled rank. Not one she quite understood as far as it's meaning, but, nonetheless she knew what she was here to do. She was excited, but also a tad skeptical. Would doing something like this return to bite her in the rear? The spirits had always been favorable, but would an act betraying her father make them angry and cause all of this to be done in vain? Only time would tell.
Thank you.Askari finally mustered, forcing a smile to pull her lips outward and away from a frown.
It is a pleasure to be able to call the glaciers my home.
What use was there to voice her newly found paranoia? Adding more reasons for Lane to think she wouldn't be a good fit certainly wouldn't find itself beneficial. For now, the thought would have to be set aside and the new Theta would have to play along until either all proved itself to be alright, or all hell broke loose and the spirits condemned her soul for all eternity, just as her father had warned her.
Thank you for letting me know!